RAIN
by mypinkfairy
Summary: “I don’t care if that is a star, a planet or Lucifer,it’s the only thing I saw in this world and it wasn’t even as beautiful as you.Look up every night,and you’ll find me.” E/B found each other in a more complicated set-up. M for lemons and language.
1. Raindrops had fallen

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Only the story below is mine.**

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**RAIN**

CHAPTER 1

dip...dip...dip

The sound of the slowly picking up raindrops woke me up from my momentary daydreaming.

"Where am I?" I gushed the words to myself.

A sudden whoosh of wind pushed me roughly from where I was standing and I realized I was in front of an all too familiar gazebo, at the west side of the old church.

I went inside, shielding myself from the now pouring hard rain. I sat myself, dripping and soaking wet on the chipping wood bench circling a round table which shows its age from the numerous writings and carvings. I peered with my eyes trying to find a familiar handwriting amidst all the others.

"Bloody." I let out a deep sigh, remembering the exact moment the heart with my name on it was written and carved.

It was raining, with thunder and lightning, and it was summer, the last summer I spent in this little town. It was past noon but the swelling in the heavens made it look like twilight.

We went strolling near the grounds of the old church, just chatting, making our plans for the coming opening of school. We won't be seeing each other for a long time, that's for sure. So we're making the most of summer together.

When the rain picked-up, we ran into this gazebo. 10 years ago, it was surrounded by hydrangeas outside, the bench formed a hexagon, circling the brown thick mahogany table.

"10 years ago." I let out a deep sigh, again.

We were amused by the messages written in the table, laughing out loud on cheesy ones. And then I saw him put out his car keys, and began carving with all his might, **_Bella my eternity_**.

It took him forever to finish the words before he encircled it with a heart, in which as he's smoothing it, his index finger caught a splinter and bled. He continued nuzzling the heart with his bleeding finger, as if pouring his blood into it.

And then he reached for my hand putting his hand on top of mine as he led them to the heart carving to feel it.

"You'll be in my heart, forever Bella, whatever happens." Edward whispered in my ear sending his breath in my neck. And he began showering me with little kisses, and occasional licks on my neck making me stiff my hand on the heart carving, with my eyes fluttering close open and letting out a groan.

I always felt weak whenever Edward makes his way on my neck. I am sure he knows that fact because I always hear a little chuckle from him, whenever I start to kind of melt on his arms.

I met Edward, on a summer of my Junior High. I transferred from Phoenix to this small town of Forks, because my mom remarried and was planning to go on a trip with her new husband, so I figured it's time for me and my Dad to spend time together.

I was really nervous coming to school, being the new girl. I don't have striking looks, nor have any sports orientation. My only plus I think was I am really good in class.

It was raining then, thunderstorms, a very typical sight in Forks even in the heights of summer. I was trying to get inside the old church and I have been running in the rain for quiet sometime so I was really wet already, but when I tried the big front doors, they were closed, so I figured I go around on the west side, but I noticed it was still a long way and there is a gazebo on the way where I can at least let myself drip and dry for a moment before entering the church.

But because I was running and the pavement was wet I tripped and landed with my butt and legs on a puddle of muddy water.

I heard gasps followed with a couple of snickers. I stood up utterly embarrassed yet annoyed on whoever got amusement on my embarrassing accident. I stomped my feet on my way inside the gazebo, wiping my face and my jeans frantically off of mud.

And then there he was.

Probably the most beautiful person I would ever see in my entire lifetime. And I was not even close to half of my lifetime. He was wearing rain stained gray shirt, tight enough to accentuate his chest and his not too big biceps, black pants and a black low cut converses with unmade strings.

I chuckled on my memory of how exactly he looked that moment.

He was smoking with a guy, a big muscle-cursed guy with a thick curly hair that was cropped on top of his head. They were still chuckling in amusement when I made my way to one of the bench when out of plain klutziness I land on the dirt again from tripping on my own shoes, causing my already soaking wet white t-shirt to brush a heap of dirt.

I heard another laugh, so I hurriedly stood up blinking the tears away, and I noticed a hand extended trying to help me.

I didn't accept the offering of those long fingered hand, instead I steadied myself until I was able to sit.

I was looking down trying to remove the mud in my shirt and pants, when I heard a low "ouch" coming from I'm just guessing the big guy due to its roundness in sound.

I chanced a peak on my tangled long hair but my traitor tears that I didn't noticed I have been suppressing for a long time fell on my cheek.

"I'm sorry." sigh the voice so soft as if talking sweetly over the phone.

I managed a quick glance and a tight smile. He took a puff on his cigarette then tossed it outside the gazebo in the rain.

"Are you okay?" said the pretty boy.

"Are you hurt? You want me to drive you to the hospital?"

I was just staring blankly in his face. I noticed he's got light brown hair darkened and glistened by the rain. His eyes are the color of light blue, with dark curly eye lashes, his lower lip are slightly thicker sitting perfectly there on top of a light stubble forming in his chin through his jaw, and his jaw...

"You're bleeding...Excuse me are you alright?" said the lips I was just looking at.

"What?" I said absentmindedly and then turning into tomato red when I noticed his eyes are almost popping on its socket, looking at me intently.

"I said…Are you alright." He worded it.

"Uh..I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine." I was trying to sound at ease.

"Because you're bleeding." He worded it again, that sounded to me like I couldn't understand english at all.

That's when I noticed that my right elbow was bleeding, probably from the fall inside the gazebo.

"Here." He said producing a dark green hanky from the back pocket of his pants.

"Th-thanks." Stuttering, I reached for the hanky and wipe the blood from my elbow.

"Ugh, that's going to leave a mark." said the other guy.

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett! Don't you have someplace to go?" said the pretty guy.

"Fuck you! Ugh! Rose doesn't want to get her curls all wet." said the big guy.

Suddenly they darted they eyes on me. I could imagine how my face looks like taken off guard with the ease on use of profanity.

"Oh I'm sorry, forgive our blatant use of french."

"Haha, fucking french word!" they both mused.

"My name is Edward, and this is my asshole brother Emmett." said the boy with the blue eyes pointing to the guy plastered in muscles.

"Yeah, meet my fucking brother, Edward, hahaha." guffawed Emmett.

I just stifled a laugh, amazed on their casual use of that sweet yet vulgar profanity. I mean, I do use curses, it just kind of uneasy hearing it from strangers talking in front of me.

"You're new here…" said Edward "I haven't seen you around."

"Yeah, I just moved with my father." I said playing with the blood and mud stained green hanky.

"Umm, I'm sorry about the hanky, I ruined it." I opened my palm showing him the stains.

"Oh, never mind, it's just a fucking hanky. You keep it." Edward said crossing his arms in his chest as he sit on top of the table with his muddy converses resting a foot apart from my leg.

Emmett's phone rang, but I didn't hear what he said to the person on the other line because what I did hear was the series of profanities that followed as soon as he snapped the phone off.

"Fucking bitch…" said Emmett in a low voice "I need to go!" suddenly running outside pulling his dark shirt on top of his head shouting "Nice meeting you!" when he's far enough to be seen.

I just smiled on the sound of his retreating voice.

"Rose...his girlfriend is a pain in the ass." Edward said in a throaty voice with his right hand flying in the air gesturing something.

"You didn't tell me your name."

"Bella."

"Beautiful. So, I'm guessing you're attending the only high school here?" chuckled Edward.

"Umm, I guess."

***

"It's raining."

The soft voice coming from behind sent me back from the past. The soft voice I know too well.

I turned around to see a disheveled rain darkened and glistened mop of hair, with a familiar pair of light blue eyes staring intently at me.

"Edward." My voice came out a little shaky.

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A/N

Hi all. This is my first try writing a fan fiction inspired by the many other great fanfic writers. I hope you'll like it.

I would really appreciate your reviews.

I'm just building the backbone of our story by back tracking. I promise to give you more on the chapters to come.

Reviews are so welcome. Thanks.

Return to Top


	2. No fun friends

_Disclaimer:_

_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Only the story below is mine._

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CHAPTER 2

_HIGH SCHOOL_

**BELLA**

I made my way to the crowded parking lot with students sitting on top of their cars chatting inanimately; I found a spot beside a shiny silver Volvo. This is my first day of school, as the new girl. Everybody knows everybody. And I think everybody's looking at me mumbling words as I passed by. I mean, I look the same as everybody else. I did not bother buying new clothes because fashion from Phoenix is way different from Forks', I sure don't want to stand out like being the new girl isn't reason enough to stand out from the rest. I was wearing my usual dark blue jeans, green converses and a black shirt. Definitely standing out is the least I would want at this moment.

I easily found my first hour subject, easing from crowd of students, occasionally putting a shy smile.

"Hi! My name is Alice!" Shriek a singsong voice behind me.

"You're new here, I'd like to be your new best friend…" She slumped in the seat in front of me putting her elbows on top of the table and her hands cupping her face.

"What do you think?"

I was at a lost for words. I was bewildered and stunned by her enthusiasm and her beauty. There she sat inches away from my face. Her eyes are big with a hint of gray. Her hair stuck everywhere in her pale tiny face that made her look like a creature from a fairytale.

She flutters her long thick eyelashes, "So what do you think?"

"Oh. Oh, I would love to be your new best friend!" is all I can manage to gush when the teacher entered the room and she rushes back to her seat 3 seats away from me.

She silently clapped her tiny hands in excitement in her seat and mouthed "later".

"Before I forget, we have a new comer in class…" said the teacher.

"No!" I mentally shouted.

"Please stand Ms. Swan, we all would like to meet you."

I stood clutching the edge of my table for my dear life. I bet my face was tinted in blue and all I can say is "Hi. Mmmy name is..."

Everybody turned to look at me, some faces looked bored, some are snickering at each other probably making fun of me, there's this guy with blond hair sticking all over his face smiling at me, and there's a girl at the far end of the corner hideously chewing a gum. And then I heard the teacher cleared his throat, and when I looked at him, he has a blank stare at me telling me to proceed.

"Umm, Bella". I smiled; probably my most embarrassed smile my entire life, and sunk in my seat. I heard stifled laughs again. I managed to glance at Alice's seat, and she gave me a nod and a smile.

"Fucking first day." I mumbled in my breath.

The bell rang signaling the end of the class. I didn't even notice what happened during the hour, annoyed and embarrassed I spent it blocking everything as I drew circles on my notebook.

Alice skipped to my place.

"Let's go girl!"

"So, what are your classes?"

"I hope we're together in every class…"

"We're going to have so much fun!"

She chanted while practically skipping. I clutched on the handle of my backpack scanning the hallway careful not to trip on students walking and passing by from all directions.

"Are you alright?" Alice asked.

I shrugged.

"Oh, don't mind that. It will be over soon; tomorrow wouldn't be your first day anymore. It's not that bad, is it?" She walked facing me, touching me in the arm.

"Thanks Alice, I wasn't just used to being noticed." I smiled at her.

She was with me until the third hour. We exchanged stories, telling me gossips from the school, while I shared her how it was like studying in a big school with 700 plus student in my year alone. She said she has a crush that's a senior and made me promise I'll come sometime with her in what sounded like a stalking adventure.

By the time I was in Trigonometry class. I was alone again. She isn't in my class. But I noticed the girl from my English class was there, the one chewing a gum like a cow, and the boy with a blond hair. They came together, the girl looking more excited than the boy; she was twisting her arms and hands together.

"Oh Hi. Bella, right? I'm Mike."

"I'm Jessica."

"Umm, Hi. Nice meeting you." I nod in shyness.

"Welcome to Forks High!" said Mike, grinning big.

I just smiled at him, feeling the heat in my face. He's gorgeous with those bright puppy blue eyes and a baby face. They sat beside me sandwiching me in the middle.

"I hope you're good in Math, because I sure hate this subject." Jessica said shaking her head. She has brown salon straight hair flowing until her shoulders.

I just stifled a laugh.

Just like the other subjects, Trig went on, thankfully without another incident of me introducing myself comically. Mike and Jessica led me to the canteen; I saw Alice coming from the door and lined up behind me.

"Oh, you're with them?" she whispered.

I raised an eyebrow at her, asking her silently why it appears to be a problem to her.

"What do you like Bella?" asked Mike, throwing a smile at Alice when he noticed we're silently talking.

"Oh, I'll have tuna sandwich please." I said gesturing a smile to the big woman behind the counter.

I looked at Alice, silently asking her again while she pointed to the woman what she liked.

She just blinked her eye, probably too much than necessary, to me sending some hidden message that by that time I couldn't fathom.

"Are you joining us Alice?" Jessica asked with a hint of sarcasm in her face.

"Yes, she's my best friend, I hope you won't mind." I said quickly.

Jessica just turned her back followed by Mike, finding their way to the table at the center of the hall.

Alice and I followed. She grimaced her face on her. I just gave her a smile making my eyes big.

Jessica apparently has group friends. They joined us in the table, not even minding to introduce themselves. They chatted loudly, occasionally pointing glances at us.

I didn't bother to listen intently on what they're musing about, because directly straight from my seat, a few tables across, I was looking, no I was staring at those ridiculously tousled bronze hair, remembering how it looked when it was glistening from rain drops.

He was chewing, and the dancing moves his jaw made, made me bit my lips. It was only when I get to the eyes that I noticed, that those light blue eyes are staring at me. I quickly put my head down, feeling the heat in my face engulfed me.

"That's Edward Cullen." Jessica uttered rather louder than necessarily.

I looked at her, she was sitting across me and she probably caught me looking intently on him.

"You don't want to waste your time on that guy. He has very high standards. Apparently, no one here is good enough for him." she added.

I blinked my eyes profusely as I shook my head, trying to deny to her my obvious enchantment with those beautiful blue eyes and messy hair.

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A/N

Hi all. This is my first try writing a fan fiction inspired by the many other great fan-fic writers. I hope you'll like it.

I would really appreciate your reviews.

I'm just building the backbone of our story by back tracking. I promise to give you more on the chapters to come.

Reviews are so welcome. Thanks.


	3. Blank as white

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Only the story below is mine.**

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CHAPTER 3

**EDWARD**

"What the hell?" I exclaimed.

"Ohh...New girl sure knows who to keep close huh?!" teased Emmett.

"Shut the fuck up Emmett!" I said slamming my coke and chips on the table.

"You know her?" Rosalie bobbed her head on Bella's direction.

"No. not really". Is all I could say. I threw a sharp look on them that says drop it or you'll be in deep shit.

What the fuck is she thinking? Making friends with Brandon? And of all Stanley...And Newton? Fuck! I almost blurted out my curses.

It's lunchtime again. I was on my way to the usual table I share with my fucked up Brother Emmett and his annoying obnoxious girlfriend Rosalie and Emmett's best freaking buddy, Jasper. They're seniors, but because I really didn't have anyone to keep company, I hang around them. Emmett once joked on keeping me company so I won't look like a plague avoided by the entire school body.

Though of course he knew that's entirely preposterous, I have been the object of every woman's desire in this little school. And I say every woman, because even the old enough-to-be-my-granny Ms. Cope stutters when I use my sexy voice asking for permission to be dismissed early.

I mean, I can't blame them, being in a very small community, how many teenager can you meet who has an uber rich parents with good reputation in the community for being self less not to mention I've got good grades, well traveled and has knowledge above even with the best teacher here. That's what you get when you have billions of money lying around, you can get the best education you could ever have.

Cullens have been the best asset both in school and the whole community since we moved here two years ago. My mother would always start charity, helping almost anyone who'll come to ask. My father is the best doctor in the very small and only hospital here.

I was caught off guard when I heard Stanley's slutty laughter coming from the swinging door of the lunch room. She's walking with Newton as usual, bouncing her hair like a 7 year old girl. But wait, I know that face.

"Shit!" I murmured to my self as I recall the moment I saw her enter the room.

I noticed Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie turned their heads on me, but turned around just as fast when they saw I was staring blankly on my cookies. I couldn't care less.

I awoke excited this morning with the thought of seeing her again. Bella. Beautiful. I met her 2 weeks ago, when Emmett and I got fucked up waiting for Rose in the park near the old church. It was raining hard and we hang out inside the gazebo. Bella came, stumbling.

At first I couldn't contain myself with my amusement on this girl. I thought, poor little girl, something must be very wrong with her. But when I got a glimpse of her big brown eyes, I all but changed the way I see her. We stayed in the gazebo until the rain ceased, but we really did not talk a lot. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid I'll offend her. I was afraid to know her more.

I didn't come back in the gazebo. Though I will lie if I'll say I didn't wish I'll fucking run into her in town whenever I decide to drive. But I never saw her again. I didn't even get her number.

And today, she's right across from my table, but I am feeling fucking coward. What if she doesn't remember me? I don't know why I am even bothered with her presence. I mean, I've mastered ignoring almost every drooling of every girl in this school. What if she's not interested in me? Oh you're in deep shit Edward.

The bell rang. I stood up not bothering whether they'll follow me or not. I was in deep thinking of what should I say to Bella if I ran into her in the hallway. I never noticed I've seated myself in my next class. "Shit, shit, focus Edward. Fuck…" I mocked myself.

"Sit with me." I heard Newton suggested to the girl beside him as they approach near my table. I was doodling on the wood table, trying to keep my mind away from Bella.

"You know what, I'll see you later…I'll sit with Edward."

When I looked up, pair of big brown eyes is smiling at me.

"Hi." Bella said. "Can I sit beside you?"

I don't know how my face looked like, I scooted my chair noisily to my left so she could have her space. I couldn't talk. My mind was screaming at me "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck. Talk you freak!!!"

"Umm..You don't remember me." It's not a question.

"A...I was..." she continued, and paused.

"N-no, I do." I smirk, and turned my head down.

Shit, she should be thinking how fucking lame I am.

She didn't talk to me again. The Biology class went and gone with me sitting stiff beside her, not hearing anything shit the teacher was talking. I was so intoxicated by her sweet scent. I could smell her hair, flowing long at her back with big curls bouncing every now and then whenever she shifts her position.

"Fuck, what's wrong with you?" I mentally slapped my self.

**BELLA**

I literally threw myself to him. Shit, he must have thought less of me. What was I thinking? Talking to him, just like that. Ignoring Mike's suggestion to sit with him. Fuck, I should have just sat with him. I let out a deep sigh. I thought he'll be happy to see me. He's pretty full of himself the last time, and the first time, we met each other in the gazebo. I thought I was really welcome here. I bit my lip, fighting a tear from coming down my cheeks.

I felt so stupid. "Not again Bella" I snorted. Opening your self to someone, someone you don't even know.

When I saw him a while ago in the lunch room, I was flooded with excitement. I've been wishing to see him again since that rainy day in the church. I kept on coming back in the gazebo, telling my Dad I need to confess in the church, but I never saw him again.

I thought I'll never see him again even in school. I conditioned myself before lunchtime that maybe he's having his classes in the other building across the quadrangle, but lunchtime...I sighed again.

Jessica noticed me stuck my glance on him, and warned me not to feel interested with him. He's not interested in any girl in school, she concluded.

Alice whispered "Oh that's just because she can't get her hands on him" shaking her shoulders from silent laughter.

"Do you know him?" I casually asked Alice, pretending to be uninterested.

"He's the son of Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. I mean him and Emmett, that guy who looks like a bear." She pointed with her lip.

"They moved here from Chicago a few years back. They're really wealthy. His Mom was always the headline for charity events, and his Dad, well, just look at him, isn't he gorgeous, I bet he got his looks from Dr. Cullen. My mom once was rushed in the hospital from severe diarrhea, she was crying really hard, I thought because of the pain, but apparently she's too damn embarrassed that Dr. Cullen was the one taking care of her, I mean all the fecal shit and smell, eww..." She shook herself from the memory and laughed.

"But you know, he isn't like his brother Emmett. Edward looks like he doesn't like anybody. He's scary actually. He looks at people like trying to warn them to stay away from him, you know that feeling? Emmett was so vulgar. You can hear him laughing in the halls, spanking his girlfriend's ass in front of everybody. Ha ha. Sometimes he makes fun of Edward too, you know maybe as a little brother, but he'll only throw Emmett his dirty hand and a fierce look." She continued.

I was about to ask her what more can I get from her but then she lowered her head to me and whispered,

"That's Jasper beside them. That's who we'll be stalking. He's a senior. He always hangs out with Emmett and Edward."

And she babbled non stop about Jasper until lunchtime was over. I didn't hear any of what she said about Jasper, if not for her occasional bumping my side to gesture her swooning as if it wasn't obvious enough that she's swooning, I couldn't even remember I was with her in the lunch room eating.

My mind was far away. My mind was in the gazebo, my eyes wandering on his long fingers through his slightly haired arms, to his jaw watching him talk as he stumble for words to say. I could smell the faint hint of smoke and his perfume combining with the smell of the wet grass and the rain and wind.

"Bella! We're classmates again?" squealed Jessica.

"Great!" I faked a smile and small claps as I deposited my bag in the locker.

We didn't change to gym uniforms, the teacher was talking in front orienting us of the sports we'll be taking up. Jessica and I were sitting at the back. She's chewing her gum like a pimp again. Doesn't she feel tired of munching?

We're sitting on the floor of the gym. I was hugging my knees while she's slumped with her arms extending at her back on the floor, which makes her boobs pop and bounce every now and then. _That hurts my ego_. I murmured to myself.

"You know Edward, he's in my class." I casually uttered the words; I figured it will stir a conversation about him. I was dying to know more about him.

"Oh really?" Her face darted to me with her mouth resembling an O.

"You know, he's the object of everybody's desire here." She was smiling flirty. "But he's mine, I'll get him." and then she pouted.

_Oh get a load of that_, I sighed to myself. I've got some serious competition. I'm doomed. I stifled a laugh turning my face to her and putting on my best innocent look.

"Of course. I know you'll get him."

"But tell me your game plan, I know it's going to be juicy." I cocked my eyebrow trying to look like a giggling teenager. I hope she'll share it to me. I sure want to know how this bitch works. I couldn't stand a chance if I'm fighting in the dark, right. _What am I fighting for again?_

She stuck out her tongue to wet her lower lips. "Hmm, my hands can do wonders." and then rolled her eyes.

"You know Tyler, from History class? He didn't stand a chance with my hands. I barely struck him, and he came so fast." She giggled. "I haven't even use my mouth yet."

I am sure my face was so red. I didn't expect her to be so honest and blatant to me. My jaw couldn't fall enough.

"Oh why the hell you look like a little girl caught watching porno Bella? C'mon, it's not like you're a virgin or something?" she chuckled, making her boobs shake, rather profusely.

"Jessica, shhh?" I put my finger in my lips. I rolled my eyes.

"Umm, yes actually, I-ah, I am." My face couldn't get any hotter. Shit, this little kinky conversation was sending shivers in the middle of the legs. I shifted to my seat, making my legs closer together.

"Oh God, Bella, where the hell in the world were you from?" her eyes fluttered in amusement. I bet she's mocking me.

I felt so embarrassed "W-well, some of us didn't have that luxury in life…" I let out a giggle pretending her joke didn't bother me at all. I don't know why I am having this conversation with her, but to my surprise I feel like I'd learn a lot from this skank.

"I lost my virginity when I was 14 inside a Mc Donald's toilet." She casually said.

"What, with whom, Ronald Mc Donald?" that was a lame joke.

"Ahaha, very funny Bella. Nope, he's my childhood friend. He worked in Mc Donald's and I got so horny the way he's taking my order. Ah, that was a good fuck. The adrenalin, Bella, ugh." She rolled her eyes.

"And if we could just listen, badminton won't appear as hard as it look, Ms. Stanley, Ms. Swan." called the teacher.

_Oh crap, we weren't just caught talking...sex._

"You'll see Bella!" Jessica called behind me as she's leaving the gym, after the class was dismissed.

I waved my hand goodbye to her, and let out a deep sigh.

"Fucking bitch, I don't stand a chance." I muttered.

I caught up with Alice in the hallway on my way out of the school. We walked slowly with her, almost bouncing all the way, her hair looks like a broom bouncing. It makes her look...pixie.

"So Alice, when are we going to start stalking?" I said lowly while fidgeting with the handle of my backpack.

"Umm...now?" She cocked her head in front of us.

My eyes widened to the figure of two well formed back of boys walking in front of us. But I didn't notice the other one that much because I was raking my eyes on the figure of the one in gray shirt with a ridiculously sexy hair. I'm sure that's his smell wasping my face.

I close my eyes, remembering the very smell. His gray shirt hugged the muscles on his arms and his back. He's wearing dark jeans which made his color stand out. Oh good lord, is that a bump on his butt? Could this guy be any sexier? He kept on touching his hair every now and then. My hands twinge fighting the urge to touch his hair too. I'm losing it.

We walked silently behind Jasper and Edward. They were talking about something, occasionally glancing at each other then chuckling, and they high-fived. _They high-fived? Oh shit, are they talking about my practically throwing my self to him? Shit, shit, shit._ I was chanting to myself again.

Then they stopped in the parking. Alice and I lowered our heads when we passed them, but then, fuck, my car, my hideous granny car was parked...beside his. He drives a Volvo? How else can this guy be so out of my league? I hesitated going to my truck, but out of I don't know what, my footsteps halted behind my truck.

"Oh, so this is you? What a lovely truck you have there Bella."

"Hm, right Alice, mock me." I rolled my eyes at her, hoping Edward didn't notice us stopping. He and Jasper are on the car doors. Not that I'm monitoring every single move.

"Hi there Alice!" called an unfamiliar voice.

I turned to see Jasper's face lit with a large grin. When I turned to see Alice, she was biting her lower lip. Whatever happens to this talkative child? She lost her tongue. I widened my eyes to her, and cocked my head towards Jasper.

"Hi Jasper…" Alice shyly acknowledged.

But Jasper was coming to our side. "Hey Edward!" He motioned Edward to come close. I saw him walked towards us with his hand on his pocket, shoulders falling.

"Hi I'm Jasper. You're the new girl." He offered his hand, and as I shook it, he looked at Edward.

He didn't say anything; Edward put a straight line on his lips looking at me for a while, and then looked down again.

"Bella is the name of the new girl". I tapped my right foot on the pavement smiling timidly.

"So, good start huh?" I heard Jasper talking to Alice.

I didn't hear what Alice said, because I was so lost on the deafening throb of my heart. I was looking away, fidgeting with my bag's handle again. I could see him in my peripheral vision looking at me then looking down again. Fuck, this is so not happening to me. What power God has put in this man to stir me like this. I'm such an idiot.

Finally, Alice said goodbye to Jasper.

"Bye Bella, nice meeting you!" Jasper called while walking backwards, slapping Edward's shoulders on his way to the passenger door. Edward gave him a rather sexy middle finger. Jasper was shaking his head as he open his door.

I stayed where I was until the silver Volvo passed in front of me with a screech. I saw him smirk, but I'm not sure if it was for me. "Stupid...fucking...sexy Volvo owner." I rolled my eyes at the back of my head.

"Later, Bella." Alice run her hands on my arms, and then skipped across the parking to her yellow Porsche.

I managed a wry smile and a small wave, and then turned to my truck. "Figures".

Once inside the confines of my truck, I tapped the steering wheel, "granny truck".

____________________________________________

A/N

Thanks for spending time reading my story. I appreciate it. Do come back for updates.

-M


	4. Diversions, games & Fett

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Only the story below is mine.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 4

**EDWARD**

What just happened to me? I was sitting in the edge of my bed. My hands on my face. I drove Jasper to his house. He normally goes home with Emmett, but today, He and Rosalie's having a school-opening-fuck, I think. Celebrating senior year, he said when I saw him in the men's toilet. Emmett's a lucky guy. Getting laid every day? His life couldn't get any better.

But what just happened back there. I was trying to remember what transpired today, when I saw her in the lunch room, and in the Biology class. Fucking shit. I'm in trouble. I couldn't feel somewhat ecstatic that I have at least a subject with her; at least I can see her everyday.

"But what am I gonna say to her?" I was in a dilemma.

"And what the hell was that thing she's driving. Is that even safe? What kind of parents would give their kid a crippling old as world war 2 truck." I brushed my face with my hands trying to entertain myself with my thoughts.

I screwed up in Biology, I know. She never spoke any word to me again. She must have thought how freaky I am. Would she be talking to me again? She didn't even look at me in the fucking parking.

I let out a deep sigh on my way to get my change of clothes. I really would like to know more about Bella. But how will I do it? She probably won't talk to me ever again. But I need to be close to her. I think I like her. I never forgot how she looked and smell that day in the gazebo. But why I acted that way this afternoon I have no rational answer. I chickened out, I guess.

Would she like me, would she be turned off when she learned every detail about my life? She could turn her back on me, leaving me broken. I don't want that fucking feeling of bleeding heart again. I'm done with that.

"Edward, honey, its dinner time." My mother called from the stairs.

I made my way to the dinner table made for 10 persons. My mother sat across my father.

"Where's Emmett?" ask my father.

I almost snorted, _fucking Rosalie_.

"Um, he's with Rosalie, I don't know." I brushed my fingers in my hair before helping myself with the food.

I sat there in silence, eating my steak and broccoli and potatoes while my parents chat about this auction of chandeliers or some sort Esme, my mother was putting up for charity. I'm not interested.

Dinnertime felt so fucking formal in our house, if not for my outfit of shorts and white t-shirt, you could be mistaken that we're in a high-end restaurant. Esme loved to cook and dress up during meal time. But whatever they say they couldn't make me be anything but in formal clothes while I should be eating in comfort. _Stepford wife_. I rolled my eyes inside my head as I speared my broccoli.

"What's wrong honey? You don't like the food?" Asked Esme with her ever so sweet voice, I wanted to cry.

"Uh..N-no. The food is fine Mom, it's perfect, as always."

"I was just thinking of school work." I added.

"Junior year, Edward. Wow, you're almost there honey. I told you, you just focus you'll..."

"Mom, stop" putting my hand in the air.

"It's not like I've achieved anything on the first day, okay. Just stop."

My father let out a chuckle.

My parents have high standards. They want me and Emmett to be in the best possible career. "It's the best we could give you" as they always put it. I didn't have any hard time studying; I think I was born with that gift, not like Emmett who was always in remedial classes.

That's why I always resent when my mother starts lecturing me about studying hard. I mean, can't she see my grades at all. Would she be happy if she sees +++A in my report card? Not that there's anything like that. I sighed. My mother. She was so wrenched when she thought she lost her golden son.

"Is there anything new in school?" my father shook me from my train of thoughts.

"Uh...nothing really. I've got the same teachers from sophomore year. Easy." I was itching to add that I finally saw the girl I was dying to see again from last summer but I hesitated knowing my mother will fret.

She has always been vocal about me meeting a decent presentable girl. Though I'm sure Bella is decent and presentable, I just couldn't bring it up this early. The girl might not even be interested on me, and I'll end up pissing my pants from Emmett's mockery when my family knew about it.

"I'm going to my room now. Thanks for a lovely dinner Mom." I complimented her; I always knew that gets her.

"Goodnight." They both said.

Lying in my bed, I couldn't get Bella away from my mind. Her scent; her soft arms on top of our lab table. The way her blue shirt hugged her breasts; and that master engineered pants that shows the shape of her legs. I wonder how her hair feels.

I close my eyes as I imagined me slipping my hands in her nape down to her back. She must smell so much good when she's near my face. I groaned. What the hell is wrong with me? This attraction from Bella is making me feel like some horny teenager.

I shook my head and got up from bed. I desperately need some distraction. I found my notebook in my bag, and began doodling in the middle page as I was lying with my stomach at the edge of my bed. But I found myself sketching Bella's curly hair flowing to her back. I put my hands in my eyes. I need to be close to her. I need to have a plan.

**BELLA**

It's not always my first day. Alice assured me that yesterday; I wish people won't look at me like yesterday. I found a slot in the parking, scanning for any silver Volvo nearby. I don't want to park beside him again; one humiliating day is enough for me.

I got out from my truck and started walking without looking my way as I was straightening my white shirt that was wrinkled from the seatbelt. When out of nowhere, came a loud screeching sound coming from my side as I was crossing the parking street.

"Watch where you're going bitch!" It was a very loud yell, nearly as loud as the screech of her convertible.

I stood motionless in front of her car then walk with my head down. I was wishing I could find a hole I could crawl under. Everybody's looking at me. _So much for not as bad as first day Alice,_ I thought.

"Bella!" Jessica was running towards me, with her boobs flinging side by side, it looks like a drawing in a comics.

I shook the picture out of my head, and plastered a smile on my face.

"Jessica, hey." a soft velvet voice called behind my back.

I didn't notice I was standing in front of a shiny silver Volvo. _Fuck_, he must have seen me cross the street. _Shit_, so humiliating.

Jessica put her hand in her waist, and then crossed her leg looking like those girls you see in red carpet, like some sort of tactic to squeeze their bladder or some sort.

"Edward Cullen…" her voice was so full of lust.

Just then the bell rang, and suddenly we were walking towards the school with Jessica beside me, and Edward...Edward fucking Cullen beside her. I felt like I am going to pass out. Not just from the fresh scent of him I could get from the very little space between us, but from jealousy and envy I guess.

Why the hell is he talking to her, but not to me? What's so awful about me? When we get to the far end of the hallway, he said "later' to Jessica as he made his way to cross the quadrangle probably going to the other building at the other side as I and Jessica turned to go to our English room at the far east end. I wanted to strangle Jessica.

I slumped to my seat, not saying a word again to Jessica as she sat on hers in front of the row. I caught a glimpse of Alice with brows furrowed and a protruding lips probably mirroring how I look at that very moment.

"Good Morning Bella." Mike's face was inches away from me, with those gorgeous puppy eyes. What is it with men and their eyes? It's like their boring holes in my very soul.

"Oh, hi there Mike. How's it going?" He bent his legs down so he'll be leveled to my face.

He just looked at me for a while. "So how do you like Forks High?"

He didn't just ask me that, tell me he didn't. I was battling with my mind. Those very words I was hoping to hear from a different set of lips, those with slightly full lower lip which smells like a mixture of smoke and mint.

"What do you think?" is all I could say and shrugged. Thankfully the teacher entered the room clearing his throat.

Mike just threw me a big grin that made his eyes looked smaller...and cuter. I am beginning to notice this guy.

The rest of the period went on with me trying to block the tingling hurt I felt with Edward. From time to time I would catch myself doodling with my mind trying to figure what might I have said or done that put him off, but couldn't remember anything. By the end of the morning, I have pledged not to feel anything anymore for Edward Cullen. Anyway he's just another boy, I thought. Another beautiful boy.

I mentally glued myself in the seat facing my back away from Edward's table yesterday in the lunch room. I really would not want giving myself a chance to take a peek. Alice sat beside me busy texting while I just busied myself reading one of my favorite classics story.

Just like yesterday, Jessica and her gang sat with us. I noticed that girl who almost got me killed in the parking was one of her friends. Mike was sitting beside me chatting with another guy from our English. Seriously, how else can this table get crowded, it's so noisy. I thought bitterly.

I am really feeling a little jaded already from too much thinking since this morning and I just want to get over the day. And I was feeling a little anxious too, because a little less than an hour I will be in the same room with Edward again, and I honestly don't know if I can take it. I mean, thanks to my little stunt yesterday, Edward was now my lab partner. How hard can it get? Sheez!

I noticed Alice stopped texting. She's been texting since we took the hall to the lunch room. She threw me an excited look, and then started eating her salad. She can't contain her excitement; she was almost bouncing in her seat. What's with her? I wonder if she has ADHD. Then my questions were answered.

The two figures we were stalking yesterday, were lowering themselves in the seat in front of us.

"Ladies, I hope you won't mind." Edward said with a half smile, looking at everyone else including the two boys sitting beside me, all but me.

He sat directly across me, beside, Jessica. Jasper was sitting in front of Alice, and they were having some kind of silent conversation. I saw Alice in my peripheral vision sporting a look under her eyelashes and rather exaggerated full lips. She looks like a cartoon character, a horny cartoon character.

"Hey Jess, how the fuck are you?" Edward leaned on Jessica's side. "How's your dog?"

"Seriously Edward you're asking about my dog?" Even Jessica's face looked like a horny cartoon character.

"How are you?" She emphasized her words and then she ran her hand on his biceps.

I struggled not to stand up and spear my salad fork on Jessica's boobs. Because when she leaned over, she brushed her breasts on his elbow. I saw that... I fucking saw that. And Edward put his arms down under the table, but faced her saying something else. I couldn't understand what everyone was talking about because once again all I can hear was the throbbing sob of my heart. I could definitely go deaf from this thing.

I didn't notice I was stunned by the flirtatious act going on in front of me when Edward shot me a glance then on my salad that is now scattered all over my table. I have been stirring it profusely.

"Hi there. Umm, Bella right?" He smirked.

Why the hell was he talking to me now? I managed to make my most annoyed face on him twitching my lips, and then looked away to tap Mike's shoulder.

"Why don't you show me the rest of Forks?" I suggested to a taken by surprise Mike.

"Do you have a dog? I am kind of allergic to dogs that's why I didn't have one. I only had fish before but I kept on killing them. I stopped pretending I am an animal lover after I flushed my 7th fish." I continued talking without waiting for Mike's answer.

I was shaking my legs back and forth trying to look relaxed my face tilting towards him. When I drank my coke I licked my lower lip, and as he talked stuttering, I looked intently on his lips, with my front teeth biting my lower lip. I was trying to look seductive.

"S-sure Bella. We can have a drive anywhere you like?" Mike's face was full of questions.

I just smiled at him and batted my eyelashes. I put my elbow on the table and my hand on my head making my hair flow covering the side of my face as I turned to talk to Mike.

"So, do you have a dog?" I chuckled on the absurdity of my question.

"No, I don't have. We have cats."

I shrugged to the idea of cats, plural. Even worse, my allergy will flare up. I changed the subject.

"What's your favorite food? I can cook you know."

I didn't hear him answer I just went on and on with my nonsense talking. I never heard a word said by Edward Cullen. The bell rang and I casually walked beside Alice who was still eye talking with Jasper.

I didn't mind where Edward was. I was pretty pleased with myself being able to block the hurt I felt in the lunch room. I kept on talking nonsense to Mike even until Alice went on her way to her next class. Jasper was walking her, I guess.

When we get to Biology, I noticed Edward was sitting already on our table. Right, Jessica isn't in this class. Mike lingered in my table until the teacher arrived. He looked so much interested on whatever shit I was talking.

When the teacher handed down a list of projects we'll be doing, I heard Edward cleared his throat.

"You love to cook?" Fucking hell, he's using his bedroom voice.

I shot him a pointed look making my most annoyed look again.

"I like Fettuccine Alfredo…" he added when I didn't say anything.

I turned to face him with my arms folded in my chest. "Why are you talking to me?" My face grew hot, from the anger I've been suppressing and from the feeling his piercing eyes gave me. I felt like I'm going to lose this charade.

He blinked his gorgeous eyes, left and right, opened his red lips to talk but closed it again, then opened again. He's trying to find words to say.

I mentally smiled. This is what he likes. My being indifferent to him. That gave me an idea.

"I...um…" he shook his head.

I glowered on him. I felt guilty with what I am doing but the sight of him intimidated gave me such feeling of triumph. Now we're even, I thought. I turned to face forward when he didn't talk again. I guessed I've made my point pretty clear.

When the lecture was over, Mike asked if he can walk me to gym. I shot a glance on Edward as I stood up and cleared my table. He was looking at his table, doodling something in the wood. _Freaking vandal_, I murmured. Mike stopped and chatted with me in front of the gym doors and only parted when Jessica came pulling me by the hand.

We played badminton today. I stayed on my seat, waiting for my turn to be tortured, which thankfully never came today.

Alice was on her way to fetch me in the hallway outside the gym. She rolled her eyes when she saw me coming out with Jessica, but said nothing.

Jasper came running to meet Alice in the hallway and of course Edward too. He looked even sexier when his hair was bouncing.

"Hi, can I walk you...umm, to the parking?" said Jasper.

I was starting to feel nauseous with these two. I kept walking by myself. Edward was once again captured by Jessica's slutty gestures. She was holding his arms as they walk in front of me. His smell left trails, intoxicating me.

I couldn't counter act, Mike isn't around to make me talking so I won't look like an idiot. When I got to my slot in the parking, I stopped trying to bid farewell to Alice, Edward turned around, Jessica still clutching his arms.

"Oh what a truck you have there Bella! Are you sure you won't need any help?" He smirked. He smirked mocking me but I found it so adorable. I fought the urge to melt.

"Fuck off, Cullen!" I said smiling sarcastically flipping a finger.

"See you tomorrow Alice". I turned to my truck, I heard Alice said bye.

"See you tomorrow Be-lla!" His voice was mocking but still so sexy.

I raised an eyebrow on him as I maneuver the car, and step on the gas several times to engulf them in smoke. I heard Edward shouted "Oh great, Swan!" and then they all laughed.

I stuck my middle finger in the air outside my window. "That's what will make you talking, let the games begin." I was smiling by myself as I drive home. I'll be as intimidating as possible, I promised myself.

**EDWARD**

"Dude, did she just flip you?" Jasper was laughing out loud.

"Drop it fuckhead. I'll see you in the car!" I turned to walk to my car.

"Hey wait, aren't you going to walk me to my car?" Jessica was alluring me with her voice, it was disgusting.

"Oh please, it's just 4 steps from here. I'll see you tomorrow" and then I left her hanging.

I put on a very loud music when I got to my car, hoping to drown all the images flashing in my mind. I will have to wait for Jasper until those two finally finished saying..._Oh for God's sake, say goodbye already!_ I was looking at my rear view mirror and I could see Jasper and Alice charming each other.

"Arghh" I faked a gag and smiled to myself.

Yeah, she just flipped me. Putting my face in the steering wheel, I couldn't help but grin in astonishment on how sexy Bella looked when she's annoyed. _Trying to act brave and intimidating_. She even said fuck you so delicious, I could have answered, I'd love to, if I wasn't quick enough to catch myself.

I was in a way happy that I was able to go near Bella without hesitation, well of course with exception in Biology when I totally got my tongue tangled. It felt gross frolicking with Stanley, but that's the best I could come up with.

I have to stick with Jasper; even it sometimes annoyed the shit of me putting up with all the talking of his desire for Brandon. But because Brandon was friends with Bella, I would have to act as Jasper's wingman so as I could be near Bella too, and Stanley was the only way I won't look like an idiot in front of her, not able to talk to her. But, fuck, she's looking at Newton with gooey eyes? My heart felt tiny stings. I think I am jealous.

Jasper was wearing a smug in his face when he entered the car. The fucker is in love, I guess.

"So are you finally nailing Stanley?" he started.

"Oh hell no!" I almost shouted to his face.

I lowered the volume of the stereo. "What makes you think I'll ever want to screw that skank?"

"She's all over you Dude."

"I never saw you let Jessica touch you before."

"So you better get Alice nailed already so I can stop this charade, it's fucking disgusting!" I faked a shudder.

"Why don't you just hang out with that Bella girl? In that way you don't need to wash yourself with chlorine when you get home"?

I know where this conversation is going, so I let out a deep sigh and gave him a piercing look.

"That Bella Swan girl doesn't want to talk to me."

Sensing my discomfort, Jasper dropped the subject and just started pressing letters in his phone. Fuck, texting again. They just saw each other. I couldn't help be happy for him, finally he was able to talk to Alice after 2 years of holding back.

But I was feeling hell envious of his new achievement. How I wish I could do the same with Bella. I am such a coward. A chicken. I can almost see Emmett's dance while singing bok-bok-bok-bok.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N

You are all so awesome.

Thank you again for reading, now be more sympathetic on me and tell me your thoughts.


	5. wet and wondering

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Only the story below is mine.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 5

**EDWARD**

"What are you doing here?" I awoke from Bella's cold fingers running in my legs going up under my boxers.

"How-hhow did you get in here?" She climbed to my bed, her hands still running up and down my legs.

"Shhh...I asked Emmett. I have got something to discuss to you. You've been a bad boy Edward." She removed the blanket covering me exposing my body covered in a plain t-shirt and boxers.

I felt my cock twinged at the sight of her on top of my bed. I was still blinking my eyes from confusion. Why in the hell was Bella in my room. And what was she doing? Ugh, she looked so enticing with that red lacy sleeveless top. Her hair was tied up in a bun with the ends sticking everywhere.

"You don't like me?" She moved her body on top of me with her hands and knees on either side of me. Her breath washed my face, as she lowered her face on mine. I couldn't think. My mind was so clouded with...longing.

Her eyes, her big brown eyes was gooing with...lust.

"N-noo, I fucking like you...ugh..."

"So why are you so rude to me?" She lowered her breasts touching mine, I instinctively grab her waist with my left hand, but she slowly grabbed my hand and put it on top of my head. I grab her butt with my right hand but she caught it too and put it up together with my left hand, imprisoning them on top of my head with her hands.

"Ah-uh, not so fast fuck head…" She made the fuck word sounds so mouth watering. I can feel the throbbing of my cock; I can almost see it rose in my thin boxers. She caught me glancing on my erected cock.

"Ohh, is that something I get to touch?"

"Of course, it yours, you can ravage it for all I...ccare..." I couldn't contain myself; she brushed her boobs again in my chest. Then her lips on mine, I was longing for more but she took it off so fast I caught the air.

"Are you horny Edward?"

"Yyeah..."

"Say you're horny."

"Fuck Bella...I wan't to fuck you"

"Na-ah. You're not listening Edward. I said, are you horny..."

She kissed my lips lightly but because I wasn't in control anymore, I sucked her lips hard and began darting my tongue in and out of her mouth.

"Ahhh...fuck you, Bella..."

She bit my lip, I could taste my blood.

"Say you want to fuck me Edward…"

"You fucking heard me, I want to fuck you...I want to fuck you...I want to fuck you...please... Bella."

She plunged her lips into mine, fighting with my tongue. She let go of my hands as she kissed my neck, her hands pulling my shirt up. I helped her ease my shirt up, then she lowered herself on me, the middle of her legs touching my raging cock as she kissed and sucked my nipples alternately, she was biting it, it's driving me insane. I couldn't take this teasing anymore.

"You'll get what you want Bella…" I hastily turned her around after I pulled the pony holding her hair. Ohh, I could smell the strawberries in her hair.

I dug my hands inside her top putting it and her bra up, just enough to accommodate my hands and my mouth with my angry tongue. I made circling motion with my palm on the other nipple while I mashed the other breast as I was biting her neck. She moaned. She moaned so loud.

"I want to fuck you Bella." I sighed

"Fuck me, Edward, fuck me hard you son of a bitch!"

She bit my lips again when I smashed my mouth on her.

I pull her pants down not minding to completely remove it. I couldn't wait any longer, I need to fuck her, and I need to fuck her fast.

I eased myself hard into her hot and juicy cunt, my boxers dangling in my knees. I thrust hard, but she asked harder, so I pushed harder until I could almost feel her bones. Her fingers are clawed on my back, so I pulled them hard on top of her head just like what she did to me. She seemed to like it. She was moaning, no screaming, "Fuck me Edward, fuck me like you really like me!"

"I really like you Bella, I really really like you…" I managed so sob those words with the ecstasy I am feeling, my head was rolling back, while Bella's arching her body near me. I circled my tongue on her nipples which elicited a louder moan from her.

"Oh my God, Oh my God...Edward..noooo, don't stop...fuck...fuck me...."

I could feel my cock's veins throbbing, I could feel it coming, and as soon as I flooded inside her, I felt her body convulsed.

"You're mine Bella."

"You better." She said biting her lip, and then she turned to her side.

I fixed myself, putting my boxers back and my t-shirt on.

I noticed Bella's tangled hair covered her face so I turned to soften it, but when I lifted her hair, I couldn't believe what I saw.

_*thud*_

"Ouch!" I automatically put my hand on my head. I hit the edge of the leg of my side table.

"Fuck…"

"Shit…" I closed my eyes, hard, I felt them nailed in my brain.

I stayed there seated for what felt like forever. I was hugging my legs with my face on my knees. My eyes welled with tears.

"Why?...I'm sorry, please..."

I fisted my hands in my hair, talking to myself.

-----------------------------------------

A/N

Hi lovelies…

Thanks for your time again. You better come back so you'll know what happened…

Or not…It's totally up to you.

Xoxo-M


	6. Bouncing is fun

A/N

I know I should be doing this at the bottom of my story, but, I am not sure if you'll be able to read it.

I really want to take this little space to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who visit my page and who subscribe and favorite my story. It means a lot to me. And as with other writers (not that I consider myself a writer already), your support even in the littlest gesture gives us, me particularly the drive to write even more.

So, keep visiting more and do tell your friends. This is just something I would like to share with you.

Anyway, whatever. Thanks again.

Comments are boosters.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 6

***

I couldn't sleep anymore. It was half past the hour of five. I got up to take my shower. My boxers are wet from my explosion, my cock still throbbing. I stared blankly in the mirror, eyeing myself intently. I have a bump inconspicuously sitting on the very top of my head.

I looked into my eyes. Finding the answer for what seemed to be an irrational idea.

"Why are you coming back? Don't do this to me. You left me remember?" My eyes are wet with tears again as I looked in them intently trying to converse with my self.

After an hour of contemplating in the bathroom, I was ready to go to school. I lazily eat my breakfast. My mother was puzzled with my confused look maybe but didn't ask what the hell is wrong.

I thought I'll be first in the parking, only the teachers are obliged to come this early, I know for a fact because I used to arrive here like this during my freshman year.

But as I enter the student parking area, I noticed I wasn't the first. The owner of the crippling orange truck is already here.

I thought for a moment if I should go inside look for her. "But what am I going to say to her?" I probably just should annoy her again. She really looked sexy with those big brown eyes squinting from anger. I smiled at the picture of her in my head.

As I was walking the hallway down to the far end, I suddenly remember my dream this morning. The dream that sent me to the floor, crying. It was a pleasant, erotic dream that sent my head whirling in ecstasy until it ended into a nightmare. A fucking freaking nightmare. There she lays, blood flowing in her nose. Only it wasn't Bella. Fuck! I stopped and slammed my hand in the locker door near me, holding to steady myself. I can't believe it's coming back. I almost turned to head back to the parking and just listen to my deafening music, but then I caught sight of a figure sitting in the steps of the stage in the quadrangle. Her face was hidden by a long brown curly hair.

I let a deep sigh calm my nerves before I proceed. "You'll be damned Edward, fucking damned."

"Good morning Ms. Swan." I lowered my body as a humble gesture.

"I come in peace." I added.

She snapped her head with her big brown eyes looking at me directly. She didn't talk back but tightened her lips.

"You're early..." I was trying to make a conversation.

"Do you come here early all the time?" Oh shit Edward, that was a lame statement. What the heck am I talking about, all the time, du'h she's new here.

I shook my head clearing my head from the voices of some sort of angel and devil in my ears.

I sat beside her in the stairs; I noticed she's wearing dark blue fitted jeans, with her butt crack almost showing and two layers of tank top, a dark blue and a lighter one. Her skin looked more enticing with that color. Her arms are pale and have freckles near the shoulders. Her breasts are...shoot...slightly peeking on her top from her sitting position. She's wearing large sunglasses in her hair. I pretended to look at the book she's reading. It's Romeo and Juliet. I liked that story.

She noticed my head lowering in the book she's reading, she must have felt awkward because she snapped and closed it and turned to me.

"What the fuck do you want Edward?" She's wearing that annoyed face again. She's so cute.

"Ah-um, nothing. Can't I not say hi to you?" I was using my sexy smile.

She turned her body to face me. I ran my eyes on her whole body remembering how she looked like this morning in my bed, but closed my eyes when the image of the blood came.

"Look...I don't know what the fuck have I done to you, but you have got to stop treating me like this!" her voice sounded like a croak.

"Hey, are you going to cry?" _Oh shit, why am I still teasing her_? My mind was nudging me.

"You have got to chill Bella…" I raised my hands palm facing her, "I come in peace…" I blinked my eyes trying to convey my sincerity.

There was silence.

She continued reading her book. I could have had a nice conversation with her about that Shakespeare novel but I held back thinking she might think of me as lame.

"So, are you going to cook me fettuccine?" I asked trying to be casual.

She looked at me again, under her eyelashes, so fucking inviting.

"And why would I do that?"

"Aren't we friends?" I asked putting my hand in my jaw.

"And by friends you mean, you embarrassing me...all the fucking time?" Her eyes are glowing and becoming even bigger when she talks.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Nope." she answered exaggerating the P.

"Oh c'mon Swan, don't be such a pussy…" I myself was surprised with what the hell I'm saying, I instantly covered my eyes with the hand from my jaw.

I heard her low chuckle. And when I looked up, her eyes were still in the book but her lips are twitched from a hidden smile.

I all but smile.

Suddenly the bell rang. I didn't notice that the students have been passing to and fro in front of us.

"When?" I asked as I stood up.

She soon followed picking her bag behind her bending in front of me that I caught a glimpse of the band of her panty, it's white, with lace. Not that I was prying. I know my eyes are wide.

"When what?" She furrowed her eyebrows, as she slings her back pack making her breast more pronounced with the handle of the backpack pulling her shirt tight.

"Fettuccine?" I crossed my arms and parted my legs.

"Oh...I don't just give my fettuccine to some fucking guy, Edward." and then she turned her back on me, leaving her smell in the air. Her hair almost slapped my face.

"Oh yeah, but you're offering it to Mike?" I shouted to her retreating figure. Her ass swaying swiftly side to side.

She just waved her middle finger in the air. "_Yeah, fuck you too Bella, I think I very much like to_." I hummed to myself.

**BELLA**

I think I was wearing a smug look, Mike was calling behind me.

"Wait up Bella!"

"Oh wow, somebody looks stunning today." He exclaimed gesturing his hand up and down while looking at me head to toe.

I felt my blood pooled in my cheeks. "Oh God Mike, it's just sleeveless, don't hurt yourself." and then I chuckled.

We walked hurriedly to our class, chatting about the weather. "It's a good thing it's still warm."

"Yeah…" I said stifling a laugh.

Mike sat beside Jessica; Jessica's boobs are almost popping in her lacy pink spaghetti strap top. She looked so thrilled when Mike sat and of course looked at her...gift?

"Dogs." I shook my head.

"Wow Bella." Alice's eyes were beaming, I don't know if from the sight of my arms or from something else.

She squatted beside my chair. "I didn't get enough sleep. Jasper keeps on texting me."

"Aww, you look exhausted, he's bad for you." I exaggerated my words waiting for her reaction with a slight smile.

Her eyes suddenly blinked several times as if trying to change her look by just blinking, I couldn't help but laugh lolling my head back. She spat my arm, and then soothed it when I acted hurt.

"You're too easy." I said, my eyes watery from my laugh. "So spit it out already!" I was fanning my right hand in front of her face.

Her eyes brighten up again, and then she batted them, trying to look cute.

"I think I liked him even more than I imagined." she started

"He's so sweet Bella; he keeps on asking how I am."

"Or when he's not talking, his look on me is enough to tell me he's thinking of me." She flooded me with her words.

"Oh wow, is that why you're always eye-talking?" I know I was almost mirroring her happy face, because I am, even if I sometimes felt nauseous with how they look at each other, I just feel excited for her.

"So, what base are we talking about here." I wiggled my head to convey my excitement.

"Bella, we're just getting to know each other, but I really won't mind if we jump to base 2 right away." she was twirling a lock of my hair.

"Oh God Alice, that's not natural, you have to go through the natural path of love!" I snatched my hair back from her.

She snatched it back, and yanked it a little harder I cocked my head in her direction.

"Fuck natural Bella. It's not like I have a long time left no?" Her eyes fell on the lock of my hair, twirling again, I think she's nervous.

I couldn't help feel sad too. I almost forgot, Jasper is a senior, and would be leaving school in no time. He'd study somewhere else of course. I felt a lump in my throat; I let out a deep sigh.

"Don't worry about it Ally-Al-Al, I'll help you get to your second base." Her smile was up to her ears.

"But not that fast, we wouldn't want anybody getting hurt from haste, do we?" I held her gaze up. "Now can I have my hair back?"

She let go of my tortured hair, stuck out her tongue, then turned about with her hand on her hip and then tried a catwalk. I shook my head and prepared my things when the teacher entered the room.

When I got out from History class, I was feeling a mixed of emotion. Will Edward be in the same table like yesterday? But of course, Alice will be with me, he must be with Jasper. I was playing pictures in my head, with a smile in my lips. I was glad to think, I have won the charade with Edward, now he's noticed me. It didn't escape my eyes when he was glaring on my cleavage, and the gasp I heard when I bent in front of him, priceless. I was silently laughing.

Jessica walked by me as we made our way to the lunch room. But her too loud friends was there waiting for her before we even made several steps. They grabbed Jessica between them leaving me behind them. I thought I looked silly trailing behind them. I walked with my head down, but I heard them giggled and almost uttered all together excitedly, "Edward!"

I snapped my head in the direction they were looking. And there he was the object of my vision before going to sleep and upon opening my eyes in the morning. He was leaning in the locker, with his left foot bent touching the lower lockers, his hands shoved in his pockets. He lowered his head and raked his hair with his hand, a shy or rather embarrassed looked on the slutty bitches wiggling their tails.

I bit my lower lip when he turned to look at me, I didn't know what to say. Is he waiting for me? I blinked my eyes on him when he came near me, and as if he knew what I was thinking.

"Alice is with Jasper, they sent me to escort you, your highness…" his voice was low, so sexy I almost felt weak in my knees.

I rolled my eyes on him but smiled. He seemed to like it. But then again, Jessica, the bitch she is, unclenched her arms from her friends and moved beside Edward. And she clutched her hands on his arm. I saw Edward throw me a side glance but didn't remove Jessica's hand as we made our way down the hall to the lunch room. I though my lips will bleed from biting it the whole damn way.

I saw Alice in the table near the windows, with Jasper; they were sitting with Rosalie and Emmett. She waved her hand on me excitedly. There's that twinkling eyes again. I smiled at her and motioned that I'll just get my food.

Edward was standing in front of me in the queue. I could see the muscles in his back flex from time to time. I have to stop my self from the urge to feel it with my hands. And his smell, wow...

"Miss..." said an annoyed voice behind the counter.

"Be-lla." Edward exaggerated my name again, when I looked at his eyes he cocked his head towards the big scary woman behind the counter waiting for my order.

"Oh. Oh. Can I have a slice of that pizza please?" I gushed my words hiding my face, which I think was tomato red, from my hair. Fuck he caught me undressing him.

I heard Edward chuckled, and he said something to Jessica that made my face grew even hotter.

"Hey Jess, why don't you sit with us, ditch your noisy friends." He almost touched Jessica's ear with his lips.

Shit, I could just wonder how that that feel. Jessica obviously felt the way I felt, or thought I feel, because she was nodding profusely with a big grin in her face.

I stared blankly on my oily pizza, until the cashier cleared her throat. I followed the two hesitantly in the table where Alice was sitting. I caught sight of Mike entering the room, his eyes were searching for...me, I think. He looked first in the table we occupied yesterday and searched frantically across the room as he lined up in the counter. His eyes brightened when he found me. So, I waved my hand on him cocking my head for him to join us.

As I waited for Mike, I bit my lip thinking of something to tell Jessica who's sitting ridiculously near Edward, it looked like if she could just sit on his lap she would.

"Jess..." I trailed off, until she looked at me...and everyone else in the table.

I swallowed, I'd not back out, I thought.

"You ditched your friends?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow with a big smile again, I thought that should hurt, then looked at everyone in the table. "Well, it doesn't always happen that you get invited to sit with the cool ones." She licked her lips.

I sucked on air. Everybody chuckled. Did I just tell a joke? No, I didn't, at least I didn't intend to.

"Sorry Bella, I didn't wait for you." Alice's hands are clasped as if praying for forgiveness.

"Alice, you're being dramatic…" I bobbed my head.

"Sorry guys." Mike plopped beside me.

"Ms. Swan is walking like a duck, that's why we almost didn't get the chance to taste this disgusting macaroni." Edward was talking on top of his voice, his eyes getting small from his amusement. Wait, everyone's looking at me, laughing. Oh shit, now the joke was on me.

"Fuck you Ed—Cullen!" I stiffened my face.

"Duck!" His face was gaping. It looked so...cute but I couldn't entertain my fantasy because right now, all their eyes was on me, and they're laughing, fucking laughing...at me.

I rearranged my face, I thought, I don't want to be the laughing stock, I need to fight. I need to retaliate; I could almost feel the building bomb in my chest. I won't cry.

I put on a funny face. "That was so lame Cu-llen." I popped my eyes open in his face.

"Quack!"

"Oh I think it's fucking funny ducky." and he laughed even more.

I stuck two middle fingers in front of him, then turned to Mike who's also chuckling from the joke.

"Don't be such a pussy...don't cry, are you going to cry." Edward's pushing my temper.

"O-M-G, you're such a dickhead!" I shook my head.

"O-M-G, you're such a dickhead!" Edward copied my voice.

"Where've you been Mike?" I asked Mike turning my face even closer to him trying to block Edward's mocking yet so sexy face.

"There was this freshman asking me about something. I got stuck with him the hallway."

"What was that something?" I was trying to make a conversation, a conversation with Mike.

"U-mm, nothing really, he was just asking about something, something we sell in our store." He was darting his eyes to my face, his food and my cleavage.

"Oh, you have a store?" I asked, hoping he'll keep on talking.

Lunch time passed by that way. Us talking to our partners, hesitantly in my part. Sometimes there'll be a discussion and I wouldn't hold back my opinion, but then Edward would always kill my buzz by making fun of my opinion. I couldn't help but lick my lips gaping at him. This boy is so gorgeous, but I couldn't enjoy his making fun of me.

I stayed a little bit longer in my seat; I told them I need to call my mom first. I needed to calm myself. It didn't help that Edward orchestrated another joke that sent everyone laughing before they left me.

Alice sent me a wry smile as she walked away beside Jasper.

The bell rang its second bell when I entered Biology. Mr. Banner was discussing something, "It's nice of you to join us Ms. Swan." It sounded like he's making fun of my last name too.

I caught Edward gulped an air with rather an exaggerated pop of his lips then he closed his eyes as I sat beside him. I think he's trying not to convulse in laughter.

"Don't fucking say a word." I gritted the words.

He just motioned his hands in surrender, and then focused his eyes on the white board.

He's shaking his legs frantically up and down from an invisible, inaudible music beat, while biting his lower lip again and again with occasional wetting his lips with his tongue. I feel like I am missing a joke again.

"Will you stop that?" I was caught off guard with my reaction afterwards, because there I was holding his right thigh down. I thought I felt his muscle flexed. I thought I'd swoon from the warm feeling of his...muscles.

He smiled showing his teeth, and then shot his eyes in my side while his head is still straightly facing the board.

"That's sexual harassment Bella." Fuck that voice, it sends tingles in my bones down to my...

I hastily pulled my hand then put it in my eyes with my elbow in the table. I was grinning. And I thought my face would explode from embarrassment.

"I'm sorry..." I said the words with my mouth smiling.

He chuckled.

"It doesn't seem to have something funny with these parasites, Mr. And Ms. Cullen...umm Swan." called Mr. Banner from in front. Everybody looked at us. I saw Mike furrowed his eyebrows and cleared his forehead from his long hair.

I put my hands in my mouth and managed to say sorry to Mr. Banner.

When Mr. Banner wasn't looking anymore, I glowered to Edward putting my left hand on top of the table and my right hand covering half of my face.

He just smirked at me.

And he took my hand, placed it in his thigh again, with his hand on top of mine. And he began bouncing his leg up and down again.

In my mind, my mouth was making an O.


	7. Fighting the urge

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 7

**BELLA**

Walking to my next class, I felt like I was walking...no, I didn't feel walking at all. I kept pointing glances to this beautiful creature beside me. His back was arched down, with his hands shoved in his pockets. He would side way glances at me too, and would just smile looking down.

I couldn't help imagine that there's more to this walk than just a walk to my next class. Wouldn't it be nice if he's actually walking me to my class, just like Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie, I asked myself, my eyes rolling in my imagination. Mike does walk me to my class, but would it be too much to ask that it's him instead. I don't think I'm fighting destiny, or am I?

I am so busy entertaining those thoughts that kind of gave me hopes. I was about to just say a little bye to him, or even just a gesture, I wouldn't want him to think I'm head over heels as I was near the stairs going up the second floor for my next class, when he held his hand out with that familiar gentleman gesture that says, ladies first.

I didn't argue, I tried to look disinterested, I so not like to look so interested. I just conditioned myself that his next class was in 2nd floor too. Though I so much like to think that he's walking me to class, I tried to shook it away from my mind, I don't need to pick up another broken glass if it wasn't the case.

I was feeling pathetic. I am pathetic.

We stopped in the same room, and we met each other's gaze. I all but bit the inside of my cheek.

"I hope you didn't think I was walking you to class...?" He was smiling with his eyes wide, and then shook his head, when all I managed to say was "Ah..."

He led the way inside and took the seat in the middle row beside the wall. I was contemplating if I'll just sit somewhere else, I mean, why should I sit beside him after that rather hurtful remark he made outside the door.

He must have read my face, he made a silent "Ah-uh" shaking his head and his finger then patting the seat beside him.

"_Shit, you're pathetic Bella"_ I murmured. Why am I letting the power of this fucking gorgeous boy control me. I slumped beside him, slamming my bag in my desk then giving him a hurt look.

"You look..." he trailed off with his hands circling in the air.

"An-nnnoyed, thank you." I finished it for him.

He just chuckled, his shoulders shaking and the edge of his upper teeth showing a bit then shook his head, in amusement perhaps.

The teacher started talking about the course, Arts. She was saying something about some school program and some presentation the juniors are making the following month. I didn't pay much attention because I was still sullen; suddenly confused with everything that happened today. Is he fucking with my sanity?

"No, I got a partner this time Ms. Darbus." exclaimed Edward then pointing me from up my head.

I was confused, I gaped on him. "What is it this time Edward?" I think my voice was wrinkled.

"What?...W-what did I do?" His face was painted with confusion.

"Yeah right."

"Just please, whenever you decide to change the way you treat me, fucking buzz me first." I crossed my legs and hide my face with my hair.

I heard him let out a deep sigh, but didn't talk a word again.

I crammed getting all my stuff altogether when the bell rang. I was hoping to leave him there seated, but I caught the foot of my chair and almost fell in the floor had it not been for Edward clasping my arm harder.

"Thanks... I think." then I hurried to the door.

"Bella." He called softly behind me, I thought I left him in the seat, but he caught my hand spinning me around, but I just spun back.

"Wait." He whispered in my hair, so near my ear I could feel his warm breath. I could feel his body behind me. I didn't know I was this sensitive to touch.

But the universe is playing trick on me. Jessica appeared from freaking nowhere and grabbed his arm pulling him forward.

"It's so sad we weren't together in Arts." She slid her hand from his arm to his hand then put it between her body.

"_Fuck, that's going to leave a mark_" I murmured.

I stopped where I was standing not wanting to torture myself with the scene where I'll be trailing behind them again. Edward snatched his arm and hand back, walking with his side facing me, his eyes are trying to say something and his mouth is half open. Pleading, perhaps?

I didn't risk following them so I ended up half circling the whole 2nd floor to find the next stairwell down. I walked as slow as I could, thankful that when I got to the parking, I was greeted by an empty silver Volvo slot.

***

I couldn't sleep. My bedside table clock reads 12:30. I have been playing over and over again that same scene in my mind. Edward holding my hand while I was holding his thigh. His hand is so soft and warm. From time to time I'd glance on the picture of our entwined hands. I couldn't move my hands and it was feeling pretty numb from lack of activity. I was afraid if I move it I'd either touch something else than I was allowed to, or he might let go of me. When I flinched my hand even just a tiny bit out of reflex, he'll insert his fingers between mine pressing it harder. I thought I would die that very moment. My chest heaved for breath and bit my lip when I hear a chuckle coming out his nose.

When Mr. Banner dismissed the class, I shyly tucked my hair in my ear then put my face down. I asked for my hand back joking "it's impaired already". He eventually let it go after he enclosed it from his fingers once again all the while looking down, with no face expression readable at all.

I was having a dilemma of whether to feel happy or not with what happened the whole day. He surprised me in the quad, he made fun of me in the canteen, he held my hand, then smashed my ego, and then held my hand again, and the best part, he breathed in my ear.

"Fuck" I sighed. My head is spinning. I couldn't contain my heart for almost jumping, but felt a prick when I remember the not so nice scenes.

Does he like me too?

"Oh my fucking god, did I just admit I liked him?" I sounded like a freak talking to myself.

"I like Edward Cullen."

"I like Edward Cullen." I repeated the words.

I took my pillow and smashed it in my face hiding my very large grin. I was astonished with my realization, as if it hasn't been obvious before.

When I woke up, I suddenly felt a little worried. Does he know I like him? I don't want to be humiliated again. I don't think he likes me. Maybe he held my hand just because he knows I'll like it. Maybe that's what every other girl here wants, and he was just making me experience it? He doesn't like me. He just doesn't. He was just playing with me, playing with my emotions. I was battling with my emotions.

I ran out of revealing clothes to wear, so I opted with heavy heart to just wear a gray t-shirt. I was having a dilemma if I'll do what I've done yesterday, coming to school a little early. But because I was prepared already I proceeded, fidgeting with my backpack's handle from utter nervousness.

I arrived not as early like yesterday, thanks to my hormones, I keep on changing my mind if I should go early.

I sat in the same spot I did yesterday, opening my Romeo and Juliet from where I left off. Since he came yesterday I didn't understand any of the phrase in the page I was at, and today isn't any different. I kept on reading the same sentence over and over again. I kept on inconspicuously looking in the hall inside the building, silently praying he'd come.

**EDWARD**

I was so disgusted with Stanley yesterday. I was about to say sorry to Bella for fucking up again with my lame remark, but the skank just know when to emerge from the pits of hell. I was there, almost there, holding her hand tight; I could smell her hair when I whispered in her ear. I could have blurted out to her that very moment my...fondness.

But now, I'm more fucked up than weeks ago.

I hurried to school wishing she'll be there again reading her dilapidated book. I took the other way to the hallway leading to the quadrangle, and when I caught sight of her looking in the other direction, I froze. I am sure that's her. That's her hair, that's her bag behind her. "But, what the hell?" I uttered the words loudly.

_That is not Bella, that's her._

I ran to the men's room, I felt I am fucking suffocating. I washed my face with water and looked in the mirror. "Please, not now…" I said with a pleading voice.

I stayed focus on the mirror, silently praying I'll see her again, but surrendered after a few minutes of waiting. I must be losing my mind.

When I've gathered myself, I braved going to the quadrangle again but hesitated once more so I settled on top of the flower box hidden from her sight.

I stayed there until the bell rang not noticing the students that has been walking back and forth the hallway behind me.

She came in the lunchroom with Mike, with that dicktard walking so close to Bella. I felt a stab in my heart. That asshole is really fucking pissing me.

The usual teasing in the table went on. But Bella kept her head down, occasionally leaning to Mike to say something I couldn't hear.

Jessica shared what their class is doing for the Juniors' day. And then excitedly told the stories to Bella which made her eyes grow big from amazement. She looks so damn pretty when she looks under her eyelashes, and she has this enticing habit of biting her lower lip then bobbing her head.

"What are we going to do there?" She said.

"Are we going to have some sort of High school musical, Forks style? Because I'm definitely out." She said laughing while gesturing surrender with her palms.

"No, silly." Alice butted in.

I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I want to butt in too, seeing Bella become interested in something; I want to be the one to explain it to her.

"It started with just performance from each Art classes, like singing, dancing, skits, what have yous presented to family at a night school program. But later it evolved in a Juniors' Day where all juniors have a free day and have some sort of competition in all sorts of things like sports and academics. But it isn't just Juniors , we also have Seniors' Day and Freshmen and sophomore. You know it's like college day." Alice made a rather lengthy explanation, and I couldn't help but send her a pointed look for robbing me that opportunity.

"Oh, it's like school's foundation day, with sports competition and everything, even beauty contest. We have that in Phoenix." Bella said immersing herself in the conversation.

"Really? I should have been enrolled in your school!" Jessica always says the dumbest things.

"I'm doomed, Cullen has enlisted me." She said maybe not meant to be said aloud but the rest of the group heard, and we all laugh.

"I thought you'll be doing that piano thing again dude?" Mike said without looking at me.

"Duddde." I said sarcastically.

"I'm dancing with Ducky." I chuckled, meaning the words as a joke and wished she'll take it as it is.

But instead she just looked at me, expressionless, then shook her head and whispered "Yup, definitely doomed."

"Don't be harsh on Bella..." Emmett was preparing a joke again. I didn't hear the rest of it because when everybody's laughter erupted I was looking intently in her face. I felt sour when I saw sorrow in her big brown eyes.

"Ducks can dance too...I'll show you." She said the words with a hard face then raised an eyebrow while looking at me.

She was trying to be brave again. She was trying to show everyone she's a good sport that she won't cry on jokes that's being tossed to her left and right. She stayed focused on my face, with her mouth's corner trying to fake a smile. I thought she was waiting for me to retaliate. And knowing how fucked up a person I am, I did.

"Are you sure you won't stumble again? You fall a lot..." I was containing my laugh, trying not to change my facial expression.

"We'll see Cullen." She flared her nose then turned to Mike.

Everyone's laughing and chanting, some Cullen-Cullen, and some Ducky-Ducky. _Oh crap_.

She didn't look at me again. Though she occasionally joined the discussion, and laughed with the group, she was talking mostly to Mike, and sometimes whispering something to Alice and then they giggle. And sometimes she'll just take a moment to text. I remember suddenly that I didn't have her number. I contemplate if I should ask it from Brandon, but knowing Alice, she might just tell Bella I asked for her number.

I caught that conversation of her and Mike with her asking when are they going out. My heart sank; I couldn't even finish eating my waffle. Jessica didn't seem to care even if I don't talk to her. Because I sure don't want to. She kept on talking to the group, taking the floor from Emmett, then laughing out loud, that slutty guffaw making her shoulder shake and her boobs sway, that is so disgusting. I saw Rosalie spat the back of Emmett's head.

When I got to Biology, Mike was squatting beside Bella's chair again. I almost pushed him in annoyance. We kept on glancing each other from time to time, but neither of us said a word.

The rest of the week passed with the same pattern. Eating with the group in the lunch room, talking, discussing something, making fun, Bella pointing out her opinion, then the joke almost always goes back to her, our constant bickering in the lunch table lead to us not speaking with each other in Biology.

***

A/N

Hi guys,

Thanks once again for visiting my story. It's a very good booster. Tell your friends, or not...whatever. But thank you really really.

I hope you're having a good time reading this, because I am having a good time writing them.

Edward is so annoying, IKR?

Love,

-M


	8. Torture chamber

A/N

Hello lovely people of fanfic world. Thanks again for checking out my updates! I appreciate it sooo much.

Come back for more.

Love,

-M

***

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 8

**EDWARD**

Jasper was so excited and his nonstop gratitude annoyed the crap out of me.

"One more thank you and I'll kick your butt out the car." I said trying to sound my annoyance.

"Dude, you have no idea, A..." Jasper was making an act of gratitude again.

"Damn it Jasper, shut the fuck up!"

"You fucking dog, you fucking make sure I'm fed well or else I'll fucking leave you there."

We were laughing at my inserts of profanities.

"Can't you drive any faster?" His face was looking at me.

"Fuck Jasper, we might end up fucking pretzelled in a tree if you don't fucking stop telling me to fucking speed up."

Poor bastard can't contain himself in his seat from excitement. He called me while we're having lunch and asked if I could accompany him to Port Angeles. Alice fucking Brandon texted him that she's in Port Angeles. The bastard saw an opportunity to somewhat date Alice outside of Forks. I agreed to drive him but made him swear he'll feed me with what I want to eat however expensive it might be.

"What is she doing in Port Angeles? Shopping again?" I said.

"Ugh, she's probably using the taxpayers' money again for her season's look." I chuckled.

Jasper was throwing me daggers while he texted again.

"Okay, okay, tell your bitch we're almost there. Which store again?" I put my hands up to convey my surrender, as I went around in circles trying to find a parking.

We were almost running to get inside the crowded mall.

"Do you even have any idea where to find her?" I asked incredibly annoyed. Everybody seemed to be looking at us.

"Bedon? Okay, I have no fucking idea where that is." Jasper said. You can hear the excitement in his voice even when he's panting.

"Oh I think this is it." His head was looking up at the name of the store.

"Oh hell no!" I squealed. "You have got to be fucking kidding me.

"Tsk. You're going to pay for this big time Alice" he said with an undeniable tint of lust from his voice. "Come on, let's get this over with."

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's a fucking death chamber! Have a fucking Look at those fucking creatures inside! It's not a fucking place for a fucking guy in his fucking proper senses!"

My reasons rushed from my mouth with more profanities than I usually use. I don't know how to put it gently.

"You are such a drama queen" teased Jasper "You've got to come with me inside, I might be swallowed whole by those...umm...thongs!"

"I bet you'll be, stupid bastard! I am not going inside with you. I'm sorry dude but I couldn't be your fucking wingman if your girlfriend is fucking..." I couldn't finish my sentiment I was stunned with what I saw. "You are seriously fucking killing me."

Jasper followed my gaze, inside the little store, beside the glass wall, Bella stood in front of a row of red and black lacy thong. She has a naughty smile waiting to break in her lips. She was touching the...that offensive piece of clothing maybe trying to feel the material, I don't know.

"Ahurrm…" Jasper cleared his throat in an overly exaggerated manner. Then cock his brows up and down so many times I thought it would fall off. "You like her, don't you? You fucking dog..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I tried so hard to sound so irritated from his obvious teasing.

"Ashhuuu. Dude! I could fucking see your face!" The asshole is pushing my temper button. I'm gonna have to kick his fucking butt off.

"And what the hell is wrong with my fucking face?" I shove my face near his.

"Umm, nothing its just fucking painted in Bella all over...hah!" he teased me even more when I couldn't talk and my face grew hotter. Fuck!

"I am fucking warning you Jasper, say something and I shit you not I'll tell your bitch you fucked that skank Mallory" I have no other card to play. I said it to Jasper with a fist in the air. I wanted it to be super clear.

"Okay, okay! No need for bitching, bitch! C'mon!" he said tugging my arm.

I froze where I was standing when we got inside the store. Every god damn fucking bitch inside looked at us like we're some kind of black dot that does not belong. Thankfully, Alice noticed the murmurings of the...creatures and ushered us to come over but I didn't move a muscle because I was really fucking stiff in my place. One, from the stares of everyone and two, from the feeling of seeing Bella, outside the school.

"Oh hey,...Ed-warrd." I think she purposely said my name longer while finding Bella in where she was standing. I followed Alice's eyes and found two gorgeous brown eyes staring at me incredulously then turned about from me.

"Umm, I probably should pay these. Could you come with me Jasper?" Alice took Jasper's hand and shot me a meaningful glance before looking back to Bella. I tried to stay where I was,arguing with my mind if I should approach Bella.

**BELLA**

"Is that something I get to see?" Said Edward coming from behind me. I could feel a strange electricity emanating from where he was.

"I bet you've seen them with Jessica." I replied with no expression at all.

He snorted. "That is fucking lame."

"What is, Edward?" I shot him an angry look, a look I've tried to fake.

It felt like forever passed. No one talked. I stayed standing in front of a row of ridiculously unwearable undergarments. My eyes trying to understand what to put in what hole, I tried to occupy my mind so I could ignore his elephant presence beside me. I could feel his stares boring a hole in my soul.

When I felt his hand slowly grab my hand resting in my waist. He slowly lowered it while tangling his fingers with mine.

"Look, Bella...I, umm..." He was whispering again in my ears. My breathing became erratic. I could almost hear the thump thumping of my heart again. I always new this thing will deafen me.

I allowed him to hold my hand for a reasonable long time, before turning my face just inches to his. I can smell his breath, a smell of smoke and mint but not in an offensive way.

I couldn't stare that long to his eyes, I felt like he could see through me. I wandered my eyes from his eyes going down his red lips which are slightly parted. I couldn't help gasp and bite the inside of my cheek.

Suddenly the feeling of vulnerability washed on me, and my mind reacted reminding me to shield my self and my emotion from getting hurt from too much expectations.

I remembered what I promised my self; "never again" I could almost hear my brain whisper it to me.

I arranged my expression into a grimace as I inch my face away from his, gazing to his eyes. I tried to let go of my hand, but he held it harder, not letting go.

"What?" He asked. I did not answer not changing my expression.

"Whaat?" His eyes squint from smiling; when I looked in his mouth he was making a crooked smile. He looked so inviting. But I bit my lip to refrain from drooling.

"Nothing. I-um...bracing myself." I gazed in his eyes again, fighting the urge to smile.

"Bracing for what?"

"Oh, I know the joke would be on me again." I rolled my eyes on him.

He turned again tugging my hand, tucking in my arms in his sweaty armpit. "Not fucking funny Isabella. C'mon let's get out of here, my eyes are so fucking clouded with lace."

"It's Bella...and eww, let go of my arm!!" I tried to sound so disgusted fighting the urge to burst into laughter.

"Let me help you with that." He grabbed the shopping bags I was holding, dropping my arm and my hand gaping at me with his beautiful eyes when I didn't let go.

"Hmm. What have you got here? Did you get any of those?" He has a naughty smile trying to open the bags then glancing over his shoulders pointing on the lingerie shop.

"U-no. It was far too expensive. Only Alice can afford a ridiculously overpriced piece of..." I couldn't find a word to describe the lingerie pieces.

He chuckled. "It's a fucking good thing that the people of Forks are religious in paying fucking taxes."

"C'mon, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving." He nudged me with his shoulder. "Fucking Jasper bribed me with a promise to feed me, and now...they freaking ditched us."

He said it in a humorous way so I couldn't feel any remorse when I followed him.


	9. Rain on my window

A/N

I hope you'll enjoy my story as much as I do. I was smiling the whole time I was writing this. Be nice to me though, haven't got me any beta.

Thanks again, come back for more and tell your friends, or not, totally up to you.

xoxo-M

___________________________________

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 9

BELLA

We found an Italian restaurant outside the mall, the sunset gazing upon us. When we're done ordering, he fell silent, looking intently on his finger tracing circles on the brown table.

"That is a nice sunset." I looked at the sunset shadowing us.

It was covered in big thick clouds forming all sorts of shapes, billowing in the heavens. The wind was blowing a little colder than an autumn wind should. He momentarily looked at direction of the sunset, then brought back his gaze on his hand and started drawing circles again.

The silence was a little too awkward, I wanted to cry. I kept on shifting in my seat, frequently drawing large amount of air in my mouth. His smell was making my head spin, so I tried as much as possible not be breathe through my nose. I tried alternately but it only made me make deep sighs that I'm afraid would make him notice that his presence is turning my life upside down.

"Aren't we a little too hungry huh." I was trying to sound funny.

He shook his head with a smile.

"That's funny; I didn't know you lose your tongue when you're hungry." I put my clasped hands on the table and lowered my head as I looked at his face to emphasize my teasing.

He silently pulled my right hand into his, imprisoning it with his two hands. I think my heart just skipped a beat. Here we go again.

I braced myself, I am sure if I don't pass out right this moment, I am going to piss my pants.

"Bella, I know...I-um...I know I am such a fucking prick. I...I am really sorry for what I've pulled the other day." His voice is trembling, or I think it was my hands.

I couldn't focus. I am so swamped, from the feel of his hands, the crazy lovely sexy voice and the piercing shouting penetrating blue eyes. I think I am going to have syncope and eventually die in his arms.

I don't know if what look in my face I had when the waitress came with our order. I wanted to thank her for saving me from passing out and a more definite thrombosis than pissed pants, or if I wanted to suck the life out of her for ruining such a marvelous moment I was having.

We ate in silence, again. Halfway, he began talking again. I guess he's not hungry anymore.

"Seriously Bella, Brandon? What were you thinking? How could you stand her?"

"Seriously Edward. How can you stand Jessica?" I counter asked.

"How could you?" He threw me back the question.

"Humor me Edward." I looked into his eyes, he just looked down.

"I was just being decorous." He said admittedly.

"Wow, decorous. Oh my God, courtly, you mean my highness?" I laughed bowing my head to show my courtesy.

"Polite...? Hmmm...H-how..." I shook my head. I couldn't find the right words to say. He allowed me to gather my thoughts, or rather to gather my emotions.

"Tell me, how egregiously a person am I that I didn't merit your...umm, cavalierness?...politeness." I said not pausing for breath. Though I tried digging words from the almanac of words in the pits of my brain, I couldn't hide my daunting feeling.

He seemed to have been caught off guard. He put down his fork and crossed his arms on top of table.

"What the hell are we talking about?" His forehead made shallow trenches staring directly to my eyes that I felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah, that one. That tone, that attitude. Those..." Putting my right hand in the air making an s shape.

"You seemed to be miffed with me all the time; you have used almost everyone else's quota of the day using profanities in talking to me. It's not that I am not using profanity or whatever; it's just that sometimes when you talk to me I felt like you just want to tell me nothing but profanity. Why the hell are you cursing me anyway...?" I used all the guts I have to voice out my feelings. I tried to be as casual as possible but my voice was trembling.

"I didn't mind your insolence on me all the time Edward, but could you please cut me some slack, I couldn't remember doing anything bad to you, and I am sure my returning disrespects on you didn't feel a thing compared to your daily dose inflicted on me...I mean...do you understand me?"

I put my right hand in my head, now trying to hide my face, ashamed of the sudden urge to divulge my hurt feelings. When I tried to peek, he was peeking on me too, his face was too low in the table, his eyes big and full of imploring and his mouth is half open.

"C'mon Bella, I was just fu...sorry, trying to..." he scrambled for words.

"Make fun of me..." I added. "What do you get...no, are you happy every time everyone is crazy laughing because of your jokes that was about me?" I croaked.

"Might as well tell everyone that I am in love with you..." I stopped myself. I had to bite my tongue, hard enough to punish myself for talking too much.

I didn't break my stare on his eyes. I don't know how my face looked but I was afraid if I lower my sight he'll believe what I have just said.

"Really? You fu-..You love me?" I could tell in his voice that he was exhilarated with what I said, but I was too afraid he would just make fun of me.

"No. You have no idea. I despise you, no, loathe, repudiate, abhor, hate..." I said in a flat tone.

"Funny." He said picking his drink to have a sip.

"What? Not fuck-ing funny? Just funny? C'mon Edward, you can do better than that. I didn't tell you to swallow the fucking f word. Just...just take it easy on me...Okay?"

"And please, let's not review our english quiz bee..." I held his gaze looking under my eyelashes.

Edward's shoulder trembled from laughter and the coke almost went out of his nose. We broke into loud laughter.

"That is so going to be one of my cards. Bring it on Cullen." I said still laughing as I point my finger to his face.

"You are crazy." He shook his head.

"Fucking crazy. Thank you." I nod my head, smiling.

We ate our food again, enjoying the music playing.

"You like Kings of Leon?" He asked with a crooked smile.

I nodded while humming the words of the song to my lips. "Use somebody, right?"

He nodded, bobbing his head back and forth.

"So you like Jessica huh?" I don't know how I got the nerve to ask this question, I just felt like the moment is right.

He faked a choking sound with his fettuccine, and shook his head non-stop in contradiction with an almost look-like terrified eyes.

"Well, for what it's worth, you looked like you're pretty into her." I chuckled.

When he'd composed himself, he almost shouted on me with very open eyes "Hell...fucking...no!"

I took my glass of coke in my hand, playing with the lips of the glass. He was looking at my hands as I did it. I didn't talk I was trying to convey that I was waiting for his explanation.

Finally, after an awful lot of seconds, he shifted in his seat and looked at me.

"Look at me Bella, and don't you fucking look away." He was chuckling making his warning funny but so desirable.

"Jessica has been like that, for as long as I can remember. She's been texting me, sending me cards and notes that are ...figurative, like, it'd make you wonder how in the world did a 15 year old girl had a notion on something like...like that, you know. She's been stalking me since freshman, going to my house, pretending her mom has something for my mother. You know stuff like that. Do you girls really do that? I mean, can't you just wait for the boy to do all the work?" His face is grimacing.

"Take it easy lover boy; don't make me pop your bubble." I signaled him to continue while I enjoyed the cold cola I was sipping trying not to imagine the things that Jessica's done.

"At first, I was really annoyed, and then I figured I'll just ignore her...because the bitch is really...fucking...insistent, incessant actually. Yeah, there. I'd say hello to her, talk to her but that only happens when I didn't have any other choice." He continued his ravings.

"I mean, you arrived in this school, befriended her, then you befriended Alice, Jasper is Emmett's friend, Emmett's my brother. I mean, I couldn't leave my only company just because Jessica was in there...and that's because of you Miss Isabella Swan...I am going to make you pay for it, big time!" He was laughing and he pushed the side of my cheek with his pointing finger.

I laughed with him too and pretended to be scared by making the "Uhhhh" sound and trembling arms.

I snorted, making me sound like a pig. "Yeah, you're pretty fucking alluring and dazzling, that's why. Breathtaking." I said the last word to myself.

"I didn't befriend Jessica, no? Alice was making small talk with me on my first day, and Mike introduced himself to me, I think that is why, Jessica's been nice to me. I mean, her friends are so mean; there is this girl who almost killed me in the parking and yet joins us in the lunch table.

How bitchy can you get, you know?" I added blatantly.

"Yeah, yeah. I know that bitch. Don't worry baby I got you." He tapped my arm, shaking his head.

"Mike's..ummm...I think in Jessica's hit list too. I mean, I'm not like dumb, I could see if a girl is flirting or what." He kept on shaking his head and I just have to hide my eyes from him.

I suddenly felt a swelling in my chest. My head is whispering questions in my brain. Questions that would certainly compromise my feelings if I entertain to answer them.

"So...umm...what are we going to dance?" I casually changed the subject hoping he'll buy it.

"Oh...um, I don't know. But I assure you it's nothing like High School Musical crap." He tapped his fingers in the table.

"Thank fuck for that." I nod my head. "What the hell happened to Jasper and Alice?"

"C'mon let's walk." I pointed to the direction behind him.

We walked in silence enjoying the cool feel of the autumn breeze in a now darkened way illuminated only by small bulbs planted on the sidewalk beside a man made creek.

"There's a nice place like this in Forks, fucking better actually, not man made. I'll show you some time." He walked backwards, facing me. His hair is being blown by the wind to his face.

"I'd like that. I...fuck-ing hold you to that." I pointed my finger on him, in which he answered with a big grin and a bobbing of head.

"It's a good thing, you're with Alice." He turned around to walk beside me.

"Is that why you can't come inside the store, because I was with her?" We were walking slowly.

"Torture chamber. No. I actually don't know you're together. This fuckhead hired me to drive him here; I think his car broke again."

"Just...promise me something." I cut him from his brooding.

"Hmmm..?" He brought the side of his face to mine.

"Umm..." I'm always caught off guard, fuck, think Bella.

"Could you...could you at least prep me before you decide to be nice to me. Because you know, you're a...you're so like a woman...unpredictable. So, ummm...at least I can prepare for...ummm...cry, laugh or fight back...?

I turned my face towards him to see his reaction but at that same moment he apparently decided to turn his face towards me too, and we were like face inches away from each other, breath was the only barrier. He lowered his gaze on my lips, but I pulled away.

"Of course not. That wouldn't be fucking funny anymore." He chuckled.

I faced him briskly and threatened to punch him but he ran backwards so I followed chasing him with my fist in the air. We were laughing as we run chasing each other.

And then it rained. The violent pour of rain left big dots of water in our clothes. We ran looking for cover laughing and screaming.

"At least you have a fucking change of clothes!" he shouted the words to me.

"Oh shoooooot...fuckkkkk!" He grabbed my hand and started pulling me back to where we came from "I forgot your shopping bags, fuck!"

"We laughed running towards the restaurant, hand in hand, or at least that's what how I like to look at it. We found my bags still under the table we occupied, but by the time we got there, we were soaking wet, our face was dripping with rain water, I couldn't see him. I kept on laughing. I frantically wipe my face with my hand, trying to look at his face. "I can't see you anymore!"

He swiped his hand to my face, while I still scream in...hysteria, delight perhaps. And to my surprise, he grabbed me by my shoulders, and embraced me...Fuck!!! My head detached to my body. I could almost see my head bouncing in ecstasy on the pavement. My heart was screaming Oh my fucking goddd! That was just a brief embrace, but I almost lost control of my emotions. I almost hugged him back but, I didn't. He tugged my hand, to the direction we were headed moments ago. Stomping on puddles like a child. By the time we reached his car, the rain lessened to a mere drizzle.

He opened the passenger door for me.

"Oh, I didn't know a half-polite guy like you would open a door for a normal girl like me." I teased him

"Could you just fucking get in, Duck." He rolled his eyes, and then bit his lower lip.

"Oh no. I'd totally ruin your upholstery, nah-ah." I kept shaking my head.

"Suit yourself..." He cocked his head to his side and then put his face up closing his eyes from the drizzling rain.

I think I might have made my eyes a little bigger.

"You're crazy Bella." He shook his head again, then grabbed my arm and leaned to my ears "Get in."

"O-kay. It's your funeral." I slipped in the passenger seat.

When he got to his seat, he turned the engine on and the heater. His car smelled so much of him. It's like burying my face into his chest smelling his whole body.

I didn't notice I was shivering. He looked at me, eyes questioning.

"I haven't taken a bath in the rain since...1st grade, I tt-think." I said with a smile on my lips remembering the last time I bathe in the rain.

"You were taking a bath in the rain?" He looked so amused with my story.

"Yeah! Oh don't tell me you haven't tried that. That is like, a must in every childhood...?" I was facing him, my arms wrapped on my body, trying to calm tremors.

"Hell no...Wow, I've had my first rain bath, with you...That's something?" He said the last words lowly, intending it to be unheard.

"You might get sick...Here; don't you have anything to change your clothes to?" He offered me my shopping bag.

"Oh wait...are those lingerie...no no no..Don't change at all." He kept on shaking his hands in the air together with his head.

"Silly." I blurted out grabbing the bag from his hand. "Close your eyes." I began pulling my soaked t-shirt in a hurry without checking if he had closed his eyes already.

When I rummaged in the bag I saw him gaping at me with a surprised face. "Close your eyes you fucking pervert!" I hugged the shopping bag trying to hide my not so incredible body.

He followed, putting his hands in his eyes "You moved too fast, I just heard you said it and boom!...you're fucking naked in a flash!...and it's not like there's something there..." He trailed chuckling.

I just have to shove him until he bumped his shoulder in the window of his seat, laughing with him.

I found a t-shirt in my purchases and threw it to him "We don't want to get sick, do we?"

He grimaced as he examined the t-shirt that just landed in his face "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"No. I am not fucking kidding you. Strip!...What? Do you want me to close my eyes too? It's not like there's something to make me drool there no!"

I seriously would like to take back what I said, because I know, he saw me bit my lip when he suddenly yanked his soaked t-shirt that exposed his chest. From what I saw in that minuscule of a moment, his chest has just the right amount of muscles, nothing like Emmett's poky ones.

He raised his eyebrow when he noticed me looking at his chest. Oh I hope I didn't drool.

I hugged myself and kept on rubbing my arms, trying to warm myself.

In my peripheral I saw him come near me, and then pulled back, and then after a moment slowly grabbed me and hugged me, doing the rubbing of my arms while I rest in his chest trying to keep warm, and struggling not to pass out from intoxication and euphoria.

He whispered in top of my head. "Do you really need to go with Mike?"

I moved away from him, feeling a little better. I bit my lip desperately looking for words to say.

"He wanted to show me Forks." I said looking in my lap.

"I could show you around." He added when I didn't talk. I locked my gaze on the a/c vent.

"I think he likes you." He said while straightening in his seat.

"Would that be too awful?" I shot a glance in his side but didn't really looked at him.

"I don't know. It's just like, sometimes it felt like...I mean...he looks at you like...I mean...Arghhh..." He raked his hair with his hand as he struggled to find the right words to say.

My phone rang.

"Alice...What the hell happened to you?" I said calmly I don't want Edward to think that I minded so much that we were left behind, not that I do.

"Bella! Oh Bella, I'm so sorry, we got stuck in the cashier and then I saw this cute top and the shoes we were looking for. When we came back you weren't there anymore. I'm so sorry. Are you alright? Did Edward give you a lift? Are you alright?" Alice non-stop gushing could be heard as far as Edward's seat. He raised his eyebrow in amusement and then smirked.

"I'm alright Alice. Don't worry about it. I'll call you later when I get home, kay?" I assured her.

"You mean you're not home yet? Oh my God, your father must be worried. Oh my God Bella, are you really..." she tried to continue but I cut her off.

"Al, shut up. I'm fine. I'll call my Dad now. Don't worry about me. I'll call you later, Okay? Bye." I smiled when I clicked the phone off.

"I know how Alice sees me. She must be fucking worried." He stared at the steering wheel; his facial expression was hidden from the shadow.

"Hey...You...umm, Do you mind giving me your number?" He smiled at me with those fucking eyes beaming. He produced his phone from his pocket, wiping it off of moist in his shirt.

"Do I have a choice?" I faked a sarcastic chuckle. I gave him my number and then "Here, give me a very nice smile." I took his picture and asked for his number too.

"Come near me." He ordered me, and when our face were near each other, he snapped a photo. The flash blinded both of us, we laughed as we brushed our eyes.

"I better bring you home." He said looking at the back preparing to start driving.

We did not talk a lot in the car on our way to Forks. We sang songs we knew that was being played in the Fm stereo of his car, laughing when I hit a sour note. That was really embarrassing.

We said quick goodbyes, when he pulled in front of our house. We could see my father peeking through the curtain. It must have scared the hell out of him.

"I'll umm...pay back for the shirt on Monday. I don't think you're accepting major credit cards." he said pulling the t-shirt that hugged his chest rather tightly.

"Don't be ridiculous Edward, it's not worth it, and besides, it might just end up as a kitchen washcloth in your house so better yet give it back as it is so I can make use of it." I chuckled as

I exited his car inhaling the scent inside for the last time. "I'll see you on Monday, thanks...umm..thanks."

"I had a great time Bella. Don't go tomorrow with Mike." He leaned in the passenger seat to see my face.

"Oh, what are you gonna do?" I raised an eyebrow on him.

"I think I could easily break his pretty face, or impair him so he couldn't drive tomorrow. You wouldn't want to have a date with someone with plaster all over his body..." He was smiling at me, naughtily.

"I'll see you Monday Edward...."

"Please?" He batted his eyes lashes, comically.

"Bite me..." I made my eyes wide.

"I'll be more than happy...Come here." He showed his teeth, chuckling.

"Good bye...I'll see you soon, okay?" I smiled at him, closing the passenger door.

I waited until he's nowhere to be seen before I entered the house. My father asked who dropped me off, and I just shrugged casually telling him that it was a friend from school. He seemed to not mind, and just told me to go get change from wet clothes.

Lying in my bed, as the rain made a dip dipping sound in my window, I couldn't help smile as I hugged my pillow. I closed my eyes enjoying the humming of the falling rain.


	10. Torturing fantasy

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 10

EDWARD

"This sucks!" I plopped the sausage in my plate. Everyone in the table looked at me momentarily and return to blabbering with each other. I took a sip of my Coke. I am superbly annoyed.

Jessica's having some illusion feast. Her hands are atop my thigh making small circles. I could have been highly aroused with the gesture just like the one that happened in Biology 3 weeks ago, but I couldn't find anything arousing with this.

"I fucking hate Jessica Stanley." I thought of it over and over again, I could have blurted it out for everyone to hear.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Jessica leaned even closer to me, her boobs are definitely touching the side of my arm I have been putting in between us.

Fuck, did she just called me sweetie? Is she honestly thinking that we're some kinda thing? Oh no….Oh no…I could feel my mind trying to wring my brain.

"Could you do me a fucking favor? Could you…? Please!..." I motioned for her to move away from me.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" She inquired with her eyes wide and her hand in her chest. I wonder if I hurt her feelings. I hope the shit I did.

"I just…I don't feel fucking good, so could you…make me breathe for a while?" I tried to sound annoyed and firm on my words.

I have been feeling a whole shit load of crap the past weeks. I still love lunch time, it's like the heaven moment in this hell of a high school life. I get to see Bella. I get to see her closer, in front of me, where I can almost read her mind through her eyes.

Of course I see her everyday in the quadrangle, reading something or doing her homework, or just listening to her iPod, or talking to someone in the phone. But I am always hidden from her sight. I enjoyed looking at her from afar. Sometimes I stayed in the flower box in the other side of the hallway, and sometimes I stay in a classroom directly in front of the spot in the quad she's sitting at.

I also see her in Biology, but we didn't talk a lot there, mostly just doing seat work, or discussing about our answers. But other than that, nothing. It's like Bella in Biology is nothing but a professional Bella.

Bella on the other hand in lunch room is even better. She laughs, giggles, guffaws, throw her head back or lies her head in the table when laughing. She tells jokes, turns to red when teased and stands up when arguing about something. This Bella, is the Bella I like.

Since that rainy dinner we had, we haven't been in good terms. I mean, we fucking talk, but just talk. We didn't talk about what happened then.

That Saturday night, I wasn't able to get a better sleep. I was twisting and turning in my bed. I could imagine her hair flowing freely in her face, being blown away by the wind. I could imagine her face glistening from the raindrops. I could see her arms and her bare chest shadowed by the darkness in the parking. I could feel her soft body in mine when I embraced her under the rain, I could smell the strawberries in her hair when I took her in my chest to warm her, and I could almost see myself kissing her, almost, when I took our picture.

I kept on checking the picture gallery in my phone. I even made it my wallpaper the entire weekend, and almost forgot to change it come Monday. She was so fucking cute in that photo. Her eyes are exaggeratedly big while she stuck her tongue.

I didn't know she did that fucking stupid yet so funny and sexy thing until I got her home and pulled in a corner to check my phone. I couldn't get over it, I kept on laughing.

But what happened with her and Mike the day after, I didn't know.

I wasn't able to see her, I mean, see each other not until lunch time. But the fucking Newton is all around her. She doesn't even look at me. Mike has been occupying her all the time, and all day. I don't know what the hell are they talking about, but I could see Bella so excited all the time. It's like Newton has some kind of thing going on that kept Bella hooked.

It didn't even help that Newton is in Biology. I think if he could just fucking ask me to sit away from Bella he would. But he knew better. He wouldn't want to suffer the consequences.

I asked her that day how she was, citing she looked very happy. She just looked at me and said "I am." Then turned away and proceeded to do the day's task.

I never tried to talk nonsense to her again in our subjects. Even in Arts, she almost always sits away from me. I wasn't able to walk with her to Arts because the fucking Newton always hovers with her until the time the bell rang. I have no idea if he's walking her to that class.

During lunch time, we'd still bicker with each other. At first she seemed to be just entertaining me by looking annoyed. But then one day I joked about how she looked using that over sized jacket, well, she really looked pretty fucking hilarious with that ugly thing swallowing her whole.

And then there's that time she came to school with several break outs in her face. And because I am a fucking fucked up, I found a really good comparison of it in her nutty chocolate donut. She nearly broke in tears, shaking her head in disgust, with eyes squinting as she said "What are you Cullen, freak?"

I was always hopeful everyday that we'll be able to talk like we did that very nice Saturday, but everyday is the same, ending up in me going home without seeing her in the parking.

Jasper can't shake his head enough on me for being so indifferent. I told him it wasn't really what I like to do or say exactly but it's like however I tried to be careful, I always always end up fucking screwing things up.

He told me Alice isn't in anyway happy with how I treat Bella. Like I fucking don't know that already. Alice never talked to me in our class. I mean, she's almost always in my class, but that didn't matter a shit to me.

I always tried to make it up to Bella, doing things I never did before. But I think she never sees it.

My almost always nightly dreams about Bella didn't help either. I have asked my father what could be wrong with me, again, but for a fucking doctor all he could say is, I must be experiencing some stress that's causing my memories to refresh.

So today, I sit across her, once more and fucking freaking drowning myself with the sight of her having fucking fun with the fucking hell Newton. Life could never be fucking hell like this.

"Are you okay, Edward?" For the first time in what felt like forever, I saw those big brown eyes stare directly to my eyes. I thought the world stopped.

She blinked her eyes several times before I could answer. "What the hell give you the idea I'm not fine. I'm good…No, I'm great!"

"Your face says otherwise…" She was smiling at me, that teasing smile. I think she's provoking me for another squabble. Like she stands a chance. "Puh."

"What have you got, Duck?...Bring it on." I was all smiles again.

She shook her head, still smiling.

"You don't stand a chance, my Ducky." Ummm…O shit, did that gave away my feelings?

"Your face looks like shit." She stood up and grab a spoonful of her mashed potato and smacked it in my jaw.

Oh hell you didn't. No, she did not just did that. Everyone in our table was laughing standing up to shield themselves from the tortured potato that was flying all over as I shake it off my face.

Her face was beaming in excitement, she was too far to reach so I threw the mashed potato in her face smashing between her eyes.

When she get her hand in the baked beans of Alice, I ran circling our table but she followed, throwing it in my hair. I was about to splash her with my soda but then, the principal walked inside the canteen and saw what I was about to do.

"Detention, Mr. Cullen." Principal Greene pointed with his thumb for me to get out of the lunch room and head to detention room.

I rolled my eyes to Bella, with a suppressed smile. I really didn't mind detention at all. I've been doing this all my life.

Bella was standing behind our table biting her lip, apologetic.

She walked beside me when I made a step. I gaped at her, but she just gaped back at me, smiling.

"Ms. Swan, you may finish your lunch…" called the principal.

"Oh no sir, this is all my fault." Waving her hand on the mess in the table "So if you're going to punish him, it wouldn't be fair if I will not."

"Hmm. So you better be going then." He dismissed us without a second look.

I produced a hanky from my pocket and gave it to her to clean her face, picking a piece that got stuck in the corner of her eye.

When we get to the room, I was more than thankful because, as odd as it may seem, today there's no visitor in this more of a heaven than hell room, but us.

She helped me pick up the pieces of the beans stuck in my hair, laughing all the time and apologizing non-stop.

"One more apology Bella, and I shit you not I will kiss you senseless until your lips fall off." I almost stopped in the middle of my sentence but I didn't, part of me wanted to tell her what I really feel like doing this very moment, and part of me is scared as hell she'll notice my feelings for her.

She laughed even harder "That doesn't seem like a punishment at all Cullen."

"Make me…" I turned to face her, gaping my eyes, her face suddenly breaths away from mine.

But she pulled away chuckling on her way to sit beside me. "No." Why does she always have to pull away, I asked my wrung mind.

I smiled silently while looking at my table, I got my ball pen and started writing in the brown wood. She got curious with the way I covered my right hand as I scribbled and scooted her chair beside me. I leaned my back to cover what I was writing, but she grabbed my hand and forced it to open.

I pressed my two hands harder in the table. She crossed her arms in her chest, with an exaggerated pout. Oh for the love of all the shit, she is so fucking sexy. I couldn't help laugh on her look. I pointed my finger in my cheek suggesting a kiss on my cheek.

And she did, she fucking lowered her head to mine and her lips coming to my cheeks like a fucking slow motion though it was all happening so fast, but before her lips touched my cheek, I purposely turned my head toward her, and our lips touched.

In such a short moment, like a fucking fraction of a fraction of a second, my world stopped, and all I could feel is the heat in my chest coming up my head.

I felt like my head will explode. I was so confused with the feeling, like I have never kissed a girl before. I almost grabbed her hand, and thankfully she lifted it up and slapped me ever so lightly while laughing so soft.

"You're unfair Edward, is that how you get girls to kiss you." She brushed my hands away from the scribblings I made.

"I bet sweetie Jessica would love that trick…" she squinted trying to decipher what I have wrote.

"Sweetie Jessica? Eww..could you be any grosser Bella?" I scrunched my nose with my hand.

"E/B are here…Oh shit! Talk about a monument Edward." She read my handwriting then smack my hand resting in the table.

I thought this day, can't never get better, but hell it did, way better.

We talked about a lot of things. I was able to tell her that this room is actually a sanctuary to me. She didn't seem to mind when I told her I was always here.

"You're a school trash?" She crooked her smile "That's hardly believable Edward!" She said it in a teasing tone.

"No seriously, if not from your assholeness with me almost everyday, you can easily be identified as the cream of the crop Edward. Dandy. I mean, look at you, you're dazzling, you're timid…sometimes, you love music, you're good in every subject. Definitely a cream of the crop. Oh well, just don't ask me when I'm not in a good mood…"She chuckled.

"You're good at trash talking Bella…I should have known." I was looking intently in her eyes trying to find any reaction from my kiss, but she's quick in hiding those eyes from me.

When the bell rang, she stood up and bent over, gathering her things which are lying on the floor. It didn't escape my eyes the image of the center of her legs from behind her ass.

I looked away as fast as a human pace can, a human teenager raging in hormone can.

These images are sending confusing thoughts, feelings and even the fucking past.

We were almost running to get to Arts class. Thanks to my raging hormone, I couldn't stand right away, and Bella needed to pull me from my seat.

"Hey, you sit with me, kay?" I told her as we jog going up the stairs. I was holding the tip of her elbow, in case she falls again.

"Do I have any say at this..." She was rolling her eyes while sporting a smirk.

"No." I said, almost guttural.

"It's the least you can do for putting me in trouble." I tried to sound serious but failed to when she stopped half-running and stayed where she was. I was laughing as I tug her hand.

I led the way to my spot beside the wall eyeing the girl sitting beside my chair. She thankfully understand what my look means and transferred to the seat at the back. I thought I would have to say the word or growl at her.

Ms. Darbus came in a hurry. "Kids, single pile to the gym, please. C'mon chop-chop."

Everybody rose to line up, I rolled my eyes to Bella when I caught her biting her lip. We trailed the group to the gym, I was behind Bella enjoying the swaying of her hair and the scent it leaves.

We sat on the floor of the gym, with Bella in my left side. She was sitting with her hands on the floor at her back supporting her. I was sitting Indian style.

Ms. Darbus was talking about what we're going to do for our Juniors' night presentation. I could see Bella in my peripheral vision biting her lip and rocking herself back and forth. I could see her breast lolling from under her green cardigan. I have to slap my brain to focus on whatever Ms. Darbus is talking.

"I think, the parents loved what we did last year, and it would be nice if we could do it again." She said.

"Oh hell no!" Ops, I think I said it rather too loudly. Bella was laughing silently beside me. I nudged her arm, and she laughed even more. I think she could see embarrassment in my face.

"Could we reserve the use of words intended for you friends' ears only, Mr. Cullen...Capeesh?" She said nodding her head on me.

I mouthed a sorry to her and shot a sharp look to Bella who is still giggling.

"We could have you doing the piano Mr. Cullen, and your classmates singing and dancing. That would be a very good show. You're far better than last year's pianist..." She trailed.

"Oh we're the fuck is Troy and Gabriella when we need them" I murmured in Bella's ears and then chuckled.

"Ms. Darbus...I-umm...Could we like...umm, stick to singing or dancing? Not, singing and dancing at the same time? In that way we could give the others a chance to do what they are good at, letting them shine in their own moment." I looked at Bella who was looking at me too, incredulously.

"Yeah, Miss. I think the parent would love to see their kids doing what they like individually or at least not in a very large group where everyone is someone else's extra." Bella pointed out looking at me. I know she'll back me up.

The class started murmuring at each other, I think they liked our idea.

"Okay...if no one's opposed to what Mr. And Ms. Cullen said, we will..." Ms. Darbus continued saying something but I didn't hear. My mind instantaneously focused on the names she said, Mr. And Ms. Cullen. I smiled from the thought, I chanced a peek at Bella's face, waiting for her to correct Ms. Darbus, but I see no sign of revolt. She was holding her face on her right hand, hiding her eyes.

"What's the matter, Duck?" I tried to sound like that annoying carrot eating rabbit in a disney animation. Wait, was it disney? I earned a chuckle from her.

"You better be good in dancing, Cu-llen. I am so going to embarrass both of us." She said looking at my face with those red tints in her cheeks.

"Oh don't worry...you wouldn't feel a thing. C'mon." I offered her my hand when I stood and pulled her up.

Ms. Darbus is calling everyone to gather in groups. Of course, me and Bella was in the dancing group. There were 6 of us, 3 partners.

She came to us holding a piece of paper. "Your group is going to dance...(she looked momentarily at the paper then to us)...Tango." "Okay, you go in that corner with the tape recorder, we'll begin practice now." "And Mr. Cullen, you're still playing the piano for the chorus, Okay?...okay" She didn't even wait for me to answer.

I caught Bella looking up, with her eyes looking at the ceiling, if I didn't know better I would think she's having a seizure or some sort.

"Oh c'mon. It's not that fucking bad." I pushed her through her back, and whispered at the back of her head "I got you baby" in my most guttural sexy voice. I did intend it to sound like that.

BELLA

"Tango?" My mind is playing tricks on me again.

It's the dance of love, I feel like talking to my brain. I let out a deep sigh, how bad can this be?

My illusions and fantasies about Edward was almost always intense, and now we're going to dance the dance of love, with touching hugging and...smelling each other? Oh God, is there any other way of making my life miserable?

_____________

A/N

Hi folks,

As usual, I'm thanking everyone of you who read this chapter and the other chapters. I am doing my best to write it in a manner you'll enjoy, my apologies for typos and grammar related mistakes, English isn't my first language and I haven't got anyone beta-ing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy them. Tell em what you think, please?

xoxo-M


	11. Expensive piece of something

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 11

BELLA

I have been like this since that Saturday afternoon. Well, I actually have been like this ever since I met him, but became hopeful that Saturday. We were so sweet at each other. His touch, his smile his scent, are all over me. I couldn't imagine one thing without sending me shivers and tingles from my back to my womanhood.

I did allow myself to enjoy the thought the he liked me too. That Sunday, when Mike picked me up to roam around the town, I was pretty out of it. I always caught myself looking outside the window, entertaining myself with Edward's face. The way his wet hair dangle in all places of his face.

Mike is a nice guy. He has a lot of friends in town. He keeps on high-fiving to almost everyone we ran into as we walked around town. He is a very talkative person though. For a guy he has far more opinions than me. And he almost always voice them out.

He talked about the girls in school. He did actually said he once kissed Jessica Stanley in an alley when they were freshman. I think Jessica's hormones hasn't slowed down yet, and becoming stronger actually since.

I found his kiss and tell stories entertaining, laughing out loud on so many experiences he had on girls that some according to him were uncalled for. But I couldn't help myself from feeling a little sorry for the girls that has been in Mike's list. This guy is keeping tabs, and not just keeping tabs, he's making it known.

Sunday was good. I did have a good time, but no comparison at all with the day before.

When I got to school the following morning, after I have spent a good 45 minutes waiting and wishing for Edward to show up in the quadrangle, I saw a flower dangling in my locker. I excitedly opened my locker holding the pink rose flower inhaling the fresh scent.

There was a folded paper on top of an envelope, that looked like a card. I was so excited. I open the folded paper first, with a note saying "_Let's do it again sometime." - Mike_. I smiled but just on the thought that someone is sending me notes, I felt kinda cheesy. I half expected it to be from someone else.

I opened the card next. It was a lengthy and wordy card, that kind of card that you can't comprehend what the hell the words meant at first when you read it. At the bottom of it written in capital letters, black inked sign pen. "_I HAD A GREAT TIME_."

Mike is so sweet, I thought. I hid the flower inside my locker after I shoved the notes inside my bag. I would love to go walking around the school with the flower in my hand but I figured I wouldn't know how to explain it.

Mike greeted me when I passed by his seat. He was talking to Jessica. I suddenly felt awkward. How can they talk casually, that casual? I went to Alice's table first, nudging her from texting.

"You would have to go find a thumb in the wet market to replace yours. It looks bigger and fatter than the rest of your fingers,...tsk." shaking my head.

She just shove me away laughing.

Mike walked me to my next class. Talking inanimately about this hiking boots sold in their store that is so state of the art it talk how many miles have you already walked. I listened to him intently, finding it rather ludicrous.

He found me again walking in the hallway with Alice and once again walked me to my next class, talking about the hiking spots in Washington, this time.

He was all around me the whole day. I found it quite smothering but didn't say anything about it, I needed that attention because the guy I was dying to get the attention was busy frolicking with Jessica Stanley right from the time I arrive in our lunch table.

At first he was all smiles to me. I thought he wanted to say something to me but was always hindered by Jessica's frequent rubbing of her fronties in his arm. And then he made fun of me.

I didn't feel that much offended on him, but the laughter didn't subside, and every time I find a chance to speak my mind, he would always find a perfect timing and phrases to pop my bubble.

I stopped wishing for his attention after some time. I tried so hard to focus my attention to Mike who despite being so verbose, too wordy for my liking actually, surprised me with more letters every day.

I would always find a note slid inside my locker. Every Monday, a fresh flower will greet me after I spend some time doing stuff in the stairs of the stage.

I stopped thinking of Edward's presence in the quadrangle. For three months, I have been struggling not to see Edward in his undeniably inviting affable personality.

I always croon to myself that he's a disgusting person, that he doesn't care about me and my feelings. That he is just like any other guy, playing with emotions.

Mike was definitely crawling on me. Though I am sure I'm beginning to be fond of him, it's far from what I feel for Edward. But at least Mike knows how to make me feel happy with all those simple yet meaningful notes. I just kept on denying to myself.

This afternoon in the lunchroom, I found his face rather disturbed. Again, Jessica was in an uncomfortable vicinity. Edward's annoyance almost bounced on me.

He keeps on bouncing his leg up and down again, and almost remained his eyes focused on his sausage. When he spoke, I confirmed my earlier theory that he's having a bad day.

It didn't help that Jessica consoled him and called him sweetie. I heard that. His face grew even more sullen. I couldn't help but asked him what's bothering him. But he just said nothing.

I thought I've been missing a joke today. I know how much his face lights up when he sees me burn in tomato red from humiliation so I encouraged a squabble ending up in a food fight, and a time out, shoot...detention.

He was more than willing to have fun with me in the food fight, so I didn't think twice when I came with him in the detention room, even if I wasn't exactly punished.

And once again, the universe played a trick on me. We kissed. No, he kissed me. No, I was about to kiss him, but he kissed me. Oh whatever! Our lips touched!

I was having a good time entertaining these memories. It felt like every part of my brain is talking all at the same time with each other. I really liked that vandalism he made in the detention room, and I so much agreed on his idea that that room shouldn't be regarded as punishment, not a hell, but as heaven.

Once again, I was hopeful.

"Okay, can we be familiar of our partners first." Ms. Darbus pointed to each one of us when we get to the corner. It was near the wall where the tape recorder was on top of a small table.

Edward held my hands. He was looking seriously in my eyes. I couldn't look straight on them because they were tormenting. His lips are half open. His facial expression reads exult.

My hands are trembling, from nervousness and excitement and from something else. I was silently delirious.

"This is left and this is right, okay? Bella..." His smile is teasing. I tried to pry my hand away to punch him but he held it tighter and when I protested he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him.

My head is resting in his left shoulder with my face inches away from his face with his eyes savoringly my lips. I could feel the deep breaths he's making.

When I lowered my gaze to his lips he said in yet his most sexy voice I have ever heard, "Don't be such a fucking baby, honey."

I think the world stopped. I think the world stops every time Edward holds me like this. He shook his head and then let me go, probably realizing I am about to faint from my heart stopping to beat.

"Do you know how to dance tango?" Ms. Darbus asked the three groups. When nobody dared to answer, she shook her head and opened the white laptop resting beside the tape recorder.

She showed us a clip of the dance, and my heartbeat raced even faster. I didn't realize that I was shaking my head back and forth, when Edward bumped me with his side "Don't worry, I've got you."

"You know how...?" I looked straightly to his eyes, not wanting to hide my awe.

"Mother." He just shrugged.

"Okay, partners, positions please. We'll do some steps first and then we'll add up each day we practice, alright?" Ms. Darbus clapped her hands then pointed to each one of us to go and face our partners.

Edward's eyes are holding mine, with a smile in his lips. He held my right hand and he grabbed my left hand putting it at the edge of his right shoulder blade. He then grabbed my waist and slowly pulled me closer to him placing the back of his hand on top of my waist.

I was trying to pull myself slightly away from him, trying not to feel his chest in mine, but his eyes are on mine and he's shaking his head while smiling. I could feel my breath accelerate with every feel of his chest heaving for air.

I know my lips are hiding a smile while I feast my eyes on his gorgeous face.

"We'll start first with the basic steps, alright? Boys hold your partners tight. Left foot forward for boys, girls right foot backward..." Ms. Darbus began instructing the group what to do with her chirping voice, but I didn't hear the rest of them, because I was already dancing in ecstasy.

My eyes are locked with Edward's gaze, my face so near his mouth intoxicating me with his breath, and his body...my body is very much reacting with every heat and bumps of his body.

We kept on practicing the basics even after Ms. Darbus left us to give instructions to the others. The steps are so easy, she even give us a tip of spelling TANGO to memorize the step, but for some reason I couldn't keep myself from tripping from stepping on Edward's foot. He would exaggeratedly bounce up and down while holding his toe.

Practice was unforgiving. My back is aching from holding it up steadily while we tango. Edward was religious in making fun of me but I couldn't feel annoyed at all.

Ms. Darbus informed everyone that practice every after class is a must, in which everyone let out a protest. The Juniors' Day is fast approaching. We only have almost 3 weeks of practice, the school will be almost out for the holidays.

Edward was still teasing me on our way outside the building. I occasionally throw punches on him in which he'll just giggle and fake a hurt face.

He was walking backwards again facing me. A walk I like so much of him. It brings out the jolly side of him and his sexiness at the same time. He looked at me puzzled when I halted at the edge of the last step outside the door. "Shoot!" I exclaimed.

He turned back to see what I was stunned about "Oh...you don't like the rain?" He lowered his head and rake his hair with his hand, looking at me under his eyelashes.

I looked at my feet making little circles with them. I couldn't look directly at his eyes when he's making them so charming.

"No...I have come to love it." I bit my lip not looking up. I don't want him to see the growing embarrassment painted all over my face.

"Come on then!" He suddenly grabbed my hands before I could protest pulling me outside in the pouring rain. I was screaming in exhilaration.

Hand in hand, we jumped over puddles and raise our faces up to the sky to taste the cold rain. Until we get to the parking. He ran with me to my truck, which is parking parallel to his.

He just waved his hands in my windshield when I got inside then proceeded to his car. I moved out first and then I noticed him trailing behind me. I was all smiles, I know he was teasing me for what a turtle my truck is but he stayed behind me.

In stop light he would honk his horn but I would just step on my gas to drown him in smoke. He honked three times when I finally get into our curb, and then sped up disappearing in my sight in no time. I could only shake my head in awe.

My father wasn't home yet so after I had changed my clothes I prepared our dinner.

Charlie was feeling famished when he get home, and immediately plunged himself in deep concentration in the table as he began dissecting the crab I cooked.

After some awkward moments, he began talking. "So when is your vacation?"

"Hmm? Oh, I still have a week left. My class is practicing for the Juniors' Night every after classes in the afternoon, so I'll probably be going home a little late than usual." I started.

"But I won't be out until evening though, so, you'll still have dinner ready by the time you get home." I finished without lifting my head.

"That's good. I have been missing home-cooked meal, and it's really good you're here. The food you cook are...marvelous." He admitted.

"So, you've got many friends in school now?" He inquired.

"Oh...yeah, some." I shrugged, not really into mood talking about my friends to him.

"Isn't that Alice Brandon who calls you a lot?" He tried talking while shoving a crab claw in his mouth trying to desperately get the meat.

"Yeah. We're always together in school." I said matter of fact.

"She's the mayor's daughter, you know?" Dad asked now banging the claw with his spoon against the table. I cringed on the sound, and the thought of later cleaning the floor from all of the spillage.

"Yeah." I snorted.

"I was with some popular kids in school, I don't know how that happened." I picked up the meat of the crab with my fork, not wanting my hand to have the after smell.

"Really? Oh. Why? Don't you think you're pretty special too? You're the daughter of the best policeman in town." He said chuckling.

I just rolled my eyes on him laughing together with him.

"Lots of privileged kids there in your school. It's good that you're friends with them." He began, and I sensed it's going to take a while.

"Some of them could be pretty intimidating, and spoiled brats." He stated, bending his body from sitting to the floor to find the towel that had fell down on the floor.

"You bet. I share my lunch table with Stanley and Newton and Whitlock...I think?...Hale and Cullens and of course Alice." I said flatly.

"Those are pretty expensive people Bella. Don't be so attached to them, we can't afford them." He put a serious face with a raised eyebrow.

"Dad, it's not like I'm a child..." I began, and then pausing to think the right words to say.

"And Cullens? you really shouldn't..." his face was really serious now, making his eyes bigger while trying to get me look at him.

"Why? The Cullens are great..." I looked at him, puzzled.

"We don't want you to be in so much trouble Bella." He looked at me tentatively then swallowed a mouthful of rice.

My face is locked on his, not moving a bit. I did not get what he wants to say. And I am not going to miss every single word he's going to say about Edward.

________________

A/N

Wow, you're reading my A/N, does it mean you read this chapter until the end?

Did you read the other chapters too? Well, read on if you haven't...

Thanks to all of you. Your frequent clicking gives me total elation.

Come back for more, I still have a lot.

xoxo-M


	12. You've got to be kidding me Dad

A/N

Dear friends...

As always, thanks for your time passing-by my story, I hope you read them too, and enjoy it.

Tell your friends, PLEASE?

It's nice seeing the little bars go up from time to time. Gives me a lot of confidence to write.

Thanks again.

xoxo-M

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 12

EDWARD

What does a guy do to get some respect around here? I asked scratching my head.

"How about try and kick my butt Federer?" Emmett smack the back of my head.

"Do that again one more time Emmett and I'm really going to kick the fuck out of you!" I grabbed the neck of his shirt.

He just shove my hand away.

"Boys!" called my mother from the kitchen.

We laughed together and shouted almost at the same time "He started it!"

Carlisle just shook his head. He's been watching Emmett and I smack each others arms playing tennis in the ps3, occasionally telling us to lower our voices.

He was reading the new issue of FHM Emmett snuck at the magazine rack yesterday when he went to pick up groceries with Rosalie. That's so funny how he still looks amused with the half naked bimbos posed in the paper.

"Aren't they all naked in the operating room?" I wondered silently.

"C'mon little brother, can't you play a little harder? It's not fair you're making Nadal get all the glory. Federer deserves more!" With Emmett's crazy big body not even twice my body can scare the hell out of him. As Bella often pointed out, freakishly large boy.

"I've been trying to play harder I'd like to throw my racket on him and hit his head!...Dude this is fucking lame. Why couldn't we play the ones we play before. I read there's a new version of it.

"Mother." He mouthed.

I rolled my eyes on him, my father threw me a concerned look.

"C'mon Dad, it's not like I'm going to be all murderous...? I raised my eyebrow to ask.

"Sorry son, it's your mother's call." Carlisle just shrugged his shoulders and then caught a picture in the magazine that made him stick his nose into it. I just made a tight smile.

"Yeah right, rules" I mumbled.

"So li'l bro, are you bringing Jessica here on my birthday? Asked Emmett, starting the game for the 10th time.

"What? Are you kidding me? That's all she's been talking the whole time...but No!" I scowled looking at him making me lose the ball.

Once again he smack my arm and gave me a pointed look.

"Ahurm, why, did Jessica finally lured you to her, fantasy land? Carlisle smiled at me with a teasing look.

"If you can only see him in school Dad, he can't get enough of her." Emmett's laughter boomed in the living room.

"Holy crap Emmett, that girl scares the hell out of me. Yeah!" I scored, I stood up raising my hand.

"She looks like a good girl for you honey..." My mother suddenly appeared from the kitchen bringing macaroons.

We each grabbed a piece while she sat beside my father, pushing his shoulder when she noticed what he's reading. My father just pointed her one picture, and she couldn't help widen her eyes.

My mom and my dad. They have been together for a long time.

My father was from a wealthy family of doctors who met my mother in a conference back in Chicago. My mom was also from a well known well to do family. And you can just imagine how big the sum of their money combined.

When we were born, my mom stopped her career as a fierce lawyer of well known clients and settled as a homemaker, with occasional hosting of party for auctions, which she rather enjoyed so much and saw an opportunity to ease her boredom.

We were sent to the best boarding schools. Emmett was usually mistaken as my twin brother up until he started to beef up. I was good in every academics, and a lot more ducated in music than Emmett.

He'd rather join summer camps than be enrolled in piano or violin classes, in which I envied him so much. I was a sickly boy, my mom said that is why she didn't allow me outdoors most of the time. I am her favorite. Until now I can see how hard it is for her to accept that we, especially me are grown ups and can take care of ourselves.

My father wouldn't say anything against how my mother brought us up, because he would just always say, you look great and its because of your mother. I love my mother, she would read me stories over and over again when I was a child. But there was that time that I resented her, so much.

"There you are again mother, you and your impressions..." I sounded bitter, but said it casually.

"Oh c'mon Sweetie. She's from a good family, I am sure she has good upbringing." She said with her soft voice.

"Sure mom, whatever you say." I just said, putting down the game console.

"I'm going out." I stood heading to the door, looking for my keys in my pocket.

"Edward, it's late..." my mom called behind my back.

"I'll be back in a flash mom." I didn't care to hear what she said as I was walking in our garage.

When I was far from the house, I stopped, and turned the headlights off. It was so dark. I didn't like the dark. I wasn't afraid of the dark for any other reasons like ghosts or other out of this world beings, but only because, the dark gives me so many memories, those that I very much like to forget.

I turned the lights back and headed for the town. I passed by Bella's house. Her father's patrol car is outside and the light in what appeared to be the living room is flickering, watching television, I suppose. I wonder which one is her room.

"Ah Bella." I exhaled. Ever since the detention, my relationship with Bella has in some way blossomed. She now talks to me more frequently. She replies to my text messages. Sometimes when I tease her, she teases back.

We still would fight during lunch time, I think that's our thing. But it's just light and just seem to be plain teasing. She would sometimes appear miffed but I would always mouth sorry to her whenever possible.

The fucking Newton is still all over her, much as Stanley is to me. Sometimes I really wanted to grab Mike and Jessica's head and bang them together. She would still lean to Newton sometimes, and every time I ask her why him, she'll just say "I enjoy his company, he's sweet.

Su-weet?! What the hell does that even mean? Is what I am doing not good enough for her? Of course I would have no way to know that, would I. It's not like she knows all the crap I'm doing.

We've been practicing the whole week for our tango dance. I couldn't wait everyday to be practice time. I can't get too much of the feel of Bella's body.

She's obviously a dancer, I mean, everyone else is having a hard time getting the steps but her, and of course me. She'd step on my feet from time to time, and I really like her reaction when I jump up and down.

She's so stunning when she put on a serious face, as per Ms. Darbus' instruction, because hell she keeps on giggling. It didn't miss my notice whenever she heaves for breath. Her breast is definitely touching my chest. I almost always lose my control whenever we sway and her body is next to mine, and then she'll focus her eyes on my lips.

Two days ago, Ms. Drabus instructed us to wear comfortable clothes for practice. And what did she wear? A gray tank top on top of a white tank top. And she was wearing a white linen string pants. "Why?" I asked myself in silence.

I could feel her and her whole body whenever she gets close to me. It was so hard to control my hormones. And the steps of the darn dance didn't help at all.

When I bent her over, her cleavage showed, I couldn't control my hand holding her back when I lowered my face in the hollow of her neck. I thought I couldn't do it anymore but then I noticed my leg is between her legs, and I swear the fuck that was her...cunt that I felt. it was warm, and I think wet.

_Blagg!_

"Everybody looked at us, I was about to pick her up already with my hands extended to grab hers. We were both laughing but I am sure she felt the tingles too because I saw her eyes hooded in lust as she licked her lower lip.

I almost grabbed her hand in the men's room and fuck the hell out of her where I know she'll scream my name in ecstasy.

"Shit." I slammed my hand in the steering wheel. "I've got to stop thinking of Bella like this, she's not like..." I drew a large breath and stop the car, once again.

"Bella liked Mike. Stop fantasizing about her Edward. She's not yours." I mentally conditioned my self.

"Mike Newton. You are stealing my girl." I turned around and headed back to where I came from.

BELLA

_Charlie: That Cullen, which again is the younger?_

_Me: Edward._

_Charlie: Yeah, Edward. He's a menace._

_Me: You don't even know him Dad._

_Charlie: I am a policeman Bella._

_Me: Yeah not a CIA._

_Charlie: He almost killed that son of my co-worker, Yorkie._

_Charlie: You see Bella. That Edward is a troubled guy. The family of Dr. Cullen arrived here suspiciously. I mean, who wouldn't say anything. The couple are both Ivy League educated, they have lots of money. Who would like to spend all their money in a small town as Forks? The woman is always dressed up. She's going to the grocery but she looked like she's wearing a designer coat or something. She's like those politician who shakes everyone's hands but has several bottles of hand sanitizer hidden inside her coat._

_Me: She's just being reasonably careful of her health._

_Charlie: That is not my point Bella. That family isn't supposed to be here. It's a good thing their son Edward didn't get into anymore trouble after that incident. The murmurings of the townsfolk couldn't have subsided._

_Me: Why? What did he do?_

_Charlie: Eric Yorkie said something about the jacket he wore one day in the church. The boys are waiting for their mom chit chatting outside the church. Eric almost lost his nose in that big a blow from Edward. Eric's mother filed a case, and Edward was detained for a good couple of hours until Mrs. Cullen arrived with the money to bail him out and...get this...silence my co-worker who's Eric's father. Poor guy, didn't even get the chance to defend his son._

_Charlie: That's why Bella, you should choose your friends wisely._

_Me: That's funny. I don't see him that way now Dad._

_Charlie: Hey, I'm just saying, if ever you get really good friends with those Cullens, be careful, okay? That elder brother is scary enough as he is._

_Me: They're actually cool_

"Still" Charlie pointed his fingers on me, then stood up to put his plate in the sink.

I couldn't forget how that conversation of me and father went on. I wasn't even able to finish my food, because I was listening intently on him, having almost no chance to defend Edward.

Edward is a troubled guy. That is clear in his judgment.

I could see Edward is something, if not an asshole. He could be really so annoying and terrifying, but he also have that soft side of him that make him so lovable, amiable, breathtaking, dazzling, enthralling...let me count the ways.

I enjoyed our practice everyday, couldn't wait for all the classes to be over. I would always see him standing outside the gymnasium whenever I arrive.

There is that one day I joked "What are you, stalking me or something?" and he just offered his arms for me to slide my hand inside and said "Oh why not".

I could see him in different mood in lunch. He seemed to be in deep thinking of something every time Mike and I arrive in the lunch table. I mean, I couldn't think that he's annoyed with Mike like he always tell me.

He already has Jessica. Even if he denies it many times, I could see that Jessica doesn't put her hands away from him. I bet if we weren't together in Arts practice, she would be going with her and god knows what they do in that comfy volvo of his.

Maybe that's the reason of my involvement with Mike. I didn't like him that much as I do with Edward. He always surprises me with his notes, sweet notes. So.

Sometimes notes were written as poems, and sometimes as simple as "I LIKE THE FIREWORKS IN YOUR HAIR TODAY". Some are just nonsense, asking for homework, then an I Miss you parting words. I don't know.

I just felt like with Mike's attention on me, I was able to dismiss what I am feeling for Edward. But the feeling always intensify whenever it's time for practice.

That day we were asked by Ms. Darbus to dress comfy for the practice, I didn't know I have picked the wrong outfit. I could feel his...manhood, in my thigh whenever I slid my leg between his.

And the feel of his chest on my almost bare breast, it gives me tingles. I felt his mouth wanted to smack me that day, but for some reason he trembled and dropped me in the floor.

I really felt heavy with lust that moment, and I swear if he just followed my teasing when I passed by him on my way to the shower room, I could have had the taste of heaven that day.

But of course, he didn't. I must have not looked that inviting to him as I thought. He even made everybody laugh at me when he told the group about the him dropping me, and I couldn't stare at him, from annoyance of course, and I was afraid he'll add that I was all wet the whole practice.

I could have hated him if he did, and thankfully he didn't.

"Edward is a troubled guy."

"That boy is a menace. Trouble." My father's voice echoed in my ears again as I was lying down my bed, contemplating.

Suddenly my phone rang.

"Hi Bella." the soft guttural voice said.

I couldn't answer right away.

Of course I knew it was Edward. Why is he calling me, this late.

I tried to squeeze my mind on the memory of this afternoon's practice. But there's nothing I could remember that didn't happened just like the other days. I've been acting weird ever since we started that body to body torture. I know he noticed that. Every breath, every move, every touch.

Before we parted our ways, he lead me to my truck which is parked beside his volvo. He's been parking beside me everyday, I noticed.

He just stared at me for the longest time possible, and then run his fingers in the length of my face. "Miss you already." he said curtly "Duck!" and then walked away as fast as he can before I could even step down to smack his arm.

All I could do is wave my middle finger. I shook my head in disbelief. I thought he was being serious.

I let out a deep sigh before I prepared to speak in the receiver.

"Oh hey Edward...What's up?" I said casually with my now grainy voice.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No. Not really." I sat on top of my bed.

"As if I could tell you I was awake fantasizing you as I always do this time of night." I thought.

"Hmm. I just thought...you fucking sound like you've been in dreamland already." He chuckled.

Oh, he's not messing with my head again. Why the hell is he even calling me, isn't it not his thing? I was arguing my brain again.

"What the heck do you want Cullen?" I struggled to make my voice sound annoyed.

"I'm outside your house." He said in flat tone.

I almost fell down my bed in a hurry to go look at the windows. I couldn't see him, it was all dark outside. And then as I peer, I saw a shadow lighted by the tiny amount of light emanating from his mobile phone.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled my words.

"Can you come down?...I ummm...I just want to talk." He said. I couldn't see his face clearly, so I just imagined his beseeching eyes.

"Now? Can't that wait till Monday? It's late Edward, and my father is downstairs watching t.v." I hurried to say those words.

"Yeah I know, can I just ring the bell and say hi to your father?"

"Nooo!" I almost shouted.

"Okay, so what do you suppose we do now? I won't leave until I see and talk to you in person." He warned me.

Oh shoot. My hands trembled. The excitement I felt was priceless. Part of me says it's very dangerous, Charlie might not have passed out yet downstairs watching his game, but a louder voice of me says, I wanted to see Edward again, now, here...in my room.

"Can you climb a tree?" I told him with a hidden smile and a trembling voice.

"That is your room up that tree branch?" He scowled.

"Rapunzel, let your hair down..." he said chuckling.

"Okay, this is harder than I thought. Can I put down the phone so I can use both my hands in climbing? I am not very good at this...oppss." He said whispering.

"Suit yourself. I hope your mom has a lot of bail money." I said chuckling.

When the light of the moon shone on him he was nearly by my window, so I opened it.

He was careful putting down his feet in the roof next to my window, biting his lip. "Wheww. That was something." He wipe his forehead off of invisible sweat. I grabbed him behind the windows. We were both giggling as he rolled himself inside through the base of the window.

"What were you thinking? We'll be in trouble." I whispered in his face.

"I know. Not to worry, your father can easily acquit you and perhaps you can help me be too..." he joked, whispering in my face too.

I pushed him away jokingly and he fell down the floor slumping.

"So?" I opened my palms "What have you got?"

"Oh nothing. I just want to have someone to talk to. Emmett is driving me crazy playing tennis in PS3." He said shrugging his shoulders.

We were laughing in silence occasionally putting our hands in our mouth when we can't stand laughing. He told me anecdotes of his family, how big a brother is Emmett to him, how creepy his father looks when intently looking at porn magazines he shares with them, and how stepfordy his mom is.

I was itching to ask him about my father's story about him, but I couldn't find the exact moment until he said something about Emmett scaring away the Seniors who are ganging him when he was in his First year.

"What's the deal with that? I thought you're all brave and all?" I talked not looking at him.

We were seated indian style. He just looked at me puzzled with what I said. So I continued telling him what I knew from my father. When I was done retelling the story, I faced him and I could see him pressing his either knuckles together.

He sighed. His gaze is locked on whatever he's seeing in my floor.

"Sorry, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it." I said putting my hand in his arm.

"Your father is right Bella. I am trouble. You shouldn't be friends with me." He said, sorrow undeniable in his voice.

"I don't believe that." I immediately said. He snapped and gazed at me, but didn't talk.

"I believe, each and everyone of us has some kind of privilege to screw up and have another chance. Sure, you screwed, but it doesn't necessary follow you'll be bad your whole life. Once or twice, it doesn't matter, time will come you'll gather yourself and be better." I said whispering, I couldn't hear my voice so much because my heart is sounding even louder.

"It's good to know someone thinks like you Bella. I fucked up several times, and all my family can do is shield me away from any provocation." He's twisting his fingers.

"That's awful. They should see how debonair you are at school." I tried to hold his gaze.

He snorted. "And you could see that, even though I've made your life a living hell everyday? daily dose of my assholeness?" He made quote and quote in the air with his fingers and chuckled meeting my gaze.

"See, even if you fucked up several times, you are still entitled for chances...not 2nd not 3rd, but all of the chances you could get."

I put my right hand in his left arm, holding it and pressing little circles. He took my hand and sandwiched it with his hands.

"Thank you Bella." His voice is so low, it gives me shivers. I could hear my breath became heavy. I peeked on him, but he was looking at me intently alternating his eyes on my eyes and my lips.

My breath became even more unmanageable. Out of a habit, I pursed my lips and then bit the lower portion. Then his right hand slid inside my hair beneath my ears unto my nape.

I froze.

He pulled my head closer to his, all the time looking at my lips. I couldn't help breathe heavily. I think I am having another episode of syncope. He breathe in my face, making me loss my focus and bit my lip.

He put his lips on my mouth forcing it free from my teeth, and then our lips pressed. At first, the kiss was smacky types. I don't know what to do. I don't want to open my mouth and risk him thinking me as the one who is so excited of the kiss, even if it was true.

But then, he slid his other hand in my neck and pulled me closer to him holding me up and then down until I was sitting in front of him, straddling. I couldn't control my emotions now.

The lust is overcoming any reasons to stop. I have forgotten about my father sitting down the living room watching or probably asleep already, I don't know, all I know was my mind is expanding in euphoria.

I couldn't breathe. I have to open my mouth, and when he pressed his lips again to mine, his mouth was open too waiting for me. He deepen the kiss, and each dive into my mouth elicited a silent moan from me.

He thrust his tongue deep in my mouth. I would have to use mine to caress his. And our tongue was dancing in symphony, from the sound of our sighs, moans and panting.

He pushed me down his torso, and I heard him groaned. I felt his cock was all too awake. It felt like throbbing, or was it my pussy throbbing in pain from arousal?

I was only wearing a boxer shorts with no panty under, and I could feel the sticky thing covering my pussy, the throbbing increased. He slid his right hand in the sleeve of my boxers while the other hand is fisted on my hair.

My hands are inside his t-shirt, I have no idea how it got there but they were caressing his chest in circles, pressing my fingers on the hills. I pulled my trunk when I felt his thumb reached my groin. But he held me through my armpit and abruptly shoved me down the floor.

I groaned.

I couldn't fight the urge.

His lips traveled from my mouth down my neck, sticking out his tongue to make circular motions on my neck then to my ears. His torso is rubbing in my middle, which is making me moan even louder.

I clutched in his belt buckle, biting my lip.

I couldn't think anymore. I was so affected by my raging hormone.

I need to taste Edward. I need to touch and taste him. He bit my neck and I moaned louder, then he put my his hand on my mouth to cover it. But his manhood brushing up and down my pussy is making me out of my mind in lust, and I just bit his hand.

I know I have put a lot of pressure in my bite due to my uber arousal but it didn't bother him, he just shoved his penis even harder on my wet boxers.

He put his hand over my breast, and he groaned when he realized I wasn't wearing any bra, he started groping me on top of my shirt but just a moment later slid his hand under my shirt but I flinched, and tried stopping his hand, but he caught my hand and put it on top of my head together with my other hand, imprisoning it there.

All I can do is moan and bite my lip. I searched for his lips and sucked it when I found it.

He didn't bring his hand under my shirt again but instead found the band of my boxers, and started pulling it down, when...

_Knock...knock...knock_

"Bella...?" I got up hastily, tossing Edward at my side, then telling him to go to the far left side of my bed.

"Bella...are you awake? Do you have a sec? I forgot to tell you something.." My father's voice sounded like his mouth and ears are exactly behind my door.

I motioned Edward to go outside the window, and when he shook his head, I whispered to him in a frantic voice to go behind the window and stay there until Charlie's gone.

"Bella..." called Charlie once more. I know if I don't answer back he's gonna go inside to check on me, like he always do.

"Yeah, Dad, hold on a minute." I put on my best grainy croak.

Out of panic Edward rolled over my window to the other side while grasping the base of the opening, and then put his head down.

I checked myself, but my nipples are shouting in arousal and my thighs are sticky. I grabbed the throw fleece I have lying around my computer table and draped it on my front.

I opened the door and saw my father's one hand in his waist and the other held up touching the corner of my door.

"It's about tomorrow. Are you sure you'll be fine?" He said while looking down in his feet, covered in a furry dog-head bed slippers.

"Daaadd..." I let out a frustrated tone, while pretending to scratch my head.

"I'm sorry Honey." and then smiled "It's just that..." he sighed "Okay, have a good night sleep." Then turned around.

I mouthed a big whaaat in the air then frantically shook my hands, before I close my door.

I stayed behind the door until I heard him close his door and his bed creaked.

I almost run going to the windows to check on Edward, but he was already gone.

The moon has eloped, and the silent drop of rain began kissing my window glass.


	13. The other girl

A/N

Wowrr, a thousand hits for the last chapter? Thanks a million! I really hope you liked what you've read.

Here's another one. Have you recovered from last chapter?

Tell me what you think of my story, PLEASE?

xoxo-M

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**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 13

EDWARD

"Yes baby, harder…ugh, there…ahhhh." Tanya was biting her lip and angling her torso to accommodate my raging cock.

"Oh baby, like that, ahhh, fuck...you like that. Tell me you fucking like that.." I pushed harder.

Tanya's legs are up wrap in my back. My hands are holding her hands up in her head. Her breasts are swaying in every hard push I make.

"I fucking like that Edward, I really really like that. Fuck...Give me some more."

"Ahhh. You asshole, fuck me…Fuck me harder. What's wrong with you….Don't stop.. Fuck me harderrrr…"

"Yeah baby, don't stop." Her pleadings kept on coming, it made me even harder. She found my shoulder and bit it hard.

I grabbed her abruptly, with my cock still inside her cunt, and slammed her on top of her study table. She liked that when I toss her around.

"Fuck me, freak…Push it harder…Fuck me…C'mon…Is that all you've got."

She was lying on her back on top of the table, her legs are wrap around my neck, as I was standing in front of her thrusting with all my might.

My hands are all over her big its, massaging it hard, pinching her big nipples. Her hands are buried in my arms, I could feel the sting from her nails.

I suddenly feel her cunt tightened, and it gave more pleasure to my cock. She was rolling her eyes all I could see is white, and the back of her thigh is pushing my chest away, but I wasn't done yet, I grabbed her again abruptly and slammed her facing forward in the wall of her toilet, and then I shove my throbbing cock behind her.

She held tight in the knob of the door, pushing herself away from the wall and into me.

Fuck you Edward. You're so good…Fuck me...Fuck you….C'mon baby, harder. I like your cock, it's so fucking hard, Edward…Edward."

I couldn't answer. My mind isn't there. This is heaven. I am in heaven. My head is tilted upwards feeling the sensation the in and out motion of my cock gives. I thrust faster, not a fraction of a second interval.

I was slamming Tanya in my cock that her head is bumping the door frame. But she just moaned harder, I bent forward and bit her back, and she twisted letting go of my cock and pushed me in the floor.

I fell down and she immediately straddled me. She began thrusting up and down while her head bent down on my nipples biting each alternately.

I couldn't control myself. I like that, I really like that. I fisted her hair, harder, but she didn't seem to mind it. She made large bite in my chest, I could feel it but it isn't painful at all.

And then she threw her head back massaging her breast as she continued thrusting.

"Oh fucker…I'm gonna come, shit…It's coming…Oh Edward." She kept saying the word, and I could feel her tightening her cunt, so I pushed her on the side and put her either legs on top of my shoulder and began thrusting again, harder I could feel her bones in the tip of my cock.

I bit one of her breast and then I felt her body convulsed, and I am too, I can feel it in the tip of my cock, I pulled my cock, just in time and made thrusting motion on it with a tight hand, and my cum splattered all over her body.

"Oh Bella."

I suddenly flinched from where I was, and I noticed my head was on top of the steering wheel, with my hand tightly gripping the either side of it.

I let out a frustrated groan, as I realized I was inside my Volvo, parked in the curb right in front of our porch.

I ran my fingers on my hair, more disheveled than a few hours ago. I put my hands in my face, trying to calm myself, and after a few moments, I decided to go up and take a shower.

My boxers are wet from the moisture coming from my still erect penis. It's a good thing the house is already dark when I got inside, or else I could have been the laughing stock, again.

When I removed my pants, I noticed a white stain covering the front part of it near the zipper.

"Bella." I sighed and then slipped inside the shower.

I would have to jerk this one out. And as I touch my throbbing cock, I closed my eyes and imagined Bella's face. Her eyes are closed tight, and she was biting her lip again, her head is thrown backwards as I ran my lips on her neck and push her up and down my pants.

I could almost feel the wetness coming from her boxer shorts.

I groaned and put my left hand in the wall when I remembered the moment I slid my hand inside her boxers and felt the sticky wetness in her groin.

And then I was done.

As I dry myself, I could still see Bella's face sticking out of her window, looking for me. She couldn't see me as I sit in silence and remorse under the trunk of the big tree in front of her room.

I pushed her around, and I nearly fucked her, thanks to my clouded vision, Tanya's face suddenly covering my head.

I lay in my bed, tossing my phone again and again, I was thinking of calling her, but the clock in it reads 2:30. I didn't know we've been petting that long. I settled for a glance of her funny picture, putting it beside me, filling my senses of her image, hoping I wouldn't be visited by yet another dream.

BELLA

For someone overly aroused I was able to fall asleep that fast after I have changed to a new set of boxers. I awoke with a smile on my face, even whistling as I prepared Charlie's breakfast. I only have about 3 hours of sleep.

I needed to hurry to catch my flight out to Phoenix. As I sat in the passenger seat of my father's cruiser, I couldn't help close my eyes while biting my lips.

I could still feel his warm lips ravaging my lips. It actually felt sore this morning showing some signs of abuse, but it didn't matter to me, because the memory of him kissing me senseless is spinning my head.

Charlie noticed me smiling while my eyes are closed. "Thinking of something funny, are we huh?" He talked with his face still straight to the road.

"Huh?" I was caught off guard and suddenly felt the surge of blood to my face. God only knows how I looked like when I was closing my eyes. Shoot…was I licking my mouth, or was I drooling?...I crammed for answers I could give.

"Um, yeah, I just remember what Alice have told me last night, it's a little bit funny." I said not looking in his direction.

"That kid is very nice and friendly huh. But she's a little bit controlling, don't you think?" He said chuckling and momentarily looking at me.

I chanced to face him but pulled away fast.

"Yeah, she's a crazy kid. That's what you get growing up as the mayor's daughter, I think." I said, trying so hard to sound uninterested with the topic.

And then we stopped talking, and I felt I was being pulled towards the darkness.

A light tap awaken me.

"We're here." Charlie softly said, then exited the car when I started fixing my self.

He held my only one carry on bag, and then kissed me on my head as I made my way to the crowded Seattle-Tacoma airport.

I couldn't control fidgeting in my seat inside the airplane. I am excited to see my mother again after several months of only talking over the phone and occasional exchange of e-mails, but I was mostly feeling…nervous…I think.

I've been circling my phone back and forth in my palm, wondering if I should call Edward. But somebody inside me told me not to because I'd be giving so much away.

He should be the one calling me, and after what happened to us last night that we almost…umm, shagged, shouldn't he be saying something about it? What are we now? I silently asked myself.

And then my phone rang.

My face fell, when I saw that it was a call not from the person I have been dying to hear the voice since last night.

"Alice…" I said not thrilled at all.

"Hey Bella, Happy Thanksgiving!" She said rather cheerfully which made me felt guilty.

"Happy Thanksgiving too Alice. Are you going shopping today? There are lots of sale, yeah?" That's the only thing I got in my mind.

"As a matter of fact I am…we are." She said excitedly "What time should I pick you up?" She sounded bouncing.

"Ummm, let's see. How fast can you get to Phoenix?" I was fighting a smile.

"What?...Phoenix?..." She said puzzled.

"I'm on my way to Phoenix to have dinner with my mom." I couldn't help chuckle with her obvious even on the phone facial expression.

"You will have to settle shopping with your dear…boyyylet." I said it with ribbing.

"Whattt?...Oh…Oh, we won't even pass the parking lot. Ughh Bella…Whhhyyy?" Her pleading sounded comical. And then she laughed, maybe catching a view of herself making that awful sound.

"Oh well, you'll be home before my party right?" She said with a firm tone.

"Oh shoot…When was that again? Saturday, right? Oh…Oh…Ummm, I'll catch up, my flight will land early in the night so I might be able to follow…"

"Listen Alice, the flight attendant's eyes are popping already, I need to go…I'll see you soon, kay?" I could hear Alice protesting in the other line, but I shut it off from the fear the flight attendant will come closer me and confiscate my phone.

I stared outside my window as the airplane started climbing. I was feeling a little disappointed with Edward's lack of enthusiasm to put a little light on what had happened last night.

Of course I already know what happened last night. I was just hoping he could somehow let me know what he's thinking.

I was already feeling a little hopeful of our relationship and a little worried and sad that there's a big chance that this is another on of his tactics of messing with my mind.

Edward is trouble. I refused.

After what seemed like sleeping and waking up and sleeping again pattern in the airplane, I could finally see the land down under more clearly and started to get excited.

And as I exit the airplane, I made a promise to myself that I will not ruin this short vacation with my mom with the thought of Edward and followed it with a silent prayer for courage to do so.

EDWARD

"What the hell?" I blurted out in the kitchen.

I have been circling the house looking for a better signal for my phone. My mother who is busy perfecting the meal she's organize with her maid shot me a wary look and asked me what was wrong, but I darted out he room so fast I didn't hear the end of her sentence.

I've already tried to dial from all parts of our house even in the toilet but I couldn't get through Bella's phone. It's always giving me a busy tone.

I awoke cursing the annoying ray of sunlight shining directly in my face. It was half past noon already. I slept almost the entire day. I shot up my bed finding my phone covered with my twirled bed sheets. I've been twisting and turning again in my sleep.

I lulled myself to sleep last night remembering Bella's scent, waking up from time to time when my dreams became invaded by Tanya's erotic memories.

"Where the hell are you"? I opened her picture in the phone and glower at her pretending she's just right in front of me.

Thanksgiving dinner came and as usual our table is a picture of perfection. Each and every one of us has dressed up including me, hesitantly.

My mother was talking inanimately about an auction she and Dad will be attending soon in Seattle, and Emmett would frequently bump my knees with his, and I know exactly what he meant by that.

"How's your turkey Edward?" I heard my mom asked me, but I was lost in my thoughts.

"Honey?" She called again, more concerned of my oblivion.

Emmett bumped my knees again.

"Oh, it's perfect mother. How could you make such a wonderful roast?" I said feigning my awe but said it to escape her prying eyes.

"Everything fine, son?" Now even my father can see my lack of enthusiasm.

"No…I'm fine, sorry. I just need some more sleep." I said tentatively looking at him and my mom.

"Hm, I told you not to go out last night. You're not...Are you…?" My mom started her insinuation again, but I was quick to cut her off.

"Mom, don't worry, okay? I'm fine, just a little sleepy. I went home early, I just wasn't able to sleep right away…Internet." I gave her my little mom's boy smile.

I tried so hard to focus on what my family is talking about. Giving my opinions on things like French art, soccer and even endoscopy. Sometimes my mind still wonders on how the hell Bella hasn't call. I left several messages but until now she hasn't returned any nor reply on my texts.

My mother's eyes would pop out every time I laughed when the topic isn't supposed to be funny. I am pretty out of it.

So when the dessert has been served and all we've left is to consume our drinks "Cola? What the hell happened to growing up?" My mind shouts in protest "This is goddamn fucking lame.

I stood up and left the rest of the family talking nonsense in front of their alcoholic drinks. I was far too disturbed to entertain myself with the sight of my mom and dad whispering in each other's ears, in front of their kids.

I found my way to the porch, pulling the white rocking chair near the railing and slumping on it rocking the chair back and forth with more force than necessary.

I produced my phone and began dialing again, and again and again. When all I can hear is the same tone, I switch to making a message and sent it to the same number I've actually have memorized.

I banged my phone on the railing of the verandah and took my Coke from the baluster and had a sip later tossing it out the vast greenery in front of me. I could use a smoke right this very moment.

"I'm sure you'll hear from Mom tomorrow when she saw her roses covered in sticky cola". Emmett chuckled behind me.

He was leaning on the white panel of the big window. He walked towards me then slumped on the railing putting his left leg and foot on top.

'What's up with you?" He inquired.

I gawked at him.

"Has the town been painted red yet?" I tried to drag the conversation away from me.

He eyed me more conspicuously.

"Why didn't you invite Rose and her parents here?" I am definitely out of things to say, I have shelled out most of it in the dining table.

"You're acting erratic again." He put his feet together on top of the railing, inspecting his shoes for mud or something else.

"You're just paranoid." I chuckled.

"Look, Edward. I am your brother. And if anybody knows you better, it's me." He put his champagne glass behind him then sat facing me dangling his feet in the baluster.

I gulped immeasurable amounts of air, I'll be needing them.

Emmett is damn right. If there's anybody in this house who knows me best, it's him. He has been my knight in shining armor ever since.

When we were kids, he'll scare the hell out of those boys who'd pick on me in the playground. He'll intimidate the girls in school who thinks I'm lame.

He's actually willing to take a bullet for me, to save me from being broken.

Years ago, I was his wing man and he's mine. He'd drag me to gatherings so as to meet other kids our age. I went to my first house party with him, with a movie as an alibi to our parents.

"I'm sure it won't be long until mother will ask you what the hell is wrong…" He said seriously pulling me back from my thoughts.

"Tanya's back." I said not looking at him.

"C'mon…" He jumped from the railing, smacking my head lightly and began walking towards the vast lawn in the right side of our giant house.

He stopped momentarily to gape on me when I hesitated to follow.

I followed with my heads down and hands shoved on my pocket. He stopped walking after he reached the spot of the lawn far enough for our parents to overhear our conversation.

"Are you…? He turned to me with his face inquisitive.

"No…" I immediately answered, dismissing whatever he's thinking.

I slumped on the green grass, pulling some of it, and then he copied me, slumping right in front of me, his face still inquisitive but didn't say any word, waiting for me to gather my thoughts.

I inhaled deep. "I am…in withdrawal." I looked at him finding his face in shock.

"Edward?" He said immediately with shock in his eyes but smacked the top of my head when he heard me chuckle.

"C'mon Dude, withdrawal from smoking." I pushed his shoulder hard.

After a good laugh, we fell silent again. I Put my knees up and rested my arms on top of it, my face covered by my hands.

"Tanya's bothering me." I croaked.

"Do you think because I was withdrawing from another addiction? Is that even possible?" I looked at him waiting for his answer.

"It was like that before, always, whenever…" I trailed when I didn't hear him answer.

"Emmett." I sighed, then put my head back again in my palms.

"I don't know, should it be?" Emmett's voice is flat.

"Bella." I murmured.

Silence. An awful lot of seconds of silence.

I raised my head to find his eyes boring holes on mine.

"Tanya's coming back, because of Bella." I gulped for air again.

"Tanya's dead Edward." He held my gaze saying the words with no feelings at all.

I ran my fingers into my hair before I tried to speak. I am going to open my heart, to the one person I could confide to, my unlikely best friend, my brother.


	14. Booze makes the world upside down

A/N

Thanks a lot for visiting and even taking time to favorite and review the chapters. I really appreciate it.

Just like every writers here (Though, I don't deserve to be called one) your hits keep us type faster and more.

So keep on hitting, reviews are a big help too, but it's okay if you don't like.

I know, this is a bit confusing, I promise some light will be shed on the next chapters.

Keep reading, I still have a lot in my sleeves.

xoxo-M

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 14

BELLA

My phone is vibrating non-stop since I turned it on on my way out the crowded airport. I couldn't even open one message because another one keeps on coming.

"Wow, I am missed so much…" I chuckled.

"Hmm. Who the hell are you." I talked silently looking at my phone. I wouldn't want to catch any attention from anybody who might think I am out of my mind talking to my phone as if it can answer back.

My mind is silently praying that the messages that has been plaguing my phone for already about five minutes would be from Edward.

Almost a week without seeing Edward, without even hearing his voice and his sexy laugh. I let out a sigh.

I spent my Thanksgiving holiday hearing my mother talk over and over again about the places she and her new husband, Phil has visited.

She told me stories how their truck got stuck when they tried to go pass a muddy terrain in Tibet.

I shook my head in disbelief as I imagine her going down the knee deep mud trying to help Phil push the truck free from the mud. She could have been easily swallowed whole by the mud.

"Mom." I sighed. She's been such a little girl ever since. It's a good thing she's found someone to take care of her. Phil is a good guy, he understands my mom's quirkiness and childishness. They actually looked like match made in heaven.

Phil isn't exactly a happy-go-lucky guy but he has come and loved my mom's laid back attitude and made sure he gets a time off in his career to spend time of idiosyncrasy with my mom.

An attitude my father wasn't gifted with, spending his whole life building his career as the town's policeman, working his way up to be someday the chief of police.

I caught my father standing outside his police car, and he walked towards me when he noticed me.

"Hey Bella! How's mom?" He kissed my head, maybe trying to hide his excitement to hear all about mom. He hasn't moved on from my mother's walking out on him, some 17 years ago.

"Oh mom is great. They're visiting the Rajas in India after the New Year." I sighed, slumping in the passenger seat.

He just nodded, too many times, thinking of words to say.

"Phil seems to be a nice guy. He's taken care of her well…" He said, sadness painted in his voice.

"Oh Dad, they're just alike in so many ways. Don't worry. Hey, what about that widow of your friend?" I tried to humor him looking sideways.

"Bella, I…ah…" He was about to say something but noticed that my phone vibrated again from my hand.

"Hey, your phone is having some seizure or what?" He pointed on it.

"I don't know, it's some kinda acting weird." I chuckled and opened my inbox.

My eyes popped out when I saw I have 200 plus messages and it all were from Edward but one. My heart raced, and I felt uncomfortable when my father looked at me. I don't want him to see I am receiving messages from the person he warned me to stay away from.

"So? Who's been missing you?" he said, his eyes are prying.

"Daddd…" I tried to sound embarrassed "It's nothing, it's from.." I opened one message from Alice.

"Alice." I said. "Oh shoot…" I darted my eyes to my father's seat and managed to put on my puppy face.

"Dad?" If I could just bat my eyes more.

"Bella…" I think my father knows what's coming.

"Alice's having a party tonight, I almost forgot." I said the words fast "Can you drop me there?"

"Bella?" He asked sounding like he's going to deny me my first High school party.

I looked at him, almost begging.

"Alright." He dismissed the matter.

That's easy. I thought triumphantly.

When we get to the mayor's house, the music is booming, in fact you can hear it two blocks down.

"Don't be late." My father tentatively looked in the passenger door when I went down.

"Thanks Dad."

I immediately saw two of my schoolmates coming out the porch when I made my way inside. They smiled at me. I am terrible at names.

I saw Mike in the corner chatting with girls I don't know, all eyes are with him. He looks like he's had a lot of alcohol already.

"Bellaaaa!" I heard Alice screamed behind me.

"Alice!" I met her with a hug. She was pretty drunk too and boy was she almost carried by Jasper who's looking a little embarrass on how Alice clung in his shoulders.

"Edward asked about you…" She whispered in my ears.

She winked at me and then left me to go at the back of the dimmed lighted mansion.

I grabbed a drink, and cringed as the refreshment drink traveled my throat. Oh that hurts. I whispered.

I let my eyes wander to the living room, full of noisy teen-agers. I suddenly remembered the messages I haven't read yet.

I started going through them one by one, and almost every thing except for one reads _Bella. _What? Is this all he's going to ask me. Not even the only different message said anything but _Where in the world are you?_

Why is Edward asking where am I? I asked myself silently. And then I remember I have tons of voice mail too, I opened one, and as he was starting to talk "_Bella, uhmm, can you, umm-I am,,where are you? I would like to uhmm…"_

"Oh hey Bella…" Jessica popped from the kitchen holding two red cups with beer spilling all over. This bitch is drunk.

"…_can we talk..I—umm, I don't…"_ Edward continued talking in the voice mail.

I don't know why, but I followed Jessica obliviously outside the living room to the poolside where a lot of hot blooded teenagers are busy entertaining their partners.

I was mesmerized by Edward's voice and impatient to get to the real messages. He seemed to have difficulties again voicing his thoughts. It's all ums and ahs. What are you tying to say?

"…_look, I just want us to talk...Could you pl.."_ Edward's voice didn't finish, because I pressed the end button.

I was looking intently on that long fingers caressing Jessica's buttocks.

Jessica, the bitch she is, is straddling a guy with long fingers that I know too well. The fingers I have almost memorized looking at it everyday in the lunch room and Biology.

Jessica gave the other drink she was holding, and the guy who looked exactly like Edward, put it at the side table spilling nearly half of it, and began biting her neck to which Jessica replied lolling her head back while laughing his name out in exhilaration "Edward!"

I turned around hastily, drinking whatever is remaining inside my cup. I need a drink.

I half run to the center table where all kinds of liquor are conveniently camouflaged. For a mayor's daughter, isn't Alice a little over fabulous? Daddy must be very supportive.

I pour a hefty amount of what looked like pineapple juice in my cup, and gulping the almost half of it in one go.

I felt so hot. Let me try and get one of these chicken pops.

I pour my cup full again, and began wandering looking for Alice. I need to have a word with her. I couldn't breathe properly. My chest felt lumpy inside.

I have almost circled the whole mansion, keeping my distance away from the poolside and the living room. I only have a very small place to mingle.

I ended up in the kitchen sitting in a round table with a glass top full of fruits, and used cups.

"Jasper…" gasped a voice that sounded like a muffled voice of Alice.

"Oh baby, it's good…you're good…" and a voice that sounded like an uber gratified voice of Jasper.

I turned around to see where the voice is coming.

"C'mon baby." Gratified Jasper's voice said.

Silence.

"Holy shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." Now a gratified Alice's voice chanted.

I followed the voices, and when I got outside the small door leading to what looks like the dirty kitchen, under a garden arbor standing are two intertwined shadows rocking up and down.

I spun around shaking my head trying to erase the memory.

"What the hell was that?" I said to myself with a naughty smile.

"Naughty Alice." I laughed inwardly. Then sigh.

"Now where will I go." I drank the rest of my drink, and went to the center table again to fill it up.

I drank half of it, nearly spilling, I am feeling a little bit weird.

I checked on my cup and it was half full again. "Hmm, where did it all go." I thought. I grabbed the ladle again, and fill my cup once more.

I saw Mike waved his hand towards me and motioned for me to come over.

I sighed. I drank my drink again, spilling most of it in my chin, so I filled it up again.

"Someone needs a lot of booze tonight." A soft guttural voice spoke behind me.

I turned around and spilled the overflowing liquor on his shirt, but he just pressed his lips together.

"Hi Bella." He looked under his eyelashes.

I huffed "Edward." I saw Jessica far behind him looking at our direction.

"Your girlfriend is waiting." I said in flat tone then left hastily spilling the darn liquor again.

I was on my way to the living room.

EDWARD

"You've got to be joking…" I said chuckling but Bella spun around already and left me talking to the wind that blows her scent on my face.

She smell like strawberries covered in liquor.

I followed through my eyes where she's going and I couldn't believe the fucking dicktard Newton is all smiles and all eyes waiting for her to join in the dark ottoman sitting in front of the large burning fireplace.

I scouted around looking for Emmett, he'll make fun of me if he saw me snubbed by Bella.

"Early to bed…with Rose." I shook my head. Emmett and Rosalie probably are somewhere showing some love at each other again.

***

"You have to come with me Edward, Mom will be calling me every time if you won't." Emmett said throwing every clothes in the bed that didn't match his taste.

"What's that party all about?" I inquired busy looking at the picture of a girl in the magazine who looked like she's having an orgasm.

"Mayor left the town to give Alice a chance to throw a party." Emmett said chuckling.

"And they have to leave town?" I gawked at him.

"Oh you know."

"Washing hands." I mumbled.

"Bella could be there." He looked at me with a twinkling eyes.

My brother knows my happy place.

"Alright." I ended the conversation half running to my room. I need to shower.

***

"Jasper! How are you lover boy?" I tossed his hand.

"Alice, nice party!" Rosalie hugged Alice with her eyes beaming in excitement.

"Thanks for inviting us Alice." Emmett hugged her too.

"Dad is not here huh?" I teased her, but Jasper gave me a rather murderous look, so I chuckled and said "Wonderful, nice party!" and gave my best smile to her, to which she replied with "I know, right?"

"Come inside, be merry and get drunk!" She pulled Jasper while dancing to the beat of the song boom basting.

I ran my eyes to the darkly lit room, trying to find Bella. I have been itching to ask Alice about her but I couldn't find the courage to ask.

"Is Bella here?" Emmett asked Alice.

I almost choked on the beer I was drinking.

"No. But I think she's coming…I invited everyone." She said not a hint of suspicion.

"Where is she anyway?" Finally I had the guts to ask. I guess all I need is an entrée from Emmett.

"She went to Phoenix to stay with her mom for a while, she promised to be back in time for my party." Alice exclaimed almost sing-song.

So that's why she never returned any of my messages. I thought, frowning.

"Hey Edward!" I could never be wrong with that voice. I felt the urge to ran for my life.

Emmett grabbed my arm, and gawked his eyes on me. I punched his side.

I turned around and said "Jessica, you found me…hell you did." I tried to sound funny, but my voice tasted sour, if only she can taste them.

"Hey come on, I've got the girls in the pool." She tugged me by my arms before I can refuse.

I threw Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice a pleading look mouthing a "help!!!"

But they just burst into laughter. Sons-of-a-bitch, they thought I am fooling them. I really need help.

Jessica's friends are loud as usual, even louder now that they seem to have consumed a lot of the spirited beverage.

If I could just roll my eyes too much on how shallow the minds of these skanks are.

I drowned myself with the liquor that is overflowing everywhere. I lost count of how much I have drank.

I feel like my world is spinning. But the loud laughing of the bitches beside me just seemed to be getting louder and louder by the second.

Jessica came again for the thousandth time with a cup of beer, spilling much of it in every sway. We were sitting at the far end of the pool side. It was lit by dull yellow garden lamps.

She sat in front of me and the moment the middle of her legs touched my front, my body reacted almost instantaneously. I grabbed her butt and kissed her so hard my tongue almost reaching her throat .

My senses is clouded with lust and aggravated with high amounts of liquor. She keeps on gasping freeing her mouth from mine, but I keep on grabbing it back, while my right hand found its way inside her top and under her bra, fisting her big bad tities.

She moaned and thrust her cunt on top of my jeans covered penis.

I put my free hand inside the soft fabric of her jeans and found the opening of her ass and began making small circles.

"Oh." It's all I heard while she continued thrusting her front on me.

All the while, my aroused mind was thinking of Bella, and I really want to fuck her now. Part of my mind was shouting "Go find Emmett!"

I pulled my hand from her ass and started making my way in front of her pants, while my mouth has found the two very offensive tities that has now been freed from her miniature top.

"Edward…" She gasped

I stopped. My mind suddenly felt blank. Was it Bella who called me Edward, or was it Tanya's voice.

I closed my eyes and opened them in a matter of second. I found Jessica's eyes fluttering from arousal.

"I'll be back." I whispered to her ear, fawning.

She smack my butt when I rose and shouted "Well hurry back Sweetie!" then giggled.

I cringed with the idea of what I just did.

"Fuck you Emmett, where in the world are you." I murmured.

I circled the whole house, going through the back doors, going up the stairs and checking every room, in which I always find a couple making-out.

"Hormones." I shook my head.

When I stepped down on the last of the stairs, I saw her, those brown curled hair on top of a petite body.

She looked like she had drunk all of the liquor infused juice. I watched her as she fill then drink then fill her cup again, almost always spilling it in her hands and in the floor.

"The cleaning lady will be upset Bella." I murmured to myself.

I sighed trying to compose myself and gather my drunken guts.

"Someone needs a lot of booze tonight." I chuckled hoping she'll buy my pick up line.

She turned around and looked like a little girl caught sneaking in the cookie jar in the middle of the night. She soaked me with her drink. I suppressed my urge to laugh at her clumsiness.

"Hi Bella." I tried to look charming. I know what this stupid façade makes her feel, I always see her blush whenever I look at her like this.

"Edward." She sounded upset and her voice is wiggly. Even her cup isn't sitting comfortably in her hand.

And then she just left me.

I turned around, playing the scene in my mind. I went up the stairs again going back and forth in the hallway. I don't want to go back to Jessica, and I couldn't go down, I'll sure see Bella.

"Fuck you, Mike."

What if she's making out with him downstairs. I walked back and forth again.

"Those lips…ughhh..they're mine." I whispered.

I threw my half filled cup in the wall, the liquor splattering in the off white wall. I didn't give a damn.

"You're dead Newton."

I stormed downstairs taking two steps at a time, and with one big stride landed on my feet on the floor, scaring the drunk Crowley.

I hurried to the living room, determined to whack Newton's head from his balls.

But the ottoman is empty. The large sofa is filled with spilled popcorn and a sleeping blond girl.

I sat in the edge of the large sofa beside the blond. I felt defeat. I raked my hair with my trembling hands, feeling the adrenaline in my body.

Newton could probably ravishing her by now. I thought bitterly.

The blond girl's hand suddenly grabbed my pants trying to yank it open.

I stood up hastily causing her to fall in the floor, face first. I did not try to help her in my annoyance, and instead darted out the room through the arch door leading to the porch.

And there she was, sitting in the curb covered with grass, with Newton's arms draped around her, and his face all over hers.

My knees felt weak probably the effect of the liquor finally subsiding or maybe from clear and present manifestation of defeat.

I dialed Emmett's number.

"Hate me." I mumbled. I know he will if I caught him in a…compromising moment.

"Edward." His voice didn't sound any kind of annoyance. Finished, probably.

"Pick me up, I think I'm going to kill Newton." I pressed finish.

I hid in the thick bush of bonsaid tree punishing myself with the picture of Bella and Mike enjoying each other.

I was literally pulling the trunk of the miniature tree every time Mike makes advances, and I swear to all that is holy, if Emmett is not yet here when Mike touched Bella some more, I am going to go amuck.


	15. I hate Edward Cullen!

A/N

Wow. Thanks a lot for your reviews, they give me much inspiration to think more of what to write.

Do you have any suggestion?

We all hate Mike, right. Poor guy. Oh never mind. He's gonna get what he deserve.

Thanks for reading, read some more, review some more, share it with your BFFs.

Oh that's pretty demanding, but...you know, whatev.

xoxo-M

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 15

BELLA

"I hate Edward Cullen" I said between sobs.

Alice's bodyguard brought me home, before midnight. My father was more than entertained when he saw me almost hugging the walls to be able to walk inside the house.

He looked like he's about to start a lengthy sermon but I held my finger up and said "Can we do this tomorrow?"

I almost crawled my way up to the stairs, and Charlie couldn't help but laugh watching me.

"Ain't it nice to get drunk?" He chuckled.

"I was fooled by the juice Dad…" I tried my words to sound straight but came out muffled.

Charlie helped me up until my bed "Would you be fine?"

"Yeah Dad…" I plunged into my bed, hitting my face with the alarm clock I didn't notice lying around.

Charlie chuckled again and then left me.

I closed my eyes, my universe is twirling whenever I open my eyes.

I turned to my side making a fetal position. I surrendered to the darkness of sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I felt there's something coming out my stomach. I hurriedly ran to the bathroom outside my room, across the hall.

I bumped my face on the door, and caught my foot in the base of the toilet bowl. I tripped. But I didn't mind the pain.

I grabbed open the toilet bowl cover and puked, my face almost resting in the lips of the bowl which smells really awful.

"Charlie." I groaned thinking of how dirty the bowl's lips could be with almost a week of going without cleaning.

I got up the basin to splash my face with water, it was dark in the toilet so I made my way blindly causing the toothbrush holder to fall and clank in the basin.

I chuckled on how stupid I look.

I felt so thirsty, but I could not make it to the kitchen in this condition so I settled to drink the water from the toilet faucet.

I puked again, and I know I lost count on how many times I gagged and puked nothing.

I stayed lying down the toilet floor, crying, cursing Edward.

"I hate you Edward." I kept on repeating those words until I fell asleep.

I awoke from thirst and I noticed I was lying in the toilet floor no more. I was comfortably tucked in my bed.

"Charlie." I murmured. He must have seen me this morning.

I sighed. My dad's going out of his way just to reconnect with a teenage daughter.

I shot up the bed hastily but held my head in both hands when the sudden movement made me nauseous. I slowly lowered myself again the bed.

I glanced at the alarm clock that now sits on top of my bed side table.

"14:40. Oh shit it's two-forty. I slept the whole day." I said in shock.

I got up slowly, checking myself for any sign of fainting. I went down the kitchen to make myself, breakfast.

I'll cook Charlie's dinner later. I need to make it special, suck it up.

"I hate Edward Cullen". My mind suddenly reminded me.

I dropped my face in the table. My eyes suddenly welled up with tears.

"You are so stupid Isabella". I uttered chuckling even I didn't feel happy at all.

I remembered a year ago when I went gaga over a cute Junior in Phoenix, stalking him and all, doing stupid thing like calling him in his home phone, joining his school club and just doing all sorts of dumb things for him to notice me.

My heart was broken when I saw him kissing a blond girl in his top down Mercedes.

And I thought he liked me, because he was always talking to me when we're in his club. He even introduced his girlfriend to me.

I sobbed. But this is different. Edward is different.

I tried to reason with my mind. We kissed, we touched, and we almost did it.

I felt the connection between us, and he was trying to tell me something last night…But why?

My brain was debating with my mind, or maybe with my heart.

He's just like any other guys, I told you. Was it from my mind or from my heart?

I pound the table as another batch of tears fell on my eyes.

I hate you Edward. I thought.

I remembered suddenly, I think I have a boyfriend now.

Because I was distraught last night, and most probably from intoxication, I made out with Mike in the curb of mayor's house.

I talked to him in the fireplace but I was so out of it, he keeps on touching me in my hands and in my back, rubbing me with his thumb.

I went out to get some fresh air, but he followed me and caught me sitting in the curb.

I think he misread my sobbing and silent murmurings with something else, because when I put my head on his shoulder, he grabbed my waist and pulled my head towards his face and kissed me.

I tried to refuse but he was too strong against my drunken state. I kept on closing my mouth and pushing him away, but after a few seconds of doing so, I let go.

I let him kissed me. And I enjoyed it.

Part of me is enjoying the caress he's giving me, but the most part of me is dreaming it was Edward kissing me.

I was pretty drawn in our making out, that I almost said yes when he whispered in my ears to go up the house to check for a vacant room.

When a jeep that looked like Emmett's screeched in front of us, I saw Edward hurriedly hopped inside but didn't even look at me when the vehicle left.

I kissed Mike more. I needed to drown my longing for Edward.

"Why did he even want to talk to me?" My mind spoke once again.

He wanted to see me but changed his mind when he saw Jessica's miniature body inside that tight…miniature top. How can she even breathe in those clothes?

My senses are all arguing with each other.

It was almost twilight when I got up from the table, eyes feeling sore and my neck stiff from laying it in the table for a long time.

One thing I am positive. I'll make him regret pushing me away.

***

"Alice! Wait up!" I called behind Alice when I saw them in the parking.

She immediately stopped, halting Jasper too. But Edward continued on walking, leaving us behind.

I was dying for him to see me in my new body hugging cardigan over a low cut tank top. But he's gone in a flash.

"How are you?" Alice said cheerfully. Her eyes going up and down my body with awe.

I raised an eyebrow to Jasper to convey my greeting to him.

"You slut, I saw you humping on him…" I sheepishly rustled my voice on her ears.

"Bella…." She squeezed her eyes in embarrassment.

"Hey…you are pretty noisy." I gritted, glancing momentarily to Jasper hoping he didn't hear any of the things I was saying.

She tugged my arm "Edward?" She murmured.

Just then, Edward emerged from under the other side of the hallway, Jessica clutching his arm.

I motioned my answer to Alice, she just winced.

When we entered the English class, Mike enthusiastically put his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek.

Alice threw me a naughty smile, I bit my lip and rolled my eyes on her.

Mike trailed with me to my seat, excitedly saying something about going to Port Angeles for a movie.

I did notice that Jessica isn't in her seat yet. She didn't come.

I thought I will be having a seizure, I couldn't breathe well. My jealousy is eating me up, alive, fucking whole.

Just as before, Mike was around me the whole time. Nothing changed, except now, he's been swinging his arms all around me, kissing me in the hallway, and the notes I've been always expecting in my locker, were gone.

"Guys." I murmured, trying to convince my self of my prejudice on boys.

Everyone's happy in the lunch room, talking about Alice's monumental success of a party. Edward was looking at me under his eyelashes, but not in the same way as he always does.

His look is scary, frightening, like he's just going to smash my brain. His eyes are fierce and his nose, flared.

As usual Jessica is all around him, she was whispering something in his ears but his expression didn't change.

I caught Emmett looking at me with an empty expression. He must have seen me looking at Edward's eccentric attitude.

"Are you two together now?" Rosalie asked, with excitement in her voice, looking at us.

"Finally?" Mike answered, too fast before I could.

He was caressing the other side of my face as his arm is draped on my shoulder.

He kissed my cheek "Don't we look nice together…" He said, not a question at all.

"Bella?...I didn't know you like Mike…" Jessica suddenly said, putting her face forward, so near for me to grab her face.

I gave out a fainthearted smile. Edward is looking at me again, with those scary eyes. His hands are fisted together, elbow on top of the table.

"Don't let him lure you Bella, he doesn't know how to kiss…" She said laughing.

And everyone else laughed, teasing Mike whose face is now painted in red, everyone but Edward and I...

"Wow Jess, must you mark everyone you've had? I thought that thing is only for male dogs..." I stood up, tugging Mike outside the lunch room.

My face felt so hot from a sudden urge to wring her neck.

The laughter didn't stopped, especially because Mike said, "My girl will kick your ass Jessica!" laughing.

When we were outside the room, I let go of his hand, walking away from him to the quadrangle.

I was hoping he wouldn't follow, I really needed a breather, and I thought the nice breeze in the quad will help, but he followed, repeatedly calling me to stop.

When he caught me, I was already in the steps of the stage. For a boyfriend appeasing his girl, he walked too slow, probably hi-fiving again with everybody in the hallway.

I am beginning to resent what I've gotten myself into.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sitting in front of me to see my face.

"Mike…" I sighed.

He took my face in his both hands, I didn't moved and just let his hands thaw the frustration I am feeling.

"You're jealous." His face was serious but I thought I saw a gleam in his eyes.

"No…I-um, I just don't like ostentatious jokes like that…because…"

"Okay…okay...I promise." He cut me off and then he held his right hand up to swear.

We walked hand in hand in the hallway for our Biology. Everyone who sees us are smiling at me.

Why are they smiling at me? Do I look like I hit a jackpot or was I a loser? My mind is talking on its own again.

Mike stayed with me in the lab table until the bell rang.

Edward didn't show up.

I didn't see him the rest of the day.

EDWARD

I was playing the memory of Brandon's party again in my mind.

There I was clutching my hand in the abused plant in front of Brandon's house. My mind is so clouded by rage I nearly ran towards them and kick Mike away from Bella.

I wanted to kill him.

I wanted to kill him for stealing my girl.

Emmett caught me half running behind me when I jumped out of his jeep as we approach our driveway.

I wasn't ready yet to go to bed. I was making my way to the lawn in the right side of our house. There's a good spot there under the big tree where I could gather myself.

I don't want to go to bed with this rage eating me, Tanya will show up again. I felt like a coward.

"Edward!" He shouted behind me.

He caught me by my shoulder and spun me around in just a swift move. Fucking muscles.

I pushed him away with my two hands, with which he just stepped back a little.

"What's wrong with you!" He shouted silently, careful not to wake our parents.

I pointed my finger to him "You fucking left me!" I scowled almost shouting.

"I just brought Rose home…c'mon." He offered his arms open.

I went on with my walking, almost half running to get to the tree trunk.

He silently followed, and caught me sitting on the ground with my face buried in my hands.

"What happened?" He sighed and patiently waited for me to answer.

After about a thousand years of gathering my thoughts, I finally spoke.

"I almost killed Mike." I started.

Emmett looked at me with an understanding eyes, silently pleading for me to continue.

"I wanted to talk to Bella, you know I've been waiting for her, but the fucking Jessica tied me, and by the time I saw Bella, she already saw what a mess I am."

"I wanted to explain to her, I know I fucked up, I don't know what she saw, but I knew she saw something…she said something to me…I don't know."

"Fucking Mike when to appear. He got her in his trap. And now, I don't think she'd even believe if I say I…I have fallen for her." I nearly broke into tears.

"You have to." Emmett said sighing first.

"She needs to know how you feel." He added.

"Now that she has a boyfriend? No. She wouldn't believe me, especially because Stanley is sucking me whole like a dark star." I huffed.

"What's the deal with Stanley anyway? Why don't you just…shoo her away?" He inquired with prying eyes.

"I told you, she's been my way to see Bella everyday, before, but now…shit, she made a total mess." I was shaking my head in disbelief.

Silence.

And more silence.

"Thanks for coming Bro." I kicked his feet lightly.

"You've got to get hold of your temper Edward. And don't drink too much." He said with a concerned voice.

"Yeah. My bad." I jokingly said.

"I think I know…" I stopped.

Emmett's face is looking at me intently.

"Ummm, Tanya." I just said.

"Edward. Tanya is a fragment of your imagination, she's gone…Edward." He insisted when I looked away shaking my head.

"Look at me…Edward. Tanya flickers in your mind because you're doing something special to both of you before…Look at me." He ordered me again.

"Sex." I just said toneless.

"Maybe…Wait, were you having sex with Bella." He suddenly looked so surprised.

"No. I'd like to." I exhaled heavily.

"And her memories come back whenever you wanted to?" He asked again.

"Yesss…I told you that already, didn't I?." I said agitated.

"No you haven't." He shook his head.

"What you've tell me, is how much you like Bella, but Tanya's face is always replacing her face." He tried to remember what I have told him weeks ago.

"So because you're thinking of having sex with Bella, that's why Tanya visits you, in your mind. Hmmm, we have to think of something to help you with that." He said putting his hand in his chin.

"Oh thanks a lot fucking genius…" I shoved his shoulder.

"I thought you've got some theory hiding in that small head of yours." I managed to let out a chuckle.

"Oh please, I am not the great Dr. Cullen, all I have is a big heart for my little brother." He put his hand on my hair shaking it frivolously.

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that." He put on a serious face.

"Don't you fucking tell Mom and Dad." I warned him shaking my head.

"They'd probably send me to an institution." I whispered.

"I've got you." Then he stood up and whacked my head "Let's go."

I chuckled remembering how Emmett tried to pry my head away from my worries.

I tried my best to stay away from Bella. I get so murderous whenever I caught them whispering in each others' ears.

Not that Stanley isn't entertaining my thoughts with anything but all kinky, but my mind is always somewhere with Bella.

I haven't seen Bella again in the quadrangle. I tried several times but she's always at the parking lot whenever the bell rang. She's been hanging out with Mike. And I really couldn't take it.

I couldn't take it when Mike carries her food tray for her. I couldn't take it when Mike brushed her long curly hair with his disgusting fingers. I couldn't take it when they whisper on each others' ears then giggles looking at each other eyes. And I sure can't take it when Mike kisses her.

Ugh, my heart throbbed from my memory. Of course I couldn't take anything that has to do with Bella, because I wanted them more than anything. I wanted them to be done by me. But I still lingered, out from her sight, but not for long.

I would hide under the stairs in the south side of the building where her locker is. She usually stays there for quite a while before going to her next class, every class.

But because she's Mike's girlfriend now, of course he'll be escorting her wherever she goes flaunting her for everybody to see.

And so I stopped. I stopped hurting myself, and tried so hard to talk myself out from wanting to see her.

I didn't go to Biology, ever, not even in Arts. She could have a new partner already.

"Shit!" I murmured to myself "No. Not tango with someone else." I shot up from my Volvo and made my way to the gym.

For the first time after about 4 weeks of hiding from Bella's torturous presence, I am going to attend the practice, to see her and maybe yet to hold her.

I went inside with my back hunched, I don't want anybody to notice me. The bell just rung and the kids are just beginning to flock inside.

My peripheral vision didn't missed Bella's body reaction when she saw me. She was sitting in the edge of the large table in the corner of the gymnasium.

"Ohhhh…I thought you'll never show up Mr. Cullen. I was afraid we're going to sing a cappella. Okay kids, your pianist is here, can we gather now?" Ms. Darbus said not waiting for me to say a word.

I proceeded to the corner where the singers gathered and sat my self in front of the piano.

As I struggle with the notes in the book, I couldn't help throw a glance where Bella is sitting. She put her back on me, and chatted with our dance group.

The singers are snickering from my oblivious playing of the piano which makes them out of tune, and Ms. Darbus is furrowing her forehead.

I just smiled and tried to focus more, frequently shooting a glance at Bella. The dance group started warming up, I could overhear them laughing at each other while one of the guys tripped.

Bella was just sitting in front of the group, telling them what to do, not dancing at all.

When we have repeated the song for about three times, Ms. Darbus signaled me to go to the corner where our dance group is practicing, without Bella. Ms. Darbus has been shouting to them from time to time because of playing. They were having fun, except for Bella.

My heart is pounding from excitement. I haven't seen her for a while.

"Why aren't you tangoing?" I whispered behind her head.

She didn't answer. Fuck. I looked like an idiot, I felt like an idiot. I am.

I sat beside her, crossing my hands in my chest, looking at the groups who are trying not so hard to laugh from the facial expression we are supposed to wear when dancing.

"Bella." I couldn't help myself. I needed to hear her voice.

"I stopped." She whispered in flat tone.

"And why are you not dancing, may I ask?" I heard Ms. Darbus shouted from the other corner of the gym talking to the other group.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan?" She called again.

I turned around to see her pointing on us.

"Yes, correct, you and you…Practice!" She shouted once more.

I pulled Bella's hand.

She pulled it back.

Now we stand in front of each other, in what felt like a slow motion in the movies.

I was looking at her eyes but she's hiding them from me.

"We'll be in trouble." I whispered, trying to tease her with my smile.

"Are we waiting for Christmas?" Ms. Darbus raised her eyebrow when I looked at her, and every one else in our group are looking at us.

The guy with a curly hair was waiting for us to be in our first dancing position so he could start the music again from the music player.

Fuck, too much attention, I thought.

I grabbed Bella's hands, and when she seemed to pull it back, I gaped at her and gritted, "Chill Bella, I am not gonna fuck you."

She hesitantly abide when I put her hand in my shoulder and enclosed the other with my sweaty palm.

We started to sway, left and right. I snorted. You're too easy, I thought.

But when I looked at her, her face is hard, and not a smile at all. I tried to smile at her trying to look in her eyes, but she just looked away again.

She stepped on my foot, I think, in purpose. She didn't even laugh or said sorry like she used to.

When we finished the dance, she must have stepped on my foot a little less than 10 times. I am pretty fucking feeling annoyed already.

"Yes, Ms. Swan, for someone who doesn't have a partner for quite a long time, you finished good." Ms. Darbus cooed, looking proud of Bella.

"And you Mr. Cullen…what happened to you?" She looked at me, but I just smiled at her, sheepishly.

"It's not so nice to just abandon the presentation, we didn't have a minstrel, our music sounded so…lame." She grimaced her face on the last word.

"Not to mention your partner here has been missing you for quite a while…We need two to tango…You don't just give up on your partner." She kept talking.

"Alright class, two more days of practice and school's out again." She dismissed the class, with a lot of reminders.

I immersed my auditory senses on whatever she's saying trying to dull the convulsing feeling I just had from touching Bella's body again.

By the time I realized, she was already gone.


	16. Rescue me

A/N

Hello lovely ladies (Oh wait, do we actually have boys reading this?)

Here's another chapter for you. Don't get bored okay. I am trying my best to make them as interesting as possible, at the same time squeezing details you may need to know.

Bear in mind, these are just accounts from E/B's high school. We've got a lot more to cover before we get to the end...And...I am having so much fun writing them, I really don't want to get to the end parts...

I hope you are having fun too...

Keep it coming...or not...whichever you like.

I love your reviews/comments, and even just seeing your hits makes my heart dance for joy.

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 16

EDWARD

I hurried out of the gym, wishing to see her, and maybe talk some sense to her. She isn't in the dressing room, the girls inside gave me a naughty look when they saw me peeking inside. Shouldn't they be creep out? I am a dangerous person. I thought.

I went out the hallway and almost gave up seeing no one in there when I caught the sound of footsteps walking towards the other side of the hallway.

I ran to check it out and I was right, it was her. It's amazing how I have grown accustomed to her almost every move.

I stopped running when she's within my vision.

She turned around startled when she noticed someone's walking behind her. The hallway is empty, most of the kids have gone home only the ones practicing like us are left.

She walked faster, trying to get to the other gate to exit, I supposed.

"I can easily outrun you, you know." My voice sounded like a serial killer chasing his victim.

"Bella!" I shouted when she did not respond and walked even faster.

I caught her and grabbed her hand.

She squinched her eyes on me and then spoke in a gritted voice "Fuck off Cullen!"

I felt like I was bolted in the floor I was standing at as she walked away. But I am not going down without a fight.

"I don't think you like Mike's kisses better than mine!" I shouted with a chuckle.

She spun around, her eyes are angry, she stayed there for a moment looking at me with those evil eyes.

I just shrugged, waiting for her to validate what I just have said.

"I don't think so Bella." I reiterated what I have said, I parted my legs and crossed my arms together. I am trying so hard to intimidate her. That's all I can do to make her pay for my aching toes.

She walked to where I was standing copied my position.

"You really wanna know, Cullen?" She raised her eyebrow.

I all but gaped at her.

She put her face near mine, and then gritted in all annoyance "Yes!" and then turned back making her hair spat my face.

But I am not yet done, I grabbed her hand "Oh yeah?" I gritted too.

"Oh my fucking yeah. He's good." She flutters her eyes to further demonstrate.

Oh fuck you Mike Newton.

I spun her around when she turned back on me, and smashed her lips with mine, my tongue spinning all over her mouth.

She pushed me. But I did not flinched and continued tasting her mouth. I missed that so much.

She pushed me again, this time through my neck. I caught her arm, and as she struggled to free herself from my grasp, she almost broke into tears.

"Get off of me, Cullen!" She shouted trying to scratch my face with her fingers.

"Bella…Bella…Bella." I panicked seeing her almost crying from anger.

"No…get off of me, freak!" She still struggled to be free.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..I was just...Please...Don't be mad...Don't cry..." My words came out gushing.

I held her close to my chest trying to clam her, but she kept on pushing me away.

I finally let go of her, when I felt a sting in my right chest. She bit me. Hard.

"I'm done with you Cullen. Don't mess me up again." She said in firm voice, then walked away.

I stayed where I was watching her disappear from my sight. I touched the area where she bit me making small circles to soothe it.

"Don't mess me up again…" I murmured trying to understand what she said.

Was it just a bad grammar or… "Shit." I fucked up again.

I stayed inside the right wing of the building for a little while estimating if Bella's gone.

I contemplated with what happened and came up with, messed up again. I promised I am going to make it up to her tomorrow.

BELLA

"Hey Mike, can you come over?" I asked Mike.

"Umm, now Bella?" He asked sounding like he's busy or something.

"If it isn't so much to ask. I just wanted to…see you." I have no other reasons to say.

I just had a very crappy day, and I don't want to stay up late thinking about it. I needed Mike here, so we can chat, I always felt occupied with Mike around.

I entertained myself watching my favorite series as I waited for Mike. My father is out today to his friends in La push, probably taking a peek on his crush.

"Crush, eww." I scrunched my nose. I chuckled with the idea of my father having crush. He's goddamn old.

Why wouldn't I think it's a crush, he blushes whenever I speak about her. It's like he's starting to blossom again. But it's nice he's found a new person to try and live with. Try. I murmured.

"Bella." I heard Mike called from outside.

"Hi. Sorry." I let him inside the house and lead him to the kitchen.

"I ordered pizza." I offered him the pizza smiling.

He took a piece and looked at me suspiciously.

"What's up?" He cocked his eyebrows.

"Nothing really, I just had a very bad day, is it bad of me to alleviate my annoyance with your presence?" I teased her with my sweet smile.

He draped his arms in my shoulders and started kissing me.

I pulled away.

He chew the pizza that's still inside his mouth.

When he's swallowed it, he held my hand.

Putting his face on top of the table, making circle patterns in my palm.

"So when are we going to the movies?" I said trying so hard to ignore his insinuation.

I know Mike is feeling a little miffed because I always refuse to make out with him.

"After Christmas maybe." He just shrugged, still looking at me, naughtily.

He suddenly grabbed my boob. I froze but managed to pull away, and say "Don't do that."

He sighed.

"Bella…" He said with undeniable annoyance.

"Mike…" I didn't know what to say.

He put his hand on my shoulder and slowly dragged it down my left boob.

My eyes are gaping on them, but I didn't pull away this time. I thought, for once, I wanted to feel how Mike feels about me.

He noticed my acceptance of his move, he pulled my waist and moved his chair nearer to mine.

He kissed me, with his tongue licking the outside of my mouth. I tried so much to enjoy the moment.

And then he slipped his right hand under my shirt.

I pulled away.

"C'mon Bella!" He stood, his eyes are hooded with lust.

I shook my head "Not like that Mike."

"Shit! You called me over, for this?" He pointed on the pizza, and then turned around to leave.

I did not follow after him, I stayed seated until I heard his car pulled away.

***

"Hey, have you seen Mike?" I whispered to Alice.

"Hmm. Love bites, is it not?" She chuckled at me.

Our lunch room table is half empty. It's only Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie and me. Jessica does not sit with us for a long time ever since Edward keeps on missing lunch time. She had reconnected with her evil flock.

I really tried to think it was because of my foul remark the other time, but I felt to remorse to what I have said. And I don't think a bitch like Jessica could be intimidated by a mere mouse like me.

I have been waiting for Mike to arrive in the lunch room about half an hour ago. He didn't show up in English.

Mike is always like this when we have some misunderstanding. I am sure he's in school because I saw his suburban in the car park.

The last time he did this we had some argument about the way I dressed, and he walked out in Biology.

I had to appeal to his…guy side so as for him to come back to the class to finish the day. I always feel guilty that he's missing out in the classes because of me.

Sometimes, I really think this boy friend thing isn't for me. I have invested a lot of time and emotions for our relationship to work, or at least I think I did.

Of course I'm still bitter that Edward has chosen Jessica over me, but I have learned to camouflage my hurt feelings with the attention I have been giving to Mike.

Alice once told me, I seem to work out more for our relation, I am the only one who looked like so hooked in our thingie…And I am not even in love with him, or am I?

I just explained to her that for a relation to work, one must carry the other when he's tired or something to that effect.

I never saw Alice chase her tail in hopes to amend her ties with Jasper. It's always Jasper who loked like shit when they're having a bad day.

I even saw him bringing a bunch of red roses, apparently pleasing Alice after a nasty fight about a movie Alice's favorite actor stars.

Oh I miss my flowers every day. The roses stacked inside my lockers have all dried up, ready to be made into a potpourri.

This time, Mike has once again acted like a child. Walking out on me when I didn't make out with him? Do we always have to? I shook my head.

I went outside the building to check on him, he always hang out with his sporty friends in the steps of the stairs.

But he wasn't there.

I thought maybe I could check in the parking.

I passed the many gorgeous cars parked in the lot, I have to cringe with the thought of my century old truck.

My car is parked far from the rest, I tried to remember which part of the parking I have seen Mike's suburban.

I hunched when I was about to pass the all too familiar silver Volvo.

"Stupid shiny silver Volvo owner." I murmured.

Suddenly the stupid shiny silver Volvo owner stepped out of his stupid silver shiny Volvo, I was startled with the click of the door closing.

"You don't want to go there." He said, his hands shoved in his pockets, looking at his feet while leaning on his stupid shiny Volvo.

I stopped. I prepared to walk again towards the far end of the lot, but he appeared to be preparing to walk towards me.

I turned around heading to the building, I don't want another session with Edward that will further my prevailing problem with Mike.

"Be-lla?" He said trailing behind me.

This is a bad idea. I thought.

"Bella…Bella." He repeated walking backwards again lowering his head to see my face.

"Go away Cullen." I shot a look at his eyes. They were…communicative.

"I won't." He turned around. "Until you talk to me again." He murmured, low for only me to hear.

The bell rang signaling our Biology. I hurried to get to the room, with Edward walking beside me, casually and not a hint of annoyance for having to keep up with me.

Mike wasn't in his seat again. I let out deep sigh as I passed by his seat. Edward waited for me to be seated in our table before he made his way, sitting beside the window, as usual.

I was sulking on how Mike is making my life miserable. I mean, here I am sitting beside the sexiest man I have ever seen, the guy I have been dying to make out with and all I worry is what the hell should I do to fix the again broken tie of my relationship with Mike.

Mr. Banner is talking about the reproductive organ. I could have been giggling like the other girls in my class with the sight of an enormous penis being shown in the white board, but I wasn't.

I couldn't even feel thrilled that Edward is beside me, after such a long time.

I kept on pulling the split ends showing in my hair trying desperately to occupy my mind with something else other than Mike, and Edward.

I was rocking my leg up and down, my hair draped hiding my face from Edward.

He put his hand on top of my bouncing thigh. I suddenly remembered what I have done to him, when he was the one doing it.

"I don't need that now." I growled at him.

"You're messing with my handwriting." He chuckled and pointed on his paper with wobbled hand writings.

I just stared at it and made no attempt to apologize.

"Aren't we a little agitated today?" He leaned to whisper in my ears.

Suddenly, my surrounding is painted with Edward's presence. I tried to ignore it by putting my either hands in my ears, but the mere thought of him is giving me goose bumps.

"Bella." He bumped my side.

I looked at him angrily under my eye lashes trying to intimidate him. I sure don't want to do this right now. I have something else to fix.

"C'mon Bella." He said again.

When I shot a look at him, he was facing me, his left hand in his furrowed forehead, and his eyes are helplessly imploring.

My heart sank on how pretty he looked when he's making a plea. I mental note to make him plead more. And mentally chuckled on how mean I sounded.

I looked at him and gave him a little smile.

"Hmm…that's my girl." His face lit up, and I think mine too.

He lowered his head, and put his arms together in the table, then whispered softly.

"Having a bad day?"

"No, not really. Just having a crappy teenage problem." I whispered, mirroring his position.

"Just say the word, I'll be more than happy to kick his butt." He whispered this time looking at me, my lips.

The bell rang with no sign of Mike coming.

I went to my locker to stash my Biology stuff, Edward was walking with me. He leaned his back in the locker and faced me, looking intently on my face. Was I smiling big or was my face falling in the floor, or was there something in my face. I suddenly felt conscious.

I would remember to bring the tiny mirror my mom gave me last Christmas, so I could look at my face anytime I want.

"What are you doing?" I said not looking at him, I felt really conscious.

"Rescue." He shrugged looking now on the floor.

I furrowed in puzzle, and began shuffling my books looking for the next one I'll be using.

I caught sight of the uber dried soon to be potpourri roses still standing bundled together by a brown ribbon in the back side of the huge locker.

"You let the roses die?" He said in amusement.

"Oh, I meant to do that…" I twisted my lips.

"Why?" He said in a guttural voice.

"I'll make a potpourri." I chuckled, closing the door of the locker.

He walked with me in the hallway, walking backwards again. How cool can this guy be? I asked shaking my head in awe.

"Oh you know, when something is important, you'll do all sorts of things to preserve them, even trying hard to prolong it's life." I said motioning with my hands.

He gave me a toothy smile.

Don't do that. I almost said it aloud.


	17. Swirl me an ice cream

A/N

Yey, another one for the day. I just finished editing this one, and I noticed the previous one is uber short, so.

I know E/B are so predictable, it's like if we can just say "c'mon already!"...but...that wouldn't be interesting, would it?

So...we wait, for the right moment.

Thanks for coming, come again. I am loving every minute of what we have here.

*Emoting*

xoxo-M

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 17

EDWARD

Coming to class has never felt better, I thought. I should have done this a long time ago, I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary pains, and quirky eyebrows from Emmett and Jasper.

They have been teasing how big of a loser I am.

First, I made a really bad decision of using Jessica to be nearer Bella when I could just have approached her, I could have spared myself from having to shower more than once.

Second, I made out with Stanley. Something a sane person wouldn't do. Yeah, she's hot and all, but as what Jasper said, she ain't my league.

And third, I chickened out explaining my side to Bella after an obvious display of my fucked-upness in Brandon's house, giving her away to Mike in just a whiff.

Yes, I am a loser.

But I don't give up. I won't.

Bella kept the roses I have been sneaking in her locker a few months ago. She's dried them to keep them alive. My heart was elated.

Even though she doesn't know they were from me, it still feels good that something I have perfectly orchestrated has touched a part of her. And she was keeping them, important as she said.

"Where are you going? Don't you have a class to go to?" She bumped me with her elbow, suddenly nudging me back to reality.

"I've signed in to be a substitute today." I cocked both my eyebrows for it to sound funny.

"I don't need a body guard." She replied looking in the floor and then turned around to smile at me before she went inside the room.

I sighed. I am back in the game, I thought triumphantly.

Now where is that fucking Newton, my brows met in the middle. He's really going to get some from me.

I made a beeline to my next class, taking the stairs 3 steps at a time.

I know I saw Mike went to the parking lot, followed by Jessica. I mentally punched myself in my stomach imagining me clutching my stomach in pain. Those two have messed Bella and mine's future, and that's because of my shitty decisions.

My seatmate in Spanish startled when the bell rang and I suddenly shot up my seat, half running to the door before anyone else can move.

I am taking this substitute job seriously. I chuckled with the thought. I need to get to Bella, so we can have small talk on our way to the gym.

Gym, Tango. Life is good, my chuckle grew into a little laugh.

Until I get near Bella's room, and saw Mike standing behind the door. My throat dried up, I picked up my steps, determine to scare the hell of his soul, if he has any, but then, Bella came out and immediately wrapped her arms around an all smiles Newton.

I did not stop walking but I passed them not sparing a glance to where they were standing.

Where did all my assholeness go? I could have just kicked his butt right in front of Bella. But that won't be good. Not good at all, with Bella beside him.

I was the first in the gym, thanks to my agitated mood, I almost ran to get there.

I sat in front of the piano and started playing with it. I submitted my whole self playing the piano trying to not to think of my disconcertion.

But how ever I drown myself in my playing, I still noticed when the fucking Mike arrived in the gym holding the hand of Bella.

I felt something's burning inside my chest.

Ms. Darbus sat beside me.

"That was a lovely piece Mr. Cullen, what is it called?" She looked at me in astonishment.

"I forgot." I said looking at the keys of the piano.

"O-kay." She stood up and clapped her hands to get the attention of everyone.

"Mr. Cullen has warmed up, let's go!" She said chirping.

"Right." I mumbled.

"Oi! Mr. Newton, don't you have your own practice to attend to?...Please." She exclaimed, pointing the door.

I couldn't help huff in amusement.

She clapped her hands one more "People, people. Chop chop!"

Like two days ago, I spent the entire playing of the piano in view of Bella's back. I really hoped she's fucking listening.

I really love playing for her, and I would really love to play only for her.

Maybe she noticed the change in my mood. She didn't talk when we first started to dance. She never looked at my eyes.

And then the torturous steps came. I was so drawn by the covetousness I felt, that the intensity of the feel of Bella's body was ten times stronger than before.

The feel of her bare skin from mine gives me goose bumps, tingles and made my knees weak.

_Blagg!_

Fuck! I dropped her. My mind shouted!.

"Oh Bella, fuck, I'm sorry…Are you...are you okay?" I frantically brushed her head back and forth.

"Ow." She was scratching her head and laughing.

She was laughing. I inhaled deeply. I can do this.

We managed to keep up with the others on the steps until it's time for me to hold her waist and spin her as she's bent forward.

_Blagg!_

"Holy Shit!" I knelt down to pick her up again.

The others are laughing already.

Well I don't think it's not because it hasn't happen to them, but maybe because there's this funny expression I have in my face.

"Focus Mr. Cullen. You're going to give Ms. Swan a head trauma." Ms. Darbus shouted from the middle of the gym, assisting the proppers.

"No, I think it's her thigh that hurts!" I called to inform Ms. Darbus.

"What?" I silently said to myself.

"I'm sorry." I said looking amicable to Bella's eyes.

She just twisted her mouth.

The song started again, don't you fuck up again Edward, don't…don't?

_Blagg!_

I stood there closing my eyes. I don't even want to look at Bella anymore. I bit my lips, afraid if I open my eyes I'll see her furious eyes again.

I felt her hand slid to my right hand and positioned us to keep up with the steps.

She leaned closer to me, her breast brushing my chest, she's wearing one and only one red tank top on top of a knee length black tights.

"Drop me again, I'll fuck the hell out of you, in front of the class." She hissed in my ears, so near I really felt her warm breath.

My breathing became erratic I slightly pulled away and looked at her eyes which are looking at me.

"Don't you do that Bella…I" I was about to say I'm really gonna drop you

but she bit her lip while looking at me then said, "Shhh…Dance with me Edward." in all her sexy voice.

And we finished the dance.

Fuck! My mind felt so wrung, I couldn't squeeze any more thoughts. I slumped in the floor, playing with my shoe laces as Ms. Darbus gave some more instruction.

"You owe me an ice cream." She whispered beside me.

I looked at her and saw her gathering her hair, twisted it and clamped it on top of her head, letting the end dangle like vines draping the side of her face.

I smiled at her with amazement. There's a group of hair she wasn't able to bring with the clamp together. I picked it and tucked it in her ear. She lowered her head.

"Fireworks" I whispered.

"Ice cream? Sure…I bet they have it in the diner?" I giggled.

"I'll see you there in a minute?" She asked as she stood leaving me looking exactly in the outline of her femininity right in front of me, hidden in tight black tights.

I don't know how long I have been staring in her pussy that way, but when I looked at her, she was still looking at me, waiting for my answer.

I immediately stood up, scratching the back of my head, struggling for words to say.

"I-um…why…can't I just drive you there?" I asked her.

"Oh…It's okay. I've got my granny truck. I'll see you later. Okay?" And then she turn around to get changed.

I waited outside the gym, when she saw me, she shook her head.

"Diner?" She chuckled.

"Oh…Ah…Since Mike isn't around…would it be fine if we walk together to the lot?" I asked meekly.

She just snorted.

Halfway in the parking lot she asked me walking backwards.

"What about Sweetie? Doesn't she always escort you?" Her smile is teasing.

"Ah!...I lost my luster apparently." I said looking at her, trying to humor her.

"You're full of crap Cullen. Did you know that?" She gushed as she spun around and walked beside me.

I just smirked at her.

"One moment you're mad, the next your nice and then just a matter of seconds you're mad again. You're like a girl. You are such a drama queen." She sounded humorous but I know she meant it.

"Ouch Bella…" I faked and touched my heart.

"Well aren't we all drama queens." I threw a glance at her.

She opened her century old truck, and got in.

"Could you be any more cryptic?" She chuckled and then closed her door, with a loud bang.

Oh I think her truck is going to leave the earth soon. How can she even drive that thing.

I waited for her to leave first, trailing behind her, like before. I don't know if her truck is really not eco-friendly or she's just revving it so much, I felt like if my windows are open I'll die from smoke inhalation.

I smiled on the thought that we're eating out again.

When we get there she ordered her ice cream, cocking an eyebrow on me, but fell fakely disappointed when the waitress said it wasn't available.

She ordered salad and I, fettuccine.

"What kind of diner is this. They don't have an ice cream…" She said under her breath then chuckled.

"You are crazy." I murmured, placing my face on top of my hands that are now resting on top of the table.

"Did Mike tasted your fettuccine already?" I looked at her with my inviting eyes.

She blushed. She fucking blush.

"No." She twisted her lips, and didn't say another word about it.

"Look, it's raining.' I tapped on the glass wall. Rain has a lot more significance to me than before.

I looked at her and she was just enjoying her eyes with the sight of the pouring rain, tracing the drops that slides in the glass beside her.

When the food arrived, we fell silent.

I kept on glancing at her, trying to say something but for some reason I could voice it out.

She must have caught me in my dilemma, she smiled at me and bit her lip.

"This is more than an ice cream." She pointed at her food.

"Daddy can take care of that." I said fanning my hand in front of her dismissing her worries.

"So what's with you and Newton?" I blurted out. I kept twirling my pasta so as not to see her reaction.

At first she didn't speak. Only sighs.

"Well, let's just say, we weren't suppose to be together, but circumstances have brought us together, then after some time, I realized I should not have." She was looking down at her salad when I glimpsed at her.

I did not speak.

"You see, I joined this relationship, and invested a lot of feelings in it, but Mike didn't seem to mind at all. Let's just say, like you and Jessica, it has lost its luster. Such a short period. And I was trying to amend it." She was shaking her head.

"Sorry, I did not ask for an ice cream to burden you with my Mike problems. Actually it isn't a problem at all. I know what Mike's after, I wasn't just ready. I mean…I was…"

"I don't know, I just thought, this relationship is something else other than that. I guess, I was wrong. And I kept on holding on."

"I'm so silly." She ended it up with a sigh while shaking her head.

"No you're not. You're just in love." I said it trying to hold her head up, looking at her eyes.

"No…I don't...I don't think, I love him" She said biting her lip, feeling embarrassed.

"Huh?...So..why…I-umm, I don't get it." I said not denying my confusion.

She sighed again.

"Just like I said, I got myself into this, and I thought I can work it out. I felt guilty than Mike likes me and I just ignored him. I thought I'll work out too for our relationship to work. You know the whole it takes two to tango." She was motioning her words in my face.

"You don't need to do that. Mike doesn't deserve it." I couldn't help voice out my frustration on the waste of time she's been doing for the asshole Newton.

"I'll do what I have to do…When you're given oranges, when you wanted apples, what do you do…" she trailed.

"Anyway…enough of me." She motioned for us to stop.

"Why didn't you show up a lot of times. Did you have a fight with your crazy girlfriend…' I put my finger in her lip to stop her.

"For the record…Stanley is not, was not and will never be my girlfriend. Period." I said conveying my message well.

"But…" She said, but I held my hand to stop her again.

"Wopp…no buts…" And then we laughed.

The whole dinner was nice, we were laughing at each other the whole time, talking non-sense. Laughing at ourselves about the tango steps, of course, keeping the story away from whatever weird feelings I was having whenever I touch her.

When we finished, I walked her to her slot in the parking, opened her door.

"Happy Christmas Bella."

"Happy Christmas Edward." She closed her door.

The rain began falling again slowly, I was elated, resounding her voice calling me by my name again as I made my way to my car.


	18. Hump in the garden arbor

**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

CHAPTER 18

BELLA

"You didn't even call…" I tried to sound melancholy.

"Bella…Okay, I'm sorry. Please let's not fight. It's Christmas day for crying out loud…" Mike said with a hint of exasperation.

Ever since the school was dismissed for the holiday, he had called me maybe a couple of times, not that I am monitoring it, but shouldn't that what couples do, call each other when they can't be with one another? I mean, Alice and Jasper does that, even mom and Phil I know does that. Is that so demanding of me?

"Come on over, I cooked. You haven't tried any of the food that I cooked." My voice was persuasive.

I tried beseeching him about something a couple of weeks ago and he dared call me clingy.

"I have something going on today here in the house. I'm sorry baby"

"Can I come then? I really like to meet your family." I sounded so earnest.

He chuckled "Bella, just wait, okay? I'll let you meet my mom, don't worry. And it's not like you haven't met my mom…Didn't you visit the store for a hiking boots you bought for your mother the other week?"

"Mike…" I am feeling a little put off.

"Listen Bella, I'll come and visit you, okay, I am just a little pre-occupied. Okay Babe? I need to go. I'll see you soon." He didn't even wait for me to say something, he hung up.

Why am I feeling so pathetic with this boy friend girl friend thing? I sighed, trying to breathe out the building feeling of anguish in my chest.

"Bella…Aren't you going somewhere? It's Christmas…" called Charlie from the stairs.

I went out the kitchen and saw him tying his shoes in the last step of the stairs.

"Wow Dad, don't we look dashing today? We're you off to?" I said chuckling eyeing him curiously.

"Ummm…Mrs. Clearwater invited me for dinner, do you mind?" He looked mortified.

"No…not at all Dad. Go…and have fun…" I helped him straighten his collar while my mind added silently "while I rot here all by myself."

"This is a nifty jacket." I tried to hide my bubbling self pity.

"Mrs. Clearwater gave it to me as a Christmas present. I thought I wear it today." His eyes are gleaming.

"Oh Dad, you're trying to impress this lady, could you at least talk without calling her by her husband's last name?" I chuckled sending him to the door.

"I'll see you later kid." He shook his head snickering.

"Later Dad." I waved goodbye and closed the door.

"Now what am I going to do."

"It's Christmas." I sighed

I slumped on the stairs feeling the build up of emotions overflowing my chest. I suddenly missed my mom.

In phoenix, every Christmas, we used to go out shop and watch movies. Today, my very first Christmas away from her, and here I am, alone in the house, without a father to eat dinner with, not even a boyfriend.

I stomped my feet to my room.

The door bell rang.

I stormed downstairs. I have a visitor! I couldn't be happier today.

When I opened the door I almost knocked my visitor down from my sudden hug.

"Alice!" I blurted, my eyes almost shed a tear from delight.

"Oh wow Bella! You're welcome." She hugged me back.

I lead her to the living room almost bouncing up and down from excitement.

"Aw Bella you didn't seem so happy to see me." She teased me with a big grin.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in high spirits.

"Nothing. I just thought you may want to spend time with me." She said cheerfully.

"Why?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Do I have to have a reason for wanting to spend time with my friend who happened to be the bestest I've got since like forever?" She said without pausing for breath.

"No, of course not silly." I sneered.

"It's just that, ever since you and Jasper clicked, I never expect you to do things like this anymore." I looked down to hide my awkwardness from what I've said.

"I know. I'm sorry." She swatted my arm.

"C'mon in the kitch. I've got food, tons of them. Let's binge!" I tugged Alice's hand to the kitchen.

She opened every pot placed in the stove, clanging the lid.

"Wow Bella, what are you a chef?" She barked.

"I really like this…and this…and this…Oh shoot…Empanaditas? You know how to make these?" She pointed to the casserole one by one and then picked one of the empanaditas and stuffed it in her mouth, while filling her plate with the other dish.

"Food channel." I shrugged helping myself with the paella.

"Wow, I'm really going to try each one of those." She pulled the chair and began devouring her food.

"No kidding Alice…" I snickered in amusement.

I put down a big bottle of coca cola and produced two large glasses.

She gawked at me. But I just shrugged.

"Binge! It's the holidays!." I sat beside her concentrating on my food.

"How did you do all of these?" She said with her mouth full, temporarily putting her hand in her mouth to hide the sauce of the chicken she's eating.

"Well…" I gulped a drink.

"I thought Charlie will be eating dinner here…" I shot her a glance not minding to hide my feebleness on the matter.

She furrowed her brows, unable to speak from a full mouth, again.

I laughed quietly.

"He's been wooing Mrs. Clearwater." I added, biting a piece of the empanaditas.

"Really? Oh that's cool…and gross…I think…" She chuckled.

"Yeah...I think so too." And we burst into laughter.

"Id like to try that." She pointed on my plate of Paella.

She shot up and got herself a hefty portion of the dish I was having.

"Wow Alice, for a very petite person, you eat like a pig." I snorted.

"C'mon Bella, I haven't eaten for like years!" She exclaimed slumping on her seat again.

"I've been dieting ever since, I never thought I'll ever see any food as appetizing as these." She said muffling every word.

"Oh I'm sure your cook in the house prepares it every so often." I finished off my binging with my drink.

She was rolling her eyes, she didn't say a word only mmms.

"No dinner at the white house today?" I asked entertaining myself with her totally-starved-since-birth look.

She cocked her head to convey her uncertainty.

"No…No way! That is the white house, you have like everything and everyone in there…?" I have to add the question tone at the end of my words, I felt uncertain too.

"Yeah, but Dad and Mom have lots of visitors, and I wouldn't want to stay there and dress up and mingle with the suckers…you know."

"And besides, I really need to breathe out from that house. My brother is exasperating me with his non-sense." She said while cleaning her mouth with her tongue.

"You have a brother? Why didn't I hear of him before?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Oh never mind of him Bella. He's a total jerk." She said filling her glass with the Coke.

"He's a little miffed because I am with Jasper. He's not exactly his type...Puh-lez." She said snorting, rolling her eyes.

I looked at her, not wanting to ask, I might sound prying.

"He saw us getting cozy last party in the house, and he just...well, let's just say, we had an unpleasant exchange of words." She sounded upset.

"C'mon, never mind him. It's not like I'll dump Jasper because he said so. I'm a big girl now!" She exclaimed swatting my hand.

I just smiled at her.

She helped me put the used plates in the sink arguing with me to help clean them.

I fixed the left over while she washed the plates.

"So what's the deal with Mike?" She asked her face facing the sink.

"I don't know. I am getting tired Alice." I said with a sigh.

"You are actually very good at it." She spun looking at me, snorting.

"I was just…" I twitched my lips, not knowing what to say.

"You know, you've got to stop punishing yourself. He doesn't deserve you." Her remark made me sit in the chair.

"Mike is a man-whore. Maybe because he's a pretty boy. But that doesn't mean you will have to disregard your feelings."

She went to sit with me, wiping her wet hands in her pants.

"Yeah." I said biting my lip.

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed her again with a snap. When I looked at her, she gave me a sheepish smile.

"What?" I demanded with a daunting look.

"We think Edward likes you." She shrugged her shoulders then put her arms on top of the table.

I gave out an uncomfortable smile.

"And by we you mean…?" I widen my eyes on her.

"Jasper of course." She chirped.

"Why…did Edward say anything to Jasper?" I prayed silently for the best answer for my question.

"No. I'm not sure. We just talked about it. He looked like he does." Fuck…and she just have to say that.

"Hey! You gossip about me?" I bumped her shoulder.

She laughed.

I put my feet on top of the chair, and hugged them to my chest.

"I am not his type." I murmured.

"No, you're not...He just looked at you like you are a divine manifestation of a goddess of some sort…C'mon Bella! The boy has hots for you!" She lowered her face on mine with a shrieking voice.

"I don't think so." I murmured again.

"Well, I like him. What's not to like. And who doesn't. But he treats me like…different. I don't know, sometimes he's so apathetic, and there are times, he's like…" I heave my chest for air.

"I got tired deciphering his…his…views of me." I slumped my face in my knees.

Alice sighed, her mood suddenly changed.

"I think Edward just needs to gather himself first." She said earning my undivided attention.

"You know girl…" She started, shuffling in her seat for a more comfortable position.

"Edward came from a very high standard family. His mother is like the first lady here, not my mom huh, her. She's like, the word. The it. They are nice alright, but I think the reason why Edward is so…um…out of this world, is because of her."

I didn't have any intention to butt in. I let her talk.

"Edward was really actually a cool guy. Well everyone's afraid of him of course at first. But if you looked closely, he seemed to be just alienating himself from everyone to hide something."

I nodded.

"He would always get into trouble during the freshman year. He's in my class you know?" She raised her eyebrow then proceeded with her story when I nodded.

"He seemed to be wanting a lot of trouble, I don't know, rebellion of some sorts. He's not that hot when we were younger. He was so skinny, his eyes seemed to be wanting to jump out of its socket, his skin is so pale, and he has a lot of cigarette burns."

"I remember one time I was in the principal's office to give my excuse slip, and he was there, sitting while waiting for his parents to be done talking to the principal. And he didn't seem to be even bothered that he'd gotten himself and his parents in disgrace."

I chuckled. That's very Edward of him, indifferent. I thought.

"But overtime, he changed. He became more easy going, still getting himself into trouble but not that much. He'd still scare the other students, but I guess, he has matured quiet a little."

"Jessica." I quirked my eyebrow, but couldn't hide my jealousy, nonetheless.

"Oh, that slut. Don't mind her Bella. She must have been so jealous of you because…you see, Edward doesn't look at her the way he looks at you…and for whatever it's worth, Mike has wooed you, while her…agh…nothing, no one. She just always threw herself to guys!" Her shrieking was back.

I smiled at her. Consoled enough with the words she said, but overwhelmed with everything.

How could I possibly entertain that thought? Yes, of course I do wish for those thoughts to be real more than me passing my calculus, but…he just…doesn't.

I thought bitterly.

"So, what base are we talking about now?" I shot up the chair to reach for the pot.

"Coffee?" I offered her with a hurried glance, but it did not escape my sight the blushing of her cheeks. I laughed silently.

When I came back with the coffee, she was hugging her legs to her chest, just like me a while back.

I cocked my head to one side, taunting.

"Wowrr…And what are the bases again?" I sneered.

She laughed at my lame joke.

"You were pretty hot back in your yard…" I joked again, when I noticed she's not offended with my prying.

"I mean, wow...how can you just stand in that garden arbor and hump like…that…" I made face to fake my disgust.

"Was it made from bricks or steel even, to withstand such torture?" I laughed.

"Bella!" She smack my arms.

"What?"

"Oh, the vines are fine though the arbor…sort of…gave up?" She said sheepishly.

"You slut!" We laughed in harmony.

When our laughter died I obliged her to tell me what happened.

"What…like I'm going to tell you? No way!" She blushed.

"Oh, like yeah. C'mon Ally Al. I want to know…how…how to…make someone happy." Now I am the one blushing, I think.

"See, you can't even finish your sentence without garbling them." She made a sneaky look.

"Haven't you done it?" She said sipping her coffee.

"Yeah, like my fucking boyfriend isn't always around." I huffed.

"No way…Not even once? Not with Mike? What?"

My face warmed with her questions.

"Well unlike you, I haven't been that…generous to my boyfriend." I said, not looking at her.

She didn't say anything, just looked at me waiting.

"It didn't feel right doing it with him." I mumbled my words out of embarrassment.

"It's all…petting, and it's not even heavy…I think, maybe, that's why he's been cold all the time." I bit my cheek.

"Well, he sure don't deserve it." She gaped at me. "He's a moron."

"Do Edward deserves it?" My words came out rushing catching Alice off guard.

Her eyes widen in…merriment?

"No…We didn't…shut up!" I immediately contempt what she might be thinking.

"Though, we tried." I murmured in defeat.

"O-M-F-G!" Did she really have to spell it?

"And you think I am a slut?" She snickered.

I couldn't look at her.

She smacked my shoulder. "Bella, deets!" She almost bounced.

"I thought you didn't like Edward for me?" I glowered at her.

"Did you actually hear me say that? Of course I do! I am just saying, give him the chance to discover himself!" She scowled.

"What happened?" She put her face near me, I could easily smack her tiny face.

"Oh nothing. We're almost there when Charlie just have to knock on the door." I said meekly.

"Shoot!...You're in your room? How the hell did that happened?" Her eyes are so intrigued.

"Yeah!...How the hell did that happened?" I copied her words.

"I honestly don't know. He was just there outside and the next thing I know, I was…I think begging him to nail me…Or at least I seemed to…" I trailed unsure of the right words to describe what happened.

"What did he say?" She asked.

"About what?" I asked.

"About what happened?" Alice motioned with her right hand.

"Nothing. He didn't say anything. And what's worse, the day I thought he's going to straightened things once and for all, Jessica had to be around." My anguish can't be hidden in my voice.

Silence.

"I'm sorry." She pat my arm, her voice sympathetic again.

I smiled at her, discounting her sympathy "Oh don't be, that's what I get for putting my hopes high…You know, get real." I shrugged.

"You're silly. I think, you and Edward will make a great couple. You compliment each other. You just have to give it some time." She said putting her tiny hands in her cheek.

"Like…wait…seriously…How pathetic can I be Alice?" I chuckled sourly.

"You'll see Bella. I rarely get wrong on my impressions. It's like my fashion, I never go wrong." She chirped.

It was almost 8 pm when she decided to leave, thanking me profusely for the meal while holding two pieces of the Christmas cookie I made.

After I showered, I lay in my bed waiting for the dear sleep to come, twisting and turning.

I sent a text message to Edward's cellphone. Yeah, I am pathetic. And I am waiting.

_Merry Christmas! I'd love to cook you fettuccine._

When I sent it, I suddenly felt embarrassed of my obvious suggestion.

But he replied.

_I'd love to taste them. I really fucking love to._

My heart thumped helplessly. What should I reply? Should I reply back? It's just his reply, should I reply on his reply?

Darn fettuccine, I should have thought of something else. I should have not texted him.

I rolled over my bed clutching my phone. I closed my eyes, thinking hard of what to say.

I heard my window slid.

I got up startled but composed my self when I saw it was Edward coming in from the window.

His eyes are fixed on mine. He was wearing a white shirt under an open button down polo with its sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

He plunged into the bed, falling exactly in front of me.

He kissed me wildly, his tongue circling the inside of my mouth, fighting with my tongue.

I pulled his shirt up, when I felt his hand is trying to slide inside my shirt. He moaned when he reached my bare breast, immediately cupping it in his hand.

He pulled my shirt up, exposing both my boobs, and began licking the other breast as he fondled the other with his left hand.

My back is arched in arousal, I could feel a warm moisture trying to escape my throbbing pussy.

He lowered his licks down to my ribs, his hands touching the either side of my body. He stopped to lick the area just below my navel, while his hands were clutching the bands of my boy shorts.

He pulled them down hastily not waiting for me to pull my buttocks up. He played the thin hair on top of my pussy before grabbing my thigh away from each other.

He began snuggling the folds of my pussy. First it was smacks, but a moment later, his lips are sort of having a fight with the lips I have down there.

He slid one of his fingers inside it, and I gasped, no I moaned, in pleasure, too much pleasure.

I never thought sex can be this…mouthwatering, and we weren't even having sex yet.

I couldn't control myself, my thighs are trembling, and I felt like, the inside of my body is going to burst.

I kicked Edward, he fell down the bed as I writhed, in pleasure, twisting my legs together.

He attempted to touch me but I cringed. He made comforting touches on my legs until I felt the surge of pleasure subside.

I got up and began unbuckling his belt, struggling to open his button-plied jeans while he was kissing me, passionately.

When I finally opened them, he pushed me lightly to lie down again on top of me. He guided his cock inside my pussy, slowly.

He whispered between moans that my pussy is so wet, my whole body is tingling again.

I felt his thrust gain momentum. He sucked my neck and then went down to circle my nipples with his tongue.

My head is spinning in glory. I kept on sighing his name. My back is arched towards him so he can pound my pussy even more and suck my nipples with all of his mouth.

Finally, I felt his thrusting became frantic, and I know he's close to coming,

I put my legs up in his back, giving him more space to thrust in. And as he thrust harder, I felt my insides bursting, I arched my back again…

_Blagg!_

"Ouch!" I clutched the side of my face that hit the floor, kneeling in the dark, confused.

The alarm clock in my bedside read 2:30.

I waited until my eyes adjust themselves in the dark, and then I went to my bedside to open the lamp.

I went to my underwear drawer, brushing my eyes profusely with my both hands.

"Fucking Fettuccine…Fucking garden arbor" I murmured in dismay that it was all just a fucking dream.

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A/N

Ohh...sorry fellas, Mike is still around. I know! I haven't found a rabid dog yet in the city impound.

Your reviews/comments and clicks are like boosters indeed.

Thanks a lot.

How are you enjoying the story so far?

xoxo-M


	19. Parents are no fun

A/N

I know right, we love dreams, especially if Edward was in it!

Thanks for your comments/reviews and clicks, sleepless nights are so worth it.

Please don't hate me, my heart is a little bit weary, bear with me on the next chapters.

Thanks so much!

xoxo-M

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**I do not own Twilight and its characters, SMeyer does, only the story in here.**

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CHAPTER 19

EDWARD

It has been about half an hour since Bella has texted and I replied. I was waiting for another reply from her, ready to have a conversation with her, but after my reply, my phone fell silent.

I drove to her street, circling several times, but her house was dark, even the Christmas lights which usually flickered even late at night are not turned on.

I considered calling her, but the sight of her gloomy house on Christmas night suggested she is not available, probably with her father somewhere else.

I stayed in front of her house for a good half an hour watching for any sign of activity, but have noticed none, so I ended up having to spend the Christmas night with my family.

My mother was done delivering gifts to the less fortunate, a usual Christmas activity for her. She has been counting on us to help her ever since she started her sort of foundation, but was never able to drag me and Emmett again since the idea of giving gifts to the others has been outweighed by the urge to list down numbers of the girls we meet in the activity.

We were at the living room by the large fire place, my mother and father were dancing in an old song by Frederic Chopin. Emmett and I are looking at each other with disgust on the view of our parents gooey eyed with each other.

My father is wearing dark gray pants with off-white oxford long sleeves rolled to his elbows. My mother was wearing an India Green colored tube with a large bow in the center of her chest. More like of a present, I supposed.

They were twirling, the smiles in their face apparent, and their love, palpable, I almost felt nauseous.

This is our usual Christmas night ritual, ever since. Long time ago, my mother used to dance with us, with Emmett usually, as I play the piano for them.

I suddenly felt a lump in my throat.

I gave up with the scene that is happening in front of me. It was giving me a heart ache.

I stood up ready to go to my room ready to just mope around, but my mom caught my hand, and pulled me in the middle of the large living room, and started dancing in waltz with the new piano piece that's playing.

I could see in her eyes how she missed moments like these too. It was because of her that I learned to dance almost all of the ancient dances. She was also the one who encouraged me to play the piano, coming from an elite family, she used to hold my tiny hands when I cannot reach the keys.

My breathing was getting heavier. I could feel in every sway and twirl that we made sending us to every part of our living room, the enormous amount of feeling gushing out of me.

I missed my mom.

My relationship with her fell cold three years ago, when she almost lost me. Ever since, she had shunned every opportunity for me to shine and discover other things for myself.

Of course I could not blame her, I wouldn't. But the emotional scar it has left has always been there, I could see it, touch it and feel it from time to time.

I stopped dancing. I smiled at her.

She put her arm on my shoulder as we made our way to the couch were Emmett and Dad are sitting.

"I am going for a wardrobe refill tomorrow, you guys have to come with me. Your cabinets need a fix too." She said cupping her champagne glass in her right hand, while she crosses her legs.

"Honey, I have a symposium tomorrow, remember?" My father immediately said.

"Emmett?" She darted her eyes on Emmett.

"Rosalie." He said raising his hands, palms forward.

When she looked at me, I know I am the only alternative left. And because I was the one who doesn't have anything to do but mope around, I am the best alternative.

"Don't you have a driver?" I said putting my foot in the mahogany disproportionate center table.

"Honey…Come with me." She said holding my leg, slowly putting it down.

I just put the other leg up. I know she doesn't like us putting our feet on top of her furniture.

"Okay…" I said in defeat. I could use some city buzz, I thought.

"But just to drive you around, mother." I looked at her annoyingly.

"Aww…Edward is all grown up now mother." Emmett laughed his loud voice echoing at the twinkling lights lit room.

I shoved Emmett's arms trying to start a fight, and he shoved me back, but before he could stand I smacked the back of his head and ran upstairs, laughing.

He followed me shouting "You're dead Edward!"

I heard my mother shouted "Boys!" with a warning tone.

When I got up the stairs, I stopped and waited for Emmett. He was chuckling when he saw me because we know that this is what we usually do to escape from the sight of our parents, pretend a fight.

"You moron, I don't want to go with her to the city." I hissed.

"Sorry bro. Not tomorrow." He chuckled.

I scratched my head on my way to my room, thinking of how I can let the time pass tomorrow without having to engage myself in a conversation with her.

***

"Wait there Edward." She left me before I could say something.

I followed her with my eyes and saw when a tall man in an offensive shade of pink long sleeves, probably a homo, came and embraced her as she entered a boutique.

"Another one." I sighed looking helplessly on the numerous paper bags I'm holding.

I turned around and started to wander aimlessly beside the boutique.

I saw a cinema and went near to look at the movies being shown. I smiled on a thought of bringing someone to watch with, with the romantic movies.

"Righteous." I chuckled with the thought.

"Edward?" A soft familiar voice called behind me. I thought I was in wonderland or in heaven even.

I turned around and saw Bella wearing her favorite blue jacket with a light blue shirt inside topped with a multi-colored jersey. Her eyes are bright, exclaiming the delight of seeing me. Or I was just imagining the gleam I am seeing.

I went near her. She crossed her arms around her chest, pursing her lips together.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, with a timid smile.

I showed her the shopping bags I was holding.

"Bonding with mother." I chuckled.

"Shopping. Wow. That's refreshing." She nodded her head smiling from an inaudible joke.

"You have no idea." I jerked my brows up and down as I rolled my eyes expressing my nonchalance.

"I didn't know you like movies?" I said as I moved closer to her.

"Edward?" Another voice called up, this time from behind Bella, pausing me from my temporary relief.

"Who's your friend?" My mother inquired from afar, her both hands holding a paper bag tucked under her arms.

I lead Bella near her, holding her back all the while. We stopped when we were a few steps way from her.

"Bella, Mom, Mom, Bella." I said without lifting my hands to point each one of them.

Bella held her hand to shake my mother's hands with a smile showing her enthusiasm to meet her.

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you Mrs. Cullen!" Fuck, definitely enthusiastic. So pretty, I thought.

But my mom just pressed her lips together in a tight line, showing Bella she has a hand full for a hand shake.

I felt a prick in my heart.

"Well, can we go now Edward?" She turned to leave looking behind her shoulders when she noticed I didn't follow. "Please?" She added.

"My mother…" I started but was cut off when a male voice coming from the exit of the cinema called Bella's name.

"Bella!" Mike ran towards us.

My mood turned sour in an instant. I tried to continue what I was going to say to Bella, but now only for politeness sake.

"My mother…" I repeated. "…used the word please, but have you noticed her fucking tone? I sighed. I frowned.

"I'll see you soon." I squeezed her arm lightly, passing Mike without even throwing a glance at him.

My mother was already standing beside the passenger door of the Volvo, looking at her nails.

She immediately slid inside the car after she handed me two more of her purchases.

After a few moments of silence, she began talking. I exactly know what's coming.

"Who's your friend?" She repeated her earlier inquiry.

"I told you." I said casually, looking straight in the road.

"Do I know her?" She was facing me, her voice quizzed.

"Umm. I don't know Mom. She's new here." I answered, expressionless. I don't want to do this.

But she didn't talk, she just continued looking at me, with those interrogating eyes.

I know this, and this is not exactly happening right now.

I sighed. She didn't change her reaction.

"Mom…"

She popped her eyes wide, reading the message my face was giving away.

"Edward…You know my rules about girls…" She said her eyes boring holes into my whole existence.

"I am not a child!" I shouted, glaring at the steering wheel.

"You don't know what you're doing!" She raised her voice, trying to threaten me.

It could have, if this happened a long time ago, but I was done with that part of my life.

I never moved on, because they don't want me to. I was trapped from where I stumbled, they helped me stand up, but they did not let me try my feet again on my own.

My mind and my heart are throbbing in repulsion.

"Look mother…" I looked at her with pleading eyes "You have to trust me on this."

Her face didn't change its expression.

"Please, Mom?" I mumbled, without looking at her.

But she did not say anything again.

I could feel the veins in my forehead all showing up.

***

"And they call her compassionate?" I murmured stomping my feet on my way to my room.

I left her shuffling with her shopping bags in the garage. She could call me whatever she wants, but I am done doing my mommy's little boy thing.

"What the hell does that even means…" I asked myself sarcastically. "Oh Please…"

I was so frustrated I slumped on my bed, with the clothes I was wearing then.

I thought of calling Bella, I have nothing else to occupy my mind, but I remembered, hesitantly that she could probably still be with the fucking prick.

I heaved a sigh.

The universe hates me.

"When are these going to end? When is she going to wake up? Mike is just fooling her." I bitterly thought.

I wandered to my room, having nothing to do. I do not want to start web browsing again, I might end up hooked on those overly graphic for adults only websites.

I don't want to have another nightmare. I groaned.

I sat on my computer table, debating with my mind if I should give in with the devilish call of this little black piece of machine.

I suddenly remembered that Jasper told me of a website full of girls making out. I playfully rolled my eyes.

I opened a drawer trying to find the post it pad where I wrote the site he gave me when we were talking over the phone the other day.

My fingers brushed with a familiar texture of a velvet blue thick binder. I froze, not sure what to do with it.

My left hand was still holding the bronzed handle of the drawer, while my right hand is wide open suspended in the air, almost trembling from indecision.

I stretched both my hands, and grabbed the binder, yanking it from the other things on top of it.

I slowly put it between my hands and then brought it near my chest. I heave a sigh and made my way on top of my bed.

BELLA

"What the hell was that?" I spun around to see Mike's irritated expression.

I was looking at Edward's retreating figure towards his silver Volvo, his back is hunched, both hands shoved in his pocket.

"What?" I fluttered my eyes to Mike.

I gaped my eyes to Mike when he flared his nostrils. Definitely irritated.

"Did you…? Did you meet him here?" He pointed at Edward's location with his middle finger.

I angled my face towards him, sending him my confusion and my agitation of his insinuations.

And then I snorted. My agitation grew into fury.

"Yeah…I told him to meet me here…and bring his fucking mother!" I almost shouted the words to him, good thing there are bystanders walking by.

I broke into tears.

"What is wrong with you?" I cried.

"What's wrong with me? What is wrong with you Bella? What are you doing?!" He exclaimed not minding the people that are now staring at me.

"Why are you picking a fight?" I croaked.

"I am trying to make this right, Mike…but you have to help me." I said calmly.

"I can't do this now Bella." He gritted, and then turned around.

I froze.

Did he just walk out on me? Fucking Mike Newton. My mind is shouting in revolt.

My tears silently fell down my cheeks as I turned around, making my way to the empty sidewalk.

Where the hell are the cabs here?

***

I came home bitter.

I was having a little hope this morning when Mike called to ask me if I wanted to see a movie in Port Angeles.

I must have been jumping in excitement.

After months of agonizing self sacrifice, I thought, Mike has come around and decided to make this right.

But now, it just rescinded.

Why did I give too much effort on this relationship thing, when I actually wasn't ready to give up something he wanted?

I was done crying in the cab.

The driver kept on checking me out his rear view mirror, actually creeping me out.

I waited for what it felt like years for the cab to arrive. I was feeling uneasy already because the establishments where I was waiting for the cabs are mostly closing.

I couldn't call my Dad. If he learned Mike ditched me, he'll most probably have him arrested. I don't want any trouble from another Stepford wife.

I sighed. Stepford wife. Stepford mom.

I was itching to call Edward. I know he wouldn't mind picking me up. But what would he say? He could just laugh on my disastrous date.

I suddenly realized what Mike has done. He left me, alone. No car to ride home, in a place still new to me.

He abandoned me, he neglected me.

He doesn't love me at all.

"Wow! And it took you forever to admit the facts Bella." I blurted out to myself.

I hurriedly slid the first cab that came. I was usually picky on the cabs that I ride on, checking the face of the driver first, but I needed to go home. I thought, I would just pray so hard to the higher power to look after me, because the boy, fuck…boy, so childish, who is supposed to take me home decided to just ditch me instead.

Though I have come to the realization of the nearing end of my relationship with Mike, I still couldn't help shed tears for my apparent lack of self preservation.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" Dad asked me when I silently entered the living room. He was clutching a bag of microwavable pop corn, looking intently on it.

I held my hand to get the popcorn bag from him, and made my way to the kitchen.

"You should have told me you wanted popcorn. The movie house has a lot. I bet they'll just sell tomorrow the ones left tonight." I said loudly against the drowning sound of our dated microwave.

"I didn't know you have one of those, I thought I'll just try." He shouted.

"Yeah…You'll probably just end up eating un popped corn." I murmured.

I transferred the popcorn in a deep bowl, popping two pieces in my mouth as I find a spot in the couch.

The yellow couch looked like it has been slept on for years. Throw pillows are disproportionate, and the fleece that I fold every single day was once again stashed on the floor, looking awry.

I sighed, smiling. My dad is such a pig. I handed him the bowl of popcorn as I picked up the fleece and draped it in my legs.

I put my boots on top of the center table, not minding the dried mud falling off of it. I will be cleaning it by myself anyway.

"What are we watching?" I chirped bending half my body to pick up a handful of popcorn.

"Wanted. My colleague lend me the DVD, he said it's really nice. It's the daughter of that man who got eaten by a large anaconda…What's his name?" He gushed the words in a rustled sound from a mouth full of popcorn.

I laughed at how he looked. He was trying so hard to figure out what button to press in the remote control due to the flickering light coming out from the television.

"Jon something…" I circled my hand trying to remember the name. "Angelina Jolie's father" I chuckled giving up on his name.

"Yeah, Angelina. Isn't she the reason why Ben Affleck left Jennifer Aniston?" He gave up on the remote and hand it to me.

I squinted to see the buttons of the remote, laughing on his lack of proper details on the gossips of the entertainment world.

"Dad…Ben Affleck left Jennifer Lopez for Jennifer Garner. Jennifer Aniston was left by Brad Pitt for Angelina Jolie. The gossip channel you're watching isn't credible." I said putting my feet back again in the center table as I eagerly wait for the movie to start playing.

He laughed on his ignorance. "Ugh, they're all named Jennifer!" He grabbed a few pieces of the popcorn and shoot it in his mouth, and settled in the center of the other couch in the middle of the living room.

I secretly watched him as the flickers from the TV lit his face from time to time. He's happy, doing nothing but sitting in this multi colored wall he and my mom started building some 17 years ago.

How did a love so passionate at first ended up to moments like this. I couldn't help feel pity on him, my mother has moved on, married Phil, and now starting her life all over again. He, on the other hand, has just started to open his doors to welcome opportunities to move on.

What had taken him so long? Was he still hoping maybe my mom would come back? How does a love like that goes wrong anyway?

His eyes are wide, in awe of the scene unfolding in the movie. I was feeling all melancholy even if I was watching an action packed movie.

I sniffed silently, focusing my attention on the TV screen, looking at how Angelina Jolie effortlessly protects herself from any danger, I suddenly realized how weak I have been letting someone like Mike drag me like an idiot in our relationship.

Edward too. And even that bullshit Junior back in Phoenix. They have all been playing with my emotions. Have I learned nothing?

I couldn't understand what's going on in the movie. I could only see the unbelievable sequences of running, fighting and gymnastics. Had it not from my father's verbal expression of awe, I could have froze right there and then.

I was really feeling cold. Not from the weather, but from the emptiness I was feeling.

How am I supposed to move on? How do you stand up when you fall in a smooth frozen stream if you are wearing ice skates? I chuckled bitterly on my analogy.

Yes, standing up after a bad fall in a frozen surface in ice skates is tricky. "Slowly, bending my knees." I murmured remembering my figure skating lessons ten years ago.

I looked at my Dad again, and then darted my gaze on the TV screen when he looked at me too, cocking his eyebrow.

I don't want to be like my Dad, sitting helplessly in the corner, waiting for my life to open a new door. I will be like Angelina Jolie, I won't let anyone hurt me unless I allowed them to.

I stood up to grab some cola in the refrigerator. I opened mine and had a sip before I came back the living room holding out Charlie's cola for him.


	20. Confusion rocking the boat

A/N

I really wanted to let this out my system, so I can start working properly.

This is a very short chapter, I wanted this one to be all about Edward.

I'd like to suggest you listen to **Before Dawn-Isaac Shepard **or** Wish-S.E.N.S.** while you're reading it, totally amplifies the emotions.

Haha. I don't know with you, actually.

Tell me whatcha think, Okay? Please.

BTW, I am so enjoying your comments in the previous posts.

Thanks a lot. I hope you'll keep on checking for updates.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**This story isn't totally mine, nor Stephenie Meyer's, we share...or I share some from her.**

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CHAPTER 20

EDWARD

I was walking slowly to my bed, as if the binder I was holding weighs a ton. My breathing is becoming heavier as I near my bed.

It has been a while since I have given this blue velvet binder any attention. The last time I dared open it, I made sure afterwards to stack it in the bottom pile of my unused journals.

I burned my old journals, afraid of the memories I despise to come back, only leaving me confused of everything once again.

I used to journal everything. When I met Tanya, I wrote even more. Every day is like a new day to me. Of course, only those days that I remember. That is why, I see to it that I write them, because most of the memories I had with Tanya were ethereal, almost like imaginations, hallucinations.

Emmett helped me gas them and burn in an empty little space near the river in our place. He said it would help me heal if I wouldn't see much of my memories.

He convinced me in doing such after a long brotherly talk, evidence of how much a big brother he is to me.

He cried not once but a lot during that lengthy conversation. He said, it kills him to see me throwing my life for a person that would never come back.

Of course I begged him to spare this binder, I couldn't bear to see the fire burn to ashes the only memory of Tanya, the only thing that was left of her, memories.

I haven't opened it since the burning of journals. And now, with all the Tanya nightmares coming back, I don't know what this opening of memories will bring.

I sat in the middle near the head board, I crossed my legs, my heart is pounding and my hands are trembling.

I fingered the soft velvet cover of the binder, making circle patterns on the cloth.

I swallowed as a lump felt to be forming in my throat.

My tears flowed unhindered into my cheeks as the happy face of Tanya smiling at me with an incredible blue eyes greeted me when I opened the binder.

I put my hands on each side of my face feeling the warm moisture trailing my cheeks. I smiled at the photo, remembering exactly how I've gotten it.

It was exactly a week after I met her in a house party Emmett dragged me into. She was the sister of the host. I dared talk to her thinking she's older than me, judging by how she dressed, a fitted plunging neckline red top, with a skirt dangling in her small waist, draping just a portion of her slim legs.

She was older than me, a lot older. Junior High. I am just in Middle School. She was smaller than me though. Her hair is so straight, a color of blond with a hint of red, flowing freely at her back.

She was smoking in the corner.

At first she was looking at me like I am some kind of a loser, but she entertained me the moment I asked for a smoke.

Of course, I wasn't really into smoking then, but I have tried once. Emmett said I need to experience those.

A week of calls and text messages, she asked me to come over her dorm room. She was wearing a yellow tank top and a skirt that covered just right down her buttocks.

I lost my virginity that night, in her dorm room, while her room mate is out. After we made out, I wandered in her study table, trying to know more about her, and found this pretty picture of her pinned in the cork board on the wall in front of the table along with many other post-it notes.

It was a photo taken a few years back according to her, her hair was cut to her shoulders, sticking every where. She has a thin black head band that gathered her bangs together.

She's wearing a green blouse with a string made to a bow on top. She isn't wearing any make up, which made her face a little pale, yet so refreshingly beautiful.

She caught me looking at it, she slumped in her study table, foot up the chair.

"_You want it, you can have it."_

My voice trembled as I spoke the words I remembered her telling me that night.

I sniffed. My lips have a sign of a faint smile, though the tears haven't stopped from falling.

I turned the next page, and saw a dried leaf with Tanya's handwriting.

_I will come back soon. I promise._

I ran my fingers on top of the plastic covering the dried leaf. I bit my lip trying so hard to hide the sudden howl coming out my mouth.

That was the note she left my door when she left to hide away from me.

My chest felt so heavy. I kept on heaving a sigh. I think I am going to pass out from lack of air going inside my lungs.

My tears were falling on top of the plastic cover of the page, and I frantically wipe it with the edge of my shirt.

I couldn't see from the pool of tears in my eyes still waiting for their turn to finally run and be free from hiding.

"Tanya." I whispered.

I breathe through my mouth.

My hands are shaking from anguish I have been hiding for a long time.

I tried to open the next page, I closed my eyes again, pressing the pooled tears in it which made them fall on the page I was so afraid to look at.

It was the picture I have taken from my camera, the first time we went out swimming in a secluded stream near my place in Chicago.

Her face was once again cleared from any trace of make up, her hair stuck together from wetness. She was lying on the mat we laid in the grass. Her feet are crossed together in the air. I called her from behind and took the picture as she turned her head to look at me.

Her face was lit by the sun setting, showing the pale brown freckles running from her both cheeks to the bridge of her nose.

I looked at her eyes in the photo, trying to remember the exact moment. I closed my eyes and breathed deep as the memory of the smell of the breeze coming from the stream washed my senses.

I ran my fingers on her face, and chuckled as I remembered how she doesn't like her face being touched and would always spat my hands away.

I bended my knees to my chest clutching the binder between as my weeping became relentless.

I closed my eyes again and called her name, imagining how she'll turn around to catch me looking at her.

I closed the binder, I couldn't do this anymore.

I lay down on my side still clutching the binder near my heart.

"Tanya." I whispered once again, my howling had eventually stopped and with only the silent trailing of my tears were left.

"Where are you?" I closed my eyes, remembering the way her eyes flutters open and close when she speaks, and how it pop wide open when she's in deep thinking.

"Why did you leave me…" My breathing became even, sniffling from time to time.

I was lulled to sleep by my memory of her voice explaining me, why she had to go.

I dreamed.

It was a very familiar sight. The couch is black, the walls are painted in blue and yellow. The yellow window drapes are gathered in both sides with blue hued tassels. There is a long black love seat in the other side of the black couch. In the other side near the wall is a circle side table with a tall yellow cylinder flower base with just a single white daisy in it.

I threw my back pack in the wooden floor and plunged in the middle of the couch and picked up the remote control.

My mother came banging the large wooden door after her.

"You are staying away from that girl Edward!" Her voice was from the top of her lungs.

I focused my attention in flipping channels in our flat screen. I am not having this conversation with her.

My mother has just picked me up from school, having been called by the principal. I haven't' been attending classes for the past week.

I was a straight A student. Tanya however, is a happy go lucky gal, who takes studying one step at a time.

She would cut classes, and tug me from my room just to hang out in her dorm room.

"Did you hear me young man?" She grabbed the remote control in my hand, and banged it in the black square little table in front of me.

"Why? Because you don't like her?" I looked at her from the side of my eyes.

"She is not good for you!" She exclaimed.

"And how would you know that mother?" I stood up, my voice unbelievably calm despite the situation.

"Because you saw her…Jeez mother, you don't even know her…She's an amaz…" I halted.

She halted me with her hands.

"I know what kind of person she is." Her voice is hard and firm.

"Look at her, she's all covered in make-up, and her skin is so pale." She continued.

"Oh please mom." I said shaking my head.

"Edward! You listen to me. You are staying away from her!" She shouted again.

"Why?!!! Because she's not your type? Mother, you can't do this to me?!" I shouted back.

"Can't you see, she's turning you into someone else?!" She lifted her hand.

"Are you in drugs too?" She croaked.

I gasped.

I sat up clutching my hair in both hands. My head is throbbing from pain, too much crying and thinking perhaps.

I went down the stairs after checking that it was already past midnight, my mother must be tucked comfortably in her bed.

I huffed, I could use a smoke right this very moment.

Emmett just got in, as evident to his ravaging in the refrigerator for something to eat, still in his get up clothes. I tapped his shoulder while his head is still inside rummaging.

"Hey, little bro." He raised his eyebrow.

"Still up?" I pretended to not to notice he just arrived.

"Just got home."

"I know…" I chuckled. "You dog!"

We sat in the small table, while I popped a headache medicine.

"What's up with you?" He mumbled the words as he stuffed his mouth with a jello looking suspiciously at the medicine.

I flicked the case of the pill at him.

"Memories." I shrugged.

I rarely get ashamed of my feelings when it comes to Emmett. He understands me and my predicament, always offering a helping hand, especially during those times I was still mourning Tanya.

"Edward." He dropped his spoon silently in the glass topped table and leaned his back in the backrest of the cushioned chair.

I told him the story that happened in Port Angeles, when Mom gave me the Tanya impression when she met Bella.

He shook his head in disbelief.

I told him I looked at the binder, saw some pages and that was it, I dreamed of her again when I fell asleep.

"I told you…" He started.

I sighed.

"Emmett…I am tired keeping my emotions hidden. Whenever she comes back I always get lost in my emotions." I said looking at the glass of water I was clutching between my hands.

"It hurts." I croaked. I sniffled.

"Dude…You have come a long way. You've done such a good work moving on…This is not the time to be coming back to where you came from." He said in a low voice.

"You have not been hiding your emotions. You are growing up. You have grown up. You have come to the point where you finally came to your senses and realized she's not coming back." He said continuously.

I am feeling a little nauseous. I gulped air. I haven't been breathing, I think.

"Letting go of her, doesn't mean you'll forget her Edward. You loved her, I get it, but she's gone, and she's not coming back. Don't just turn your back to your life." He said motioning his hand in the air.

"Things like these will always happen, it doesn't mean you'll hide from it, it doesn't mean you won't let it happen. You have to, and you'll see the more you familiarize yourself that Tanya is just a memory, you will be able to go on, unattached." He added.

"C'mon Dude…I think I told you those already." He chuckled.

I chuckled too. "Actually."

"So, C'mon…Bella's waiting for you." He swatted the side of my arm. I could see the twinkling in his eyes. Excitement.

"She's a nice girl Edward. She deserves a good guy like you. Show her the real you. You deserve each other."

"Bella's waiting for me…Right." I nodded sarcastically.

"She's just confused Bro. Newton knows how to woo…you fucked that up." He said teasing me.

"I know."


	21. Fireworks that gives more than a blast

A/N

Okay, glad we're over with Edward's past...for now. More enlightenment to follow.

Breathe my friends, we're almost to the happy moments.

Are you still with me?

Wow, your reviews/comments are awesome, I really appreciate the time you spared reading my story.

xoxo-M

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**Twilight is totally Stephenie Meyer's idea, I just made a slightly different story. Slightly. Nonetheless, the story is mine, only the characters are hers.  
**

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CHAPTER 21

BELLA

"It's good you're here Bella." Mrs. Clearwater said behind me while I was busy lining the food in the table we prepared for the New Year's Eve celebration.

I turned around to nod at her and gave out a timid smile.

She's actually a nice woman. Definitely matured than my mother.

"You're very good in the kitchen…" She said, I think for the 10th time while putting the egg salad in the table, then turned back to the kitchen.

"My daughter here…" Pointing to her "Lea, only knows how to fry an egg…" She said sullenly, raising her eyebrow.

Lea was rolling her eyes in front of me as she put the glasses in the corner of the table.

We chuckled silently.

It was almost midnight, the men are in the living room having fun watching the replay of a soccer game.

Mrs. Clearwater invited us, including the others to celebrate the coming of the New Year together in their house. It was a pretty big group, lots of men and lots of kids. Chaos. Noisy.

I thought I will be cooking lots of food again and eating it alone like last Christmas, but thankfully, she thought that because it was only me and my Dad who's going to celebrate together, it will be fun to just join the celebration as one big happy family.

My phone is ringing. I excused myself from Lea and went out the house passing by the loudly cheering men in front of a bulky television.

I sighed when I saw who's calling.

"Mike." I greeted him with zero feelings at all.

"Baby…I'm so sorry." I can imagine how his face looked when he's saying those words. He's always saying sorry to me.

"Let me see…You left me with no ride home, you failed to apologize for almost a week, and now you're calling to say you're sorry…Why? Why do you even bother Mike…?" I said continuously cutting him in every instance that he wanted to butt in and explain himself.

Finally when I was done in my nagging, he sighed.

"I know baby, I am so sorry. Can you give me another chance? Please." He said in his most guttural voice.

"I don't know Mike."

I turned around to see the invitees from Mrs. Clearwater's house all outside the front lawn excitedly counting backwards.

The night skies were illuminated momentarily by twinkling glitters from fireworks.

"Mike, I have to go." I said gloomily.

"I promise I'll make it up to you. I'm so sorry baby, really." He said once more.

"Whatever Mike." I hung up and joined the group skipping my way.

I hugged my Dad when the number went down to 0, signaling the changing of the year.

Firecrackers whistled and banged every corner, lovers kissed each other, children jumping up and down, screaming in joy.

I looked away when I saw my father looking for Mrs. Clearwater, I surely don't want to know what's going to happen in that moment with them.

I looked up and saw thousands of twinkling lights forming all sorts of shapes in the dark skies, I smiled and said a little prayer.

My phone rang again. I don't want to get it from the back pocket of my jeans, thinking it could be Mike again, but then I realized it could be my Mom.

"Edward?" I mumbled in confusion and excitement when I saw his name and his picture in the caller id.

"Edward?" I said in almost a whisper when I answered the call.

"Hi Bella." His voice is so sweet, I felt my knees weakened.

"Fireworks." He said with a sigh.

"Yeah. Happy new year to you…" I know I sounded so eager.

Silence.

"Come tomorrow." He said with a hint of a smile in his voice.

"What?!" I shouted when a loud bang of firecracker erupted near me. I covered my other ear and went near the porch to get a better sound quality.

"I'm sorry, somebody threw a firecracker on me." I chuckled jokingly.

He chuckled too.

"Are you okay?" His voice faked a concern, then chuckled again.

"Oh, I'll live, don't worry." I said laughing.

"I want to see you tomorrow." His voice sounded serious again.

"What's up?" I tried to sound not so excited, but I think I didn't fool him.

"Emmett has party tomorrow, can you come?" He said chuckling, he must have sensed my enthusiasm.

Shoot, I sounded so excited, I thought.

I sighed, I am excited but what happened to my vow to take it easy? Bella! A voice inside me was shouting.

"Okay. What time?" I said biting my lip.

I need a breather, Mike sucks. I assured myself, that's all I wanted.

***

I think it's almost dawn when we went home. I fell asleep already in the couch amid the loud conversations of the people who I did not remember the names.

Lea kept on insisting to come with her in the room to catch some sleep, but I was way too ashamed of sleeping in someone else's bed especially because we weren't that close, yet.

I decided to close my eyes when I caught sight of my father and Mrs. Clearwater talking so close with their forehead almost touching. Unbearable.

And finally, only after everybody has left, my father has decided it's time to go to bed.

I think I could not sleep anymore, the sun will soon shine but I was still wide eyed on top of my bed.

I was thinking of a lot of things.

First, I really need to set things right with Mike. I gave up. Sure, I might…might, have given him another chance due to my nonchalance to talk to him last night, but I am going to fix it.

I am going to break up with him, and I am going to make it unforgettable for him, or at least I could try.

I sighed from a twinge. The days have gone so fast, and it ended up so wrong. Mike was too eager to get my attention not so long ago, and now...just lost the luster.

Next, Edward seemed to be having a lot of confusion in his mind, which in turn confuses the hell out of me too.

I think I could…I should try and talk to him what the hell is wrong with him…or with me.

Shoot! How the hell do I do that?

My eyes kept on blinking, from too much thinking.

I sighed and buried my face in my fluffy pillow, squeezing my eyes, trying so hard to shut my brain from thinking.

I woke up after hours of sleeping from a screaming tummy. I was hungry.

Thankfully, Mrs. Clearwater packed us some take out from the left over food last night. I began pilfering the bags, and sighed in relief when I found the package of spaghetti.

"Thank you, future Mrs. Swan." I chuckled.

The phone rang, I got up, bringing my empty plate in the sink. I covered my mouth, burping.

"Hello?" I slumped on the floor near the sink.

"Hey kid! You're up! I will be home late tonight, kay? You'll be fine?" Charlie said with a muffled voice like something's inside his mouth.

"Yeah, sure. What happened?" I said while I brush my hair with my fingers, remembering to use conditioner the next time I wash my hair.

"Nothing really, umm, lots of police work going on, overtime work, kid." His voice became clearer and then muffled again.

He's putting something in his mouth, and then I heard one of his colleagues called him.

"Got to go, you'll be fine?" He asked again.

"Oh Dad...I am going out tonight, party." I suddenly remembered Edward's invitation, and crossed my fingers that Charlie wouldn't ask more about it.

"Alright, don't get drunk again, alright? Bye, kid." He hung up.

I shot up from the floor, suddenly remembering I need to fix myself for the party.

I strode to my room to get my towel and hurried to the toilet.

I was blow drying my hair when my phone rang.

"Hi Baby!" Said the voice I was not wishing to hear today.

"Mike…" I said grimly.

"I'm on my way to the Cullen's, I'll pick you up in fifteen?" He said sounding excitedly.

I slumped on my bed massaging my forehead with my pointing finger. I think I am going to have a stroke.

I mouthed a big "what!" silently.

"Hey Bella…Are you there?" Puzzled Mike asked.

"Oh…Yeah. No." I don't know what to say. I was shuffling my brain filtering it for a right answer to give Mike.

"Umm…No…Don't pick me up. I don't want to go." I finally said, with a sigh.

Of course I am dying to go to the party. Party, in Edward's house, what's not to like? Fuck!

"You sure? It'll be fun!" He said, assuring.

"It's okay…" I sighed, my heart sank.

"You go have fun." I said cursing at the back of my mind.

After a minute of appealing me to come, Mike finally gave up and hang up, finally.

I plunged in my bed, face down. I think I need to cry this out.

I was almost ready, only a few more drying of the hair, lip gloss and then I am off. Why does Mike have to call now and spoil my day? I felt like I couldn't bury my face that much in the bed, to numb the throbbing pain I was feeling.

Thank goodness to last night's late night celebration coupled with tears from the torment I felt from skipping Edward's party, anxiety did not hamper me from falling asleep.

I woke up from a phone call, suddenly darting up from my buried position. My eyes squinted in the dark. It must be midnight already.

Where the hell is that phone? I thought, stomping my feet down the bed. My eyes caught the time flickering on top of my bed side table.

"Nine. Fuck." It's still early. My shoulders are feeling heavy as I made my way across my bed to the computer table where my phone is frantically ringing and vibrating at the same time.

It was Edward.

I hurriedly grabbed the phone but circled it in my palm as I bring it near my lips. I don't know what to say.

The phone stopped ringing, but started again after a few seconds of silence.

"Holy…" I mumbled.

I sat in the edge of my bed, fidgeting with the corner of my bedspread.

"Edward?" I answered with a question mark.

"Hey Bella…What's…Where are you?" He said unsure of words to say.

"Um…House?" I answered again with a question mark.

"You're not coming?" His voice was tainted.

I sighed. Why is it so hard to resist Edward's voice.

"Umm…Edward…I really want…I want to come, but Mike's there." I stated confused of my words.

"He's here?" His voice suddenly became hard.

I chuckled. "You didn't know? Isn't it your party…your house, the least?"

"Fucking Emmett must have invited him." He murmured gritting.

"I'm just not…I don't…" I was having a hard time filtering the words in my brain again.

"Can I go there instead?" He said in a rush.

I balked. I shook my head as if I was coming back from a cryogenic sleep.

"Umm…No." I bit my lip.

I heard him sigh.

"Dad." I just stated.

"Yeah…I know." He said sullenly.

"Well…I hope to see you soon Bella." He said and then hang up when I said goodbye.

I let out a gush of air from my mouth.

What a start of the year. No men…At all. I thought bitterly.

I left my phone in the edge of the bed, and decided to go downstairs to pilfer again, passing at my dresser to pick up the hair brush.

I absentmindedly walk down the stairs as I brush my now tangled hair. On my last step I heard a loud thud, seeing myself hugging the floor, I realized I have fallen down the stairs.

"Oh great!" I sighed, feeling more anxious. No men…falling down the stairs, I thought bitterly.

"Pfft." I made fishy lips and let out a sigh through it. "Some damn luck, what are the odds?"

I grabbed two small chicken pops in the container full of it, then popped it in the microwave.

I grabbed a cold bottle of juice and put it on top of my arm that hit the floor. I bet it'll be all bruised tomorrow.

I drowned the chicken pops in several gulps of coke and then gloomily made my way to my bed.

I grabbed my shirt and boxers from the drawer behind my door, when I caught the flash of light coming from my cell phone indicating I have an unread message.

I heaved a sigh as I sat in the edge of the bed to check the message.

_**I was hoping to see you so I could show you which of the fireworks looked like the ones in your hair.—Edward**_

I held my head for a moment. I know I heard that somewhere.

My eyes grew big when I realized where, and I stood up hastily finding my bag stacked under my computer table.

I knelt down throwing the things my hand caught inside as I crazily searched for the bundle of things that will confirm what I thought.

My heart was clouded with so much emotion. I don't know if I was happy or mad.


	22. Big bang

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer made a good fortune with Twilight and it's characters, so property is solely hers. On the other hand, the crap written in this chapter story are from my wildest thoughts, not hers. Could have a resemblance, but totally isn't all hers and ****neither**** all mine.  
**

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CHAPTER 22

BELLA

I hurriedly stepped down my truck the moment I pulled the keys off the engine. I caught my foot in a small stone lying near my step and tripped but didn't mind the throb of pain it gave from pinning my ankle in the hard pavement.

I eased my way inside the enormous Cullen house. It has a big lawn front, side and maybe at the back, swallowing it in the middle.

My hands are shoved in the pocket of my jacket, my eyes scanning every corner for any sign of the person I wanted to talk to.

I recognized Alice's short spiky hair in the corner, with the other Seniors. She was sitting on top of Jasper's legs bouncing up and down.

I twisted my mouth while shaking my head. "Alice." I murmured.

I turned around, and saw more of my school mates. I think, party people here never needed any invitation, they're like the same people I saw in Alice's party.

I went to the table in the corner and grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with beer. I gulped almost half of the contents of my cup. I really need this guts booster, I thought.

When I didn't see him, I started going up the stairwell, looking up first checking how high the stairs go up.

I got to the top of the stairs and started wandering, looking at the expensive looking paintings that hung proudly in the yellow inspired wall with white trimmings.

There was a room right after the stairs, I checked on it, but it was locked.

I bit my lip, and sighed. Engaged, I thought.

I walked some more and saw the edge of what appeared to be a receiving area with large brown couch.

I stopped and froze when I realized, across the brown couch is another large brown couch. And on that brown couch are two intertwined bodies which appeared to be seriously fighting, intimately.

I know those blue jacket with a yellow spartan logo, I know those blond hair that fall just right above the ears. And fuck I know the fingers painted in blood red caressing the both cheeks of the ass shamelessly bared in front of me.

"What the fuck is this?" I croaked, my tears warning helplessly to fall any minute.

Mike and Jessica were startled and immediately recoiled from one another causing Jessica's boobs to bobble from being freed maybe from Mike's hands or mouth.

Mike pulled his jeans up with an almost ghostly white face.

"Baby…" He started with a shaky voice, coming towards me.

Jessica sat in the corner of the couch with her messy hair all over her face trying frantically to shoot her boobs back in her tiny bras.

I ran.

But Mike followed.

My eyes pooled with tears that hasn't break out yet. My mind was shouting at me "Why the hell are you crying?!!!"

I thought I ran downstairs, to my surprise, when I blinked the tears in my eyes I found myself going up the next flight of stairs.

I thought of going back for a second but realized that Mike was behind me.

"Bella!" He barked.

I ran some more until I was on the next level of the house.

"Bella! Wait a minute!" Mike caught my hand and spun me around.

I shove his arms away from me "Don't touch me! You are such a fucking loser!" I shouted on top of my lungs.

But he pinned me on the wall, holding my wrists with his hands, against the wall. He began kissing me.

"Get off of me Mike! Fuck you! I hate you!" I was howling in distress.

But he was stronger than me, he pressed his lips harder on my neck this time all the time chanting "Bella…Bella…"

My face was flooded with tears, from torment, rage, fear and panic rolled into one. I blinked the tears from my eyes and in a matter of seconds, Mike flew in the air landing in the floor with a loud thud.

I blinked my eyes in confusion and then frantically wiped the tears with the back of my hand.

Mike's face was furious, he was looking straight on the person standing behind me.

I turned around and found Edward's eyes burning with anger, his fist are knuckled-white.

"Get off your hands from Bella…" He said with a low voice.

But Mike was feeling brave he started walking towards us.

"She's mine. What are you going to do Cullen?" He said sarcastically half running towards me.

I closed my eyes, my brain isn't working properly, I did not know what to do. My mind was playing pictures of two bears fighting for a single salmon. Damn sweet salmon!

When I finally opened my eyes, I witnessed how Edward moved just fast enough to shield me from Mike's hand trying to grab me, and punched him in the face. I swear I heard a bone cracked.

Mike fell on floor, his right hand clutching his bleeding nose.

My face grew hot, my tears fell crazily in my cheeks as my hands were clutching my head pulling my hair hard. I don't think I was able to make any sound. I couldn't breathe anymore, let alone scream or murmur anything.

Mike stood, and angled like he's about to retaliate, but Edward was fast shoving him in his chest causing him to fall in the flight of stairs. I closed my eyes playing scenes in my head again. The steps of the stairs aren't that much until the landing but he could have bump his head, broke his neck and die...Oh my God...Mike is dead! He died! Edward killed him! Because of me! I thought in so much panic.

I made little steps quivering with fear towards the stairwell where Edward was standing, still looking ferocious. I couldn't see his facial expression.

Before I could say a word, Edward shouted in the most fearsome voice I have ever heard of him.

"Touch Bella again, I am going to kill you." His voice mirrored his anger.

Mike shot up and turned around and went down the stairs holding the bridge of his bleeding nose.

I did not move. My eyes are still welling up tears. Edward stepped in front of me, pulling my hand to be able to walk until he sat me to a bench in what looked like a balcony overlooking their backyard ornamented with yellow lights hanging in every tree.

He did not talk. I hugged my knees to my chest, and waited for my tears to stop from falling.

"I'm sorry." He said in a guttural voice.

My tears began trailing again when I heard his voice, my heart felt like it was being tortured with hundreds of pins. I did not notice I was wailing until I felt Edward's hands brushed my back lightly up and down. I let out a bucket of tears before I had the courage to compose myself and began talking.

"Why did you let this happen to me?" I uttered in low sound between my sobs.

He stopped caressing my back and lowered his head to see my face which is still hidden in my tear-soaked pants.

He brushed my arms with the back of his hands, trying to console me. I pulled my head up to look at him and found his face inches from mine with a puzzled look.

I put my feet down the floor and pulled a set of bundled folded paper from my jacket pocket.

I gave it to him, his eyes are looking down as he got them from me, then he sat on the bench again beside me.

I angled my body facing him and brought my legs up and hugged them again. I rested my chin in my knees with my tear stained face looking directly on him.

"Why do you have to drag me in circles Edward?" I said with conviction.

"Why do you have to play with my emotions? Wh..." I added.

"I did not play with your emotions Bella." He said quickly cutting me.

"Then…Wh…" My eyes are gaping at him as I shot my head up.

But he caught me with his hand at the back of my head and pulled my face near his to land his soft lips over mine.

My tears began falling again, as I tried so hard to ignore the ecstasy his lips was giving me.

I tried not to kiss back, pushing him gently away from me but he just pressed his lips harder on mine angling so he could try and open it.

I eventually gave up with his imploring and savored every thrust of his tongue inside my mouth.

He let go of my head when a sob came out my mouth. But he cupped my cheeks with his hands, and wiped my tears with both his thumbs.

"I can't believe you thought Newton made these letters for you." He pulled my face up to urge me to look at his now gooey eyes.

I chuckled between my sobs.

"I never let you out of my sight, I never let you out my mind Bella." He said using his sexy, back tingling voice.

I bit my lip, my ego is definitely elated.

He pulled my head towards him, and embraced me real tight whispering in my ears "I love you, I always have."

He let go of me from his embrace but held my hands in both of his.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to figure how the hell I am going to tell you." He said looking directly into my eyes. The limited amount of light shining on his face showed his heartfelt admission.

I lowered my gaze into our twined hands, but he lifted my chin up again to look at his eyes.

"I thought you hated me…" I murmured.

"Since the gazebo…I am just so fuck...I am just a...coward, loser." He smiled at me.

I bit my lip again, as I blinked back the tears that were suspended in my eyes.

He pulled my face by my chin towards his and kissed me passionately, this time I did not protest.

He pulled my waist nearer his body and lifted me to straddle him. We were kissing passionately. He put his hands under my hair in my nape, caressing it and then down my back and then up in my nape again.

I pulled from the kiss, gasping for air.

I put my either hands on the sides of his face. I looked at his eyes intently trying to look pass those big blue eyes. I brushed my fingers on his eyes when he closed them, and then down his nose and his lips. He parted his lips and softly put my pointing finger between them.

He is such a beautiful man, I thought.

I slowly brushed his hair away from his forehead, bringing my face near his ears inhaling his scent.

He engulfed me in his tight embrace again, caressing my back up and down. I couldn't help break into a big smile, thinking of how awful I thought my new year began, and now I am here enjoying the moment enclosed in a tight embrace of the one person I have been wishing to be with.

EDWARD

The night sky was illuminated by a loud bang followed by streaks after streaks of tiny light creeping in all directions in different vivid colors.

I held Bella's hand towards the railing of the balcony to watch the display of fireworks.

Down the lawn was Emmett and his friends lighting the fireworks. They were having so much fun goofing around.

Another set of fireworks burst in the sky, I pulled Bella's shoulder and brought her in front of me, hugging her.

"That looks like the vines in your hair draping the back of your head." I whispered in her ears.

I pointed on the group of twinkling lights slowly fading resembling an open umbrella.

I spun her around to have a look at her face, the small amount of light coming from the fireworks display is enough to see how her tear stained eyes glow as they look intently on mine.

My heart felt a sting as I remember how she helplessly looked a while ago, with Mike pinning her in the wall like some kind of maniac.

I was alone then in my room, moping on top of my bed, throwing daggers on the blue velvet binder that still sits silently but deafening, on top of my side table.

I don't want to open it again, my feelings of angst from Tanya's untimely death was coming back, and that was because I was trying hard to move on and away from it when I met Bella.

I heard someone shouting Bella's name, and when I came out my room, my blood surged when I saw what Mike was trying to do to her.

If I did not know any better, I could have killed him right in front of Bella. I wasn't able to control my self, even with the sight of blood gushing his broken nose, I know I could have done more like throw him out the window. Good thing he knew when to back out.

I never wanted Bella to see me in my freak-ready-to-kill-or-die state, I never wanted her to have even just a slightest idea how delinquent a person I am, of course she already know that, but that part I really wanted to leave out.

I pinched her cheek when I noticed her biting her lip. I know she must have seen me lost in my thoughts again.

I embraced her again, feeling her tiny body enclosed in my hug.

I used to imagine how her body feels close to mine, like this, and now, she's a breath close to me. And incredibly, not a sign of my raging hormone is surfacing.

I sighed… "Ahhh."

She pulled her face away from my chest, and looked at me with puzzled eyes.

I just smiled at her, and tugged her hand inside.

"I want to show you my room."

She hesitated for a moment, looking down her feet.

I pulled her chin up, and noticed that she's biting her lip, and her eyes are wary.

"No Bella. I am not going to fuck you." I cocked my eyebrow and smiled at her reassuringly.

She fluttered her eyes and put a straight line in her lips.

I raised my eyebrows again looking at her facial expression.

I tugged her hand, chuckling.

"I know." I whispered in her ear as I brought her hand in my lips to plant a kiss on it.

I sighed when I opened my door, leading her inside. She hesitated to come inside, but I waited until she found her courage to make little steps inside.

It must have been so awkward for her being in the room of her…I sighed…What are we now? I asked my self.

She circled where she's standing looking obviously awed with the size of my bedroom, perhaps.

"What is this, you occupied the whole floor?" She chuckled in amazement.

I just chuckled.

She wandered to the shelves far on the wall, putting her hands on her waist.

I silently followed, catching a glimpse on her awed eyes looking at the books tucked in the black shelves.

"Oh…you don't like to read alright." She raised her eyebrow playfully, when she looked at me.

She pulled a book, smiled as she looked at the cover, then looked at me under her lashes. So fucking pretty.

She shoved the book in my chest "And you don't like Romeo and Juliet?" Her mouth has a sign of a smile waiting to break out.

I furrowed my forehead "I did not say I didn't like it." I was suppressing my smile too.

She rolled her eyes, made a fishy lip and tried to make her face looked serious.

"What's not to like with Romeo and Juliet?" I said making my way to the white velvet love seat in the corner.

She just remained standing in front of the shelves, her arms crossed in her chest. She was smiling at me.

"You and me against the world…blah blah blah." I chuckled. She snorted, and smiled showing her teeth.

She walked towards me, I pulled her hand and guided her to sit in my lap. She sat with her side in my chest and her right hand playing circles at the top of my head. My arms are wrapped around her waist.

"Don't you think it's a little childish?" She looked at me, but I just looked at her wanting her to continue.

"I mean, dying because your significant other left you. And other people look at it as selfless. Please. I mean, how selfish can you get throwing the life God has given you, just because of another creature that you yourself can't be sure he/she's the right one for you." She continued her analysis.

I can only look at her, intently digesting her thoughts.

"What about the other people who cared about you. Your parents, your friends. In Juliet's case, Paris. She wouldn't know if she's ever going to be happy with Paris."

"Death is the end of it all, there is no going back."

I chuckled inwardly. Does she know something about my ordeal?

"And here you are accusing me not liking Romeo and Juliet." I brushed her hair away from her shoulders.

She ran her fingers in my face, looking so fucking serene.

"Nobody needs to die. Why can't we live with just love." She bit her lip.

"I liked Romeo and Juliet, for the intensity of their passion for each other, but I just think, this is me okay...their love was conquered not by the people around them, not by the you and me against the world, but by their weakness to fight for their love. I mean...I'll just die, I'd rather be dead if not you...? Where the hell did you and me against the world go? Doesn't that phrase meant, whatever happens we'll fight for our love? " She continued explaining, shaking her head. And I think I am discovering some more reasons for me to love her even more.

"If Romeo wasn't that dorky of a boy killing himself, because of that stupid idea of Juliet pretending to be dead, they could have had a chance to be happy, maybe not right away, but...perhaps when the fight has run it's course? I don't know. I just think, there's always hope, until you give up hope." She pressed her lips in a tight line.

"Our world has too many problems, people dying everywhere, war, crimes, hunger. I mean, nobody needs to die for love, and it's not even the sacrificial dying like the ones written in the Bible…You know…" She lowered her head feeling embarrassed when she caught me looking at her eyes in awe.

"Wow…Alright." My shoulders are trembling from silent laughing.

Silence.

I touched her lips with my fingers. She bit her lip, and smiled with her eyes.

I heaved a sigh.

"So…what are we now…?" I licked my lips, and smirked.

She looked at me under her lashes, but she did not speak.

"I really like to call you my girlfriend." I whispered.

She put her arm in my shoulders and her left hand in my cheek, and planted a long passionate kiss in my lips.

She sighed and licked her lips when she pulled away.

"I like the sound of that." She smiled with a twinkle in her eyes.

I brushed her cheek with the back of my hand, trying to erase the trace of the tears she had shed awhile ago.

"I don't want to see you cry anymore Bella." I whispered.

"I am going to kill anyone who try to hurt you…" I murmured.

"Nobody needs to die...right." She chuckled, nodding her head sarcastically.

"Well that's a lot different from your lengthy analogy Ms. Swan."

I pulled her face near me again, wrapping her lips with mine, I poured the overflowing passion I am definitely feeling right at this very moment.

The whole time we're in my room, my heart is so overwhelmed with the love I feel for her.

I never ever realized that it was possible to bring a girl in your room without fucking her. I thought, that would always follow, but today, I have come to know, raging hormones can always be outsmarted.

I helped her stand, then tugged her hand outside my room.

"I'll show you the rest of the house." I giggled tugging her harder, she's playing hard to get.

I didn't have a lot of things to show her in my floor, it's basically my room there, a little balcony paralleled to the bigger one outside and a large receiving room.

When we get to the second floor, I pointed her the rooms of Emmett and my parents. She held my hand harder when we passed the couch where Mike and Jessica was frolicking a while back.

"Don't worry, I'll have it replaced tomorrow." I chuckled, she raised her eyebrow.

"That's easy, I'll just make a large rip in the middle, I'm sure my mother won't let it live to see another day in the house." I said pursing my lips.

"That's not necessary." She sighed, hiding a naughty smile.

"What?" I inquired.

"Nothing." She said biting the corner of her lip, and then tugged me down the hall to the stairs.

The living room, was half filled with drunk teen-agers. I made our way holding Bella's hand passing at Jasper and Alice who are getting cozy in the large couch facing the TV.

I held our twined hands up so the two can see, and their eyes both lit and flashed us a happy smile.

I caught sight of Bella's face, and she was winking at Alice while biting her lip.

I lead her outside the house where a little garden was. It has a little gazebo, with two bronzed chair.

We sat there for what felt like hours, talking about each other, old stories, new ones, gossips and almost everything. When we fell silent, we just looked at each other.

I have never let anyone see this side of me, I have never let anyone hear the stories I have to tell, play the jokes I have, the vanity I have in me, not even with Tanya.

I just realized, this must be what they call relationship. Not at all about sex and lust.

I insisted on taking her home, but she declined, knowing I don't have a ride back. She even joked I was just being polite on offering to drive her home in her truck.

I gave her a very passionate kiss while I leaned her back in her truck. She tugged the collar of my shirt as she kissed me back. I never wanted this night to end.

When I got back my room, I took time to go out my balcony. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, letting the cold breeze drown my senses. I opened my eyes to see little flickers of fireworks still popping from time to time in the sky.

"Fireworks." I whispered, with Bella in my mind.

I took the blue velvet binder from my bed side, holding it between my hands, I opened the drawer in my study table.

I looked at it once more.

"Tanya…One step at a time." I smiled at the binder and slid it inside the drawer, not stacking it under the rest of the books like I used to do.

There's no need to be afraid of it anymore, I will deal with it, one step at a time. I thought.

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A/N

Another one for the day, I made sure to finish it today, I crammed, pardon me for mistakes.

You see my friends, you could say my story has been so long already, and now finally E/B have admitted their longing for one another after what, 20th chapter?

I know, this is kinda boring, but as you could see, each chapter isn't really that long, I just figured i need to chop them on the best/proper scenarios, so that...I won't be staying the whole day (and night) trying to finish the whole story in one go.

I needed it to be that short, so I would be able to update at least everyday, or else, yeah I could really post my update in a very long chapter but I assure you I won't be posting an update in a day or two maybe even more. And based on my own experience, whenever I read a story I easily get bored reading a very long story in one go, I prefer one happening at a time, and take time to ponder on it, like something happened on that chapter, or something I will be itching to know the next chapter, like some freaking TV series.

Oh well, that's just me. Forgive me if I brought my attitude as a reader now that I am the one writing the story. I did not intend to bore you, promise.

Whoa, this A/N looked a little longer than the story above.

Again, thanks for giving me time to somehow entertain you, (I tried), and I hope you won't give up on my story, yet.

So, would you like it short or long?

xoxo-M

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A/N2

Lemons weren't squeezed that much. You know. We don't want their relation to be based on lemons.

It could just dry up fast, or worst, rot with fruit flies all over it.

Waity waity my dears.

We've got story to tell, not just lemons to squeeze :))

Keep reading, please? Your comments/reviews are so welcome.

xoxo-M

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	23. My boyfriend is going to beat your ass

**Disclaimer:**

**As always, I don't own Twilight and all of its characters. I borrowed them from SMeyer.**

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CHAPTER 23

BELLA

I must have been smiling in my sleep, because when I awoke, I am still wearing them.

I thought I have started the year in the wrong track but thankfully, everything fell into it's proper places, I hope.

Edward called me last night when I arrived home. and we still talked for what seemed like hours considering we've been talking the whole night in his house.

My phone rang again.

A smile broke into my lips when I saw who's calling.

"What, you're clingy now?" I stifled a laugh.

"Good morning...opppss...Um, afternoon I guess?" Edward mumbled, probably still lying in his bed.

"Yeah, good afternoon. How are you?" I bit my lip, I really felt a little cheesy.

"Oh well, here, just fucking thinking of you...ummm...sorry..." He balked.

"For what?" I stood up the bed.

"Hmmm. I really want to do this right, and by right I think I should start treating you right." He said.

I chuckled. "Yeah, like you never treated me right."

"No. I'm serious Bella. But you have to help me." He said, his voice sounded so serious.

"Ah-huh…So am I…umm" I stifled a laugh.

"Bella, fuck you…see…you have to not let me curse on you…" He lowered his voice.

"Don't be cra…" I started.

"No, Bella. Please…I really want to make everything right."

"Okay…let's see, I'll kiss you hard if you curse…" I bit my lip.

"Oh..That's…Oh…I could be cursing more! C'mon…be serious!" He chuckled.

"Edward…You don't need to change just because I am your girlfriend now…" I stopped for a second, savoring how the girlfriend word sounded.

"I like who you are, shit and fuck and all." I whispered.

"Yeah?" He asked sounding appalled.

"Ohhh yeah. It's not so bad, you don't need to feel so…weirded about it."

I heard a small laugh at the end of the line.

"Hey, are you up…I'll pick you up in a few…" His voice suddenly sounded excited.

"Umm…Yeah, where are we going?" I asked excitedly, darting to my closet to check on my clothes, rolling my eyes on how earnest I looked.

"I want to show you something…I'll be there in thirty minutes? You still need to change?" He chuckled.

"Why yes Mr. Cullen." I sneered. And then put the phone down.

I gaped on my clothes hanging in the closet picking them one by one then hanging them back again when I didn't like.

I settled on a double layered simple tank top, covered with a blue cardigan. I waited in the living room, when I was done showering, bundling my unwashed hair in my head.

When the door bell rang, I heaved a sigh to calm my self, but couldn't help skipping to the door.

But my face fell when I saw who's standing at the door step. Mike was wearing a very dark sun glasses, with almost all portion of his face painted in shades of green, purple red and yellow.

"What are you doing here?" I scornfully said to Mike.

"Bella, please let me explain. I was…You were not there…I got drunk…" He started.

I crossed my arms on top of my chest and gave him an expressionless, dead look.

"Bella…" He attempted to say something.

I caught sight of Edward's Volvo coming in our front yard, slowly, but maybe he noticed Mike's presence, he stopped his car with a shrilling sound.

He hurriedly went out his car, his face was once again looking like it's about to blow up in anger.

"My boyfriend is going to beat your ass…" I murmured sarcastically near Mike's face.

"So you better be going."

Mike's eyes widen in what looked like horror from hearing the boyfriend word, he tightened his jaw, looked down, and took few steps back, then left.

Edward came to a stop when he saw Mike backing out but said something inaudible to me when Mike passed right by him, which made Mike looked more uncomfortable.

When Mike's suburban was gone, he proceeded walking towards me.

I raised my eyebrow, when he was near me.

He grabbed me by my hand, putting it in his lips.

I snorted. "Please, Romeo…" I chuckled on his way of salutation.

"What was that all about?" I raised my eyebrow again on him, as we made our way to his Volvo.

"That?" He said motioning with his hand. "I just reminded him about how he got that plaster in his nose." He snorted.

I bit my lip while I looked at him shaking my head. This guy is going to be my knight.

"Where are we going?" I excitedly asked him when he slid down his seat and started the engine.

"Drive." He tentatively looked at me, smiling then went on driving.

We went farther the road I was familiar driving into. He kept on looking at me, while driving, with a hidden smile.

I was feeling uneasy, because I really am not familiar with the road he's going into. He must have sensed my queasiness from the obvious bouncing of my legs, biting my lip and darting my eyes back and forth the road to him.

He held my hand firmly, looking at me sideways, with a smirk.

"Bella…" He whispered.

"I am not going to hurt you." He looked at me with those piercing big blue eyes, fluttering his eyelashes.

I sighed but I could feel my uneasiness was still showing in my face.

He touched my face with the back of his hand then put his lower lip inside his mouth.

"Trust me, Honey." He stopped the car.

I waited inside the car, unsure where we are. By my judgment, we were in the middle of some sparse forest, big bushes stood tall from everywhere, with wild flowery shrubs stemming from between the tall grasses.

He opened my door, and held out his hand. I looked at him, puzzled, and wee bit scared. I mean, why wouldn't I be scared, my father and Alice both told me, he's a menace, and here I am on our second day…not even the second day of our relationship, alone with him in a very secluded place, that even if I run for help, I surely won't find my way out, and most possibly die tripping or being eaten by a very large animal.

I shook my head with the gruesome image of me lying lifeless in the forest. He still has his hand laid out in font of me.

He moved his face near the opening of the door so I could see him and his smiling lips, inviting, asking me to trust him.

I let out a sigh and a silent prayer…and a curse.

I slid my hand to his waiting hand and let him tug me.

He lead the way just right after where we parked the car. He shoved the shrub with red bell like flowers and stepped in, the turned around to hold my hand while his other hand was holding the shrub preventing it from swatting me in the face.

When I made my last step, a wide vast shoreline decorated with little white popping waves greeted my astonished eyes.

I felt like the breeze that washed my face washed my thoughts, and I just have to flash a huge smile on Edward.

His eyes were glistening, and his mouth was half open, looking at me, probably enjoying the comical expression I had in my face.

I closed my eyes and raised my arms up high, trying to feel the gushing of the wind, and the salty smell of the water.

I heard a little laugh. When I opened my eyes, he was still in front of me looking at me intently with mesmerized eyes.

He walked near me, and then wrapped my waist in his hands. He was looking passionately in my lips that I was now biting.

I let go of my lips when his lips are inches away from mine. And I let his warm lips blended by the cold gushing wind drown the funny feeling of fear I, moments ago, was having.

It was a long passionate kiss, which he ended with a chuckle inside my mouth.

He held my hand as we started walking in the sandy shore.

"You always come here?" I asked.

"Yeah." He answered with a guttural voice.

"How many girls have you brought here with you?" I bit my lip, fuck I sounded like a fucking jealous nagging girlfriend.

"One." My heart felt a sting when I heard his answer.

He elbowed me realizing I stiffened.

"It was you Bella, only you." He smiled at me then rolled his eyes.

We found a big rock and settled for a rest from walking.

He played with my dangling hair being swayed by the gentle gush of wind.

"Fireworks." I heard him murmured.

I inhaled in my mouth, preparing my self for what I am going to say.

"I'm sorry…I doubted…you…" I said unsure of the words I used.

He blinked his eyes several times yet it did not show any sign of disappointment in them.

I heaved another sigh.

"I got scared. You know, everybody warned me about you being trouble, and now…" I trailed.

"Wow. Everybody?...That's how bad I am?" He scoffed.

I looked at him intently, I tried so hard for my face to appear apologetic.

"No…Not everyone. I mean, my Dad…Alice." I murmured in embarrassment.

He just snorted.

"I am sorry for even entertaining those thoughts. I was just caught…"

He snatched my hand from being folded with my other hand.

"I know. I'm sorry for frightening you." His eyes are imploring.

He looked straight in the dimming horizon.

"I have been in my worst, I know. I would understand if people will…try and keep away from me, but…I would never…let anything bad happen to you." He said darting his eyes again back to mine.

"I know." I whispered.

"Would you…hate me…leave me, if I told you where I came from?" He said looking once again in the far horizon.

I copied him, and looked intently in the horizon, wondering what lies beyond.

"Try me." I mumbled.

He looked at me, and I looked at him straight in the eyes. "Try me." I said once again with conviction.

EDWARD

I felt my whole soul was having a spasm. Her gaze was penetrating deep down inside, boring holes in my soul, in my bones.

Part of me was pushing for me to be all honest with her and dismiss the idea of her despising me afterward. But the most part of me was pulling myself from telling everything there is to tell. It was telling me I couldn't handle it anymore if Bella will leave me.

I heaved a sigh, preparing myself for the confession of my lifetime. I looked at her once more, and I didn't see anything in her eyes but understanding, prepping me more to spill my guts.

"Did you know that my father and my mother are famous in Chicago?' I started.

She nodded.

"They…We were like philanthropists, very popular ones. I was my mother's favorite, being always near her, because I was always sick and needed attention. We were sent to boarding school when we grew older. Emmett and I. Everything was going right, until I met this girl." I paused, and checked on her.

She was looking at her hand that was being sandwiched by my hands. I could see that she was having a hard time breathing properly. I thought for a second to stop, but decided to continue thinking what I have started would make things more complicated for her if not explained well.

"My mother was not happy about it, my relationship with her. She did not like her. She was from an unknown family, and was only able to get to school from some private institution helping her."

"You see Bella, ever since I met her, my life became colorful. For the first time I felt like I am a different person. Totally away from the Edward my mother has made me to be. I could do what normal kids do, without the fear of getting scolded by their parents. For the first time I felt like I have been reborn."

"But as I enjoyed being with her, it never occurred to me that my life, instead of my view that it was colorful and flowery and breathable, it had become broken, and downward spiral."

"I started to flunk my tests, I smoked, I drank…I was always drunk. Emmett had hit me a dozen times or maybe even more, because he saw how I was becoming. I lost it, I was lost in every essence of the word."

"I was so addicted with her." I paused once again, then sighed.

"Bella, she was a drug dependent, and I had become too. I was dependent on cocaine and on her. I don't know what kind of cosmic energy was put on her, but I really couldn't keep myself away from her."

"I was caught stealing in a grocery, ganging a boy, snatching a purse, and a lot more things that I…in my normal self, won't even think of doing. My parents, especially my mother was so disgraced of what I have become."

"One day, I saw a note left on my door from her, she left me. I was devastated, though she said she's coming back I couldn't help feel broken for just being abandoned with no explanation."

"My studies did not become better, I would still skip classes waiting for her in the lawn of our school. I have sold most of my things to keep up with my addiction. Emmett, being always there for me, once again beat me up, shouting at me to grow up. He divulged to me later, that the reason why she wasn't around was because she was institutionalized, funded by my mother."

"I stormed to our house where my mother was having a luncheon in our garden. And you can imagine how disgraced she was when I came dressed in the clothes I was wearing 3 days ago, cursing her in front of all her guests. I'm telling you Bella, I almost cut her throat from my uncontrolled rage."

I saw Bella's eyes widen, fluttering her eyelashes in disbelief.

"Of course I was put in jail again, but because being in jail would only cause them more disgrace, I was bailed out, and sent back to school. I never talked to my mom, and tried to infuriate her more by doing scandals that would give her more humiliation."

"I stowed away, wandering in the city aimlessly, stealing from other people to be able to eat and drug myself more. They found me after about two weeks, kept me home, but I broke out again. And here comes Emmett, again." I chuckled as I remember how many times Emmett has beaten my ass off just to save me from falling apart.

She chuckled too.

I noticed that the sun has almost set in the horizon, I pulled her hand, looking at her response when I implied that we were going.

She just followed my lead, as we made our way walking in the sand, occasionally looking upwards, and probably checking for the stars that haven't come out yet.

I confirmed my theory when she spoke.

"I'd like to see the stars here…one night." She said biting her lip while looking at me.

"Yeah…That will be great." I nodded.

I was silent for a while in the car, trying so hard to concentrate on getting us out first in the now darkened forest and not to think of the words I might have said back in the beach that could have make her hate me.

"What happened?" I heard her sultry voice murmured. But I wasn't ready yet, so I did not speak.

I was shuffling my brain for things I should say and not that might offend her, we were in front of her house hidden behind her parked truck when I started to talk again.

The rain was pouring hard outside pounding the windshield of the Volvo noisily. I turned off the stereo and angled my body so I would be facing her directly.

"What do you want to know?" I asked lowly.

She pursed her lips and just shrugged. I took it as a sign that she wanted me to tell her, what I wanted her to know.

"I never have gotten any better. My addiction with cocaine and Tanya…by the way…Tanya…is her name." I said the last words looking at her unsure of her thoughts, but she just smiled at me so I went on.

"I have become not just cocaine dependent but also an SA, you know…ummm…" I motioned my hands to explain what I meant.

"Sex addict." She nodded her head.

I swallowed a lump that felt huge in my throat. This is so fucking humiliating.

"Yeah, sex addict. I would sleep with just anyone, the feeling of…ecstasy brought me closer to Tanya."

I fell silent.

"A few months later…she came back. But my life, my rubbish worthless life, was just actually beginning. I mean, you have no idea…trashed…pufftttdd. I threw everything away." I did not want to elaborate more, I know I have said a lot, and I really don't want to send her away screaming.

"I don't really blame my mother for keeping me away from Tanya, I saw what I have become, and I know what I have become. But it was so hard for me to turn my back. Only when it was too late." I lowered my head down.

I did not try to speak, and then I felt her hand caressing my arm. I looked at her face, and found it sympathetic.

"What happened to her?" She said biting her lip.

I sighed and lowered my gaze again.

She moved closer to me. She patted my arm and then tskd.

"I'm sorry…I did not mean to…You don't have to…" She was looking desperately for words.

"She died…Bella…" I said in a sulky voice.

"Oh…Oh…I am so sorry Edward." Her voice panicked, and began patting my arms ardently. Then grabbed me by my neck to enclose in a hug.

I held her hand to stop. I looked at her with a calm look.

"I'm sorry…I have…I have to be like this…" I started.

"I did not…had I known I'll met you, I could have…I could have not thrown my life…" I said with my voice almost sobbing.

"Edward…stop. Where ever you've been, whatever you have done…it has lead you here…with me." She said whispering in my ears.

"I'm sorry." I said once again, but she caught my lips with her and kissed me slowly.

Our kiss grew wilder when I tighten my grip on her waist. She was clutching my hair, pulling it lightly, while my hands are grasping her face, pressing it to my lips harder.

When we had to pull away from the kiss to breathe, I wandered my lips on her neck, licking it, pressing it, biting it. She flailed her head back, pulling my hair harder.

The rhythmic sound of the rain still pounding the windows of the Volvo added heat to the fire already burning inside both of us.

I pulled her from her seat and guided her in front of me, but her ass was hindered by the steering wheel. I tried to adjust my seat, but the burning lust that covered all over me made it too difficult for me to get the right position of the seat.

She was tugging the collar of my shirt as she kissed me fervently, while my hands was still clutching her waist, to afraid to move up. She trashed her head back again when I kissed her neck, and arched her breast towards my chin, but her head hit the horn of the steering wheel.

We froze and darted our eyes in the house.

Her house's lights were open in the living room, suggesting that her father was already home. When the horn sounded, the curtain was peeked on.

Bella immediately pulled back to her seat, fixing her tousled hair removing it from the hair clamp.

I looked straight in the road, sighing and swallowing, swallowing and sighing. I was so nervous. It's not new to me to get into trouble, but the last thing I want was to drag Bella with me.

I could feel my veins throbbing in my head.

I felt Bella's hand snaked to mine, and when I looked at her, she was biting her lower lip with her teeth showing, hiding laughter.

We burst into loud laughter. My face was so hot from embarrassment.

I held her cheek and whispered "God…I love you."

She smiled at me.

"I thought I knew love…but…this must be the real thing." I added.

She nodded, hiding her smile again.

She moved her face near me, and I met her lips, kissing her softly.

"I want to pick you up tomorrow. Would that be fine?" I asked her playing circles on her palm.

"By all means." She answered.

"I don't want to go…" She fidgeted with the door lock of the car.

"But I think…I need to…Charlie." She cocked her head towards the house.

"It's still raining…You could get sick." I raised my eyebrow.

She held my cheek for a while before releasing my hand from her grip, and hurriedly exiting the door, squealing. But before she did that, she curtly said, in her sultry voice "I love the rain…It always remind me of you."

I made sure to see her silhouette entered her house first before I left. My smile could be until my ears. I was feeling more than happy. Joyful, if that word meant more than happy.

I was more than relieve that Bella knows a lot about me, and the best part of it was, she didn't seem to care where I have been.

I am pretty sure of what I have told her, I never knew what love was. I thought I knew, but the feelings I have for Tanya before was nothing compared to what I am feeling right now. This completely blew my head.

Emmett gave me a pointy look when I walked passing him from the couch. Was I skipping? I have been flipping my keys up and down my hand, whistling even perhaps, but skipping? I must have been. His face was tinted with awe, puzzle, joke, empathy, love, joy…if that could be possible.

He followed me to the kitchen where I playfully banged every container I see with my keys.

"Wow, someone has been laid down tonight…" He said while he leaned his back to the opening of the door of the kitchen.

I pursed my lips, and then gave him my friendliest smile.

"You wait until I got laid, I might embrace you." I chuckled but later laughed bobbing my head back when he made a grimace.

He pulled a chair, slumped his arms on the table with his chin resting on his hands. I found a piece of cake in the refrigerator and prepared it on the table, going back to get my cola in the ref.

"You're happy." He said with conviction on his voice.

"I am." I said stuffing my mouth with a spoon of cake.

His eyes glittered in happiness too, probably. But my heart felt awe seeing him flashed his eyes with happiness just because I was. My brother loves me. I am in so much gratitude on him.

I told him what happened, from the night of the party until the part where I told Bella about Tanya. His face was hovered with pride, happiness and awe, showing how proud he is to what I have accomplished.

Our conversation was interrupted when our parents came, hugging us both, my mother giving us a conspicuous look.

It's best not to tell her, I thought. Yet.

BELLA

Of course as I have expected, Charlie's questions when I got inside the house was more pressing than the pouring rain outside. He began with, where have you been, who are you with, and whose car was that outside.

But I couldn't be pissed this moment. My head was still with Edward inside his Volvo, listening to his story, enduring his head spinning kisses.

I sighed and turned to him while I was busy drying my hair.

"I went out with Edward." I said flatly conceiving my excitement.

"Edward?"

"Cullen?" I swear I saw his eyes flashed an angry look, but he was quick in hiding his face away from my sight.

"I thought we've talked about it Bella." He spoke with authority.

"Dad…" I sighed. I really don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I know he doesn't like Edward, and I know too that he wanted me to be happy here, with him, give me whatever I wanted, giving me my privacy, my own decisions. That is why, perhaps, the reason why he had to hide his face from me, to not to let me see his emotions.

This must be very hard for him. Seeing his only daughter, fall with some guy, who happened to be someone he didn't think best for her.

I moved closer to him. He was sitting in front of the television again. I could see from the flickers of the TV that his eyes are burdened with the emotion he was trying to hide from me.

"Dad…" I held his arm. I did not talk but I did not remove my hand in his arm waiting for him to look at me. I swallowed the lump that has formed in my throat when he finally looked at me.

"I will be fine Dad." I said with my most respectful voice.

"You have to trust me on this. I will be fine with Edward." I smiled at him, trying to elicit one from him.

He patted my hand, and made a straight line with his smile.

"I know you will kid. I just…" He exhaled, loudly.

"I'm just afraid you'll get hurt, you know." He looked back in the TV, embarrassed.

"Just…make sure to tell me if ever this guy hurt you, huh?" He said in a hard voice.

I just nodded. I really did not want to argue with him with how he perceives Edward. He had seen him when he wasn't exactly agreeable, and I could not blame my father for having such bad notion about him. He's a father, it would be natural for him to be so protective of his daughter.

I joined him eat the pizza he ordered, apologizing non-stop for neglecting his dinner. But I did leave him note this afternoon. We ate in silence, occasionally conversing with each other about the series in the TV he's watching.

I kissed him goodnight when I was done putting away the litters in the kitchen from his pilfering in the refrigerator.

"Did you get into trouble?" Edward softly said when I answered his call. I was lying in my bed, waiting for sleep to kick in.

"Um…not really…" I mumbled.

I answered Alice's text message when we said our goodbyes. Very long goodbyes, with kissing sounds. So cheesy.

"You are right Al. Edward is so much better than what he wants other people to see him." I murmured reading the text message I am about to send.

My eyes wandered in the ceiling as I think about the things that Edward had confided me today. It was a lot to digest, but I was glad he shared me his most treasured skeletons in the closet. It could just mean he wanted me to know him, and accept him for who he is, wherever he'd been, whatever he had become.

I couldn't help feel sorry for him for having to go through a lot of hardships, at a very young age. Movies about rich kids having problems are not really that over rated after all.

I most like to ask him more about Tanya. I sighed upon remembering her. I felt sorry for her having to die so soon, but I also felt a little repugnance, envy, jealousy, what have you. She was the reason why Edward lurked in darkness. Tanya's presence on Edward's life, though brief, has made a lot of twists and turns, her presence and her memory have been etched in his life.

I sighed again. _I know. She's gone, she was the past, and I am the present. But what good a present could I be, if I will be walking behind her shadow?_ I whispered to my self.

This could be hard. I just hope I'll be everything Edward wanted.

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A/N

I'm glad you liked the previous chapter, I hope you liked this one too.

And again, please pardon me for (lots) of mistakes, I don't have any beta-er. I'm doing my best to write what I wanted to convey.

I am not a professional writer (as you can see), I just like writing a lot of stuff.

Drop me a line for your comments/reviews...or just keep on clicking, whichever is convenient for you. They all give me inspiration to keep on thinking and typing.

Did I say, I love your comments?

xoxo-M


	24. My girlfriend is tough

A/N

Yey! You liked the previous chaps...I hope the next ones too.

Thanks for reading my story. I saw you put mine in your favorite stories, wow...thanks.

But did you subscribe for an update, so I could buzz you whenever I post a new chapter?

Hehehe. I did not mean to be demanding. Totally up to you.*Just sayin'*

Go E/B forever!

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 24

BELLA

I awoke early, sleeping from elated ego but somehow bothered heart. I kept on tossing in my bed.

I held my hair away from my face, trying to remember the reason why I felt so, disturbed from my last night's sleep.

I dreamed.

_Edward and I were running from something or someone._

I scrunched my forehead trying to remember the details of my dream.

_Edward was tightly gripping my hand, tugging me away from the pool of people in a plaza…?_

I sat on top of my bed, thumbing my hair. I tried closing my eyes to have a better picture of the memory of my dream.

_We were running from someone chasing us. Edward pulled my hand towards a parked bus._

_The bus is so full, but he managed to squish me inside, but then the bus door closed, and left him outside._

_When I get to the next bus station, I jumped out to find if Edward was able to get to the bus or the next bus, only to find out I am in a what appears to be a terminal full of people walking in different direction._

_I kept on shouting Edward's name, but I couldn't see him. The people are pushing me farther away from the entrance of the terminal.  
_

I sighed as a clearer memory of my dream washed my head.

_ I could see Edward looking directly at me, he saw where I am standing, that people are already tugging me away from him, but I could see myself that I couldn't see Edward at all. He was standing in the stream of people pushing him to every direction._

_He turned back and left. He left me inside the terminal.  
_

I stood up hastily shaking my head free from my bothering dream. I couldn't make out what the dream was all about. Why would Edward leave me, when he exactly know where I am.

I began preparing myself for the first day of the class. I went down when I have done all the girly stuff, to eat breakfast. As usual, my father's gone for his duty in the police station. I rarely see him nowadays. If not in the precinct, he'll be hanging out with his friends in La push fishing, or at Mrs. Clearwater's place, perhaps.

I lazily ate my cereal, toying with the spoon. My mind was dancing to and fro the things I have learned last night, and the memory of my weird dream.

I startled when I heard the door bell rang, as if I did not know I was expecting a visitor.

Edward's face was a picture of tranquility. His face didn't show any sign of annoyance, mischief not even restlessness as I always have noticed before. He was standing with his hands in his pocket as usual. His hair was all gelled up in a messy kind of way. His eyes are looking down but I could see the smile in his lips.

He's wearing his usual black chucks, black jeans, and today he's wearing white shirt under a blue long sleeves rolled up his elbows. The shade of blue suited his skin so well, it helped him look more relaxed, and enticingly sexy.

"Hi gorgeous." He darted his eyes on me when he said the words. His lips are in a smirk.

I bit my lip in excitement his voice coupled with the facial expression gave me. I wanted to jump on him and kiss him…crazily.

"Is your father here?" He said sticking his head inside the door to peek.

"No he left for work already." I whispered, playing a smile in my lips.

"Oh that's too bad. I really wanted to meet him in person." He crossed his arms in his chest, pursing his lips.

"What? Why?" I turned around rashly at him after locking the door.

I could see his eyes widen startled from my sudden edginess.

"You don't need to do that." I slid my hand inside his tucked arms.

"I really wanted to. I mean, if I wanted, which I really do, your father to like me and erase his memory of my first encounter with him, I think, I should meet him, to show…ummm…that I could be good for his lovely daughter." He held my tucked hand and lead me to his Volvo.

I just looked at him incredulously, shaking my head from time to time. He drove fast to school holding my hand with his right hand, rubbing it with his thumb. I could see from my side vision that he kept on checking me out, pursing his lips, and then smiling.

When we get to the parking, he was looking seriously in the steering wheel. Not actually seriously, because a smile was playing in his lips. I waited for him to move, I did not want to say anything, this could be some kind of morning ritual for him. But he caught me looking at him with probably a sign of mischief in my face.

"What?" He asked raising his eyebrow on me.

I squinted my eye, unknowing of words to say.

"Thank God, you transferred here." He quickly stepped out of his door with a stifled laugh. He caught me making my way out of the passenger door. He didn't actually opened my door for me, but he was there in my step when I stepped out.

At first, I felt conscious when he rested his arm on my shoulder as we started walking towards the campus. But he didn't seem to care about what another people were murmuring around us, so I shrugged and composed myself, ready to savor every moment with my…new lover.

No one can piss me off today. I am in heaven.

"Bellllllaaaaa!" I know that shriek.

I spun around and saw Alice's hair bobbing up and own her head as she ran towards us. She was tugging Jasper's hand. I saw Edward's lips twitch from fishy lips to a grin, he did not remove his arm on my shoulders.

We waited for them to come closer, before I walked away from Edward's arms to embrace the super excited Alice. She whispered _WOW_ with a shrilling tone in my ears when she hugged me back.

We twined our arms together as we prepared to walk towards the school, looking silently but with conversing eyes. The boys trailed at our back, but after a few steps, Edward walked in front of Alice, with his signature backwards walk.

"Alice…If you won't mind, I'd like to walk with my girlfriend to school." He said with a sticky voice, and sticky eyes.

I felt my knees weaken in awe and thrill.

"Oh…I'm sorry…Of course. What was I thinking?" She stopped, waiting for Jasper to drape his arms on her. She was laughing, and I overheard Jasper teasing her, in which she just giggled.

Edward, put his arm on my shoulder tightly, walking closely to me, with his head touching mine. I could smell his perfume, musky and sweet. I have to admit, though I have come to love the musk and smoke scent he sexily wore before, this new scent was so much better.

His face was bright with enthusiasm as we entered the hallway on our way to my first class. Everyone was looking at us, but to my surprise, instead of Edward looking at them anxiously, he was smiling at them, and nodding his head as if he was confirming whatever they were thinking.

I smiled inwardly, unable to hide my uneasiness on being watched closely, Edward pulled me closer to him putting his arm in my waist. I bit my lip and thought _I'm yours._

Jessica shot me daggers when I entered the room after Alice. She must have seen Edward kissing me ardently outside the door when he said good bye. I looked at her and just pulled the corner of my lips for a sarcastic smile.

Mike was sitting beside her, looking straight in the board, not even minding to blink when I passed. I couldn't care less.

Alice was in my seat, her eyes are hungry for information. I pursed my lips hiding a smile. She must have been so excited with the happenings in my life. She knew how much I have liked Edward. Even if I did not necessarily admitted it to her, I know she could see it from my every action.

"Like I am going to tell you…" I giggled as I sat beside her.

"Oh c'mon Bella." She pouted.

"What? I don't have anything to tell you." I rolled my eyes on her.

"Oh you have so much to tell. When did it happen? How…where…You know." She fluttered her eyes.

I laughed.

"Emmett's party."

That's all I was able to say because the teacher arrived, greeting us loudly with a loud "Welcome back class!" too enthusiastic.

She went back to her seat but warned me "I am not letting you put me out of this." And then she winked at me.

Fuck. What am I going to say to her? That I saw Mike fucking Jessica, so Edward almost killed Mike and I kissed Edward, and now we're a couple? Jeez. I thought.

When the bell rang, she skipped to my row, and pulled me hastily from my seat. "You're not running from me Bella." And then she giggled.

"Oh Alice…You are going to kill me. Oh no, I am going to kill you." I chuckled, pretending to let her drag me out my seat.

Thankfully, when we got out of the class room, my knight was standing in front of the exit with his arms in his chest and his foot in the wall, looking so handsome.

"Oh no…" Alice mumbled, but she giggled.

"Edward…" She cocked her eyebrow on him.

Edward just flashed his smile on her as he took my hand to twine with his.

"She hasn't told me the story yet…" She faked a hurt as she childishly stomped her feet.

"Why, would you like to know if Jasper has told me anything?" He playfully teased Alice, looking at her under his lashes.

Alice punched him in his arm, pouting even more.

Edward laughed trashing his head back. "I'm joking alright?"

This is such a nice view to watch. My best friend and my boyfriend teasing each other in delight. I really wanted to let Alice see the real Edward hiding from the mask he had purposely put on when they arrived here in Forks.

"I might get used to this walking me on my class thing." I nudged his side playfully.

He touched his side crouching and then brushed me softly to the wall, keeping his chest well close to my heaving for breath breast.

"You have to, I am here to stay." He ran his fingers with feathery light touch on my face starting from my forehead down to my lips. And then pressed his lips onto mine briefly leaving me kissing the air, while my eyes are closed.

"I'll see you in the lunch room later…" He said sweetly. He's smiling and a few steps away from me already walking backwards when I opened my eyes. I went inside the room smiling shaking my head. I need to clear my head from his kiss and his presence if I wanted to understand what the teacher will be lecturing today.

With no Edward around to walk me to my next class, I was forced to tell Alice the details of how our story ended. I couldn't help laugh on her facial expressions as I unwillingly shared her gruesome details of my discovery. But of course, the happiness in her face was evident, when I got to the part I showed Edward the evidence of his…admiration to me.

We were walking in the hallway, consciously giggling at each other, when we heard someone said "_slut!_" distinctively pertaining to either me or Alice. We just walked right passed a group of girls in the locker hallway.

I stopped, unable to keep myself from feeling violated. I bit my lip and then turned around. I think I know exactly who just dissed us. I crossed my arms on my chest, and then made a few steps slowly towards the girls.

"Excuse me?" I gaped at Jessica feigning to savor her gum while looking at her nail polish.

She looked at me with a startled expression, she must have thought I'll keep my feelings to myself like I used to.

"What?" She just said gaping her eyes on me, while she flaunted her fuckingly devilish red nails.

I let out a loud exhale,

"Do you even know what that word means?" I snorted at her.

"Oh my God Bella. Don't think you're all beautiful just because you had your hands on Edward now." She giggled sarcastically.

"You're just one of the many, and sadly, you're just one of the none of a kind." She added protruding her red stained lips.

"Don't put your hopes high…" She turned around to open her locker.

I was done being told I wasn't good enough for a certain guy that I liked. And Jessica's words rang in my head and hit a very sensitive button in my heart. I wasn't able to control my self.

I pushed her in the locker which made her bump her face in the opened locker door. She screamed clutching her nose.

She plunged on me, knocking me down the floor, but I wasn't to give up. I slapped her face with all my might which made her flew away from me.

Alice was quick to grab me, helping me to stand, and then restraining me from going back at Jessica.

Jessica on the other hand was all too ready to retaliate, clasping her cheek, her hair was all tangled in her face.

"You slut! You fucking bitch!" She kept on saying.

"You can't have everything Jessica." I managed to croak, my voice was betraying me showing signs I was about to break into tears. I was so mad at Jessica.

Just then, the teacher from a Spanish class came and shouted on both of us. "An hour of detention!"

Alice pushed me to back out. I spun around with Alice's hands tucked in my arms. And I swear I heard them snickered.

"You go girl!" Alice whispered giggling, but I did not reply.

She looked at me and patted my arms lightly.

"Are you alright?" She whispered.

"I'm fine Al. I just…" I sighed.

She pulled me to a bench near the stairwell, looking at me worriedly.

"I don't know. I just felt so humiliated…" I started.

"First, She and Mike made me look like a fool. Me, going nuts every time we fight, and all the while…they were…shit!" I shook my head. I was inhaling deep so I could suppress my billowing anger and anguish. Jessica won't make me cry, I thought.

"And now, she's calling me a slut, just because finally, Edward has noticed me…Fucking bitch!" My voice was sharp, I wanted to say all the profanities I know.

"For the first time, I stood up for myself, and now…" I croaked. "I was in more humiliation and a heap of trouble."

Alice's eyes are sympathetically looking at me, saying no words but tsks and pursed lips.

I did not attend my next class, and decided to pay my punishment of an hour of detention. Thankfully, Jessica wasn't in the room, I might have beat her some more until she's crawling for mercy.

I got to the lunch room early, sitting by with Emmett and Rosalie. Edward came with an irate face. I snapped my mouth loudly when I realized he must have heard of what happened in the hallway earlier.

He sat down beside me tentatively and whispered in my ears "Come with me."

If not for his disturbed voice, I could have followed him skipping, but because his voice was tainted, I followed him looking down as he pulled my hand out the lunch room.

He did not talk until we get to a long table with benches, under the stairs. He sat beside me and made his body facing me.

"What the fuck happened?" He said angrily.

My heart sank, and maybe even bled with the sight of his angered eyes and the sound of his labored voice. My tears trickled down my cheeks.

Between sobs, I explained him what happened and relentlessly apologized like a child.

He grabbed my chin and tilted it upward to force me to look at him.

"Why are you saying sorry to me?" His voice became steady but still having the hint of anger.

He wiped my tears with his fingers and pressed his lips on mine.

I mumbled a "Please don't be mad" while we kissed.

He held my face into his hands and looked right passed my eyes.

"I am not mad at you."

"I want to slap Jessica…" He gritted the words to his teeth.

"I told you…no one…" He began.

But I pressed my lips to his, kissing him so hard. I did not stop kissing him, until I felt his hands running inside my jacket under my thin long sleeved blouse. I could feel his hands in my skin, pressing them lightly.

I circled my hands to his nape, while my tongue played with his. My tears were uncontrollable. I wanted to drown my emotions with the lust I am starting to feel.

"Fuck me." I muttered while I lightly bit his lower lip. I heard him call my name but I did not stop. I darted my lips on his ears, playing with the hollow at the back of his ears. I could hear his silent gasp of pleasure.

He held my waist steadily, and calmly pulled me away from his body. I hesitated and tried burying my face on his neck, but he held my head to look straightly on his eyes.

"Bella…Bella…Bella." He kept on calling my name softly as he brushed the tears from my closed eyes. I was too embarrassed to look at him.

"Honey…Bella…Look at me…Please." His voice was gentle and persuasive.

I inhaled a heap of air before I opened my eyes and surrendered on the power of his gaze.

"I'm sorry…I just…I just wanted to prove Jessica wrong." I mumbled.

"Honey…Whatever Jessica told you are wrong. You are not to believe her, ever." He widened his eyes near my face so I could see his expression.

"I know what she might have told you, but none of them are real. I could have tried…" He choked on his words.

"But that was because I wasn't in my proper senses…I know, that still doesn't justify it…but other than that…I have never been with anyone, intimately." He said sullenly looking intently on my eyes.

"I want to fuck you Bella…no…I want to make love with you." He said while he's kissing my lips with gentle smacks.

"But I don't want it now, because you felt like to revenge." Edward added pushing his tongue inside my mouth.

I inwardly moaned from the pleasure his warm tongue has brought inside my mouth. Our tongue danced and speared each other for a moment. Once again I found myself pressed hard on his manhood, in a very compromising position. But I couldn't stop savoring the moment, my head was flailing back and forth when he planted little bites on my neck.

I could see his eyes in so much passion and lust. I know he was just controlling his emotions. Because we could have done it right there and then. His hands are feasting inside my bra, caressing the breast, Mother Nature has gifted me. I could feel the sticky thing between my thighs once again.

The bell rang.

He finished our intimate conversation with audible smacks, as he helped me fix my shirt and my hair.

He curled his arms around my waist as we made our way to Biology joking at each other.

"Don't we have security cameras here?" I giggled.

"I'll have to make you angry more." He teased.

"Oh my God. We could be arrested…" I whispered.

We walked in front of Mike who was almost nose-kissing his book in Biology. Edward threw him a dagger look.

Biology was fun. We worked together in our seat work, giggling and fluttering eyes with each other. When Mr. Banner was explaining, he'd put his hand on top of my leg, pressing circles on it.

Life couldn't be better than this when you are in love.

EDWARD

Yes, Life couldn't be better than this when you are in love.

And I am in love. Hopelessly in love.

I was so excited for Arts practice. We arrived hand in hand inside the gym, Ms. Darbus shot a glance in our twined hands, raised her eyebrow but smiled sheepishly on us.

I sat on the piano while waiting for the others to come. Bella sat with our dance group but this time she was facing me. I smiled at her and started playing my favorite piece by Debussy. She was looking at my eyes earnestly as I was to her.

She made silent small claps when I finished the composition. As I heard Ms. Darbus made her signature clap of warning, I mouthed to Bella "I love you."

She opened her lips, pursed it, and a second later mouthed the same. It's not that I was waiting for her to reciprocate what I know I feel for her, I believe she felt the same for me.

She remained facing my side until I was done playing for the singers. I walked towards her, biting my lip in anticipation of our dance.

For the first time, we danced like we were one. The twists and turns, glides and slides, they felt like wind blowing in my neck sending me thrills and shivers. I never broke eye contact with her, only when necessary. I know this tango thing is the dance of love, and I couldn't help wonder who the hell said those words, I wanted to confirm it.

If the claps of Ms. Darbus didn't break my concentration, I could have licked Bella's throat when the music stopped.

I had to close my eyes for a long time with a lot of inhale-exhale just to able to shake the lust I was definitely feeling.

It was so hard for me to control it, but I will. I really wanted this feeling of belonging to someone, and I really wanted to prove that this is so much different and so much better than what I had with Tanya. This is love, and I am beginning to recognize it from the lust I felt for Tanya. I really don't want this feeling of raging lust to destroy what I have for Bella.

Control, I murmured to my mind.

We finished our practice earlier than before, thanks to our focus, we were sent home early. Bella and I were walking slowly, we were eating chips and soda we bought from the dispenser. We weren't able to eat lunch, because of our…conversation under the stairs, which happened to be one of my fortresses during my…stalking days.

"So, what have you gossiped to Alice?" I said trying to intimidate her. And true enough, she flushed red all over her face, fluttered her eyes and bit her lip. Distressed.

"Honey Bella…I am just kidding…C'mon…" I brushed her cheek with my thumb and pointing finger.

She shoved me and stuck her tongue. I walked backwards to be able to see her facial expression, looking silently in her glorious big eyes.

She was giggling when she described me Brandon's face when she told her about Newton and Stanley's circus act in our house. Though her face was beaming with naughtiness, I couldn't get passed through that nagging hint of pain she still have in her eyes. I know, she was still hurt, but I wasn't here to just ignore her pain, I was here to help her cope with it, as she was unknowingly helping me.

We were inanimately talking as we made our way to the parking through the front lawn of the school. Newton and his sporty friends were sitting on the grass tossing soccer ball at each other, when I heard Newton said something unintelligible and then snickered.

I froze, and turned to face them. But Bella was quick to walk towards them first putting her free hand in her back pushing me through my waist.

When she was already near him, he pulled his head up and looked at her with a mocking face. My hands balled into a fist, ready to beat Newton again, but Bella was still holding my shirt forcibly with her free hand still stretch backwards. I heard her open her mouth but closed it again, and then heaved a sigh.

"You know Mike…You are such a loser…Why don't you go fuck yourself." She said calmly and I just blinked my eye I saw Newton's face already bathed in cola.

Bella tugged me by my shirt hastily as we walked towards the Volvo, I could hear the mocking voices of Newton's friends. Serves him right.

I did not speak until I get inside the car and turned on the engine and the stereo. Her eyes were fixated in the dashboard and her fingers pressing the plastic of chips, pulverizing the chips inside.

"My girlfriend is tough." I said softly unintended to upset her more.

She pressed her lips together and then faced me, looking at me calmly saying nothing at all.


	25. Love felt like velvet

A/N

Warning! Warning! Warning!

:))

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 25

**BELLA**

Today was Emmett's graduation party. His parents threw him a bash sans parents' supervision. But of course, due to its known status to his parents, he had religiously reminded his friends not to trash the house or else he won't be allowed to dorm with Rosalie. A gamble I'm sure he wouldn't want to lose.

I was up a while ago in Edward's room, feasting my eyes, my hands and my lips with his drool inducing almost naked body. But just like what happens every time we're almost to the point of pulling the inner garments left he would always pull away showering me little kisses and caresses to probably dispel the hurt I'm feeling or tame my raging urges. Either way, just like always I would move away pretending so hard to be just fine.

I wasn't.

It has been months since we've been together, and we never get passed the touching and the hungry kisses. I didn't mean to sound so eager to have sex with him. I was ready, but he kept on insisting I wasn't.

--

The night of the presentation after we had danced, he dragged me to a dark room, kissing me all the way inside. He said he really couldn't take it anymore. We were still on our costumes, him with his coat and tie which made him look so elegant while I was wearing the plunging neckline flowing blue knee length dress he chose when we went shopping.

He laid me down the cold floor of the open classroom as he fondled my breast with his mouth. I was massaging his screaming manhood on top of his pants. He moved my legs apart and then shoved his still clothed eagerness.

I slid my hand inside his opened zipper and crazily snatched his cock free from his boxers. I bit my lip when I realized how big his cock had become, I could almost feel the veins throbbing.

I began making up and down motions with my hands while be slid his fingers under my panty. He circled my folds with his fingers before he slid a finger inside. I writhed in pleasure and trashed my head while I shoved my breast more to his hungry mouth.

I could feel a surge of lust burning in my torso. I pleaded him to fuck me many times, he'd shove his cock near my opening but he'd still pull it back.

When I was hopelessly writhing in too much pleasure, we heard a group of voices passing in front of the room we're at. We froze, we didn't even breathe, I think.

The voices stopped right near the door, where we were in an unforgiving position lying on top of each other with hands shoved inside each others' under garment.

I bit his neck due both from panic from the voices and from the orgasm that was apparent but was painfully impeded from his fingers stopping the thrusts. He must have felt my tightening walls and by all goodness he began thrusting his fingers in and out again with his thumb eagerly caressing my clit.

My body convulsed when I came, I had to bite his shoulder so I could hold myself from gasping and moaning at the top of my lungs. My tremors subsided as we heard the laughter of the voices possibly watching the comedy skits the other juniors were playing in the nearby stage.

I just realized we were in the room next to the faculty room. I let go of my bite when he whispered "_ouch_" in my ears. I was still holding his still alive manhood when we heard the voices walked away from the room. I am pretty sure that granny voice I heard mumbling something weird was from Ms. Cope.

I pulled Edward's butt closer to mine as I positioned his cock near my welled up pussy, but he held my hand to stop me from what I was trying to do.

That was the first time we held each other's more private parts, nonetheless it left me not just soaking wet but incredibly wanting for more.

The other time, he brought me to the beach we once visited. It was still the middle of the day so it was still perfectly bright.

He brought me to a more secluded area of the beach walking for like a mile until we reached the big rocks on which the waves violently broke into white bubbling lacy like things.

We settled at the back of the rocks were he laid down the blanket he brought. We were teasing each other as we playfully eat the fettuccine I cooked for us. He was lying on his back while I was lying on my side beside him facing him as I shoved piece by piece of the fettuccine into his mouth by my mouth.

I got carried away after just a couple of tries. I started licking his mouth more ardently. He pushed me down the blanket and began opening the cardigan I was wearing. I could feel the cold air creeping my skin, but I did not tell him to stop.

From my neck, he planted kisses with occasional circling of his tongue on my skin. He unclasped my bra removing it just after he'd unbuttoned the whole of my cardigan.

He fondled each of my breasts with his tongue lightly sucking and pressing it and biting them. My breathing accelerated, I pulled his t shirt up until his shoulders. I'd like to feel his bare skin over mine.

I was fidgeting with his belt buckle when he started to lower his kisses to my abdomen, playing his tongue and teeth in my tummy, he began unbuckling my pants and pulled them down hastily to my trembling knees.

I pulled his hair, a pool of different emotions was rumbling in my head.

But he just mumbled in his aroused voice, "_I want to taste you Bella_".

He slowly pulled my legs apart, I did not find the courage to decline but all I was able to do was put a finger in my mouth to bite, as he began playing my folds with his lips.

I felt my thighs quivered unintentionally as he circled my clit with his tongue. I couldn't stop myself from raising my torso especially when he thrust his tongue inside my pussy. I could feel his warm breath washing the chills his thrusts were giving the inside of my body.

I began thrusting my torso up and down. My thighs are shaking relentlessly and I know it would just be a matter of time, my body convulsed, my back arched and I pulled Edward's hair with both of my hands. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head as I come pushing Edward with my knees away.

I rolled into a ball as the fluid of my orgasm flowed out of my pussy. I kept on rolling on the blanket trying to keep Edward's hands away because he kept on rubbing me comforts.

He looked worried and kept on asking me if I was okay. I stopped moving after some seconds. I was half naked with my ass dangling behind me, I rose to my knees ready to knock Edward down to ride and hump him.

But as usual he pecked me kisses, and I figured he was once again discounting having sex. But I was not to give up. I began kissing his nipples biting the risen part of his chest.

I have no idea how to do this, but a night of Alice in the house for a sleep over has taught me a lot of things on how to do things like this right. Alice is such a fucking pro at blow jobs.

I was finally able to open his buckle and began tugging his pants down. His hands were hiding his face from my gaze. I spat his thigh when I noticed him tightening his muscles so I won't be able to pull down the pants.

I just had to gasp when at long last I had the visual of his cock that I usually was just able to touch or see in the dark. I bit my lip in anticipation of the thing that I was going to do.

I ran my fingers into the length of his cock and then I followed it with my mouth, licking the length with my tongue. I lifted my head to see Edward biting his lip, his hands still covering his face, and his stomach muscles were flexed.

I pinned the head of his cock with my tongue before putting half of his throbbing cock in my mouth. I used my hand in the remainder of his cock massaging up and down in rhythm with the up and down motion my every suck made.

I heard Edward moaned my name. I saw him got up and looked at me eagerly nibbling his cock.

"_Fuck Bella, you are going to kill me…_"

He grabbed my hair for a brief moment and then pushed me away as he did the thrusting with his hand, kneeling in front of me. He tried to hide it away from me but I held his arm firmly, kneeling lower to let his come spread to my mouth.

I pulled my face up savoring the sprinkles of his seed in my face and mouth and enjoying at the same time the priceless view of Edward's convulsing body and his aroused face.

We lay down for quite a while relishing the moment. I was making circles with his chest hair feeling a little unsatisfied despite the bomb gush of fluid that went out of me. This could have been the right moment for us.

He knew I was upset so he tried to appease me with his compliments on the food that I brought. Until he found the perfect metaphor that somehow made my day.

"Your fettuccine tastes so good, I want to have it all the time."

He started kissing me again but it didn't go passed kissing.

--

I was standing stiff in front of the long table, my eyes are fixated on the hot dogs that laid side by side with one another. My heart was feeling a little bit heavy from reminiscing our nookie moments.

I sighed, I could feel my face warming and my eyes are starting to water. What's wrong with having sex with me? Am I that terrible in bed, that he doesn't even want to try? My mind asked.

"Hey Bella." Emmett's voice from behind startled me from self pitying.

"Emmett…" I smiled and blinked back the tears. "Congratulations!" I faked a vivacious voice and hugged him awkwardly.

He returned my hug and then proceeded to pour beer in 2 red cups, later giving me the other one.

"For you…" I held my cup up to toast for his graduation.

"For me…And for you and Edward." He added before he drank his beer.

I smiled and paused a while before I drank mine.

He held my elbow leading me to walk near the staircase.

"I haven't thank you Bella." He began.

"For what?" I fluttered my eyes in confusion.

I managed to sit on the first step of the stairs. He began saying something but the noise inside the house was drowning his voice. He motioned for me to follow him outside the house.

We tried walking but we noticed that the rain was starting to fall, so he sat in the stairs of the porch facing the lawn near the driveway.

"You know Edward was a real mess." He chuckled, looking on his shoes, clutching the cup in both his hands.

I let out a stifle of laugh, but I did not try to speak. I really wanted to hear what he's about to say about his brother.

"Yet look at him now, what a leap."

"Everyone has noticed how big the changes were. He was more friendly, participates in almost everything, and most of the students weren't afraid of him anymore."

"Yeah?" I answered with a tone.

"Oh hell yeah Bella. You should have seen him when we just arrived here. Everybody as in everybody hates him." He said gaping his eyes on me.

"You did a good job Bella."

"Emmett, that wasn't a job for me." I sullenly replied.

"Oh…No…I'm sorry. I didn't mean…No offense meant Bella." He stuttered.

I smiled at him express acceptance of his apology.

"It's just...it makes me so much happy to see him finally moved on, and that was when he met you. You're his real angel Bella. You are his savior. He could have rotten in a hole with all his moping around, but because you were there...My brother came back, in one piece, alive…and most importantly happy." He said non-stop.

He patted my hand resting in the step of the stairs.

"You think he loves me?" I smiled, embarrassed of the words I just said.

"Love you? C'mon Bella…the boy never let a day pass without reminding me how much he loves you, I had to hold a gag!" He said letting his hands fling in the air.

"Tanya…" I choked on the word.

"Hey…" He faced me.

"Tanya is dead. She has been part of his life, yeah, but Edward has many times pointed out to me, he had realized, hers wasn't love at all." He said with conviction.

"Don't let your beautiful relationship be ruined with memories. Whether good or bad memories, they made up who we are today." He said with a thoughtful voice.

"You seem so sure of a lot of things." I said teasing him.

"I wasn't. It's just feeling so good that I know I will be leaving my brother…with you. I know, you'll handle him well." He said looking into my eyes.

I snorted. "Wow…Thanks."

He laughed softly then patted my shoulders before leaving me to join Rosalie who came wrapping her arms on his chest. She gave me a wink when they left.

I was rocking my feet on the grass as I still sat in the stairs of the porch enjoying the trickles of rain splattering my face from a sudden whoosh of wind.

I exhaled heavily before I rose to go back to Edward's room.

I filled my cup of beer, and poured another cup for Edward.

I was having a hard time opening the door with both of my hands holding a cup, so I needed to put down one cup on the floor until I have turned the knob. I held the door with my back as I trickily picked the other cup from the floor.

I used my most sultry voice when I entered he room. "Honey…?"

I almost dropped the cups I was holding in shock with what I saw.

The room was a total mess. The floor was covered in feathers, the lamp was lying on the floor broken. The bookshelves were half empty of books already scattered in the floor. Papers were also lying around in all places.

It wasn't looking like this when I left not an hour ago. My eyes panned the room for Edward's presence, but I couldn't see him, until I heard quiet sobs on the other side of the bed.

My eyes wanted to jump out of their hatch when I saw Edward sitting with his legs and knees far apart. He was clasping his hair so tight, and the tears were ruthlessly staining his beautiful cheeks.

I swallowed the lump that was formed in my throat and slowly knelt beside him, putting down the cups.

"Honey…? I slowly put my hands in his arms lightly massaging them.

My heart sank even more when he looked at me with those big blue eyes drowned with tears pooling in either side.

"Wha…Are you okay?" I stammered.

**EDWARD**

When I was finally able to look at her big brown eyes full of love and sympathy, I know I am fine now.

When she left a while ago, I know I have hurt her once more, from declining to sleep with her. I would really like to make love with her. I love her, and there is no other way I could possibly show it to her aside from my constant presence than making love with her.

How many times had it happen that we were too close to doing it, but I always backed out, so cowardly affected with my memories?

What the hell is wrong with me? I love this girl, so much, but why couldn't I get over Tanya's vindictive memory on this…sex thing.

"Are you okay…Honey?" She asked again.

I brushed my hands to her face putting a stray lock of hair in her ear.

"I'm so sorry Honey." I whispered.

She embraced me putting her arms in my neck. I put my hand in her head pulling it away from my shoulder, and started planting soft kisses on her cheeks.

My kisses became urgent when I reached her mouth. She felt the determination my kisses made, she pulled herself up and sat in front of me holding my still bared chest with her warm soft hands.

I rammed her neck with my kisses, knocking her down on the floor with me on top of her. I hastily pulled her blouse through her head, as my hands mashed her bra covered breasts.

She was pulling my hair again, painfully satisfying. She was impatiently trying to open the buttons of my jeans. She really needed to do a lot of practice on that. I on the other hand, was done unbuckling the hook of her bra which in one swift motion flew in the room and gloriously revealed her plump breasts with jutted pink nipples impatiently waiting for me to suck them.

I shook my head. I am thinking like a maniac again.

I softly nibbled the nipple of the other breast as my other hand was softly caressing the other. But Bella was done unbuckling my pants, and she was pulling them down by her feet. She hastily slid her hand inside my boxers and pulled out my madly erected cock and began mashing and twirling it.

I couldn't fathom what I am feeling. I am in ecstasy again. I pulled her pants down in one swift hard motion, wrecking the buttons and the zipper open. I forcibly parted her legs after I snatch my throbbing cock from her hand.

She put her hands on my chest nailing her fingers deep in the flesh. Her eyes are hooded with so much lust and her tongue was sticking out licking her lips.

I closed my eyes. My screaming erection was between my palm aligned in her opening, I could just smash it inside her. I closed my eyes again.

Fuck. No. I couldn't.

But Bella was already wrapped in lust, she's not about to let me back out again. Compromised.

She pushed her pussy into my cock. Fuck! I felt I was inside her, but I couldn't move. I looked at her face and she was naughtily biting her lip. I blinked profusely.

My cowardice reigned again.

I pulled my cocked out of her warm slimy pussy hastily and back out. My ass bump the edge of the bed, so I rolled up trying to get to the other side, naked.

But Bella was quick and caught me in the middle of the bed. She pushed me down the bed and straddled me.

"You are not doing this to me again Edward." Her voice was full of authority.

She grabbed my hair so hard and started brushing her wet pussy on my balls.

"Fuck me…Fuck me!" She screamed.

I blinked the image.

I sat down and knocked her down on her back and forcibly pushed my manhood into her. I felt the sting of her teeth in my chest as I felt the barrier momentarily. I pulled out and smashed her once more. I heard her cry, but if from pain or ecstasy, I have no idea. I pulled and pushed once again, and then I heard her moan.

"Edward…" It was a long passionate moan. Bella's moan.

I shot my head up and saw Bella's eyes were closed, her hair was tangled with strands partially covering her delirious face.

I felt I was washed down with icy water. I pulled my butt up and turn around from her, dangling my feet down the bed. I knotted my hands in my hair in confusion. My eyes are beginning to water. Why is this happening to me?

I felt the bed wiggled to the other side. She must gotten up and turned the other side.

Silence. An awful long silence.

And then I heard her murmured in a wounded voice.

"Tanya…"

Before I could speak, she stormed the door and closed it with a jarred sound. I buried my face in my hands. Fuck. I messed up again. I turned around on top of the bed to look for my pants and saw splatters of blood where she was once lying down. I think I swallowed my Adam's apple.

Fuck!

But then there's something else. In my peripheral vision was an open book lying on the floor. When I focused my eyes on it, I thought my eyes would pop out. It was the blue velvet binder.

"Fuccck!!!" I yelled.

I crazily looked for my pants and hurriedly went out the door, jumping up and down to be able to shoot my legs on the holes. I really don't care if somebody see me half naked running. Fuck them, this is my house.

"Bella!...Bella!" I was yelling as I made my way down the stairs, taking three steps at a time. When I was on the last landing, she must have heard me calling her name. She ran.

She ran away.

I followed her running in the big lawn in the side of our house. I could have been the laughing stock of the whole campus, thankfully, not a handful of them was left in the house. I was half naked, with no shoes, chasing Bella.

And what's worst, she ran towards the lawn, and the rain was pouring hard. I kept on blinking my eyes to keep the raindrops from blinding me, I could only see a silhouette of her. I couldn't feel the stab the big drops of rain made in my bare back, but I know I was soaking wet.

Finally, after a long stride, I was able to catch the hand of Bella. I knew this part of our lawn better than her. I pinned her back in the big tree, but she was pushing me away.

"Leave me alone Edward!" She was screaming in anguish. My heart was torn with the sound she's making.

She kept on pushing me away and all I could do was enclosed her face and kiss her as many as I could.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." I kept on chanting.

She finally stopped pressing me away and started kissing me back. The rainwater was pouring in both our heads down to our face, but our kiss never stopped but became hungry for more. I could feel her nipples protruding from the t-shirt she was wearing and it warmed my bare chest touching her breast.

I slid my hand inside her shirt and began mashing her breast. She stuck her tongue inside my mouth and played with my tongue in circles. I pushed her unbuttoned pants down, and slid my finger inside. I groaned when my hand slid unhindered, she wasn't wearing any panty. She must have left it in my room. The thought fueled my arousal more.

She was holding my cock which I think was already peeking out my pants from massive arousal. I helped her unbuttoned my pants pulling it down until my knees. I laid her down the wet grass and shoved my cock inside without any more deliberation.

She was writhing in pleasure, her nails where pressed in my flesh with her mouth biting and suckling my chest.

I felt the drops of rain falling non-stop in my back and in my bare ass. I would be in too much trouble had my Mom see me in this position. But I couldn't care less. I was in too much pleasure.

I never thought fucking Bella would give me this kind of ecstasy.

Bella moaned, and I felt her walls inside tightened. I thrust faster as I heard her cry became unintelligible. I pulled my cock outside and came in her tummy. She was kissing me passionately while I jerked the remaining of my come off.

I fell down her chest hearing her heartbeat flutter. She stroked my back lightly. I looked up at her, her eyes are set on me, her lips were hiding a smile.

I pulled my torso up with my hands in the grass beside her.

"I love you Bella." I said nuzzling in her ear.

"I love you too." She whispered raking her fingers in my rain soaked hair.

And then she giggled.

"We'll drown here."

"Yeah…and my ass is frozen already, I couldn't feel it anymore." I said laughing softly.

I helped her up, after I zipped my pants I helped her wring the t shirt she was wearing off of water . I smiled in admiration. She looked sexy wearing my t-shirt, with no bra under.

I held her hand running under the pouring rain. We took the back door leading inside the house. I raid the laundry room for towels and helped Bella dry up. We earned some eyes when we made our way up to my room, all wrapped in towels.

I got shirts and shorts in my cabinet to give it to her, but when I was near her she was standing in front of the still open blue velvet binder, opened in the page I don't normally look at.

It was a picture of Tanya and me on top of the bed. It didn't show our naked body but just our faces and arms sticking at each others.

Bella looked up at me when she noticed my presence. I could see the misery the picture has given her, again. I inhaled a heap of air. This is the time.

I helped her sit on the carpet soaked with spilled beer with out still dripping pants. I intentionally sat us in front of the binder. I pulled the binder near us with a shaky hand. I looked at her but her eyes were fixed on the picture. I flipped the pages open to Tanya's picture on the river.

"This is Tanya." I started with a croak.

The silence was making me more anxious. She did not speak. Her eyes was still on her picture. What could she be thinking?

"I thought…" I didn't know what to say.

"Sex was our thing…umm…back then." I stuttered. I looked at her to find clues of what she might be thinking, but she was still on her previous position.

I heaved a sigh. I need to do this the right thing. Now.

"She was wild in bed. I think that was what made me so hooked on her. Addicted."

"That night, we took cocaine, as we always do. But, she insisted in taking more so…we could…so we could be wilder. She promised, I will love it…" My voice was faltering.

"We did it. And we had sex. All the while my head was…not there…some place else…heaven. I was…I was hallucinating Bella. I could see her face, and I know I have…done it harshly…hard...wilder. But…But I know she liked it, I heard her begged me to…fuck her harder…and I did…"

I closed my eyes, and I felt the tears escaping my eyes as I remembered what happened.

"She died Bella." I sobbed.

"I…It was too late when I noticed the blood coming out her nose. I thought she was just…sleeping but I couldn't wake her up. I didn't know what to do…I was just able to dial 911…and…" I said between sobs. The tears were religiously falling my cheeks.

"I awoke…I…I awoke, after…a month. She was long gone." I heard my self wail. And I couldn't take it anymore.

I felt I was buried in her shoulders as she relentlessly said "_sorry_" while caressing my back lightly. When I finally stopped crying, after what felt like hours, she lifted my face to look at her.

Her face was tear-stained too.

"I am here. I love you. I will help you." She said softly.

I did not refuse when she pulled me up and pushed me to the bed all the while kissing me and tugging my hair softly. I know what she was trying to do. And I was done hesitating making love with her. I sat down and lifted her t shirt and her pants. I let her pull down my pants.

She knelt down and began kissing me again, softly but passionately. My hands were caressing her back but found her breasts later. I lowered my lips into her neck and then slowly down to her breasts suckling each nipple unhurriedly. She lingered her lips on my ears and my neck sucking and licking them softly.

I rolled her so she would be lying on her back. I could see her wholeness in my well lit room. I traveled my lips from her breasts down to her belly, blowing feathery kisses. I could see her muscle flexing and arching towards me.

I slowly parted her legs when I got to her groin, planting soft kisses on the area while I slid my finger inside her wet pussy. She arched her torso forward. I could hear her soft moans of my name, it gave me more pleasure. I lowered my lips more until I found her clit. I played with it on my mouth, pulling, nibbling and circling it with my tongue. She was delirious, I could feel her walls tighten as I move my finger inside her in more urgency.

And then she kicked me.

I saw her curled and then rolled. The sight gave me thrills. My girl was writhing in pleasure. She peeked on me under her hair all spread covering her face. I raked them away from her face and started kissing her again.

I positioned myself exactly on top of her, my manhood ready to go inside her, again. I looked in her eyes intently, it was colored with love and admiration, her lips was painted with a smile, and I just knew then she loves me.

"I love you…" She whispered what I was thinking.

"I love you…" I said softly while slowly pushing my cock inside her tight pussy.

***

I really don't care how many times we've done it tonight because here I am lying in my bed, still completely naked with my girl lying on top of my chest, also still completely naked.

I have a smile in my lips. But my mind was shouting at me why I needed to go this far before I could realize I could break free from Tanya's memory that I, and only I imprisoned myself from.

Tanya died, not because of me, but because of our destructive addiction. We overdone it, we overdosed. She left right away, leaving me in coma, alive but half dead with her memories.

Bella understood what I have gone through. Gone through, because I was done with it. I have finally step passed it. A big step, a leap, a big jump. I couldn't feel any better than this.

My hands caught a slimy bump at her back while I was caressing it and when I checked, they were bruises and scrapes, lots of them. I felt a stab in my heart. I must have been brushing her hard in the tree trunk. I also noticed a long red bruise in her thigh, probably from the zipper when I pulled her pants hastily.

I heaved a sigh. I hurt her. I have to bite my lip when I remembered the blood that stained the bed a while ago. She gave her self to me, whole.

I shouldn't fuck this up. She loves me.

I pulled the bed spread from the floor and draped it in Bella's back. I wouldn't want her to wake up from chills. I inspected my self and found dozens of scratches and teeth marks in my arms and chest.

I giggled.

I was almost lost in sleep when Bella's phone rang. She immediately put her head up brushing her eyes with the back of her hand. I smiled at her when she looked at me with beaming eyes.

She reached for her pants dangling in the bedside table, her bare ass showing from the bedspread. She was shaking her head when she got hold of the phone. Her eyes didn't show any sign of worry. What if it was her father?

"Soaked…But still kicking…" She giggled showing me her still ringing phone.

"Alice…" She greeted Alice with a singsong voice, her eyes were still beaming with happiness.

But not a second has passed, her face changed from happiness too utter anxiety.

"Alice! Calm down! What happened?!" She screamed, looking at me with almost teary eyes.


	26. The future is in our hands

A/N

As always, I appreciate you reading my story and taking time to comment/favorite/alert it.

Totally helpful in my present writing state. Needed the inspiration.

I am getting kinda wrenched with the part of the story I am starting, so i really needed a 'booze'.

Thanks again. Visit again soon, kay? Or not...'up to you... :)

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 26

**BELLA**

I couldn't understand a word Alice has said. Her voice was garbled and husky talking between sobs, curses and screams.

"Alice! You are fucking freaking me out! Calm…the…fuck…down!" I shouted on her. I could feel a creep of warm air surging my face. I actually felt freaked out with the way her voice sounded. I am not used to hearing her voice in anything but delight, never like this. Something must be awfully wrong.

I could feel Edward's hand rubbing my arm still sitting beside me in the bed. His eyes are steadied on my face, making no sign of a blink.

I shot up the bed and yanked him up when Alice finally gave me an idea of what's happening. Edward yanked me down again looking at my bare body.

"Bella…Wait…Relax…" He said rubbing my arm.

"We can't go there naked." He patted my hand and then stood up to go pick our clothes.

He walked in front of me not minding his total nakedness. I could have enjoyed the scene so much but Alice's shrieking voice was playing all over my head.

_I need your help!_

Edward came back with the blouse I was wearing in the party and one of his shorts. He said my pants are still soaking wet glancing at it in his side table. He was already in a new pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt.

We ran down the stairs hand in hand, not minding the cleaners fixing the chaotic living room. Edward knew where to go as I've told him in my panic stricken voice.

Ocean park.

Edward halted suddenly when he saw Jasper's car parked under a tree. We've been circling the resort for a good fifteen minutes. Alice wouldn't answer her phone which made me even edgier. Edward was holding my hand the whole time pressing me comforts.

"Alice!" I jumped and almost fell down when I hurriedly exited the car. I couldn't see where she was, until I heard a sob at the tail side of the car. Edward got there first freezing when he got the view of what could have happen. I slowly stepped forward and saw Alice cradling Jasper's head in her lap.

I plunged in my knees with my hands trembling in terror.

"What happened? Are you alright?" My voice was trembling too. I raked my hand on Alice's hair trying to look desperately for any answer her face could give. Alice wouldn't answer any of my questions. She kept on sobbing while her hand was rubbing Jasper's face which was covered in blood.

Edward was holding me by my shoulder, I looked at him terrified and saw him produced his phone from his pocket.

"No!" We both startled when Alice shrieked. Edward almost dropped his phone.

"Please don't call the police. My father will kill me. Help me get him to…the hospital." She pleaded.

"Okay…okay…" I patted Alice back and motioned Edward to try and lift Jasper. But Jasper was a dead weight, Edward could lift him but there's no way he could carry him, so Alice and I had to help him, almost dragging Jasper's body.

"It's best we use his car, we won't fit in the Volvo." He said he stopping at the door of Jasper's car.

Alice did not talk to us on our way to the hospital. I kept on glancing at her but all I could see was her face was near Jasper's face and she was whispering something to him. Edward was just throwing me wary looks, his hand was still with mine.

Edward waited in the waiting room while Alice and I facilitated the admission of Jasper. I did not ask her again of what happened. I will just wait until she's ready to tell me. We came back in the room when they hauled Jasper in the treatment room.

I insisted for Alice to be treated too as her face showed some bruises near her lips, but she just declined, hysterically so I dropped the matter. I know she'll ask for a treatment if she needed, Alice wasn't actually a sufferer type, she once told me _Why suffer in headache when you have medicine._

"Hey, I'm getting you coffee, alright?" Edward whispered in my ear, letting go of my shoulders. He pressed Alice's hand which was sandwiched with mine and then left.

Alice managed a faint smile watching Edward and I eye talked.

"I'm happy for you Bell." She said, her voice still grainy from too much crying.

I brushed her cheek with my finger, looking at her silently.

Her eyes welled up with tears again, she sobbed as her tears trickled down her now pale cheeks. I kept on brushing her hands with my thumb to console her.

"My brother caught us…" She started. I looked at her thoughtful. I really didn't understand what could her brother saw that made him so angry that he almost had killed Jasper.

My eyes widen when I realized what he might have seen.

"We were…horny, and drunk when we left Emmett's house. We couldn't find Emmett nor you and Edward…so we drove and…found a spot." She said biting her lip in embarrassment.

I wanted so much to tell her to not to share the details with me, it was very personal but, because she was trying to unload her burden, I kept my voice to listen.

"My brother came out of nowhere, and started banging the window. When we didn't open, he forcibly opened it and dragged Jasper out…" She croaked.

"Bella…He was still inside me…" She whispered.

"I tried to stop him but…" She said putting he hand in her face to show me what happened.

"It's my fault…"she started crying again. "I should have not provoked him…to have sex with me…" Her weeping became obvious that it earned a few glance from the others waiting in the room.

"Hey…Shhhh…Al…come on…Don't blame your self…Jasper will be fine…" I whispered looking at her teary eyes.

"What if…" Her eyes are wide on mine, but I cut her off.

"No…Jasper will be fine. You'll see." I said brushing her cheek with my forefinger.

Edward came with two cups of coffee. We shared ours. It's heartwarming to see him beside me, drawing circles on my shoulders letting me lie my head on his shoulders occasionally planting kisses on my head. I could feel his warm breath in my nape.

I was feeling very tired, with all the circus we've done in his room, the rain, the crying, and now the soothing touches he's giving me, I could have fallen asleep, but my concern for Jasper's well being and Alice's…sanity was preventing me to even give in to a yawn.

After what felt like hours of waiting, the doctor informed us that Jasper's fine and already on his recovery room. It was almost dawn. We went with Alice to check on him. I didn't really realized Jasper's damage until I saw him all wrapped up in bandage. His foot was hanging up in the ceiling, and his face was...mummified.

Alice was hysterical again, and all I could do was rub her back as I was trying hard to not to let my tears fall too. Edward pulled me to his embrace when he realized I was shaking from crying too.

We had to drag Alice out of the room and the hospital afterward. She really didn't want to go home and see his brother who half killed her boyfriend. But with Edward's help, we were able to convince her that her father won't like it even more if she won't go home.

Edward drove me home in an empty house, I almost invited him in, but he just twitched his mouth and said "I have to help Emmett on Jasper."

"I will call you." He said as he turned his back on me after giving me a fervent kiss.

I called my father when I was lying in my bed, I could feel the ache in my heart as I tried to relay to him parts of Alice's story.

"Dad, what can we do?" My voices sounded like a little girl tattling to her father.

"We wait." Is all he could say.

I was feeling a little disappointed with his response, but after a little while, I came to realize that we really are not in the position to be doing something unless either party stepped further.

I could just sigh for Alice's sake. Poor girl, she's torn between her family and her Jasper.

I fell asleep, and was only awaken by Edward's call. He relayed that Jasper's parents are already in the hospital when he and Emmett left. They were furious of course, but the decision of the parents wasn't apparent to both him and Emmett at that time.

**EDWARD**

_Poor Jasper_.

I saw first hand what this power tripping could do to relationships. It had happened to me not too far long ago. I don't know what could I impart to him about things like this but I will try and talk to him when he felt better.

Bella still sounded so anxious when I called her a while ago. She must have been so affected with what happened to Alice and Jasper. But I also have this nagging feeling that she's actually feeling a little anxious about our relationship too. Knowing I have told her what happened to my relationship with Tanya.

I huffed while lying down my bed. _I was done with that bullshit. I won't let it happen to us again. Not with Bella. _I thought.

It was almost twilight, and I just realized how long I have been up. I turned to my side and saw Bella's jeans still hanging in my side table. I smiled as I remembered how it got there.

I turned around again and gazed on the closed velvet binder on the floor. I slowly walked towards it, picking it to put inside my drawer again, without opening it.

I fell asleep just moments after, keeping no more secrets from Bella, I felt light…heaven.

It was noon when I opened my eyes from the ray of light shining directly on my face. My head was throbbing in pain. I remembered my lack of sleep the whole day yesterday and the night before, and maybe the downpour of rain that washed over me, and Bella.

I rolled over my bed, not really wanting to get up. I snatched my phone from under my pillow and checked for any messages, but I had none.

"You don't miss me?" I murmured chuckling imagining I was looking at Bella's big brown eyes.

I started dialing her number expecting to hear her usual taunting greetings.

"Hi Honey…" I spoke first.

"Honey…" She answered with a somber voice.

"Why?" I asked catching the wariness in her voice.

"I am here at Alice's house…I'm sorry I didn't call you." She said apologetic.

I slowly stood up my bed gripping my hair to ease the headache I was nursing. I decided to go down to get some medicine.

"Umm…It's alright. How is she?" I asked on my way down.

I heard a sigh.

"She's…umm…broken." Bella answered stammering.

I wanted to see her, pick her up in Alice's place, but she insisted on driving herself home on her truck so I settled on just waiting for her in her place.

She gave me a sweet smile when she exited her truck and lead me to their dining room. She put out 2 cokes in the table before she sat beside me sinking in my embrace right away.

Her grips on my back loosen probably catching the sight of the velvet binder on top of the table.

I let her loose but took her face on my right hand.

"Do you have a lighter?" I said looking at he eyes.

Her face was puzzled and then she gaped when she realized what I was trying to do.

"Noooo. You don't have to do that Honey?! It's really fine with me." She said pinching my mouth open with her thumb and forefinger that made it look like fish lips. Her gesture made me laugh.

I put my fish lips into her mouth and teased her with my fishy kisses. She laughed. I sighed as I heard her laugh. There's nothing really important to me than hearing or seeing her happy. It was after all everything that I could do her.

"I don't need memories of her Bella. I have found what I have looking for." I said under my lashes, looking at her eyes.

I tugged her hand when she still hesitated, I rummaged in her cabinets to find the lighter I was asking her. She just stayed behind me with her arms folded in her chest.

I found a spot on her backyard and started burning each page. Her eyes never left my face. The burning gave me a little sadness but that little feeling didn't measure with the relief I felt when everything was into ashes.

"Don't worry…I won't let it happen to us." I said when we were inside the house.

I sat beside the sink while she prepared dinner. I love watching her do the girl thing in the kitchen. My Honey cooks well. I have been spending a lot of dinner time in their house, eating with his father. At first her dad was kind of passive on me, but he later eased out and became more accommodating. I guess he'd seen how much I care for his daughter.

"Alice wasn't allowed to visit Jasper." She murmured.

"You should have seen her, I couldn't believe she could actually look horrible." Her words are full of jokes, but her voice sounded otherwise.

I could feel her grief on what happened to Alice and Jasper.

"But I know, she'll overcome it, she's tough." She said looking tentatively on me.

I jumped down from the kitchen top and wrapped her around my arms.

"Yeah…she's so much like you." I said in the hollow of her neck.

She faced me and pushed me to sit while she let me cradle her in my lap.

I locked her lips on mine, not wanting to let it go only until we needed to breathe.

We stayed looking at each others eyes with so much passion.

"Why didn't you tell me…you're…" I didn't know how to ask her. _Why are you even asking that? _My mind butted in._  
_

"What?" She quirked her eyebrow with a playful smirk.

She put her forefinger tracing my lips, I was losing what I wanted to ask.

"What?" She repeated her question.

"That…hmmm…you're…ughh…that you haven't done it before with any one…" I stuttered.

Her face flushed with red tint, but she moved her face closer to mine. Her nose was touching mine.

"I know I gave it to the right person." She said putting her lips on mine alluringly.

But she stopped after a couple of lip dancing.

"Why?...Did it matter?" Her eyes fluttered in front of me.

"Nooo…no…no…" My lips protruded shamelessly as I tried to discount whatever silly feelings she's having right now.

"I am honored." I whispered as I snatched her lips from her with my teeth.

We stayed in that position until the food cooked and Charlie came home.

***

The following days, Bella and I devised plans that would keep Alice away from Jasper. She wasn't allowed to visit Jasper, and Bella didn't want to just let Alice ruin her summer by moping around her house.

"It will ruin Alice-ness." I remembered her words when I asked her why.

Four days ago we brought her to the movies. But halfway, went out due to her weeping inside. We figured we've chose the wrong movie for her.

We tried the next day to bring her to the mall to shop but Bella and I felt exhausted when all we did was walk and walk and walk, for a good three hours, I think. And we didn't even buy anything.

"Girls…" I remembered rolling my eyes on Bella, which earned me a painful nudge in my side.

The next day we tried bringing her to the movies again watching a scary movie, but she ran out of the movie house weeping again. When we caught her walking almost like a mile from the movie house, she said she couldn't take seeing me canoodling Bella whenever she jumped on me out of fright from the movie. Bella mouthed a big "_whattt"_ behind her.

I mostly just chuckled on these girly issues. I couldn't really fathom those melodramatic meltdowns but Bella liked helping Alice to somehow turn her attention out of Jasper.

In the afternoon, we would always go visit Jasper in the hospital, sans Alice of course. She would just send him flowers and letters. Seriously, his room could be mistaken as a flower shop, it has more flowers than the shop down the cafeteria of the hospital.

Jasper loved hearing our stories about the disastrous dates we had with Alice. Our date today wasn't any better, bringing her in our favorite place in Port Angeles, the marina where we first ate together and as usual Alice broke down to tears long before she tasted the sumptuous meal she ordered.

Jasper like always, would chuckle on how soft-hearted Alice was, but beneath those laughing eyes, I and even Bella could see what the incident had caused him.

He was feeling better, and he will be leaving the hospital tomorrow, but still chances of Alice seeing him was very low, almost negative.

His family did not file a case on the mayor's son, of course, apparently, the mayor visited his mother in the school where she teaches. And only God knows what happened.

Bella was sitting at the couch reading a magazine, as always, pretending not to eavesdrop on our conversation.

I was playing PSP with Jasper, racing car. He suddenly stopped and let his Ferrari crash.

"I missed her terribly Dude." He said whispering. But, how ever low he made his voice, I bet Bella could hear it. I'll bet a day of fuck.

"I was too out of it that night, raging hormones…" He started. I cringed with the idea, but I saw Jasper looking intently on his crossed hands. This could be beneficial to him, talking to me about his sexcapades. I groaned internally. This is going to be painful, I thought.

"Dude…I was kissing her pussy in her seat. She was too hot and kept on begging me to fuck her. I was driving Dude!" He sounded so excited telling me the story. But I couldn't look at him. I know he would see my dismay on my face. I just pursed my lips and nodded. I tried remembering how Bella taught me the best way to cut a chicken into pieces. But Jasper's voice was seeping into the smallest possible crevices my brain has.

"I almost hit a tree." He chuckled.

"She was all too eager to make love with me in the car. She was so wild." I chanced a peek on him and he was closing his eyes. _Fuck!_ I thought. _He must be out of his goddamn mind!_ I saw Bella in my peripheral vision and when I peered at her from under my lashes, she gawked at me while biting her lips.

"Have you done it in your Volvo?" He murmured comically darting his eyes where Bella's sitting.

"Okay, Honey. We…need to…go…" Bella suddenly stood up looking at her phone.

"Dad texted he needed something for…ummm...Sue" She said pausing when she focused her eyes on me and Jasper.

I know exactly what she was trying to do.

"You have to go?...Oh…Alright. I hope you won't mind giving these to Alice." Jasper said gloomily as he struggled to reach for a yellow letter envelope under his food table.

I couldn't help feel bad for him.

"We'll see you soon prick, 'right?" I nudged his broken leg, he winced and flip me a dirty finger.

Bella's shoulders were shaking from silent laughter when we finally exited the small hospital. I raised my hand to wave good bye to Carlisle who was on duty.

"Why…are you laughing?" I mumbled on top of her head.

Her arm was wrap in my waist while I draped my arm in her shoulders. I couldn't help chuckle on her amusement of my conversation with Jasper.

"What? Kissing her pussy while driving???" She exaggerated her words, and then flail her head as she laughed again.

I laughed with her as I pinched her nose with my free hand.

She called Alice as we made our way to the parking lot, as always, relaying news on how he looked today, and some other things, omitting of course the vulgar sharing of Jasper.

She was still talking to her inside the car, and after I have turned on the engine, I settled on my seat, running my fingers on her thigh.

She must have sensed my suggestion, as she cut her conversation with Alice abruptly. Thank goodness, I have parked the car strategically away from the rest of the other cars.

Her eyes were fluttering as she enticingly licked her lower lip.

"Would you like to try?" I asked her in my most inviting voice.

She bit her lip, but did not answer. I put my hand in her neck pulling her closer to me. I started tasting her mouth with my lips. My hands crept from her waist down her buttocks and soon found its way under the stringed linen shorts she was wearing. I couldn't slip my hands inside, so I pulled her to my seat.

I pulled her seat forward and then reclined my seat back and pulled us at the back seat. We snuggled first tasting each others lips. It didn't take me long to pulled her shorts down and began making my way inside her.

It was actually hard making love inside a tiny car, I'm contemplating of asking my parents for a larger vehicle next Christmas. Nonetheless, we were both satisfied when I finally fell down her chest, panting. I immediately opened the windows when we were done fixing ourselves, the moist that veiled the windows from the heat of our passion was pretty suspicious.

***

I woke up from Bella's call. I noted that it was half past three in the afternoon. I stayed up all night even after the last call I made for Bella as we always do every night before sleeping, playing PS3 with Emmett and beating his ass this time in tennis. He never wanted to end the game saying "Your girl has some power over you…I used to beat you in this game."

I gave in, playing almost after four in the morning, eating the pizza we ordered.

"Hey Honey?!" I answered enthusiastically but quizzically. It isn't typical for Bella to call except when necessary. She always consider if I was still sleeping knowing I was always up late at night.

"Can you come out?" She said curtly.

"Yeah...yeah...Where are we going?" I said hastily getting up from the bed, half running to my closet.

"No…Umm…I'm here outside your house." She said whispering.

"What…Oh, why come in!" I said excitedly. "I'm coming down…" I turned about to the door.

"Honey…I don't want to come inside, your mom is there." She said sullenly.

"Don't be absurd. Wait for me." I took three steps of the stairs flying down the next landing. My mother was startled sitting on the couch reading her magazine.

I half run outside, wearing only boxers and t-shirt from bed, wearing a bed hair with no slippers on. I kissed her cheek and embraced her tight. She was still inside her truck. She darted her gaze inside the house and I saw my mother peeking in the drapes.

"Come inside Honey. I'll just get dress." I pulled her hand.

"Please, I don't want to make a scene." She pursed her lips and gave me a wary look.

"Okay…" I turned around and closed her door, to turn to the passenger door of her truck and hopped in.

She gave me a mocking smile "Watch yourself my love."

"Wow…I love it here…It's so…homey." I giggled but she just rolled her eyes to the back of her head.

So fucking pretty.

I held both her hands as I tossed my phone in the dashboard. I could see something's bothering her.

"What's going on Honey?" I asked looking seriously on her eyes.

"Alice is gone…" She croaked.

I furrowed my brows and only able to part my lips baffled with her words.

"And so Jasper." She added. Her voice was trembling.

"What? How?" I said still unable to grasp the information she's just shared.

"I don't know Honey…I…Al called me an hour ago, she said she's running away with Jasper…" I could see her tears are about to fall so I pulled her to my chest to comfort her, rubbing her back up and down.

"I tried to call her again, but I couldn't reach her phone anymore."

"I'm scared for them Edward…And I'm sure her father will harass me for information…" She cried, I could feel the wetness in my shirt from her tears.

"Wait..." I let go of her and snatched my phone form the dashboard, dialing Jasper's number, but it too, was out of reach.

"I don't know what to do..." She whispered.

I ran my hands on her cheeks wiping away her tears.

"Don't worry, they're going to be just fine." I said with a faint smile.

_They have decided to make their own future._ I thought.


	27. Belonging where we want to

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 27

**EDWARD**

The summer was suddenly over. It has passed too quickly. Though I am pretty sure Bella and I had enjoyed the whole of summer, I still thought, school should not start, yet.

When Alice and Jasper left, Bella and I spent our time together everyday, every single day. Bella was feeling sour at first, probably missing Alice a lot, and of course she couldn't keep herself from worrying. Yes, the mayor came to ask questions, naturally, but she didn't know anything, so after that one single visit, the issue of our involvement in the runaway died down.

We went swimming, night swimming.

I chuckled as I remembered how we ended up swimming that August night.

Her father has agreed when I asked for permission on bringing Bella on a bon fire in the beach. Of course I did not tell him which part of the beach I was talking about. And because there was that part of the beach which was near the reservations in La push where his friends lived, he agreed without a second thought.

We brought tent we bought together at Newton's sporting goods store. Newton's face was rather comical when he saw us buying the stuff for a night camp out.

I brought her in the part of the beach I once showed her. I really wanted to bring her near the big rocks, but waves there would be treacherous for swimming. We ate out outside playfully cooking our food under the fire that we both made, for an hour. _Living during the Stone Age was hard as hell._ We were teasing each other on who could make fire first, but after an hour of trying with both of us exhausted and famished, we gave up and just made fire from the lighter we actually have.

After we ate, we laid down the mat outside the tent, naming the stars, drawing figures on the twinkles the heaven has offered us that clear sky night.

"_That one right there is our star. Whenever you needed to think of me, look up, I will be too." _I told her playing with the lock of her hair flying in my face as she was lying on my arm.

"_Is it not a star?" _She said chuckling.

"_Of course you know that's Venus, right?" _She looked at me batting her eyelashes and pursing her lips.

"_Goddess…Yeah."_ I said, not thinking of Venus at all.

"_Did you know that morning star also means Lucifer from Latin? It also meant light bringer or something which pertained to him as the fallen angel…" _She whispered right on top of my lips.

I pretend to be biting her lips when I bared my teeth, and she just pulled her face away from mine.

"_Alright, let the nerd talk begin." _I teased.

She just stood up and began removing her t shirt in front of my wide eyed face. She was facing the water her back on me. I could see the outline of her waist from the light of the moon from above bouncing from the calm water of the sea.

When she pulled down her shorts, I was already sitting, feasting my eyes on her perked ass covered with the multi colored string bikini.

"_Why I thought we're swimming?" _ She turned around with a playful smile.

I stood up in haste and tried to pull her bikini but she ran off quickly towards the water.

I ran after her with her top and her bikini flying in the air smashing my face.

"_Oh you are so gonna get it Honey!!!" _I yelled and I heard the sound of her sweet laughter echoed in the peaceful quiet night.

I stripped off of my sand covered shorts and t shirt and I stood in the edge of where the silent whoosh of tide touches my feet.

Bella's body was half hidden in the placid water, the bouncing light of the moon showed her adorable face with those thoughtful eyes looking at my half naked body.

"_Honey…I wouldn't mind an eel swimming alongside me…" _She said biting her lip, obviously looking at my already growing manhood still covered in white briefs.

I pulled down the briefs hastily and then started jump skipping in the water towards her. She welcomed me with open arms, cradling on me the moment I got close.

I held her tight with my arms holding her by her buttocks while both her legs are crossed on my waist. Her boobs were on my chest, and I could feel her nipples perked up. My cock was just right outside her, twitching in excitement.

"_I don't care if that is a star, a planet or Lucifer…" _I said a breath away from her mouth.

"_It's the only thing I saw in this world and it wasn't even as beautiful as you, but it's the closest thing."_

"_Look up every night, and you'll find me."_ I added looking at her wet lashes.

"_You are my star Edward, brighter than that." _She said planting a soft peck on my hungry lips.

I drowned my lips on hers, as I tightened my grip on her buttocks. We feasted our mouth on each other before I finally pushed my cock inside her dragging warm water inside.

She was trashing her head back, my hands were clasping her back as she lay on top of the water, with her breasts glistening like tiny stars under the light of the moon.

I nibbled her nipples and mashed her breasts with my mouth in rhythm with the thrusts I made hidden under the blanket of the warm water and her incoherent mumbling of words that drenched my whole body.

I couldn't stop kissing her even after we have consumed the rage lust has brought out. We crawled out of the water literally, laughing with out butts swaying behind us.

We sat in the shore like children, completely naked, playing with the sand throwing at each other. Her pretend anger when I threw her sand right at her face was so fucking cute, it drove me crazy.

I started making little sand castles. But the tiny waves shoaling washes the castles tearing them down to half.

She pouted like a child with a washed tower of sand. Fucking driving me crazy.

I moved back a little in the drier part of the sand. She skipped to where I settled as I started making stacks of sand. I had to make several trips on the wet part of the shore to get wet sand, and she kept on sneering at my dangling cock and bouncing ass.

When I finished my little structure, she clapped in excitement and then hung her arms on my shoulders pecking my cheeks.

"_Thank you my Prince." _She whispered softly in my ears.

I don't understand but building the sand castle for her, left me feeling a bit melodramatic.

I wound my arms on her waist, pulling her nearer me.

"_Honey…my sandcastle will be gone from the flow and ebb of the tide_, _but I won't. My love for you will be forever, even after that crazy little sandcastle is gone." _I mumbled on her lips.

She was speechless, I only heard her say _I love you so much _garbled inside my mouth. I scooped her up in one swift motion, not letting go of her lips. I brought her in the water deep enough to wash the sand that had stick in our body.

She smiled under her kisses, and then laughed when I mumbled _I've got sand in my ass_.

I brought her inside the tent, and once again, with all the love I've got overflowing my heart _I brought her to the night sky to touch our star…_as she pointed out the morning after.

Another thing we did...We took a bath together…In the rain.

Not counting the first time I fucked her under the big tree in our house, the first rain of the summer was actually the first time I ever bathe in the rain, running circles in their backyard.

We were at her house, I was giving her guitar lessons, the guitar we bought one time we went driving around the nearby towns. She was getting pissed off from pressing the strings for an hour already. She kept on complaining and showing me the tip of her fingers appearing already swollen, but I kept on insisting for her to at least finish an entire song.

She was throwing tantrums already. So fucking driving me crazy.

"_Why can't we just play the piano?" _She said pouting her lips exaggeratedly.

I know she was getting impatient, after all, pressing several strings all together isn't that easy at it looks.

"_Yes…Just finish this song first…I promise, miss impatient." _I said pinching her cheeks.

The rain started falling, drizzling where we sat in their backyard. She smiled looking at the sky. I did too. Like her, I have come to love the rain. And just like her too, the rain has always reminded me of her.

When the rain picked up, I grabbed her hand away from the roofed part of the back of their house and towed her in the middle of the backyard.

We danced under the rain, we kissed, we hopped on the puddles, and we played tug. We wandered far from their backyard, in the little forest they have behind their house.

We picked flowers, chasing each other behind the foliage, flipping small plants on each other drenching us with the raindrops that had collected on their leaves.

We found ourselves canoodling under a big tree. After wards, Charlie looked dubious when we came back home wet and mud soaked.

He doesn't have a slightest idea of what really happened, or maybe he has, but he didn't dare to ask.

Of course I didn't just remember those times because we made love.

We've done a lot of things which didn't bring us sleeping with each other, more memorable moments together.

My phone memory was almost full from the pictures I have.

When we didn't have any place to go we'd stay in her house, sometimes we just hang out and read or watch crappy movies.

Sometimes we'd cook together new recipes we'd google, which very often than not, comes out disastrous, given our frolicking while preparing the ingredients.

We went hiking with Emmett and Rosalie. Though we liked the walk and camping, we didn't actually enjoyed it, having to share the isolation with them and literally taking care of them, doing all the work while they secluded themselves inside their tent which didn't actually served its purpose hiding their silhouette and their nightmare inducing cries of satisfaction.

Bella and I were left rolling each others' eyes with every thud and grunt we heard almost the whole night. I bet she had nightmares too.

Of course we went shopping. Girls liked shopping and I treated her into a day at the mall, buying her stuff and mine, giving her the decision on my wardrobe.

We also watched movies, several times, and most often than not, we came out of the movie house not only bewildered of what the hell was the movie all about, but combustible from the lust that has grown full blown from amorously touching and kissing each other.

We joined the Fourth of July parade and stayed in the park for the fireworks display. We love fireworks, I particularly.

We had a blast celebrating with her father's friends in La Push playing all sorts of games in the street fair. I never had any idea there was such a crazy celebration like that that happens in Forks, well, La Push actually, but that was so near, why didn't I knew of that before?

I have often invited her to hang out in my house, but thanks to my mother's one time show of reception, Bella had refused.

Only that time that Emmett was still around that she graced our house of her presence. But of course, pulling my shirt most of the time wherever she goes, or wherever I go.

We've consumed the whole day with me playing PS3 with Emmett and her doing her nails with Rosalie. She had blood red nails afterward, which in contrast with Stanley's long totally slutty red nails; I found hers in shorter nails more inviting.

The last week before the class started, we went to the church to pray, later strolling in the vast patio, just talking about a lot of things, college, one of them. She was actually a little peeved when I told her of my parents' plans of enrolling me to Dartmouth. Though it was still a year before that happens, I could already feel a huge feeling of emptiness.

It rained, again. The Volvo was parked at the other side of the church. We decided to shelter at the gazebo, teasing each other of the memory of our first glance at each other. I wrote her name in the table, along with my heartfelt promise.

I wanted not to have all my classes together with her as much as possible, I really like the idea of running around school to get to her so I could pick her up and bring her to her next class. But the idea of lurking Mike around every time I wasn't made me forget the whole different class thing. Not that she didn't plead for that thing many times.

When the classes started she was feeling a little lonely. Last year she was with a very large group of friends, noisy and crazy. But now, with Alice missing in action, she only has me and me alone in the table to share her lunch with.

She didn't care of course; she'd bring me lunch actually every day. I have talked her into cooking us lunch rather than buying shitty canteen food.

I was able to play piano for her. One night my parents were gone for a benefit show in Port Angeles. I was totally praying as hard for them to not to come home. I invited Bella in for a dinner, delivery dinner of course. I wanted to teach her piano, just like I promised her. But my short tempered princess would rather see me play than learn the piano.

I think I played for a straight two hours; I have depleted my memory of all the compositions I know. I would have brought her in my room when we started getting touchy from the comfort of the couch in the living room, but, by all means…my parents have to come.

"_Edward, you have school tomorrow, your girlfriend must be needed in her house now." _I remembered my mother saying as soon as she saw Bella sitting in the couch.

_Great. My mom._

Thanksgiving Day. My butt bled thinking for a good bluff so my mother would agree with me inviting Bella and his father over for dinner.

"_Why?" _She said with a quirked eyebrow.

"_Why? Mother, because Bella and I are a couple, do I need to explain?" _I really did not want to argue with her that moment; I might blow my only chance.

"_That's fine son. It will be an honor to have them here." _My father said throwing a glance to my mother who was already preparing to fret.

I chuckled when I remember how I won…I thought I won.

"_Fine. But you are going with us at Emmett's on Christmas and in your Grandfathers' on New Year." _She said gaping at me.

"_We have a deal." _She ended the conversation when I tried to open my mouth to argue.

I was already pissed when the dinner came; Bella noticed my edginess as she kept on peering on me at the table. Of course, I do not want to tell her I will be away for Christmas and New Year. I don't want her mood to be affected too. She was excited when she arrived with her father. She was a picture of perfection with the shade of blue dress that she wore swaying until her knees.

My father did not allow silence to make the dinner feel awkward. He kept on talking to Charlie about all sorts of things. Medical, Government and even fishing. I thought I heard them scheduled a fishing trip in the Hoh river.

My mother on the other hand was silent. All she was doing was smiling faintly but most of the time looking at Bella, no, I think she was glaring at her. Thankfully, Bella knows much about my mother, she avoided her gaze most of the time. But I could see her face blush every time she caught her glance on her.

I pulled her in the gazebo outside the house after dinner. I really wanted to pull her away from my mother's toxic gazes. But alas, my mom would pop out from time to time to check on us.

When I put the glasses back to the kitchen, I left Bella in the gazebo. My mother was fixing the left over food for her house maids. She found the moment to lecture me about the thing that is going on with me and Bella, citing reasons like she wasn't good for me.

"_Mom…please? Not again._

I felt exhausted hearing her say words detrimental to Bella. I stomped outside the kitchen fuming, but Bella was standing right outside the door. She couldn't miss any word my mother had said.

She didn't say a word though. She was silent, dead silent until they left. I tried calling her many times that night, but she never answered her phone. I contemplated on going to her house, but I was cornered by my father in the couch playing chess until midnight, talking about Bella and Charlie.

The following day wasn't any better. She wouldn't let my phone calls get through. When I called her house Charlie just said she hasn't come down from bed, and it was three in the afternoon already. She must be really upset. She must have heard all the things that my mother has said. I texted her, I left several messages on her voice mail, but her mailbox must be full from my messages. She never returned any of my messages.

It drove me fucking crazy.

It was already midnight. I spent the last three hours outside her driveway. I saw when Charlie arrived, but Bella didn't join her in the dining room. And now, the whole house was dark already. I called her phone several times a while ago, it was ringing but I didn't hear any phone ringing inside her room.

I am fucking crazy.

I climbed the big tree I once climbed before. I almost fell when I slipped on a moss. I had to step down the branch and land on the brick roof so I'll be able to grasp on the opening of her window. When I did, I could see myself completely revealed from the shadow of the moon.

I put my hands on top of my face peering inside on her window. There was a figure sitting on top of the bed.

"_Damn it Bella, open the window." _I whispered in firm voice.

But the figure did not move. It has driven me crazy. I shook the window to make a creaking sound. At this point, I really don't mind waking up Charlie.

"_I could do this all night Bella." _I said loud for her to hear.

After several minutes, the window opened. The light inside the room was off, and only shadowed by the light of the moon. But even that scarce amount of light did not deny my sight of Bella's tear-infested face.

I hurriedly jump inside the room, enveloping her in my embrace.

"_I'm so sorry Honey…" _I kept on repeating; she did not talk but kept on sniffling. She must have been crying the whole day.

We sat on the floor with our backs on the side of her bed. I never let go of her hand the whole night. I didn't have to explain a lot of things to her that night. I know she knows that even if my mother did not agree of her, I am still hers, as evident with my presence in her bedroom.

"_I love you…I am yours. Whatever happens." _I whispered to her face when she put it near mine.

I pulled her up then down in front of me, kissing her softly but passionately. We made love on top of her bed, slowly. I took my time removing her clothes one by one. I took my time kissing her from head to her toes. I took my time slowly. I was holding her wrists on top of her head as I slowly push my cock inside her warm pussy. I licked her breasts one at a time. Slowly. I could hear her silent pleas, moans of my name, and a lot of I love yous.

I was crazy about her, I am crazy about her.

I could have slept beside her. She fell asleep naked beside me, and I was also slipping my consciousness, but I realized, I have parked the Volvo right behind Bella's truck. When Charlie wakes up in the morning and go to work, he will see it. Big trouble.

So, I had to go down through the tree again after I kissed my naked girlfriend.

I left Bella on Christmas. She was sad, but she managed to actually convince me that a time with my mother will be beneficial for us. But she was wrong.

I have been nice to my mother ever since my realization that night with Bella in my room. My mother only wanted me the best. She never approved of Tanya, because she saw what I have become.

But her frequent venting of her dislike for Bella, just because we're different in status, has pushed me to my limits again.

Emmett was pissed when my mother and I had to fight over Christmas dinner, in front of Rosalie. I walked out and left their place. I had to call Emmett and apologize over the phone for ruining their Christmas. At first he was shouting at me, but later admitted that it was really my mother's fault.

I had to sleep in the airport to catch the next available flight to Seattle. Though I was really angry, I was somehow happy that I got to spend the New Year again with Bella and won't have to put up on the entire charade on my grandfather's house.

Bella dragged me at La Push where we celebrated the New Year with her father's girlfriend. We spent the entire night talking nonsense.

I gave her the gift I bought when I was out of town. She was gaping at me when she saw the box, and hesitated giving me her hand. But I won and was able to slip the diamond studded ring.

"_Do you know what this means?" _I asked her with a smug in my face while I was still holding her hand.

She did not reply, her eyes are gaping on mine, with inexplicable expression.

_"Relax...I'm not going to marry you...well...not yet..." _I rolled my eyes.

"_Not marriage, I know." _She said protruding her lips.

"_Someday, when you are ready, of course…But this…is an eternity ring…eternity Bella. That's how long I'll be around you." _I said softly bringing her hand in my lips.

I know she loves me, and her gift confirmed it. It was a dog tag with an engraving. _**I belong to Bella**_.

School time has never been appealing to me, until now that I was a senior and Bella was in all my class. I get to sit with her the whole day, write her love notes, hold her hands, and rub her thighs.

Every time we talk about college, Bella's mood will always turn sour.

"_I don't want this to end." _She would always say with a sullen voice.

Neither do I. But we couldn't just stay behind. I had been accepted in Dartmouth. If it was because of my grades, my application or my parent's influence, I don't really care. Bella never told me where she had been accepted. I know she's going to college, but she never told me where. When I asked, she would just say _I wanted to be near you._

Why does time passes by so quickly when you are happy? Now I found myself secretly pulling the days to be longer.

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A/N

A little notice: This could be a little confusing, (I myself got confused) but we have to know and note that Edward's memory was different from Bella's, in some things. It was over 10 years ago after all, and those are some memories Bella had tried concealing in the depths of her brain.

Our E/B story's almost ending. Well, not really...I mean, for the mean time, and mean time means...a chapter (just a chapter or two, depending on how many words I could make).

I hope you'll stay, until everything's done, every words been said...And they lived happily every after, or not.

Thanks, as usual for keeping yourselves updated.

I could post another chapter today, I'm not sure though. I am almost done with it, and I really wanted to get it out my system, so I could start over again.

xoxo-M


	28. The lightning and thunder have come

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 28

**BELLA**

I miss Alice. Ever since she left, I felt like incomplete. Though Edward never left my side the whole summer and the rest of school days, having a girl friend around has its plus factor. I have a lot of issues I can not talk with Edward.

And now, it's spring break already, the time flew so fast. What could Alice be doing right now? I really wanted to talk to her. I wonder how is she doing? Have they finally found happy ending?

Edward will be leaving me soon, enrolling at Dartmouth. Phew! Figures. And I bet that's the main reason, figures, why his mother snubs me like I am some kind of digger or something. That hurts.

I have been staying in the bathroom quite longer than necessary. Edward was downstairs talking with my father.

I was feeling a little out of sorts, I just heard that Edward was admitted in Dartmouth while my application for scholarship there hasn't arrived yet.

I have been draining my brain studying so I could be accepted in the same school he'll be going. Of course, Dartmouth is way too dreamy of me, but if I couldn't get there money wise, I will, by my brains.

Knock.

"Hey kid…I'll be at the station." My father said curtly and then I heard his footsteps down the stairs again.

I sighed. I really need to finish this melodramatic episode. I don't want Edward's mood to be affected by mine.

He's been planning this day-out long before spring break began.

"There you are." Edward's eyes lit up when he saw me emerging from the stairs.

I forced a smile.

"I like that…" He stood up stretching his arms to hold my hand looking at my fitted green t-shirt.

He draped his arms on my shoulders nuzzling in my head as we made our way to his shiny car. He held my hand like he always does when he's driving.

We passed a group of teenagers having fun in the park, a street fair, and a program going on in the town plaza.

We were just driving around, silently, occasionally throwing glances at each other.

"Hey…Are you alright?" He said kissing my hand.

"Yeah…Don't worry." I said looking at him tentatively then back to the window feigning my glee on the people having fun in the streets.

But of course, he knows me.

He parked his car in front of the church, a few steps away from the gazebo.

"Honey…" He faced me and then brushed my cheeks with his thumb.

I looked at him, with sadness I'm sure engraved in my eyes.

"I don't want this to end." I repeated the words I always tell him, but now with a sadder voice.

I know my face was showing my real emotions. I could feel warm air creeping up my face and my eyes started to water.

I could see a glum, hopeless look in his eyes. He looked at me for the longest time.

"Why don't you go with me?" He said darting his eyes forward.

"Yeah like I could handle Ivy League…" I snorted.

"Alright then, I'll enroll wherever you'll be…" He said firmly looking at me curtly then forward again.

"Yeah…right." I murmured surly.

He darted his eyes on me then back again in the steering wheel, drawing air from his mouth, exhaling loudly…several times.

He looked at me with rile and peeved look. He opened his mouth several times, probably straining his words to say.

"I don't understand…wh…what do you want me to do?" Irritation in his voice cannot be hidden even with his glorious features.

My heart felt a stab seeing how he reacted with my gloomy mood. My tears began trailing my cheeks. He did not make a move to wipe away the tears this time, instead he stared directly at my weeping eyes looking hard to understand what I was trying to imply.

I put down my face, ashamed of how I feel. I couldn't exactly word what I wanted to say. I mean, I don't want to say anything, this feeling I have was just a result of hopelessness.

He pulled my chin up, forcing me to look at him.

"Tell me." His voice was firm again. He let go of my hand as he straightened in his seat forward with both of his hands holding the steering wheel.

"I don't know what to do."

"I know you'll be gone, and I can't do anything about it."

"I can't come with you, and you can't come with me."

"I don't want you to sacrifice the good fortune you have just because your girlfriend can't be with you. You owe your parents that much. Your parents deserved your success, that's the only thing you can give, after all those years they took care of you. And I love you, and I know your mom doesn't like me, but I won't let you turn your back on them and on your future." I said between sobs.

I know I didn't make any sense, I myself don't know what I was really feeling. I just know I was sad and it's almost close to impossible that we'll be together always, just like Emmett and Rosalie…and Alice and Jasper.

A deafening pause.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to scold you." He said with his head on the steering wheel.

"I just…I don't know what to do either. This whole graduation thing and college were…causing me so much anxiety."

He straightened in his seat and stretched his head back to the seat back rest. He turned to me with a tight smile.

"I love you. We'll figure one out. Okay?" He said wiping my tears with the back of his hands.

"I love you too." I wept.

"Hey…enough…Shhh…" He grabbed me and enclosed me in a tight hug rubbing my back up and down.

"We'll check in the internet what we can do…I promise. We won't be apart." He whispered in my ears.

I stayed inside his comforting embrace until my tears dried up. He kept on kissing me in my ears and cheeks until I finally pulled away from him with a smile.

He mouthed _I love you_ before he started the car again and we went for a drive.

We went down to enjoy the programs in the plaza, mingling with people we don't know, buying stuff and just plain enjoying. I sighed as I look at him trying so hard to help me dispel the gloomy feeling I have plunged myself into.

At night, we found a spot in the marina near a little bridge. We ate the burgers we bought as we eagerly wait for the fireworks display.

"Okay…what about…Chris P. Cream…" He laughed as he said the name. We were thinking of funny names. I feel his stomach trembling from laugh as I lay down in his legs while he dangled his feet down the bridge.

"That's lame Honey…" I almost choked from laughter.

"Oh why, have you got something?" He teased pressing my nose.

"Did you know that Laura Bush calls her husband bushy?" I gawked at him. "Or was it the other way around…Gosh...I don't know." I chuckled.

"The former president? No way!" A speck of burger went outside his mouth from his laughter.

"Don't call me bushy…I'll shave…" I teased him biting my lip.

"No...I'll call you…Honeyed Bell." He bent his body to kiss my mouth softly.

"No…That's suggestive…" I softly spat his cheek away from my mouth.

"Okay…Honey B…Hmmm, that's sounds just right…and sweet and…edible!" He let his hand flew in the air. "Perfect!"

"But seriously, why would parents name their kids Dick…" He scrunched his nose. "I will definitely file for a change of name if I had that."

"Or…what about those merged names…" I said nodding my head in his thigh.

He looked at the horizon and then put his burger beside him drinking his coke.

He put his hand on my stomach drawing circles on it.

"What could our child's name be?" He said looking at my eyes.

I thought I choke on the burger I was munching. He let me up to drink my coke, tentatively refreshing me. I lay down again in his thigh after wards.

He was looking at me, occasionally wetting his lips with his tongue.

"What about Bellward?" I chuckled when I saw his eyes squinted from inward laughing. "It sounded like a bell boy in hospital ward."

"We'll have kids?" He asked with an incredulous look.

"Sure…sure…big kids…small kids…silly kids…naughty kids…" I bit my lip teasing him.

"You don't like kids?" He started raking my hair away from my face.

"No…grumpy little creatures…" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah…Mom I want this...I want that…Waaaaaaa! Fucking noisy…" He said trashing his head back.

"What did you say!?" An unfamiliar voice startled us from our moment of laughter.

Edward tightened his grip on my waist and my nape. We froze. I felt like my breathing stopped. Edward locked his gaze on me helplessly informing me to stay still.

Silence.

I thought the man who spoke already left had it not for the stench of liquor in the air.

Suddenly, I felt my feet were forcibly pulled away making me bang my head in the rough ground of the bridge. The man pulled me harder scraping my back in the uneven rocky pavement.

I heard Edward.

"Noooooo!!!"

I couldn't see what he's doing. I have shut my eyes, an involuntary reflex shielding myself from the frightening scenario that must be taking place.

I could hear Edward cursing the burly man, and I could hear grunts, but I didn't know from whom.

I pressed my eyes into its eyelids as I prepared myself to open them.

I caught a sight of a man face down on the pavement _No! Edward?! _I could hear my thoughts screaming.

But then the big man was in front of me and grabbed me by my shirt. I tried to punch him but I couldn't reach his face. His eyes were red; intoxicated from something other than the liquor he was drinking.

Edward came flying from his back knocking the man down and throwing me on the floor. I couldn't feel the pain the loud thud in the stony bridge gave my face, because all I could see was Edward's eyes filled with anger, murderous.

I lay in the corner of the bridge helplessly shouting for help. But I couldn't hear my voice.

The man plunged into Edward but he was quick to move and plunge back to the man. I was so scared, his words was ringing in my ears _I'd kill anyone who'll hurt you_.

I stood up and made my way to help Edward or to possibly pull him away from the brawl. He was hurt pretty badly. I could see blood gushing in his forehead and his lips were broken.

But the man caught me and dragged me by my hair with all I can do is to scrape my fingers nails on his face. He slapped me and threw me on the ground.

I did not know what happened next because when I opened my eyes, the man was nowhere to be seen, and Edward was lying on his stomach, passed out and bathing in his blood.

"Honey?!!!"

"Edward?!"

"Damn it Edward!...Wake the fuck up!"

"Edward!"

"Edward!"

I kept on calling him, slapping him, kissing him…but he didn't wake up.

The ambulance came right away after I called. Carlisle was on it. His eyes were full of concern, but he did not really bother to ask me what happened, or how I was doing. I thought he must be very upset.

I did not ride with Edward in the ambulance, how ever I cried and pleaded, instead, my father's cruiser arrived and brought me to the hospital after they gave me first aid.

I couldn't speak anymore. I did not have any voice left from crying and screaming. Mrs. Cullen arrived passing by me, giving me an enraged look. My father left me insisting he wanted to be the one to catch the man who tried to kill us. I stayed in the hospital waiting for any of the Cullens to come out. My father came back to inform me they got the man. A parole in the nearby prison. He persuaded me to come home and rest but I needed to know how Edward was.

I was getting impatient that none of the Cullens came out and explained to me how Edward was, and it was almost dawn, when Mrs. Cullen emerged from the room I presumed was Edward's.

"Excuse me…" I managed to say with my grainy voice as I ran to follow her.

She turned around and her calm look suddenly changed.

"Isabella. I don't want you around my son." She said turning her back from me.

"Wait…" My tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to walk with her.

"How is he?" My voice was trembling.

"He almost died, because of you." She faced me and crossed her hands in her chest.

"Now tell me. Why would I want you near my son again now that I proved myself that you are bad for him? Huh?"

"Don't you get it…You have nothing in common with my son, let him be with someone he belonged." She squint her eyes as if her words aren't enough to slap me in my face.

"I am so sorry Edward got hurt, and I'm sorry you don't like me, but we love each..." I couldn't make myself speak firmly, my voice was faltering.

"Love? What do you know about love? Both of you are still young, Edward doesn't even know how to tidy his room. Don't fool yourselves. And you...you..." She grunted.

She left me feet nailed where I am. I couldn't move. My lungs don't have air anymore but as if I don't know how to breathe. My tears were still falling freely in my cheeks.

_Edward…_

I began walking slowly towards the room. I didn't think again when I started turning the knob. But when I opened the door Carlisle was standing behind the door, blocking the way. He probably heard me and his wife talking.

I looked at him with my pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella." He shook his head and tightened his jaws.

"Please Carlisle…I just want to see him…" I croaked while my tears relentlessly stained both my cheeks.

He looked down still shaking his head.

I sobbed in defeat but before I turned back, I had a chance to peek briefly on Edward's motionless body covered with a blanket, eyes closed, nose inserted with oxygen tube.

I helplessly sat on the floor gliding my back on the wall when Carlisle finally closed the door.

I never saw Edward again.

It has been a week after the accident. Edward's phone was turned off. My father can't give me any information. Neither the hospital gave me any idea how Edward was.

I tried going to the hospital again, but I was halt by the guard in the lobby informing me I wasn't allowed inside. I tried to argue but he politely explained to me that he was just doing what he was ordered to do.

And now that class has started again. Everyone was looking at me when I made my way to the hallway. I was walking alone. I drowned the murmurings with the songs Edward had recorded for me in my iPod as I pictured him walking beside me.

I walked to my classes looking straight, iPod blasting in my ears, not talking to anyone.

I was getting so impatient and utterly anxious with Edward's state.

It was late, I have done all my school work, and I was lying on my stomach looking at the wallpaper of my phone. A picture of Edward and I in the fair, the last time we were together. Our tongues both stuck out playfully in the camera.

_I miss you so much…Honey…Come back._

I could feel the bed sheet getting soaked from my tears. The violent pounding of the rain in my window didn't ease my anguish.

I almost jumped when my phone suddenly rung.

"Honey?!!!" My voice couldn't hide my excitement.

"Hi." I heard his soft voice said, but there was something else in it.

"How are you…I love you…I love you…" I asked sounding crazy.

"I love you too." He said hinting a smile in his voice.

"I couldn't climb your tree…Can you come down?"

"You're here?" I jumped out of the bed and stormed the stairs almost tripping in the steps.

I opened the door but I did not see him in the doorway.

"Where are you?" I said.

He turned off his phone.

And then I saw his silhouette coming out from the Volvo, under the pouring rain.

I ran towards him.

He engulfed me in a big tight hug, plunging his lips on mine.

"I love you…I love you…" He kept on repeating in my lips.

"What are you doing…you're not better yet…" I tugged him towards the house.

But he pulled me beside the tree he usually climbed at, his lips not leaving mine.

He kissed me like crazy, though I was feeling a little anxious of the way he acted, I couldn't control my longing for him. I wanted to savor the moment to drown the ill feelings I was having for the past three weeks of not knowing anything about him.

He kissed me in my neck, biting it hard, religiously saying _I love you_. He shoved his hands inside my wet bra less shirt and mashed my breasts angrily.

"You are mine Bella, you are mine, forever." He murmured with a firm voice

"I am yours…" I murmured, my voice drowned by the angry rain drops relentlessly pouring on us.

I knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to make love with me, under the rain, again. I did not object when he pulled the boxers I was wearing and shoved his whole manhood inside me.

I was delirious both from the pleasure his body was giving me, but most especially from the sweet reunion we are having.

And then he was done.

He kissed me long and passionate.

"Never forget. I…love...you…" He said cupping both my cheeks with his hands.

"Bella…Look at me…Don't forget that…Okay…honey…I love you so much…I love you so much…" He whispered into my ears while the sound of his weeps escaped his lips.

I couldn't fathom what was going on, my tears are trickling my cheeks from confusion.

"I will find you..." His voice was almost inaudible, and I was about to ask him when he abruptly turned around, hastily walking towards his car.

I followed him, already crying, helplessly calling him, my voice drowned by the violent pouring of rain.

"Edward…wait…" I ran towards his Volvo, but in a matter of seconds…darkness.

Darkness ate me as I frantically brushed my eyes off of rain water, seeking hopelessly for the silver Volvo.

"Edward…" I whispered. Words could not escape my mouth anymore.

I sat on the gravel, praying and wishing to everything miraculous to let Edward come back. I closed my eyes making my ears listen intently for a sound…of a car, of footsteps, but all I could hear is the splattering of the drops of rain in the ground.

"Edward…Don't leave me…" I sobbed…I cried…I wept.

But all in vain.

***

Darkness. Total darkness. I let darkness eat me.

I plunged myself in my bed, still on my wet set of clothes. I don't want to get up. I don't want to wake up. I pressed my eyes hard, draining the tears down my cheeks.

_Edward._

_Edward._

_Edward._

My mind kept on calling his name in symphony with the trailing of tears.

When I opened my eyes on a bright sunny morning, it all dawned to me.

_Edward left me._

I thought at first I was just dreaming. A bad dream, a nightmare due to my obsession to see him. But when I got up and saw my t-shirt still damp, and my bed soaked from my clothes, I confirmed I wasn't dreaming at all.

The gray t-shirt I was wearing has faded stains of blood. _Was he injured? _Of course, I couldn't answer that.

I dialed his number, but just like the past days, it was off. I thought my eyes won't be able to shed anymore tears, but I wondered where am I getting all these tears washing my grief.

I have a terrible headache. I had to get up, drug myself and eat.

I went cheerless down the kitchen to prepare food for myself. I startled when I saw Charlie in the living room.

"You're home." I said walking pass him, I couldn't let him see the misery I was swimming into.

"Bella…" He called.

I balked. I sighed first before having the courage to look at him.

I wasn't able to control my emotions when I saw my father's tortured face. His eyes are wet, his face were painted in red.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in his breath.

I ran to bury my face into his chest like a child asking for consolation from her father.

"Shhhhh…You're going to be alright…" He whispered as he frantically rubbed my back soothing comforts.

It felt like forever. I have never cried in anyone's presence, except Edward's, let alone my father's. I have never shown anyone how weak I am. But today, I felt like all the bravery I have stored has melted.

I was from a broken family; I have learned to take care of myself, my feelings included. I was taught that no one can save you but yourself, no one. That is why I have learned to shield myself from a lot of things, hurt included.

I was wrong. Now, after I have put all my guards down, after I have shown all the love I've got, I was left alone.

"Edward was stabbed, many times." My father began.

He had led me to the kitchen table, preparing me cereal to eat before I drink my medicine. First time ever.

My tears began falling again.

"Bella. Edward loves you. He saved your life. He almost died."

I couldn't talk.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen aren't happy about it. But you cannot blame them Bella. You should not. They only wanted to protect Edward. I know it was an accident, but still, we can't stop them from keeping Edward away...It's their right. He's their son." He said looking outside the window, hiding his eyes.

"His parents thought it would be best to live the town, as early as possible. They said, it had happened before and they don't want Edward to suffer again."

_They don't have any idea._

"Bella…You have to start fixing your life. You are tough. You don't need Edward to go on."

--

If I could just dig a hole and crawl under.

After Edward left, I absent myself in the school the whole week. Its one thing that I know he was just in his house and an entirely different story now that I know he was gone.

I felt so alone. I was alone.

I walked alone to my class, I eat alone in my lunch table, and I walk alone in the parking. After several weeks of punishing myself hearing the music recorded in my Ipod, I finally gave up. I noticed I was becoming weaker with my emotions with every memory of Edward.

Gradually, I felt better, walking alone…being alone, putting on a brave mask. No one dared to talk to me. I was always irritated. Not even my father enjoyed talking to me.

The hollow space in my heart was becoming harder.

Rain has once again graced the night.

I tossed heedlessly in my bed. I don't know if the sound of splattering rain in my roof was giving me comforts or just making my agony worst.

I sat on my bed, closing my eyes, my ears carefully listening to every drop the rain made.

_Sweet smell._

_Musk._

_Big blue eyes…Curly lashes…_

_Wandering facial hairs…_

_Bronze hair…_

_Ugh…It's messy again…Come here…_

_You're nape is so sexy…You have moles here?_

_You have a big head._

_Bronze hair…chest hair…_

_Trails of hair…stomach hair…hmmm…does it go down there…_

"_I want to taste you Bella…"_

_Soft lips…_

_I liked that tongue_

"_I am yours Bella…"_

"_I love you forever…"_

"_I was hoping I could show you…fireworks…"_

My sob violently escaped my mouth. My feet were soaked from my tears falling down my cheeks unhindered.

I closed my eyes, remembering how his smiles always make my knees weak.

_Fireworks…_

I jumped down my bed and looked for the bunch of letters I was hiding. The letters he had been stashing in my locker not so long ago. I couldn't find them.

I pulled everything my hand caught inside my bag. It wasn't there. What was there was the torn copy of Romeo & Juliet. I threw it under my computer table.

I pulled everything from my computer table drawer, but it wasn't there.

I was getting impatient.

I was screaming in anguish and frustration. I know my father can hear me, but I needed those letters, I am going to be crazy. I am crazy.

I seemed like a total lunatic when I caught sight of the yellow and purple little envelopes bound together by a ribbon, under the box of Tiffany & Co.

I held them close to my heart as I made my way on top of my bed again.

_Edward will come back._

_My girlfriend is tough._

_Romeo and Juliet's love was conquered by their weakness to fight for their love._

_We could have a chance to be happy… _

Different scenes, different faces, different voices, vivid colors, a velvet voice.

When I woke up the following day, I had some resolve.

I can do this. Edward will come back. Edward knows I'll wait. He knows I am tough.

---

I arrived at school wondering what the flyers that hung all over the school was all about. Every one else seemed to be sporting a smile. Everyone else but me.

A small curly haired girl handed me a yellow flyer.

_Yearbook order confirmation_

My eyes locked on one single information written _GRADUATION_.

It's the week of graduation. A few more days of school. I should be cheering like the rest, but I wasn't feeling like it.

_Where's my Edward? Why hasn't he come back yet? Won't he be graduating with me?_

"Ms. Swan…" I heard Ms. Cope called me sticking her head out the management office. She motioned for me to go inside.

"The principal wanted to talk to you." She told me darting her eyes to the door of the principal's office.

I sighed before I knock and entered the office with a table full of papers on top.

"Isabella Swan…" Principal Greene's eyes lit when he saw me.

He shook my hand, and then motioned for me to take my seat.

"Congratulations. Here…" He said frivolously before handing me a white long letter envelope.

I opened it nervously not knowing what to expect.

_**VOX CLAMANTIS IN DESERTO**_

I blinked my eyes, once, twice, thrice. I didn't know what the Latin words my eyes first caught meant but my eyes were now fixated on the name on top of the logo.

_**Dartmouth College **_

_**DARTMOUTH**_

I couldn't make myself read the rest of the letter. My eyes don't want to go that part; instead, my mind was flashing pictures of Edward. Dartmouth.

"Shouldn't you be happy? You're accepted in Dartmouth. Scholar…That's big news!" Mr. Greene pulled me from my silent reverie.

"I was accepted? In Dartmouth?" I repeated after him. And that was the only time I panned my eyes to the rest of the letter. It was the list of courses offered and the class schedules.

I glanced at Mr. Greene and he was still wearing a large grin.

"Thank you Mr. Greene." I nodded my head at him and then prepared to leave.

"And umm…Ms. Swan…You deserved it…" He said with a serious voice and face before I exited his door.

My head was spinning. I don't know which emotion I am going to entertain first.

I was happy. Dartmouth. Wow. My parents would be proud. Edward would be proud.

I was excited. I will be where Edward is.

Anxiety. I was anxious. What if Edward wasn't there? Or what if, he didn't want me there anymore?

Discouraged. Would he still be the same?

I walked to the lunch room still inside the invisible shield I have created for my self. I could hear the happy voices of all the students passing around me, not to mention their happy faces were like bolded and italicized shoving right into my face.

Everybody's happy, except me.

"Hi, Bella." Mike dropped his elbows in my lunch table, startling me from my deep thinking.

I glanced at him briefly not minding to smile at all.

"We're surfing tomorrow, come with us." He blurted cheerfully, looking into my eyes.

"Why are you talking to me?" I surly replied.

He stopped for a moment. But he did not give up.

"Come on, you need some air." He smiled sweetly.

I suddenly remembered how he used to be.

"I'm still alive, I've got a lot." I said punching my chest, looking back to the notebook I was doodling into.

"Bella…" His face suddenly became serious.

He sighed when he saw me gaping at him arrogantly.

"I'll be in the store at 9:30 tomorrow. If you want to come." He said smiling faintly and then he rose slowly from his seat and left.

_Why would I want to come?_

_You need air._

_No, I don't._

_You have to move on._

_I am staying where I am._

_Edward is not coming back._

I never really realized there are really two sides in a human brain.

One that speaks like your heart.

One that speaks like your mind.

One that feels while the other sees.

One that think logically; and the other reacts.

I have two side of my brain…unforgivably arguing with each other.

I stopped my truck in the parking area that said, parking for clients only. I saw Mike jumped down the hood of his suburban, almost running towards me.

"I'm glad you came." He said with his puppy eyes fluttering.

"Make sure it will be fun." I couldn't keep my self from being arrogant, I almost bit my tongue.

I did not surf. I don't know how to surf. I watched them as they had fun while I mope around, drawing circles in the sand. I found myself heaving for breathe helplessly breathing deep so my tears won't fall down.

I did not really realize that we were going to the beach. The beach was one place I have incorporated with Edward. I rose and walked in the wet sand leaving trails of footprints. I was thankful for the blowing of the wind blowing my hair to my face hiding the tears that have begun to fall.

I walked aimlessly holding a broken twig, running it in the sand creating creases.

"Wait up!" I heard Mike called behind me.

I stopped and turned around.

Mike walked with me until we found a large log near the green trees facing the ocean.

We sat in silence for a while. I stretched my legs in front of me as I gaze in the far horizon.

"I'm glad you came Bella." He said.

I quirked my eyebrow. I was about to tell him he said those words already but I just bit my tongue and gave out a timid smile.

"I haven't…said sorry to you." He said putting his elbows in either knee as his right hand played in the sand.

I remained in my position.

"I really did not mean to hurt you Bella."

"Cullen could have not…" He choked on his words.

"…hurt you, if I didn't just give you away."

"Mike…Stop it." I said with a firm voice.

"What happened was entirely not because of what happened before. Don't compare what you have done with his." I said throwing the twig I was playing with.

"Bella…Edward is not coming back." He croaked.

My head snapped and I found myself glowering at him.

"I'm sorry but you have to move on." He added and his eyes were thoughtful.

"And what…be with you…so you…so you can play with my emotions again?" I suddenly felt warm. I think the saying _my blood boils_ is actually true.

I stood up, ready to go. But Mike grabbed my wrist.

"Stop running away Bella. Edward left you. It's time you open your eyes. He's not coming back to get you." He's almost spitting the words to my face.

I slapped him.

"Just because I hurt you, didn't mean I'll be doing it again Bella. You have to give me a chance..." He said sourly.

"Edward is not coming back and he just lost the only chance he had to amend you." He added.

I slapped him again and then I turned around running away.

"So what are you going to do…Huh!!!? Wait for him!?...He fucking left you Bella!!!" He yelled at my retreating figure, hurt and sadness obvious in his voice.

I did not stop running until I was far enough from the beach. I am going to walk even if it was too far for a walk. I felt like my head was going to explode, my veins were throbbing. My tears were running down one after the other.

I felt like I was walking forever, running away from something or trying to catch on something.

A blue old car stopped beside me, but I did not look. Walking is beneficial to me right now, but I didn't think it was safe.

"Aren't you Officer Swan's daughter?" The man with a little voice said.

I hid my face away from him and wiped my tears with my hands before I turned to look at him.

I nodded at him. I remember his face; he's one of my father's colleagues.

"You have no ride? Come inside. It's not safe to be wandering in the woods." He said opening the passenger door.

I slid inside the car, I did not mind riding with a stranger. At least I know him a little. I guess I could trust him.

Trust. I sighed. Who could you trust not to hurt you these days?

The small man brought me through my request at the Newton's. After a brief thank you, I locked myself in my truck. I felt my tears are warning to ooze down again. I tried to calm myself and started driving.

But Mike's words echoed in my ears.

_He fucking left you!_

I don't know how I get home safe given all the crying while driving. I immediately locked my door earning a loud grunt from my father.

I sat frozen at the edge of my bed. My eyes are fixated on the bundle of letters, dried flower petals in a crystal bowl, green Tiffany & Co. tiny box, notebooks, green hanky, a white letter envelope, a gray and a white shirt sitting proudly on top of my computer table.

_He fucking left you!_

_He fucking left you!_

_He fucking left you!_

_So what are you going to do...Huh!!!? Wait for him!?_

My eyes welled up with tears once more. I rose up, feeling heavy on my shoulders; I started putting the things in a spare cabinet in my closet.

_I held you to your promise Edward. Why did you break it?_

I laid down my bed, burying my face in my pillow. How did this all happen to me?

Charlie knocked.

"Hey kid…Aren't you with Mike Newton this afternoon?" He said with his wary eyes.

I did not answer; I just looked at him and waited for him to say what he wanted to say.

"He was brought to the hospital, a rabid dog bit him in the beach." He shook his head.

My eyes widen in shock.

"Well…Good thing you weren't there. Tomorrow is your graduation; I doubt he could walk properly in stage with that bite." He mumbled the last words as he made his way down the stairs.

I couldn't help feel bad for Mike. A rabid dog? More like STD.

I couldn't sleep. I didn't have any more tears to cry out. I stared blankly in the ceiling looking intently for the answers my heart was desperately in need of.

I walked near my window and caught sight of the star shining brightly along side the big round moon.

_I'm here. I'm yours._

_Why did you let go of me?_

_I was waiting for you, why didn't you come back for me?_

_I held you to your promises, why did you back out?_

I was done hurting myself. I was done convincing myself Edward would ever come back. He let go of me.

I have given all the love I have for him that even the one I suppose to keep for myself was lost when he left.

His castle has been washed away, leaving no trail of it.

No one's going to mend me. He's not coming back to mend me. I. Only me.

When the tears have all been wept, a new heart will emerge; hope…a heart full of hope that the gray sky will soon turn blue.

I have to get up.

---

"Dad…I'm flying to Phoenix early tomorrow. Could you drive me the airport after graduation tonight?" I said looking on my plate.

"Do you need to go…really? I mean, you could spend the summer here...and then…" He answered darting his eyes briefly on me.

"No…I need this Dad." I cut him.

"Alright…"

"I'm sorry Dad." I looked at him under my lashes. I was trying hard to not to croak and suppressing my tears from flowing down.

"I understand."

After graduation, we ate at the Diner together with lots of other graduates. Mrs. Clearwater…Sue…was with us, silently eating her burger, occasionally throwing me sad looks.

My father was trying to converse with the other parents, though I know, he wasn't really in the mood to talk.

I caught Sue looking at me and I gave her a faint smile. My heart was wrenched thinking that I will be leaving them behind to try and run away from what's hurting me.

"You will be fine Bella…You're tough." She patted my hand looking at me sympathetically.

_I heard that before. _I wanted to answer, _No, I won't. I was just trying to be brave._ But I bit my tongue instead. This is no time to feel weak.

She hugged me tight when I said my good bye to her.

I could see my father looking at me sideways. I know he wanted to talk to me, but knowing him, he'd rather keep it to himself than bare his feelings.

He hugged me tight when I went down the passenger door to the terminal's gate.

"You take care of yourself Okay?" He said, obviously hiding his sadness.

"Dad…I love you; I'm so sorry." I choked on the lump in my throat.

And as the airplane climb up in the sky early in the morning I glimpsed on the star, our star, the morning star still shining bright.

_I'm running away from you._

Alice voice suddenly echoed in my ears, that afternoon, almost a year ago when she decided to run away with Jasper

"_Bella…I need to go with Jasper. This is the only thing I know…we know that could save our love for each other."_

"_We don't want anything nor does anyone to hinder us from what give us happiness."_

"_I'm so sorry."_

My tears began trickling down my cheeks again.

_Alice…Where the fuck are you? I could use a hug right about now._

I inwardly chuckled when I remembered we actually suffered the same fate. Separated sisters, as we always call ourselves.

_Well, at least Alice was with Jasper. Jasper never left her, and Jasper was brave enough to run away with the Mayor's daughter, not minding the threat it might have cause him and his family._

_Yeah, but don't you think Edward have done the right thing? What good could it do running away, from everything, just to be together? Defy everything else including your parents' dreams for you? You wouldn't do that, not you, you have dreams. And isn't that you who told Edward that every fight need not to be won right away. You might have another chance next time._

Two sides of my brain. Two sides of my feelings.

I didn't know if I should get hurt or just accept that this is what's in store for us, and keep hoping that someday could be the right time for us.

"_I won't let it happen to us Bella."_

I pressed my eyes closed as I the thought of Edward's face saying those words began flooding my mind.

_Long fingers_

_Soft lips_

_Warm arms_

_Delicious scent_

_Edward…I'm running away from you…but you'll be with me forever._

I know it will be hard, but I will survive.

I stepped out of the airplane feeling the warm air Phoenix offered.

Life need not to end. Fight need not be won all the time. I will be fine.

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A/N

28 chapters, 100k words, OMG, I have a lot of words in my mind, i never really realized that, until I decided to try and write.

Your clicks and comments gave me a lot of inspiration.

I hope you enjoyed the first part of my story...**RAIN--Lightning & Thunder**.

I will begin the 2nd part...**RAIN--Rainbows**.

Wow...I hope I'll have some more words for the 2nd part, no?

Why did I decide to name my story in parts...ask my husband. Well, it just seemed appropriate, the first part was full of lightning & thunder---good and bad (if you know what I mean).

And...the 2nd part, of course we'll have rainbows...hope for Bella.

Okay...I hope you'll continue reading my story...It won't be that long, I promise, just trying to tell what needs to be told.

**_I'll find you..._**

Promise!

xoxo-M


	29. Turn around

A/N

I would like to call these next chapters

**BOOK 2 - RAINBOWS**

Your comments/reviews made me so happy the past few days. Though it took me so long to update, suffering from E/B's broken heart, I hope the following chapters would somehow keep you tuned in on my story.

xoxo-m

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 29

**BELLA**

"Oh fuck! Come on!" I muttered. I couldn't shoot my key on the slot.

"Ugh!" I smashed my hand in the door.

"Come on fuck! I am going to be late!" I whispered as I put my mouth near the slot. Sometimes these freaking locks needed some loving.

"Oh why thank you…" I quirked my eyebrow when finally I heard the click of the door.

I hurriedly walked in the hallway to the elevator thumbing my hair.

I used the time in the waiting for the elevator to each the ground, fixing my boobs inside my white D&G suit, I want them to perked up, peek out even through my lace bra. I pursed my lips and made a face in the shiny wall of the elevator.

I spritzed myself with my new perfume, Elle, wow I smell like a slut…good, I thought smiling inwardly as I exited the elevator flinging my long black straight hair in the air leaving my scent in the air.

I couldn't count how many pairs of eyes gazed at me as I made my way to my car, shiny black Mercedes. Pretty…I know.

I added a little more gloss in my lips when I was inside my car. You couldn't possibly have enough lip gloss.

"Hey girl!" I shrieked in the mouthpiece of my hands free as I started driving my way to the crowded streets.

"Oh yeah? I'll be there in a minute…Don't get too excited!" I pulled the hands free from my ears.

I smiled quirking my eyebrow as I watch my self pursing my lips in the side mirror.

Living in New York, all by my self, free…life can never get better than this. I have the coolest car and an apartment fully furnished with everything a girl can even wanted.

Angela met me outside the elevator when I stepped out. Too excited.

"So?...Spill now…" I raised my eyebrow on her.

"You know the guy I met at the bar last night?" Her eyes are beaming from thrill.

"Who? The one with a fat ass?" I snickered.

"He called me...this morning…Can you believe that?" She skipped while choking on the words laughing like she's having a spasm or something.

"No…"

"Didn't you just hump him last night?" I gave her a sarcastic face.

"Oh yeah…and now he's calling me…" She said chirping.

"Wow…lucky man-whore." I gargled.

"What about you…What happened to Mr. Rockstar?" She said wiggling her butt.

"Ugh…Same old story." I said twitching my lips.

"Oh well…Better luck next time…See you later hottie!" She spat my butt as I made my way to my office, as she went on skipping.

_Hottie…Damn! _I smirked with the thought.

Yes I am a hottie. I made myself like this. Tough hottie. I couldn't exactly call myself a slut. I just enjoy the attention I was getting from men, and I…never get involve passed a night of fuck.

My nights with Angela were always chaotic. We party most of the nights, going home every night with different guys. Angela was my friend since college. We've been going out to outrageous parties ever since.

College. Yeah. I could have been partying all night thinking of nothing but study and party. But that, if I went to Dartmouth.

But why would I go to Dartmouth? What has Dartmouth have to offer me that I haven't had enough? I left that dream or rather more of a fantasy, when I left Forks.

After a few days in Phoenix, I decided I would go find my own future. There was no reason for me to stall and wait. I would not want my world to come to a halt just because someone has forgotten the words that has been spoken.

I never told my parents where I was when I got to New York, I do not want them to see me suffering for the quest to find myself. Only when I finally have something to offer them had they known of my real whereabouts.

I crawled my way to finish college. I worked two jobs, while I study harder than I thought I could. I needed to be where I wanted to be. I have been told I wasn't good enough for someone I care about, just because.

But I partied hard too, I never wanted to be a goody two-shoes girl anymore. I have to be what every man wanted.

No one has been good enough for me. I would always look for something less admirable whenever I met a guy. I have been trying to forget what had happened to me in Forks, but dating someone and entertaining them has always been a memory enhancer.

So I settled with just having fun with guys. Giving them what they wanted, and in return getting what I needed.

Attention is what I needed. I bathe myself in a pool of too much attention. I craved for it, and when I get it, it gave me some kind of feeling of accomplishment, that somehow even though I never get who I really wanted and needed, at least I wasn't a loser after all.

I just couldn't make myself commit. I am sure there were lots of guys around me who wanted to offer me happiness, just like that computer geek Benjamin not to mention the sexy motherfucker school rockstar Eric who have made me a handful of songs and would always dedicate the songs he'd sing in bars. I thought we had a connection.

But I was just an empty M&M, not a speck of chocolate inside the colorful coatings. And that wasn't fair to make them a rebound guy.

I have become a non-believer of love. I just thought, it was an overstatement for the feeling of belonging.

By the heaven's good graces, now I am standing in front of a huge earth brown table, being the head of one of the fashion departments in a big magazine here in New York . I wasn't the big boss, yet, but I know some more asses kissing and kicking, I'll get there.

I needed to be tough.

Life is hard; no one will look after you but yourself. I have learned that the harder way.

I opened my computer, checked my mails, answered them, and then checked the papers in my table for review. I stood up holding my cup walking while reading a piece of paper I needed to sign. I filled my cup with cold water when I got to the dispenser located outside the long carpeted hallway.

I noticed I have a lot of things to revise on the paper, so I turned to the copying machine sitting just beside the water dispenser.

But I have no idea how to operate this fucking bulky overly intimidating thing. I stayed in front of the machine cursing it behind my mind, contemplating on whispering in it just like how I use to do with my door lock in my apartment, it might miraculously operate on its own, who knows.

"Hmmm…" I murmured tilting my head to my side.

_You fucking piece of shit._

"Are you…going to use the machine?" A hoarse voice spoke behind me, startling me from trying to intimidate the copying machine.

I stepped backwards stepping at his toes with my killer-heeled pumps. I spun around hastily to say sorry. and my eyes were greeted by a not so tall russet skinned man with brown eyes, full lips and an angel like face.

_He-llo body..._

He smiled at me, probably amused with my crazy like facial expression.

"Oh…God no…I don't even know how to fucking operate this freaking machine." I kept on shaking my head.

"Here...Let me help you." He ask for the paper I was holding and then put it in the glass thing under the cover of the machine, pressed the lit numbers and then…

"Voila…" He murmured with a chirp sound.

"Wow…I felt like an idiot." I mumbled batting my lashes when I looked at him.

"You are welcome…" He said bowing his head curtly flashing me a sweet smile after ward.

That was the first time I saw James. He was the one of the many bosses in Finance department.

With a little information I could find in the office intranet, I learned that he has been there for almost half of the year already.

_Why didn't I knew of that? I must have let that office memo go directly to my trash bin.  
_

Suddenly, I was more eager to go the office. I prepared longer each day before leaving the house. If I just blown dry my now blackened straightened hair everyday, I now have to spend more minutes straightening them more with a hair iron.

If I put on my lip gloss several times before entering the building, I now put many times before I even step my foot out of my Mercedes.

Angela was thrilled I was into something new in the office. I told her I thought this could be the nicest things that could ever happen to me, after a very long time.

"Mr. mathematics is looking at you again..." Angela said quirking her eyebrow to James' seat across the cafeteria.

I couldn't help blush. This feeling of blushing felt new to me, I haven't felt it for years.

"Stop it Ang, he might see you." I almost buried my face in the garden salad I was picking in my black plastic plate.

"You are interested. Hmm, that's new." She raised her eyebrow again but this time teasing me.

_I know._

Angela have no idea of the things I had to go through to block the feelings of being in love. I might once shared her of the story about an unhealed broken heart, but other than that all she knew was that I was afraid to fall in love again, the only reason why I kept on fooling around men, and not really wanted to look for a serious relationship like her.

"He seemed...sweet, and caring." I pursed my lips in embarrassment.

"Good enough?" She pulled her face near me.

She knew that word too much from my vocabulary. I used to use that to gauge the guy we meet.

"Probably..." I said smirking on her naughtily.

Of course James noticed my hair flinging, butt swaying, stiletto tick-tacking, lip licking strategies. He asked me for a date…and after a long time, I felt…I was ready to fall in love again.

I have been with countless men during college, not to mention, boyfriends I could only count in the fingers of one of my two hands.

I have been involved in them, but never have I tried to put my guards down again. I never let myself stayed in the gallows of heartache. So whenever my relationship didn't work, I moved on, and readied myself for the next to come.

That hurt proof plan has never faltered its purpose.

James was different. I was matured, older. I was getting tired of sleeping around with different good looking enough men. I was getting tired of chasing my happy ending. I was getting tired of senseless parties. I have immersed my self with everything worldly, borrowing happiness from everything my hand touches.

Probably, ready.


	30. The wind blew hard

A/N

Hey folks...

Your comments are awesome...I so loved it!

Saved me from the broken heart I was nursing, 2 chapters ago.

But things have to done...I'm sorry about this.

I hope you like it, though.

xoxo-M

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 30

**BELLA**

"I'm James, by the way...You're Isabella?" He said with his head down looking under his lashes with a shy smile.

I remember seeing a faint hint of blush under his russet skin.

James was the exact opposite of all the men I met and entertained. I have been so inclined with men who are not afraid to express themselves, confident, just like what a man should be. If all of them were touchy-feely, foul-mouthed and wild in bed; imagine James as the exact opposite.

He was confident alright, he's a boss after all; he came from a good family and graduated at Princeton. But he was always a picture of serenity, happiness and delicateness.

He'd ask for my permission to kiss me and even just to put his arm on my shoulders. I think he's some kind of geek when he was younger, the one with large eyeglasses and hair covered face and unmade shoe laces.

But even how much different James could be to those other guys that had been in my life, I found myself, fallen in love, again, after a long time.

After just a year of dating, I agreed to get married. James was a very responsible man. He rarely speaks, we never fight, or if we did, I always win. He took care of me, he made me his universe, and I felt like for the first time in what seemed like eternity, I was loved, and needed. My life was perfect.

Angela was happy for me, and sad seeing me give up my humping nights, as she put it. But there could never be anything that could stop me from finally giving up chasing my happy ending.

We worked together, my friends in the office call me lucky, very lucky for scoring a guy like James. They would always tease me seeing him with other girls in the cafeteria just to piss me off.

But I would always nip their accusation with a quirked eyebrow saying they are just his friends, and besides, I know for sure how much James loves me. I have a year to prove it.

Christmas night, we were making love, he asked me if it's alright to wish he could see little feet running inside our house and I agreed between my moans.

My life couldn't be happier as I always boast to Angela. Our life together was so full of vivid colors. I started to enjoy a lot of things, things that I purposely removed from my list of things to enjoy. Rain, snow, the beach. Things like fireworks. I found myself that New year looking at the billowing different shapes of twinkling lights in the night sky, wishing that I hope this time my running away or chasing is finally over.

I was pregnant after a month.

When our child was born, I could actually hear the birds chirping, I could hear a symphony playing in the taps of the raindrops in our window. I appreciated a lot of things, once again.

He asked me to leave working and instead stay at home, one night we were having our dinner. Our child was growing bigger each day, and he could see how attached I have become.

I was getting a promotion, all the crawling up the ladder was finally over. But when James asked me to quit working, for the sake of our child, I know it's crazy, but I thought, he could take care of our finances anyway, so why waste another day in the office when I could just stay in the house playing with my kid.

"Mom?" A little voice startled me from my whirlwind trance.

"Oh hey sweety…Are you done with your sandwich?" I turned to my son, hurriedly wiping the tears that had escaped my eyes.

"What is wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked putting his face near my seat.

"Oh…I am not crying…I was just sad for this little girl in the internet."

"Come one little boy, go back in the couch and finish your sandwich."

"Is Lion King done now? Simba left already?" I talked hurriedly tugging my son back to the couch distracting him with my questions.

"Mom…he grew older…look...look…look...Mom, you're not looking!" He squealed.

I smiled at him thoughtfully, I couldn't take this scene of my son anymore, I have to get some air, and I couldn't breathe.

I came back to my computer table, absorbing the words written in the screen.

_James: Yeah, I got her one._

_Victoria: What?_

_James: Nothing really important, just flowers. Is that just fine?_

_Victoria: sure, she's your wife._

_Victoria: So...are we going this weekend?_

_James: Of course. I made arrangements already._

_Victoria: Aww…You really love me…_

_James: I love you._

_Victoria: What about Bella?_

_James: I think I love you more._

I froze. My hands were trembling, from the 3rd coffee I have consumed and from anger and angst.

"Victoria?...Victoria from Finance?...But she's just…a child?!" I whispered with my trembling voice, my tears have found its way out again.

I was just browsing the internet not a few minutes ago, when I suddenly remembered I was waiting for a confirmation e-mail of my online order.

I went down the kitchen to make myself another cup of coffee so I could keep myself from eating dinner before James comes home. I make sure he has company when he eats his dinner. I love hearing stories and gossips from the office, my only way to reconnect with the world I have abruptly left.

When I returned in front of the computer, I was feeling agitated finding nothing of the e-mail I was looking for. I realized I have used James' email address in the order I made and started opening his e-mail which thankfully I knew the password.

When all of the sudden, the series of words came popping like bombs in my screen. I know my face turned white. I was stunned. I was shocked.

I know this Victoria. She was one of James' friends in their department. I always see her with him when I go to the cafeteria. She was a little sister to me. She always smile at me, she talks to me, I think I even gave her a present last Christmas.

_Fuck!_

I couldn't just let this pass.

Now that I was logged on in James' account, I could send a message. I began typing not thinking of the words that my frantic fingers made.

_Victoria_

_I believe that's my husband you're talking to._

Silence. Screen silence.

And then a window popped up.

_Victoria: Oh yeah? I don't think so._

I felt a surge of blood went to my brain.

_Leave my husband alone! You bitch! I thought you're my friend? Fuck off!_

I am so ready to quarrel over the internet, I am not going to just give my husband away.

But the screen went blank and then she went off line. My heart raced in anger. My tears trailed my cheeks swiftly. _Not again!_

I opened all the folders in James' inbox. I found nothing. But there was a folder strategically hidden from the other seemingly unimportant folders.

I felt like a withering rosebud as thousands of emails revealed themselves to my tear-cursed eyes. I couldn't breathe and this time, I am sure I am going to pass out from cardiac arrest, die maybe.

"Hey Mom…What kind of animal is Pumbaa?" Suddenly my son was behind me again, tugging my t-shirt.

I wasn't able to control myself, I hugged him tight.

"Eww Mom, you're face is wet…Is that drool?" My son tried so hard to push my face away from his face.

I cried and cried in his embrace, but I couldn't make it obvious to him, instead I bit my lips so no sound would ever escape my lips.

After some minutes, I composed myself and answered his question, his face was confused with how horrible I looked probably, but eventually he skipped going back in the couch, at the large TV room just outside the computer room.

And then the door bell rang. I felt like I was swaying as I made my way to the main door. I inhaled a heap of air before I opened the door.

James' eyes were furious, but he did not talk when he stepped inside the house. I closed the door with a silent click and then remained standing in the door with my arms crossed my chest. I am heaving lots of air, I do not want to cry anymore. I am so tired of crying.

When he turned around with a sour look, I wasn't able to control my anger. I really did not expect his facial expression to be the one pissed off. I mean, come the fuck on, I was the one fooled.

I slapped him.

But his face was firm. He did not change his features.

I slapped him again.

And then I lost it. I pushed him, slapping him, scraping my fingers in his face, pounding his chest and yelling him all sorts of curses.

But he remained firm.

I hugged him.

"What have I done?"

"Please…Don't leave me…"

"I will do anything…just don't leave me…don't leave us…"

I knelt down…to plead.

But I was answered with silent unwavering look.

He turned his back and went to our room to change his clothes. I was left in the door, puzzled, confused, hurt, dejected, degraded.

It was Valentine's Day. Sweet fucking valentine's day.

Again, I found myself into a pool of emotions I couldn't fathom which one to entertain first.

It was the middle of the night already, the lights in our room was shut off already. My son was fast asleep. Unknowing of the flood that was trying to drown us, or me particularly.

I walked inside our room and found James sleeping soundly too inside the comforter, in his side of the bed.

I climbed the bed and started undressing, I was completely naked as I snaked my hands to pulled him out of the comforter covering his body.

He opened his eyes and looked at me with a rejecting stare.

"What the hell? I'm sleeping can't you see?" He scolded.

I started to move toward him trying to straddle him with my bare body.

"If you don't want to sleep, at least let me sleep. You don't have anything to do tomorrow!" He huffed pushing me away.

I fell down the bed, humiliation couldn't summarize what I felt.

I walked out the room to the computer room. I sat myself beside the window. Our computer room looked like a big aquarium, the whole wall was glass. I looked out the window on the placid water of the river bouncing the light of the moon.

I found my iPod near the computer table and began playing a hard rock song, with sound blasting my eardrum. I bobbed my head, violently in harmony with the loud music.

My tears gushed my cheeks, I tried not to focus on the calm river, on the moon, and on the bright star.

_Where are you?_

_Save me…_

I wept loudly as my shoulders trembled. My eyes darted on the shiny piece of stoned jewelry shoved in my finger, inside right before and beside my wedding ring.

If this happened to me in college, I could just spend a night of crying but moved on after the night. But tonight, I couldn't find any hope that tomorrow I will be walking unscathed.

I am married. And I have a son.

Sure I can just file for a divorce and then move on with my life with my son. But what good could it give me? Running away again? What about my son? Shouldn't I consider what he feels?

I know I spent the whole night looking at the star. My heart was overcast with anguish. I wasn't flushed with memories of the last time I cried this hard, but I know, I was thinking of him. I couldn't help blaming him for living me heartbroken and ruined almost 10 years ago. Now, I was broken again, and I don't know anymore how could I pick up pieces of me broken into more little pieces.

I am not going to give up. Not again.

By the morning and James have left, I dialed Victoria's number.

"Why are you calling me?" She surly answered.

"Victoria please…I am begging you. Don't get my husband away from us. I love him. My son will be heartbroken." I started, my tears are already falling relentlessly.

"James' right, you'll use your son." She sarcastically said.

"Please Victoria. Please." I murmured sniffling.

She cut our conversation short.

I tried calling again, but she never answered my call.

My phone rang. It was James.

"Bella. Stop calling Victoria. We'll talk when I get home." He said hurriedly not even minding to breathe.

I haven't ate. I haven't sleep. I sat in the bed feeling tired and exhausted.

I fell asleep.

_Bella…I love you…Don't you forget that._

I flinched waking up from my dream. My tears started falling again.

_Why are you coming back?_

Suddenly the hurt I was feeling were making my old memories come back.

I closed my eyes and laid on the bed. I closed my eyes not to invite sleep. I closed my eyes to try and remember how happy I was, ten years ago, when nothing seemed to go wrong.

_Bella!!!_

I remembered him shouting at me tugging my hands back to the restaurant we ate that night the rain poured on us, he embraced me.

_You are a crazy duck._

A smile broke in my lips when I remembered how he used to call me.

"Duck…" I murmured, my shoulders trembled.

I pressed my eyelids tighter, I was trying hard to remember how he looked like. My tears came gushing my cheeks, my cries became uncontrollable, I was feeling frustrated because I cannot picture his face exactly.

Memories flashed one by one. Rain under a tree…Eating Fettuccine…waves…rain…water…castle…

"Fuck…" I whispered…I was getting impatient. I felt like…empty. I was trying hard to put the picture together, but just like an experiment lacking ingredients, when I was almost there, it just pop like bubbles returning me to where I started. I know the memory, but there are some things I can't put together. I felt so helpless.

"Edward." I mouthed his name.

"Anthony." A smile broke in my lips.

I put my head back in the headboard of the bed.

_I wonder how is he. Where's he now. I'm sure he's married, and for all I know he's having a good time with his wife, and maybe kids. Fuck…I hope it wasn't Jessica._

I was smiling as I thought of how his lips turns its side up to smile. How his lips looked when he smirks.

_Fishy lips…Yeah...those fishy lip when he's hiding a smile_

_Twitched lips when he's being naughty…So sexy_

_Large grin showing all his teeth…Oh…You're happy I get it_

_Tonsil laugh…Hahaha, that's awful_

_Sexy smile…Hi…Honey…God, those sexy smile raising his cheeks to his…eyes…blue eyes…sublime sexiness, not so blue not so pale_

My eyes squint trying to enjoy the memory, the ones my mind can dig in the pits of my brain.

I rose up and went down the kitchen to prepare food, James might come home early. I passed the other room to pick up my iPod. I don't want to entertain anymore thoughts about Edward.

_He left me. Right. That was like a century ago. He must have forgotten about me already. Oh the more reasons for you to turn your back on his memories Bella._

My iPod blasted in my ears again. When a familiar song started to play, I found myself closing my eyes, unable to keep my smile from breaking in my grief stricken lips.

I found myself rocking my toes up and down, my torso shaking and my head bobbing through the beat.

Images flashed in my head.

_Edward pulling me from my seat in their house, and tugging my hand to copy his steps. Rosalie jump up her seat and started dancing with Emmett copying our moves._

_Our hands made circles in the air, while our feet kicking left and right._

_**She says we've got to hold on to what we've got**_

_**It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not**_

_**We've got each other and that's a lot**_

_**For love we'll give it a shot**_

_Edward pulled my face near his, pretending to hold a microphone, and then swayed me by my hips._

_**Ohhhh, we're half way there ohhhh livin' on prayer**_

_**Take my hand we'll make it I swear**_

_**Ohhh livin' on a prayer**_

I opened my eyes, the smile in my lips still apparent.

"I swear…words." I snorted.

_What the hell happened after that song…Fuck! My memory sucks._

I felt a stab in my heart, I have been hiding these feelings deep down my brain, afraid to even try and open. I used to shut the thought right away whenever I hear a song, I saw a mop of hair, I saw a guitar, a piano, even rolled sleeves. I never tried going passed entertaining the sights, because it always brought me scents of the past. And as sure as the sun rises, it always leaves me bothered.

I have never turned my back on Edward, ever. But when one day I woke up tired from heartache, I decided, I have to move on. There's this part of my heart reserved for Edward, I locked it, no one can open, and Edward will be forever trapped in that part, even if it was just his memory.

And I just realized, I have almost shut down my memory of him. I have disassociated him already with everything around me, which was really hard for me to do before, but only when I met James.

James helped me forget how much Edward was a part of my life. He had cured me from grieving Edward's leaving me. I have poured James all the love I was able to restore to myself, the love I have lost when Edward left.

And now…My hero has turned his back on me. Fell out of love. _Fuck…what does that even mean?_

_Circle of life. I have made a full circle._

No. I won't give up.

I am not a teenager anymore. I won't just give up.

James came home just before midnight. I was waiting for him in our room. He didn't show any sign of talking. I kept my voice to myself. I will give him silence if that's what he wants. I will just wait until he's ready to talk.

I couldn't eat properly, I couldn't sleep or if I could I was dreaming. I would feel better if it was a dream about my memories of my past, but it was images of everything that I have learned about James' and Victoria's relationship.

Everything I knew, almost all of them since Victoria came in his life was a lie. It hurt me so much knowing that James loves me so much not too long ago, but could just wake up one day feeling otherwise.

Had he not considered the happiness we had shared? What about our son? Why was he telling Victoria I'll be using our son? Why…won't he consider him?

The memories of everything Victoria haunted me now wherever I look. _This is fucking worst._ Now I have to rely on every image I could dig of Edward in my head trying so hard to diffuse the bitter images. I should have not tried getting all the details of James' betrayal.

_What have I done? How could he just turn his back from me? How could this happen to me?_

It has a week already, and our relationship was not getting better. My brain was throbbing from pain. I was stuck in the house, I couldn't leave the house afraid I might just bump on James and Victoria outside. I don't have anybody to talk to. I couldn't just call Angela and tell her _Hey biatch, you know what…James' a fraud. His angelic face wasn't real._

I felt so all alone. And for the second time I found myself keeping my self from tumbling down, all by myself.

Each day that pass I felt like I am going to lose it any minute. I was just hanging by a thread.

And James' lack of enthusiasm and obvious lack of feelings and consideration finally hit me. He doesn't want to make amends. He want us over.

When he came home, late as usual, he found me in the computer room, sitting alone rocking myself to soothe my weeping. I was choking on the flood of images in my head, and how ever I block it with memories of Forks, I wasn't able to stop it from wrecking me, bringing me down to littlest bits and pieces…no, that's an understatement, burning me to ashes.

"Aren't you tired of crying?" James said with a cold voice.

My rocking became faster. I was losing it.

"For heaven's sake Bella…" He started

"What have I done to you?"

"Why am I not enough for you?"

"Why do you need to hurt me?"

"Why did you even bother pulling me away from my life, and then just leaving me like this?"

I strode to his place and began punching his chest, with all the strength that's left of me.

"I hate you! I hate you!" My loud shrieking voice is uncontrollable. I didn't bother to look at my son who have gotten to the room when he heard my loud cries.

"You are such a poser! I hate you!"

"I don't want to live with you anymore." I smashed him in the wall.

I caught my son's hand and started pulling him out the room. It had finally sank on me. I am leaving him. I couldn't stay like this.

I have finally accepted, the battle was lost. I gave up…again…lost. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was losing it, I felt like I am going to die.

James pulled my hand hard back to him, but I tried to run with my son in my other hand.

He pulled to embrace me and started crying.

"Please…don't leave me…I am so sorry…I just can't…I am trying…Please Bella…" He said between sobs.

But I couldn't really understand what he was saying, I felt all the sleepless nights, anguish and emotional torment pulled me down and I started falling on my knees like a candle slowly losing the flame. I couldn't breathe, literally. I collapse on James' arms to the floor, and started arching my chest to try and get air.

It felt like I've been doing it for a long time, but finally when I got hold of myself, I opened my eyes, trapped inside James' tight embrace.

I blinked my eyes as many times as I could. _What just happened? _A moment ago I was on my way out of his life, and now, he was on his knees begging me to stay.

But why could I feel any jump in my heart. _Why are these men doing these to me? Why the fuck are they playing with my heart?_

I finally turned bitter.

I couldn't bear to see his face. When he's home, I'll lock myself in the bathroom until he's asleep. He tried making love to me many times, but I'd just turn my back on him.

My nightmares weren't done yet. All possible things that have been playing in my mind the whole day would play again in just different order in my nightmare.

_What is happening to me? Have I gone crazy?_

I was always looking in the horizon, seemed like I was trying to think about something, but my head was frozen, it cannot process any new information, nor dig an old one. It seemed like it has hung on one particular scene or scenes.

I could see James looking wary at me whenever he finds me in one corner looking outside the window, iPod blasting in my head, my head bouncing up and down. If this was an ordinary day not too long ago, you would think I was having fun. But this daily routine I have been doing was actually to distract my head from thinking of anything else.

James woke up one night shouting at me. Apparently, I was standing too close from the edge of the window. I think I was about to jump.

I am lost.

"Baby…I am so sorry…Please…" He pleaded me once again.

"I need you." He cried.

But I felt nothing. Seriously, how many times can you hurt your heart and expect it to beat again. How many times can you break a glass, put it back and expect it could still be as shiny as before.

_How many times must I fall?_

This is going to be tricky.

I am feeling numb. My heart felt dead, it feels like it doesn't beat anymore. I hated everyone. James' efforts to console me every time I cry was no use. I couldn't turn around any more.

But my son needed me. My son deserve a happy family.

I tried to get up. It's not yet time to give up.


	31. All boxed up

A/N

Here y'all go.

Wraghhh! I missed you Edward!

We may have to hold our horses ladies, we'll get there, I promise.

In the mean time, let's enjoy the ride.

Wait...Thanks for all your support.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 31

**EDWARD**

"You really have to come li'l bro. I missed you so much!" Emmett chuckled in the other line.

"I will have to check my schedule Em." I answered cheerless. I always do. Though I'm really missing the shit of him, and I really wanted to see him, the mention of my mother's presence, just killed my buzz.

"Come on Edward. We haven't seen you for years. Don't you have like a day off? Dad often gets an off." He sounded pleading.

"I'll see what I can do. Dad has a different field Emmett." I chuckled.

"I'll expect you here before dinner, alright? I'm not accepting anymore of your apologies. We've got tons to catch up." He said putting the phone down after a curt goodbye.

"Damn…" I muttered.

It's Thanksgiving again. My parents often visit Emmett and Rosalie in New Jersey for different family affairs. It has been years when they finally got married. I Couldn't be happier for my beloved freaking brother.

They have been bugging me to join them ever since, but I gave up celebrating with my family long ago, when celebrations always end up disastrous with me fighting with my mother.

I couldn't give anything anymore to her. I have been a good son, done everything she wanted. I am darn positive that I have paid all of what's due her. She can never complain that I have disgraced her again or displeased her.

But every time we see each other, my sourness on what I have become always bother her. What does she want from me? You can never expect a smile from a child you snagged a candy from.

The last time we've seen each other was a long time ago, during my graduation. Every time she sees me, she's just ranting of how miserable I look. For all I know, she's just wanted me to date if not her friends' daughter, her colleague's.

I am done with all her having the upper hand. I have done everything that she asked me, she could not expect me to date someone I am not into.

My dating life, I admit, was miserable. I have dated a handful of girls, but almost always ended up trashed. They always said, I was some kinda boxed up.

The hell I care.

I am boxed up, alright.

I walked outside my office holding a patient's chart. _I needed coffee. _I have been spending my life here in the hospital. I actually enjoyed it here rather than going home to an empty house.

I work as a heart surgeon here in Boston.

"Edward Cullen? Edward fucking Cullen???!" Shrieked a voice in front of me. I wasn't looking, I was walking with the chart in my hand, and the coffee in the other.

That voice and the face were like switch. And like in movies when you are about to die; your life flashes in your very eyes, in slow motion.

Forks.

"How are you?" She asked batting her eyelashes.

"Hey…Ummm…Jessica…" I was glad to see her, but not really that glad.

She was talking excitedly, but I couldn't hear her voice, because her face was reminding me of someone. Someone I left in Forks.

I saw Jessica in my mind, the first time she entered in the lunch room, with…Bella.

_Bella…Where are you..._ My mind involuntarily hung.

"Hey…Are you okay?" Jessica waved her hand in front my face.

"Oh…yeah…Of course…I was just…ummm…sleepy." I blinked my eyes to feign my sleepiness putting my cup of coffee up for her to see.

"Wow…you looked great. You're doctor now?" She touched the logo of my company embroidered in the left pocket of my scrubs suit.

"Yeah…" I bowed my head in embarrassment.

Jessica was talking loudly in the corridor, and almost everyone was looking at us, staff and patients alike.

I was pretty popular in this hospital; both from my specialty, heart surgery, and…of course my aloof attitude on dating women.

"What do you say we get some coffee…You said you're sleepy…We could catch up…Come on…" She tucked her hand inside my arm.

_Damn…wrong alibi. Fuck…old Jessica._

"Um…I actually have a patient to check Jess, and..." I pursed my lips and showed her again the coffee cup filled with coffee.

She pouted her lips after she blushed. _I never knew she knows how to blush. I never saw that one before._

"Can't it wait? I'm just really glad I accompanied my friend here. I didn't know you work here."

"Come on Dr. Cullen…" She jerked her head to her side and protruded her lips. I bet she made it to try and look sweet…but I knew better. _Or had she changed?_

"Alright." I managed a faint smile.

_This wouldn't hurt, I guess. _My mind spoke.

Jessica was talkative as hell. Coupled with my sleeplessness, the memory of Bella made my mind wander.

I could feel a faint stab frequently sting my heart whenever the images of my memories of Forks centers to Bella's face.

_Her big brown eyes, fluttering when she speaks._

_Her nose scrunched up whenever she feels annoyed._

_Her eyes roll when she's exaggerating thinking._

_She wets her lips when she looks intently on mine._

I pressed my eyes when my memory caught the picture of our last reunion together. I could feel the stabbing drop of rain in my back as I expressed her my love, one last time.

I felt the gaping hole in my heart as my mind zoomed Bella's face drowned from rain and her own tears running after me, chasing me.

My eyes watered. I need to stop this.

I inhaled buckets of air through my mouth when I opened my eyes.

Jessica was still talking.

"So...You've always been here in Boston?" She asked playing with the lip of her coffee cup. Suggestive but no.

"Umm...Some years now." I answered uninterested.

She put her elbows on top of the table making her boobs peek on her fuchsia overly midriff long sleeved top. Her facial expression read she was waiting for more information.

"I continued studying in Harvard, after the Dartmouth graduation." I tightened my lips together trying to imply I wasn't to give so much stories about my life.

"You looked so much better than Dr. Cullen...I bet if you transfer in Forks...All your father's queue of women will be yours." She giggled, still batting her lashes like a clown.

"Our mothers are having fun...again...on their little charity circle back home. Silly mother didn't ask for your number." She wiggled her head like that bitch with large earrings I liked to watch in a TV series.

"They're in Forks?" I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

"Oh...you didn't know? The last time I saw them was two years ago when I visited my mother, they've just moved back that time. Why...They did not tell you?"

"No. I am...I rarely speak with them...Work." I darted my eyes on the white table, hiding my annoyance with her obvious prying. I tried to focus on the coffee in front of me, but the hot air going up from it accentuated Jessica's popping boobs behind the coffee cup.

I cocked my eyebrow and blinked my eyes to erase the image. _Fuck you Cullen, you're not putting your hands there again._

Jessica must have caught me looking at her boobs. She smirked just in time for me to see.

"You know we should hang out some time." She wet her lips as she made the words come out her mouth in a suggestive way.

_Some things just never change…and never give up. _My mind chuckled silently.

I pressed my lips together into a tight smile.

"Sure, why not. But I am no fun to be with." I gave out a sarcastic smile.

"I doubt that." She laughed like a horse.

"Fuck yes. Doctors are no fun to be with, we think of our patients all the time." I chuckled.

"We could go party…anything." She said shaking her head.

"You won't give up huh?...Jess…I…um…" I bit my lips trying to find the suitable words to say.

But I couldn't tell her that I have been hiding from anything happy ever since. I couldn't tell her, my life had been a pool of darkness for the past years I couldn't even count anymore.

I would not tell anyone of what I have been doing to prolong my life, miserably. No one has seen the real me.

"Alright…We'll see. I have to clear some schedules first. I'll call you; here…give me your number." I put my phone out of my pocket and started pressing the numbers she said.

"What happened to you?" She sipped her coffee and put on a serious face.

I did not reply. I copied her, sipped my coffee, and then stared on my cup after I gave her a tentative look.

"Suddenly you're gone." I thought her voice sounded a little more serious.

"I don't…know. I don't really visit that part of my life very often." I sighed.

"Your girlfriend was a real mess." She muttered with a hint of sarcasm.

I snapped my head up, and my facial expression must have had Jessica thought I didn't like her little joke.

She swallowed and made an apologetic smile.

"I didn't know…" I grimaced.

I sighed again. I could feel the sudden gush of wind blew the leaves I have been stacking to cover my wounded heart. The wound hasn't heal yet, and it suddenly throbbed, painfully.

I thought I was going to cry. I am so tired from work, sleepy, hallucinating even, and Jessica's comment commemorating how she remembered Bella during the time I left her, was just, overly exhausting.

But I am not about to bare my feelings for Jessica to see. I was good at this hiding thing, I have perfected it with years of practice, putting a happy face, the face everyone wanted to see of me.

I never had someone to tell my secret and hurt feelings anyway. Jasper was long gone, and Emmett had been so far away from me since we parted for college. We never really had the chance to chat about me when we see each other on a very few occasions I attended family gatherings.

I was alone for the most part of my life after I left Forks. I never really wanted to form any kind of attachment with anyone. I deserved to be alone. And I wanted so much to lurk in the dark.

"How's she?" I chanced to utter the words not looking at her.

"Umm…I really don't know. She never came back either." I could almost see her face as she said the words. I was busying my eyes on the creases of the coffee mug afraid to look up to her that she might read the real feelings I have.

I opened my mouth to say _I came back to see her _but I closed it again, thinking I would be making this conversation more of a gossip that she could relay to others who knew us.

I am pathetic and I screwed big time, I didn't want anymore people to slap that in my face. I have been paying off for the longest time I knew.

Thankfully, my phone rang.

"Umm…I need to go. It's my secretary. My patient's ready." I managed to give a little smile when I was done talking to the phone.

"Oh…alright…" She hastily stood up.

"You'll call me, alright?" She pouted her lips again like a child.

"Yeah…sure. You'll be around?" I widen my eyes as I bit my lip.

That must have caught her off guard. I still have this habit that appeared to be enticing to anyone, of all ages.

"Yeah, I'll be waiting for my friend. I live here in Boston too." She nodded her head smiling widely I thought that must hurt.

I turned around after a brief wave. I made my way to my office, still holding the chart of my patient and the coffee cup but with a new thing draped on my shoulder.

I fucking miss Bella.

Even more.

After a long discussion with the mother of my 2 year old with congenital cardiovascular which by the way was more of the mother talking about little personal things than about her son, I decided I needed to breathe.

I picked my stuff and headed for the door. I am going home to my empty house. I needed to be on my personal space if another melodramatic scene is on its way. Nothing's more embarrassing than your secretary suddenly barging into your room seeing you all covered in goo from weeping.

"You're going home Dr. Cullen?" Said Heidi, my sexy vampiric-beauty secretary. I could have had her replaced three weeks ago for acting less professional like the rest of the secretaries I have made transferred to other departments, but her strong personality of being intimidating at times, sans the overly done swaying of her buttocks, made me delay it.

An in-heat bitch has always made me forget another day of misery. Not that I was able to get down and get dirty with them, but, knowing someone just outside your door was busy concocting on how to get your attention made my mind temporarily distracted from everything that's eating it up.

"Why you sounded so…ummm….what's the word? Surprised or happy?" I smiled at her genuinely as I put on my coat.

She opened her mouth comically. "It's just that…I never saw you go home." She said sounding sarcastic but funny putting one finger in her head to scratch it.

"Thank you Heidi…" I snorted and waved my hand on her.

I opened the window of my car as I drove home. The cool autumn breeze of Boston gave me a sense of relaxation. I never really noticed that the leaves have all turned to amber covering the heads of the trees like some sort of flame.

I heaved a sigh through my mouth and exhaled through it. Autumn's here again. How many more change of season would I have until everything's back to normal.

It was so weak of me that I couldn't turn my back from the memories that kept me alive all these years. I could have given up and die…or gave up and hook with others. I might have had a chance to be happy. But, every time the thought comes up, the wound I have been hiding will throb to remind me of the things that are so important I couldn't give them up.

I got home without even noticing I have been driving. The leaves on the porch explain how much I have been neglecting visiting my house. I have to mental note to call the caretaker.

Darkness swallowed me when I made my way inside the house. I did not mind putting the lights on as I headed directly to my room. I stripped to my boxers and slid inside the warm blanket that waited on top of an unmade bed.

_Fuck…I didn't even clean my room. When was the last time I slept in these? _I shook my head shooting daggers on my blue stripe comforter.

I laid my back on the bed, waiting impatiently for sleep to snatch me from reality. But as I found my eyes staring blankly on the yellow ceiling on top of me, I started recalling things that made me strangle myself from coming back and get Bella.

"_Edward, you're going to die from starvation!" My mother pounded my door for the tenth time._

"_Leave me alone!" I yelled from under my pillow._

_I really never wanted to go out of bed when she's still awake. I know she knew I have been eating the food she leaves every night in the kitchen. But I wanted to let her know, I despise living with her._

_I never should have left Bella. I thought I couldn't handle seeing her and breaking her heart. _

_I have been driving circles in her street for hours. I have not seen her for what felt like forever. I asked my father about why she hasn't come to visit me, but he just whispered what my mother wanted._

"_You're a jinx Jasper."_

_My mother had announced just that morning in the hospital that whether I liked it or not we will be leaving town, soon._

_I have explained between the pains my wounds are giving me that I'd rather die than to stay away from Bella. But she was crazy. I think this person was awful enough to be a star in a fairytale movie, being the villain, the witch._

_I was resolved that what ever she does, I will not be leaving Forks, and I made sure she knows that._

_But then Charlie came in the afternoon._

_Now everything needed to change. My heart couldn't beat a thump anymore._

_I saw how Bella was excited as I am when she saw me. The rain was once again falling hard, an omen or a blessing, it did not matter, I was going to die any way soon._

_I wasn't able to keep myself from falling deliriously lustful despite the billowing pain coming from my heart. I couldn't resist the ecstasy her warm hungry kisses gave me._

_Making love with Bella seemed to be a wonderful blessing of my existence every time we do it. But that night, how ever pleasurable every moans, grunts, pleas and thrust making love gave me, it slowly broke my heart to pieces._

_But my heart shuttered to irreparable pieces seeing her confusedly follow me under the blanket of tears and rain._

_Now why would I wanted to see the woman who didn't have the slightest consideration of her son's feelings?_

_I had to attend college. This is what Bella would wanted me to do._

_Dartmouth was a haven from my lurking in the dark, savoring every tiny pinch the memories of the not so distant past gave me._

_It was four years of agonizing study for others. But it was years of agonizing distance for me. I never mind studying until my eyes popped out their lids. It was a fruitful distraction for me._

_I came back one day in Forks, before the semester started, having my parents knew I was already settled in the dormitory at school. But who was I kidding expecting Bella to be home in Forks. Of course she wouldn't be staying behind to wait for me. _

_I couldn't make myself pay a visit to Charlie, I knew he understood me, but I couldn't imagine how much worst will I feel if I knew what Bella had to go through from me running away._

_I never wanted Bella to hate me. I wanted her so much to think and enjoy the memories we have created together, but hating me all together will help her heal the wound I have caused her._

_So I kept myself from knowing where she must be. The constant view of the bright shining star in the night sky gave me a chance to talk to her, every night._

_I couldn't even remember if I ever had a friend in Dartmouth. I was popular, as I have always been, even in Dartmouth. Thanks to being a Cullen, having a library wing named after you would naturally stir attention._

_But my affiliations to guys and girls alike will always die down after each semester is over. I never really made it a habit to hang out with them and invest feelings with the relationship, knowing I was just half-hearted._

_I must have dated some girls in school. I have slept with a handful, always and always only due to a drunken state of my mind._

_My known friends at school have teased me of becoming a no-fun guy when I started ditching parties when I entered the year three in college. I only gave them the reasons of a tighter need to study, but in reality, I was becoming impatient of leaving the school as early as I can. I couldn't afford to flunk any subject if I wanted to finish it on time._

_Of course nothing else to do but stuff my head of medical terms, I finished, with flying colors._

_The colors I have gladly shoved on my mother's face._

"_I hope you're happy now mother." I sourly smiled on her while we were having a dinner in a fancy restaurant that night of my graduation._

"_You did great honey." She smiled hugely, I have no idea if she noticed the hint of bitterness in my words._

"_Now can I have my life back?" I did not flinched from my blank stare on her._

"_Edward…" She pursed her lips, and this time I think she got what I wanted to tell her._

_That fucking dinner lasted faster than I thought it would._

_I have nothing else to do. Medical school won't give you enough knowledge on how to handle human lives. I enrolled myself in Harvard, working at the hospital as an assistant gave me way to pay my bills in school and it gave me a lot of time to block every little thing._

_Until of course I get home._

_Women have some kind of fetish on doctors. I have heard that before from my father. If I could just list the names of those lining up outside my door. But what good a relationship can give you if you'll just be using them to cover up the wound you're nursing._

_Sex is always therapeutic. Like I was back in middle school, sex had distract me from life. Or maybe I had a life, just not what I wanted it to be._

_But just like when you're trying different kinds of pasta offered to you in an Italian restaurant, you tried and enjoy it with every munch closing your eyes even to imagine it gliding in your mouth in all its glory. But when all things done, and it had finally sunk to your stomach, you find yourself ordering the waitress…Can I have Fettuccine…PLEASE?_

_That was how I felt. I always find myself remembering Bella's closed eyes that morning I woke up with her from sleeping inside the tent we made in the beach. The sight it gave me when she opened her eyes directly looking at me, it's like rays of sun penetrating the rain bearing cloud letting the rainbows burst into different vivid colors._

_I thought I had a chance to move on. I met Kate in the school society we were members at. She was like those friendly bunny girls in playboy mansion. She was beautiful and blonde, typical girls who'd fall for my pretentious happy sexy aura._

_She wouldn't leave me alone, visiting me in my dormitory most often that not. And having to spend most of my time with her, I gave myself a chance to enjoy, how was it like to be given too much attention and actually enjoying it._

_She was surprisingly a very head strong person. Coming from a middle income family, she worked her way to Harvard in which I gave her credit for._

_But just like eating spaghetti with meatballs, even how perfectly seasoned the meatballs are, my palate would always turn around and find the fettuccine I was craving for._

_After a couple of months of talking, partying again, studying, fighting and rough sex, I had to let her go. It wouldn't be fair for her that she seemed to be falling for the prick I am, while I couldn't fully give myself to her._

_After long years of waiting for my ill-feelings to subside, I wasn't quite ready after all to let the past go._

_I made my way to finishing my medical specialization, jumping from one girl to the other, searching for that one single feeling of oneness. But failed._

_Every time the sex was over, they'd see me covered in my precious necklace, and then they'll be gone in a flash. Well, I don't blame them, I couldn't and I wouldn't. I am Bella's it has never changed.  
_  
_I thought I was in hell._

_How long was it since I last saw her? That night, when I thought the heaven will never stop raining.  
_

_I hated myself for the longest time possible. If I had not passed out from the stabs that fucking drunkard gave me I couldn't have just left her. _

I touched the scar, it was still numb inside, and whenever it was cold, it would sting, and then I'd be reminded of all the things I have fucked up again.

I love Bella but I have fucked up her life, even though I promised so many times that I won't.

_When I awoke in the hospital I wasn't allowed to see Bella anymore. More like what happened to Jasper. But I would not compare myself to Jasper, that would be utter blasphemy, he stood by Alice while I chickened out. _

_When my mother said were living town I threw all the tantrums I knew but my father talk to me and pleaded me to just follow my mother._

_For everything fuck sake, I was of legal age already, I could have just run away just like Jasper, but am I to wreck Bella's life? Who am I to take away the only gift she could give her parents as she always have openly told me.  
_

_Where could she be right now?_

I darted my eyes to the risen moon, casting its light on my window. I liked this part of my room, seeing the moon and the star that somehow got me connected to Bella's memory.

I have a box of pictures I have lain on top of my bed. But I almost never touched it. I could be the prick and fucked up as I knew I am, but I have this very soft spot on those pretty pictures I have. Just the thought of opening the lid makes my hands tremble from shivers.

Only moments like utter universal fucking eclipse makes me brave the numbing feeling of seeing her face again, smiling at me fucking inviting.

**_  
_

Emmett's face was like a bulb with a thousand wattage. He almost knocked me down the lovely trimmed grass in front of his lawn.

"You fucking dog! You came!" He shouted on top of his lungs putting his large palm on top of my head to mess my hair, like I was still his little brother.

I played a fake karate fight with him, like we always does, when we were younger.

All the while my heart felt shrinking from the tightening of muscles that I feel.

_I miss you too fucking brother_, I thought.

Emmett hasn't change much. Had it not with a much fuller head of hair and a sense of maturity when he smiles, I would still think he was 18 years old.

Rosalie was cradling their child, Kim, who thankfully looked like her and nothing of Emmett. I couldn't be anymore happier for these bunch.

"I just saw the daughter of..." My mother started pouting at me when we were starting the dinner.

"Oh mother please don't start." I spat he effort right away with a soured voice.

"I'm just saying." She quirked an eyebrow.

"No. I am doing nothing for you again Mom."

"Please... You two always fight when you see each other. Can we have some quality family time?" Emmett glowered at us.

Rosalie rubbed his tensed shoulders, looking apologetically to my parents. Emmett's lucky. Rosalie could have been a bitch before but at least they have stayed together. _Oh well, they never have issues like mine, Emmett was never a fucked up from the beginning_.

"Mother, your son is old enough to choose his girl, he's a freaking surgeon already for crying out loud! Stop fighting!" Emmett widen his gape on us.

I shook my head "I'm sorry bro. I told you not to invite me anymore."

My father, being a gentleman as always, just gave us a pressed smile, and continued eating.

Rosalie managed to turn the evening into a lighter shade. She talked to my mother about her new clothes line business.

I sat outside the porch looking at the grass that has been cut into perfection, with little images of popping out from the shrubs.

I walked slowly into the lawn, taking time to breathe the cool breeze of New Jersey. It hasn't snowed yet, and this little carvings of dog heads will soon be covered with icicles.

"Do you like it?" I startled from Emmett's voice coming from behind me.

"What…you're some kind of Edward Scissorhands now?" I chuckled when I turned my back to see her approaching where I was standing.

He snorted, "Rose's some kind of Stepfordy."

"Oh yeah…I haven't noticed?" I said sarcastically.

"Mom and Rose…happiness." I added motioning my hands inside the room where they could probably be talking about the hidden shades of different colors.

"Yeah. It's like I never left house at all." He walked with his hands shoved in his pocket.

I followed him in the pavement walking away from the house in to a sidewalk.

"You looked well taken care of." I spat my left hand on his shoulder.

"She's great. You can't say nothing bad about her. She's just great." He stretched his face into a clown face.

"What about you. What happened to you? You never call back." He murmured looking at his feet while walking.

"Oh…nothing. Nothing really worth celebrating. I was working." I said guttural.

We were almost out of sight from the house, under a canopy of a big tree. He stopped and turned around to face me, his hands are still under his pockets. That look on his face said _No bullshit Edward. _I just know how to read Emmett's face just as good as he can read mine.

I sighed and rested my arms behind my back, clasping my hands together.

"Bella." I whispered looking into his eyes, with my almost inaudible voice.

I was half expecting him to mock me and urge me to move on and forget Bella, but I was shocked that he just smiled at me, not saying anything which to me was his sign that I could and should talk further.

"I…wasn't over her yet."

"And my misery seems to heighten whenever I see Mom, knowing she's a great factor why my life is miserable. And I couldn't help hating myself for not just standing for what I feel, and letting her drag me millions of miles, and now millions of days away from Bella."

My eyes never left Emmett's, I really wanted someone to know what I feel, and I have been dying to tell him these anyway.

"I still love Bella, Em. I don't know why. I have been trying to give myself a chance to be happy with others, but I always end up in square one, back to Bella's memory."

"You told me many times, I know, this was just something like middle school. But that thing with Tanya, was nothing like this. It has been a decade Em, and whenever the wind blows, it felt like it was just the other day."

My tears are threatening to fall my cheeks. I wouldn't want to hide my feelings from Emmett after all he's all I've got right now.

"I am still hopelessly in love with her." I lowered my head down as the sudden gush of feelings had made my tears flowing and my shoulders trembling from weeping.

Emmett pulled me to engulf me in his big brotherly love, patting my back harder.

"Hey…hey…listen to me. No one can keep you from fixing your life Edward." He said and let go of me.

"You have done everything necessary to make mother proud and happy, I think that was a lot already. Even I could not do that. But you…you were the best son she could ever had. Sacrificing your happiness for her to be happy…Sheez…You're one tough hero."

I started wiping my tears with the hanky I found behind the back pocket of my overly worn jeans.

"I don't know where to start." I mumbled under the hanky.

"Why not start finding your girl." He plunged his arm on my shoulders thudding in my bones, but I couldn't complain, because the pain his arms gave my shoulders gave me the comfort I have been longing for for quite a long time.

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A/N2

Lemons are gone? Not really.

I've been tempted to write smuts graphically but, I could not take imagining smutty scenes if it's not E/B.

Please don't hate me.

xoxo-M


	32. Butterflies are from ugly pupas

A/N

I know this could probably bore you, like me, rushing to get to the part of when E/B will see each other again.

You may want to skip this chap, if you want, but this is actually pretty important for you to miss, it may seem unimportant, little pieces of info, but still...

I also have another A/N down there at the bottom, I hope you read it too.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 32

**EDWARD**

Emmett has just left me to help Rosalie find a toy, their little bundle of joy was shrieking about. I chuckled as I remember how I used to think of having kids, with…Bella. Fucking annoying cute and lovely little weirdos.

_I fucking miss you, Honey._

My mind suddenly blurted out. I stared outside the darkened sky where the moon was draped with a cottony curtain of clouds.

I heard my mom's footsteps heading toward the little playground I was sitting at. I turned to rise from where I sit but she was quick to hold my shoulder to keep me from standing.

She sat in front of me.

I remained looking in the ground for forever if I could. I am in no mood to argue with her.

"You look…good." She said thumbing the top part of my wind blown hair. If she had done those decades ago, I might have enjoyed it, but now, I simply pulled my head away from her.

She sighed.

"What must I do…so you could forgive me?" She said with a grainy voice.

I gave her a tentative look, ready to say something really stupid so I could piss her off again, but the sight of her face, wrinkled with old age and…torment, made me bit my tongue and instead pulled my head down again.

"I know, I am the worst mother one could ever have."

"I never blame you for hating me."

"I was, undeniably the most blessed mother yet I don't deserve it. I have pushed you to where I wanted you to be…ever since."

"I admit that was really controlling of me, that I never gave you any chance to try and use your wings for yourself…"

"But I…I love you so much Edward, I was so afraid you're going to fall…and I, I couldn't take if you get hurt." She started weeping. I could see her feet twitching while planted in the ground.

My heart felt stabbed hearing my mother articulate her feelings before me. I could hear her sobbing between her words, but I kept myself stiff.

I really wished she left, but I could still see her feet unmoving and all.

It was really a very long pause.

"You didn't know that I was born outside marriage. My mother, and the grandmother that you knew, was not the same person."

"My father was married to your grandmother, my mother was an erotic dancer he met at a bar one night."

"I was their daughter. I was seven, when my mother decided to give me to my father. I could clearly remember that day, that my mother almost knelt down the ground, to plead my father to acknowledge me. She was dying and no one else would take me."

"Your Aunt Elizabeth made my life a living hell. I had to learn how to tolerate everything that happens in your grandfather's house. And I meant everything."

"I thought, my life with my mother was hell, until I knew what my life's going to be with my father."

"I had to be strong and I eventually won."

"When I married your father, he knew exactly what I have been through. Your father never lived in poverty his whole life, but me…I have witnessed how people can be so cruel when you're poor."

"That is why I needed to be as tough when Emmett and you were born. I promised myself, my children will never go through poverty."

"I was so heartbroken, when after all my dreams for you, I saw you slipping in my hands, when you met…Tanya. I went crazy not knowing how to help you straighten up your life."

"And with…Bella…I over reacted."

"Bella is a good person, I know that. But you can't expect me to just let you go after everything that you've been through."

"I always thought, you can hate me all you want, but if I had another chance, I would be changing nothing."

"But only now that I saw you achieved everything that I ever wanted you to have, I have realized I have denied you the most basic thing that you needed to survive. Suffering."

"I was tough, I was strong, it's because I suffered. I have become who I am because of what I've been through."

"You have become a successful doctor, not because of what you've been through, but because you wanted me to have what I wanted you to be. You suffered, but your suffering didn't made you strong, it made you…miserable."

"And nothing hurts me more than seeing you let misery eat you."

"You think I don't regret keeping you away from Bella? Everyday of my life that I see you crawl from agony, makes me want to die…in front of you, if that could appease you."

"But I am your mother, it was so hard for me to accept that…my son…the one that I just saved from wasting his life doing drugs, was more than ready to die for someone."

"I am a mother…Edward, your mother…" Her voice became unsteady again.

"I couldn't just let anyone take your life…I wouldn't even want you to get scathed when you were a child."

"Mom…I know what I was doing…" I suddenly found my voice.

"I know…I know…" She said looking at me with sad tear filled eyes.

"I just couldn't…" She stopped, and just shook her head.

"I'm so sorry I fucked up your life…"

I pressed my lips together, she sounded funny using an unfamiliar word for her.

"I have been looking for ways to make it up to you…but you're…mad at me. You hated me." Her shoulders trembled again while she covered her face with her hands.

"I am not mad at you…I don't hate you." I found myself putting my hand on her shoulders trying to hug her.

When she felt my hands she snapped her head and hastily wrapped her arms on me.

"Oh Edward…I am so sorry…" She blurted in my chest.

I could feel my heart contracting the muscles, tightened and finally eased up.

"You're one hell of a mom." I said pulling her away from my chest and looking at her tear stained cheeks.

"Could you ever find forgiveness for me?" She sighed twitching her lips.

"There's nothing to forgive Mom. You just did your job. I was just…a handful, that's why everything got blown up." I smiled as the words escaped my mouth. I haven't realized that fact until I said it.

"And you were wrong what you said about suffering for strength. I suffered, not really to do what you want…part of it, but it was a consequence of what I have done in the past that just carried over when I met…B-Bella. If it weren't for it, I could still be a fucked up right now, who knows, with my luck…" I snorted to lighten up, but the mention of Bella's name constricted my heart again.

"I would not understand, because I wasn't a parent yet." I said nodding my head to her as I sat back to my seat.

"Look at Emmett…You would not even think he'll have a child. I thought he'll just kick the hell of his kid if she ever throw a tantrum, but look at him…he'd turn the house up side down just to find the missing toy." I chuckled.

She chuckled too, her eyes are still on me, but this time, I could see a shine on it.

"You know the story of the butterfly?" She said smiling.

I just quirked an eyebrow at her.

"The mom butterfly saw her baby butterfly trying to…umm…get out of his cocoon. She doesn't want him to suffer trying so hard to break the walls of the cocoon…" She said pulling her eyes up to think of her story.

"Umm…Pupa, mother…" I teased her.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Cullen. I didn't know you study butterflies in the heart school." She chuckled as she teased me back.

"Anyway, his mother helped him break the…pupa you said?...and…what happened…the butterfly broke free of the pupa, but when he fluttered his wings to try and fly…he couldn't, he's…crippled. He was crippled by his mother's attempt to keep him away from…suffering."

I snorted, not to tease her again but to exhale the formation of air in my lungs. I could feel what she wanted to tell me.

"Sometimes we needed suffering, so we'll emerge as pretty as the butterfly. I thought I have crippled you, keeping you away from what you needed to be what you are now…" She looked at the night sky; the moon was nowhere to be seen.

"I am a beautiful butterfly now mother." I realized.

"I am so proud of you son." She said smiling but her eyes have started to water again.

"I am sorry…I am still the old bitch mom you left years ago." Her tears fell down her cheeks.

I chuckled on her effort to make a lame joke.

"I'd never ask for a different mom if I had to do it all over again." I never thought I'd say those words.

My father suddenly emerged from behind the screen door. I bet he had been there since our conversation started.

He sat beside my mother patting her back softly.

"How's your work?" He said intently looking at my face.

"It's…umm, fulfilling…just like you've said." I said pursing my lips.

He gave out a proud Daddy smile.

"I heard you're back in Forks?" I thought when I ask them it will be colored with irritation, but surprisingly I just felt...light.

"Yeah. Forks is a nice place to settle down...now that we're...umm...old, mother right?" He chuckled while he embraced my mother tightly while she looked like pinching his sides.

It's so amazing to see my father and mother tease each other, seemingly two different people but managed to survive their marriage this long.

"Your friend…Jasper called." He rashly said like he just remembered that shit.

I know my face lit up, hearing something about my dear old friend who just vanished from thin air, a long time ago. Somebody I shared my fate with.

_How is that prick?_

"Yeah? How is he?" My voice did not hide my enthusiasm.

"Well, he's getting married!" My father chuckled making his head and shoulder tremble.

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A/N

Well, I don't know if you're going to read this A/N, nonetheless I really wanted to take this opportunity, who knows you might read it. =)

Hate me...Not.

I know I have been writing a very long story, and I keep on cutting it, prolonging, but as I have said some chaps ago, I couldn't take reading too much information, that is why I tend to split things whenever there are too much happening in one chapter. I would like you to enjoy every bits and pieces of the information I have shared, and not miss the small seemingly insignificant info. (Wow, I sounded like my story was THAT interesting, don't I?)

Anyway, I just wanted to say, I didn't mean for you to be uber bored with this stuff I was making, I just wanted as much as possible not to leave out anything that might sound important for my story (yeah even the boring color of Jessica Stanley's nail polish, or the lacy like bubbles of the little waves).

I have actually written this for one of you my lovely readers, but I think I needed to tell you all (those wondering where the rainbows have gone), so I would not have to explain my self.

Rainbows come in different manners. You could see it half spread over the mountains, full arched in the sky or sometimes you can see it reflected in water in the sea. I meant, here at book 2, we'll see different kinds of rainbows, but just like the real ones, it does not stay that long, and we have to wait for the rain so it will come out again...until it was all blue skies, therefore no need for any rainbows anymore.

In the beginning of book2, Bella had seen rainbows already, in different scenes/part of her life without Edward. Seemingly unimportant little things like being a hottie everybody wants to have their hands on, getting a nice job, and being in love again and having a child--those were actually rainbows, a sign of hope for her.

But her rainbows---hope, promise of a colorful life, was temporary, just like a rainbow. That is why she got hurt again. And as I've said, until there were blue skies, rainbows will always be there, in every possible scenes, sometimes inconspicuously gracing us.

Ugh...Now I have to make it interesting.

I was trying to...I swear.

I hope you're digging me.

Loved your thoughts, as always.

xoxo-M


	33. Some things left untouched

A/N

My friends! Hello! (Now I call you my friends...I hope you won't mind, you all make me feel happy)

Here's another update for you, a little short, but at least I managed to close a scene, sorta...and open a new one? (whaaat??)

I'll just edit the next one, and if I don't fall asleep, I might update very soon. (It's midnight in my part of the world)

Anyway...THANK YOU SO MUCH for being such wonderful readers. You are all so being nice. I am really glad you are liking my story. (My melodramatic fit isn't over yet, sorry.)

I hope you liked this chap too...Lemme know. Your thoughts are always welcome.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 33

**EDWARD**

Rain, in Forks. How wonderful.

I decided to drive around town, but I found myself idling my father's shiny black Mercedes in front of the old church.

I started walking slowly, despite the pouring of the heavens savoring the spring rain slowly dripping from my head to my face, drenching my hair.

_This place._

I felt my heart contracted. I felt happy but I felt sad at the same time. Lots of memories were lining up for me to entertain. The scent of the grass drenched in raindrops made my eyes water.

_I fucking miss this place._

_10 years ago. My life was all about this place and the girl who lived in it._

I saw the old gazebo, still standing a few meters away from the church. It looked old…worn out with its chipping old yellowish paint.

I remembered it surrounded with beautiful flowers, but now, from where I stand, it looked, abandoned, neglected, with shrubs towering all around it. It looked properly aged beside the old church.

As I moved closer to the gazebo, there was something else.

I froze. And I felt like my heart stopped beating and my brain froze, at the same time.

Raindrops are seeping from my hair down to my face, my eyes were burning from the warm air that crept from my neck to my face, and my face was wet from the rain and from the tears that was slowly crawling down.

My heart suddenly raced that felt like it would jump out from my ribcage. My feet suddenly wanted to gallop from where I stood, and I could feel my lips are stretching to a very wide smile.

I contemplated if I should go near the gazebo. I felt like being tugged back and forth by my emotions.

There was a woman standing inside the old gazebo. I felt like I know that figure, but she looked totally different from how I remember her. If it wasn't creepy enough, I could feel like there was a current generating from her bouncing back to me.

I slowly made my way in front of the gazebo. I kept on opening my mouth thinking of words I should say, but I couldn't find anything. Years of practice for words to say if ever I see her again, did not help me at all.

She was in some kind of trance, looking at the old dirty table in the center of the gazebo. She did not even look from behind her when I neared the entrance.

"It's raining…" I managed to murmur despite the feeling of lack of voice.

She startled and turned around hastily causing her foot to loose balance and wobble.

I smiled, both from happiness that I saw her again, at last, and also from amusement, she's still the same, clumsy and blushing.

Her eyes were focused on my face, my smile fell when I realized, she must be very…very angry with me.

But after a moment of batting her eyelashes, she managed to flash a timid smile that would look like she's just being polite, but knowing her, she was happy to see me too, I could tell from the creases her eyes made when she smiled. That is, if she was still the same Bella I knew.

"Edward." I thought I will lose consciousness hearing her voice coming from those lips say my name again, in her sexiest voice.

I started making little steps towards the bench she was sitting. I couldn't snatch my eyes away from her. It felt like I was dreaming again, but it looked so real, and I don't want to lose any memory of this dream.

She shifted her conscious gaze in the table in front of her, pursing her lips and thumbing her long black straight hair.

I feasted my eyes on the face I so long to see for such a long time. I wanted to hold her face and stroke her hair and just…break her bones from the tightest hug I could make.

She was playing with her lower lip, twitching and biting it alternately. Her hair was straight, not a sign of a curl like it used to. It was flowing stiffly down her shoulders creating a curtain covering a portion of either side of her face. She looked…sophisticated.

Her face was still adorned with those pretty brown freckles, she's had a thinner eyebrow, but it still perfectly accentuated her big brown eyes. She must have not been sleeping properly, a hint of dark shade under obstruct the nice view of her eyes.

She must be feeling my penetrating gaze on her, because she suddenly darted her face outside the opening of the gazebo squinting her eyes feeling the drizzle of the rain lightly sprinkling in her face from the sudden gusts of wind.

The silence between us was really starting to feel awkward. I couldn't find a word to say to her. My mind was trying to remember those lines I have been practicing.

_I miss you so much Honey._

No, I can't say that. I might earn a slap in the face.

_Why did you not wait for me?_

Ugh, definitely a slap in the face.

_What to say…what to say._

I could almost hear my teeth chattering from nervousness. _Why didn't I think of this awhile ago? I am going to piss my pants any minute now._

"Um…What's up?" I managed to blurt out when I saw her started to play her fingers in her lips.

_Ughhh…What's up? Fuck Edward…You're lame._

_...Oh my fucking heart!_

My eyes could not believe what I saw when she twisted her hand before putting it down to answer my lame question.

_She's married._

I felt my body wanted to convulse from utter denial of what I just saw.

_Ouch…ouch…ouch! _I could hear my heart repulsed.

"Um…I'm good." She curtly said nodding her head.

She looked at my eyes for a moment, and then looked outside again. I must be looking awfully wrenched.

She put her elbows on the table and started massaging her neck.

_Dude…She looked bored, come the fuck on and say something, dufus!_ My brain was nudging me, but I couldn't catch my tongue.

And then she turned her hands to cover her mouth darting a small look at me. My eyes zeroed on in the ring sitting pretty beside her gold fat wedding ring.

_It's my ring! The diamond studded eternity ring I gave her! _I could feel my eyes wanted to jump out of their socket. My heart raced to an unhealthy thump.

I felt warm air awash my face, I couldn't contain the smile that was disfiguring my face, most probably.

_She's married…But she still loves me. _I tried to enjoy the thought that my brain was making.

_Keep dreaming Edward…That's what you get._

She gave out a smile, a shy one at first but gradually become snorts of delight.

"They're finally getting married." She said with her melodious voice biting her lip.

_Fuck, I missed that._

"Ugh…yeah." I said amusely.

Alice and Jasper, finally getting married, after 10 years of living together away from their family. Finally, each family has agreed to honor and respect their love for each other.

I could not deny the pinch I felt in my heart with the thought. My face felt numb and I know she could see that a feeling of disconcertion was clouding my thoughts.

"Some people are lucky." She said vividly but her voice sounded dispirited.

"Bella…" My thoughts have begun flooding and each one of them was racing to come out my mouth.

Suddenly, the tears I have been hiding for years hurriedly trickled down my cheeks. All I could do was to cover my mouth so the weak weep won't escape my lips.

I tried to inhale a hefty amount of air from my mouth to calm my nerves, but I could not control my self. _I am such a fucking cry baby._

"We all find our happy ending Edward." She firmly said tightening her lips into a faint line as her gloomy eyes stared directly on my weeping eyes.

I kept my gaze on her eyes while I continued breathing through my mouth covered with my hand. I could not speak, I could feel thousand of needles pricking my heart. I tried to swallow many times to find my voice, but the thought of apparent dejection and lateness seemed to drown the words I wanted to say to her.

She opened her mouth and inhaled the spring air all around us and then blinked her eyes furiously while shaking her head, and then she rose to live.

My fucking butt was nailed in the bench. She left hastily sending her scent behind her adding anguish to my already tormented heart.

_I'm so sorry._

_I'm so sorry._

_I love you._

_I love you so much._

_Bella._

My mind kept on repeating the words. The words I failed to tell her. The words I wanted her desperately to hear.

**BELLA**

The unreliable picture of Edward I was able to revive in my outdated memory was not so bad compared to the real thing.

His face hadn't changed much. He was still lanky, and he still dressed like he used to. T-shirts.

I thought coming back in Forks would give me so much joy, visiting the old place I once loved and had always hid inside my heart, the only place I could call home. But seeing Edward at the same time, it's like a cherry on top of my favorite ice cream.

But I had to leave. I couldn't take the feeling this reunion was giving me. My heart felt like it has shrunk involuntarily.

I could feel the hole inside gaping, throbbing furiously making the wound bleed profusely that I could suddenly die.

I tried so hard to keep it light, talking about Alice and Jasper. But I must have known that was such a big bad idea. Talking about the two best friends we had who ran away because they weren't approved for each other by their parents, which became almost our fate too…almost, but the running away part, with only him running away from me.

He cried. My heart cannot take the sight of him crying for what awful word I must have said.

But I couldn't just stay there and cry with him. I refuse to cry once more, for him.

I ran under the violent pour of rain towards the car that I borrowed from Sue. I couldn't take the presence of Edward. I will fall.

I sobbed my way home, thankfully the house was empty, I was able to lock myself inside my old unused room.

I closed my eyes and suddenly the smell of my room drowned me with all the memories I have been trying to tuck inside the dark corners of my mind.

I found myself cuddling my knees into a fetal position rocking back and forth, consoling my convulsing body from crying.

_Why did I even agreed with Alice attending her wedding?_

_Edward…_

My head was throbbing from the feeling that seeing Edward gave me.

_I'm over you…Almost._

I stood up after minutes of deliberating, finally finding the courage to open the part of the cabinet where I hid the memories of my shattered heart.

I slumped on the floor feeling my knees became weak from the sight of the stuff I treasured.

I found the SIM card of my old cell phone and shoved it inside my phone, silently hoping it would still read the old card.

I did not hold back when my tears began falling again hurriedly this time as I flipped on the pictures in my phone.

_I was so happy…What the hell happen?_

_Why the song did ended that soon?_

By the time my father and his wife came with my son, I was already tired of crying my eyes out. I buried my face in the pillow, pretending that I just woke up, so they won't be suspicious.

Thank goodness James was in a business trip. What would he think if he saw me acting like a total lunatic crying bucket of tears after seeing my ex?

Sue, of course knew what could be bothering me. She talked to me when we're fixing the table after dinner while Charlie played with his only grandson.

"I didn't know he was here." I started.

"He hasn't been here for years Bella. His parents have come back a couple of years ago, but, Edward never showed here not once." She said smiling at me.

I know I could be sounding silly with all my sour-graping, but I just couldn't hide the feelings that suddenly arrested me.

I noted to have a word with my father about failing to tell me about the Cullens returning to Forks.

Had I know that they came back here; I could have missed this wedding for good. I could just see Alice and Jasper some other time.

But of course, my father won't tell me about the Cullens, we hardly even talk over the phone. And maybe he figured I was happily married to James and news about anything concerning the Cullens won't interest me, in any degree.

_Remind me to talk to Alice too. Sure she should know that Edward was coming. _

_Why did she invite me too?_

_Of course, she didn't know anything about you and Edward's fall out._

My mind was arguing with each other again.

And as I lay down my bed, beside my son, I couldn't help smile with the thought that I once again have seen Edward, after so many years.

But my smile didn't last long, because I could feel that the part of my heart I once locked for him was starting to open. The things that were stashed inside was trying to get out forcing my heart to crash open.

_I wasn't over Edward._

_No. You are just missing him._

_Why am I feeling erratic about this?_

_You feel you still have a connection, just because your heart was broken by James._

_What…You need someone to heal your broken heart again, news flash, he broke you first!_

My tears were trailing my face again, as different thoughts flooded my brain. Am I not over Edward yet? Or just excited to see him again because I thought we still have a chance.

What about James?

Ever since I learned about James and Victoria's relationship, my life suddenly felt useless. Just there…just because I needed to be there.

I couldn't convince my self that James still love me even if he kept on trying to make me believe he and Victoria was over.

Trust.

I couldn't, again.

I became bitter, suspicious and most of all I lost my self–esteem. I was trying hard to keep my family together, even just for the sake of our son, but my bitterness almost always get in the way.

It is my fault, that nowadays we always fight, and this time, I don't win, I just end up screaming. I couldn't get over my suspicion, and whether or not I have basis, I was haunted by the nagging feeling of betrayal.

I couldn't bring myself to trust him again, and I hated what I have become, I hated what he has done to me.

Thinking about Edward, must be wrong. _What else is there that is right?_

I stood and made my way to my window heaving sighs as I caught sight of the now scantily leaved tree.

I smiled.

But as my eyesight adjusted to the moonlit road beside the tree trunk, I noticed a black car parked in front of the tree, with a silhouette of a man looking up in my window.

My heart pumped blood eagerly, I felt a creeping air went up to my ears, but not from fright, I felt excited.

I don't know if he could see me from the dark room I was standing at, but we stayed for like hours looking at each other, standing too far from each other. I couldn't see anything but his silhouette, with his hands shoved in his pocket while standing in one foot.

_Edward…_

My mind started calling him silently.


	34. Anguish that has finally found its way

A/N

Here ya go...I did not fall asleep.

Your thoughts are good anti-depressant.

Write me some more soon...Or not.

Thanks wonderfuls.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

CHAPTER 34

**BELLA**

"Alice, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The minister asked a teary-eyed Alice.

_I do. _My mind responded.

"I do." Alice wept loudly.

I couldn't help chuckle loudly with Alice's melodramatic vows just like everyone else attending the wedding that was being held at the huge garden of the Brandon's mansion.

And it didn't help my amusement that they made a huge wedding arbor decorated with white laces and roses in the same spot where I once saw them humping each other.

_Alice. At long last, a start of your happily ever after. _I thought of, while remembering the last words I heard of her said when she flee with Jasper a long time ago. A smile was still in my lips, an unwavering evidence of my awe and envy on how things worked out fine with her.

"Jasper, do you…" I heard the minister asked Jasper.

I inhaled quite audibly; _Jasper must be pretty melodramatic too_, I thought. I moved my gaze at everyone in attendance of the lavish wedding, and caught a pair of blue eyes attentively fixated on me.

I swallowed and I felt the wind blew in my bare neck sending shivers in my spine. His eyes were heedlessly looking at me with those…smooth lips slightly parted resembling a crooked little smile.

I could suddenly remember how soft those lips are when they're with mine, his tongue playing sword inside my mouth, and that hair, the hair that has not been change by time its mess still sexily accentuated his gorgeous face. I miss his scent.

I suddenly heard people laughing startling me from reminiscing; my face grew hot thinking I must be closing my eyes while I was thinking of the…hideously mouthwatering scenes of my past.

I scoured my eyes to everyone around me and realized they were laughing at a totally crying Jasper saying his vows for Alice. _Yeah, totally for each other._

I sank on my seat leaning deeply on the back rest. I could not take another chance of looking on those gorgeous pair of eyes.

The wedding ceremony finished with almost everyone including me shedding tears of happiness for the couple. I did not flinched from my awkward position sitting lowly in my chair.

I could feel an energy radiating from where Edward sat, he possibly was still looking at me, but I did not dare check. I am way too embarrassed.

I entertained my mind looking at the green lawn overly decorated with white light, laces and flowers. It was twilight and the changing of light to darkness in the sky cast a deep sense of romance enveloping everybody under it.

The sight of Edward's intently looking eyes a while ago kept on popping in my head, that I literally started counting the little buds of angel's breath wrapped around a white laced ribbon tied at the back of the chair in front of me.

_Did he stay long last night?_

When I was done counting to 40 buds of the tiny shrub, I found myself suddenly wondering of what had happened to him last night. I was faintly hoping he'll come and knock to talk to me, though it was too late for a visitor, but I settled to just watching him watch me in the dim of the night.

Had it not to my son waking up from a dream, I could have stayed there pathetically digging my memories of him, until he left. I fell asleep and woke up already morning.

_Was that even him? It could have been some random guy, doing some random freaking stalking._

Everyone rose up cheering and clapping as Jasper and Alice started walking towards the house_._ I copied them looking only to the newly wed passing in front of me.

"Bella!!!" Alice shrieked, her eyes were veiled with her black mascara.

I waved at her biting my lip in excitement, and then motioned the mess under her eyes.

"I know!" She mouthed grimacing, and put her hand in the air signing me to follow her.

Charlie who was seated beside me looked at me smiling as he nodded in approval.

I held my toe length gown and followed them behind the trail of other visitors.

My hair was up in a messy bun, and my gown has a long v back showing the entire half of my back. I don't know if I was just paranoid, but I feel like someone was breathing air on my very sensitive neck, someone who was too near me. But it could just probably the wind blowing, and I was just out of my mind, nonetheless the feeling of stupidity made me rush to the wash room and check on myself before I enter the huge tent set in front of the mansion.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply as if doing a yoga relaxation technique. I could see the rise and fall of my chest in the gigantic mirror in front of me.

The Brandon's house was a picture of extravagance. Even the toilet was decorated with huge paintings of nature hanging in the wall with gold plated trimmings.

I looked again in the cinematic mirror in front of me, looking closely on how I look.

I moved closer to check on my make up, gliding my forefinger under my left eye when I caught sight of a tiny little smudge of the black shadow I was wearing.

I took my lip gloss out of my brown clutch bag; dabbed a little in the middle of my lower lip and pursed my lips together playfully making a pout.

I smoothened the bun of my hair, tucking the wandering locks together with the rest in a hair clip.

I shoved my hand inside the cups of my gown holding my breasts to make them plump up.

I was wearing this gorgeous taupe toe length chiffon dress with a v neckline that falls until top of my tummy revealing most of my bust line and my back as well. It has a high waist cropped together with shiny mix of stones and sequins.

_Damn I look hot in these._

I pressed my lips into a tight line. I couldn't imagine when was the last time I heard myself become excited on the way I look. I have lost all my sense of mojos ever since I was duped.

I breathed in heaps of air calming myself again and practiced on a smile before I decided to finally step out of the washroom.

I made my way to the large white tent covering a huge portion of the Brandon's front lawn. It extended to the porch and the living room, making the party floor even bigger.

Flowers are hanging everywhere and loud cheering and squeals can be heard amid the loud sound of a soft piano music.

I caught sight of the table full of champagne and decided I really need to get one to loosen up my inhibited self confidence.

I sipped a trace of champagne, but gulped a large one when my most favorite velvet voice suddenly spoke behind me, sending his breaths on my neck which in turn made me shiver from tingles in my back.

"You…are so beautiful." He sounded just as how he used to, sexy.

I turned around and found him too close to me to not to inhale his scent, the scent I have been dying to recollect in my mind. I suddenly found my self silently pleading for death to come. I couldn't breathe properly, my heart was beating erratically I thought I was having a heart spasm.

He parted his lips, and I was too close to not to notice it. I braved to look at his eyes eagerly looking at me, but I couldn't stay looking at them, it was smothering me.

_He still has that effect on me. This is humiliating._

I breathe again with my head low and chanced to step sideways, but my awful sense of balance that I thought I have rectified years ago, managed to show up again, and I tripped, but he was there, right beside to catch me by my waist.

He chuckled that sounded to me as a sweet hum.

"Sorry." I was definitely embarrassed. I pressed my left fingers on my temple, hiding my eyes as I secretly looked at him.

"I'm here." He said still holding my back, looking at me with a smile that made his eyes crinkled in the side.

I immediately stepped forward away from his touch looking down biting my lip as his words rung in my head. _I'm here_.

I was now some feet away from him, but it felt like I was being pulled by a magnetic force closer to him. I could feel my almost bare chest rose up and down as I made calming breaths again.

"Nice wedding." After a long pause, I managed to catch my tongue and say something. I needed more of these.

I put the lips of the tall glass of champagne into my mouth and awkwardly drank all that is in there. I need more.

I felt a creep of warm air from my ears to my face. I step towards the champagne table again and got another glass.

"You looked great." I announced with a more confident voice. _That's it, keep going Bella._

He just gave me a very sweet smile.

Champagne was definitely giving me the boost I was hoping for. I ran my eyes into his whole face, refreshing my memory of him. He looked so beautiful and utterly sexy on that black tux. My eyes halt on those soft lips still half parted from a previous hearty smile, his godly perfect jaw has just been shaven, his cheeks has a faint blush of red probably from drinking too, and his eyes…

I don't know how long I have been staring in his eyes. My mind seemed to hung and reboot, I lost the bravery I just had a while ago, I felt like I have been running and panting for breath again.

Thankfully, little fingers suddenly snaked into my twitching right hand. I caught a sight of my son looking at me, bewildered I think, of my facial expression that I have no idea of.

I cleared my throat silently after I smiled on my son assuring him I was just fine.

"This is my son, Anthony." I mumbled looking seriously on his facial expression, which showed different emotions in just a blink of an eye.

He was smiling at first when I was talking and then his smile changed into a shock, a faint smile and then a lit face as he lowered his eyes onto my son who was standing right beside me.

He squatted in front of my son and extended his right hand to shake my Anthony's hand.

"Hello. Aren't you so cute? My name is Edward." Edward said with a huge smile on his face.

"Hi. My name is Anthony. How do you do?" My son answered with the polite way to introduce himself that I taught him.

Edward looked up at me with a smug in his face.

"I am fine thank you." He answered back pinching the cheek of Anthony.

"Bella!" I heard Alice called with a squealing voice. _I am sure that is Alice._

I turned around and saw her animatedly walking towards us, _so Alice sans the skipping_, I thought.

I hugged her tight and murmured many times "I miss you!"

Her eyes were shedding tears again when she pulled away from my hug.

"Hey, why are you crying?" I wiped the tears that have stained her newly retouched make up.

"Congratulations! Oh no…Best wishes!" I excitedly muttered pinching her cheeks for a smile.

"Alice…Best wishes." Edward stood up extending his hand to shake Alice's hand.

But Alice pulled him and hugged him instead, sobbing in his chest.

Edward and I exchanged an amused look, making me wet my lips again when I saw him looking at it.

"You look…fairytale-ish Sister!" I mumbled pulling my head away to show my awe.

She looked really regal in that ivory satin gown embellished with pearls and crystals with capped sleeves and a low neckline revealing her mountainous chest. So Alice.

"Thank you. I am so glad you two are here." She twitched her lips composing herself.

"We have a lot to catch up!" She pulled my arm and Edward's putting her either hand on it.

She led us to the party hall still clutching both of our arms. I followed chuckling with Anthony on my other hand.

**EDWARD**

Emmett arrived in the house late last night, and after a little chit-chat on the dinner table, I pulled him outside the porch to tell him what I have discovered.

"_Fuck Em, she's married." _My voice sounded annoyed but nonetheless shaky.

"_What? Well fuck, that's just…Shit!" _He mirrored my displeasure.

"_Shit bro that sucks!" _He dropped his hand on my shoulder.

I put my hands on top of the railing of the veranda, supporting myself from the weakness of knees that I was beginning to feel.

"_I don't know what to do…I…I was late." _I murmured bowing my head.

He did not reply, instead held the railings too and focused his eyes on me.

"_I still love her." _I declared.

I zeroed in my glance on the big tree in the right side of our lawn. It was still there. I did not brave to look at it this morning when I arrived from the airport, afraid of the damage the memory of it will give me. But now that I've seen Bella again, I suddenly find the courage to look at it, and reminisce what happened under its canopy.

"_Edward. I don't know what to say." _Emmett dragged my attention back to our conversation.

Usually, when Emmett calls me my name, there is something serious going on.

"_I will not tell you to go pursue the girl of your dreams, now that she's married. That will be…just plain stupid." _Emmett started.

I kept my eyes on the ground with my bowed head that I shake from time to time, not from disbelief with Emmett but from denial of the truth that had been laid on me.

"_She was wearing the ring I gave her." _I managed to mumble silently I thought Emmett would not hear.

"_Are you sure it was yours?" _ He mumbled back, unintentionally mocking my judgment.

_That is a fucking lame question Emmett. _I thought.

"_I don't know…I mean…" _I answered unsurely, giving him an agonizing look.

"_And even if it was yours, it isn't fair that you'll just come barging in destroy her family." _He said patting my back.

After a long talk with him that made me wallow in anxiety, I decided to go for a drive but later found myself turning off the engine of my father's black Mercedes under the tree I used to climb up to get to Bella's room.

I stayed leaning outside the passenger door, hiding beneath the moonless night, wondering if she still sleeps in the same room. I've contemplated climbing the tree again, but realized I might get her into trouble if her husband caught me. Or given the appearance of the old tree, and my not so young physique, I might end up falling disgracing my family again if caught. Knock? Not a very good idea even, it is quarter passed eleven, they must be sleeping.

I stayed there looking up in her window waiting for a light to shine or sound to hear, but nothing. I imagined those days I used to climb the tree, falling disgraceful inside her room, with my face flat on the floor.

I felt a stab when my mind remembered making love with her under that same tree.

Until I was feeling exhausted and decided to go home.

I had to stay inside my old room the whole day even though Emmett kept on banging my door to come out, just like the old days. He must be feeling bored. He left Rosalie and Kim in Jersey because Kim has school.

I finally rose up of bed when it was time to prepare for the wedding at the Brandon's mansion. I was feeling mixed emotions on going to the wedding.

I am happy, yes, I'll see Bella there. But what could I possibly feel when I see her happily cuddled by her husband. _Fuck! It's either I'll kill someone, or I will die from heart failure._

I was sad, because though I am happy for Jasper and Alice, I could feel the pouring of icy water in my head telling me, that I or we could have had the same if I was not weak.

I should have not given my word to Jasper that night I called him about the wedding. I shouldn't have promised that I'd come. I have a million alibis I could have given, but the sound of Forks was so inviting that I couldn't resist the urge.

I wanted to come back, not expecting to see Bella here, but to at least reminisce the past that has brought me happiness and utter sadness at the same time.

And now, I don't know if I should be happy or sad.

My mind was still busying itself with everything I could think of to block the thought of Bella. My parents were looking anxious at my expression but I caught Emmett shaking his head most probably discouraging them of whatever they were thinking.

I sat with them at the groom side, and as soon as I caught sight of Bella looking so elegantly beautiful and sexy in that brown soft fabric gown that made her skin look creamier, my earlier effort of blocking everything Bella-wise was flushed directly into the drain.

I could not take my eyes away from her smiling face obviously delighted watching the ceremony. I could catch some sound coming from the wedding arch in the middle of the decorated lawn, but my attention was captivated by Bella's facial expression.

And then I heard the minister ask the usual question to the bride, and I couldn't help smile in delight I thought my heart jumped for joy when I saw her touched her earring flashing the diamond studded ring I gave her and opening her mouth saying what I read to be as I do.

And then she turned half around and found me staring maliciously at her captivated aura. I murmured I do, when the minister asked Jasper looking at her eyes suddenly imagining it was only she and I were present in the ceremony.

We stared at each other for the longest time until she flinched away. I did not remove my eyes on her even if Emmett kept on nudging me by my side. I know I must have looked weird, scary or creepy but I did not care. I wasn't sure how many moments like this will I have.

When the ceremony was over, my mother tapped me softly to get the gift that I unintentionally put down in the grass. I gave it to her, and to my dismay when I darted my eyes back to where Bella was sitting, she was gone.

_Mother, she still ruins my day even if she didn't mean to._

I sighed as I stand hastily to look for her. Emmett patted my back and gave me a dimply smile when I looked at him. I shook my head silently declaring my utmost defeat in trying to stay away from Bella.

"I can't." I whispered.

He just pressed his lips together making his dimples show while he held his right hand up motioning me to go.

I hurried walking amidst the flow of people trying to get to the front part of the house where the celebration will be hold. And in my haste, I found myself walking directly behind Bella.

I could smell the sweet scent of her perfume. My eyes could trace the baby hair running from the base of her head down to her nape. The one single black mole in the middle of her back up in her spine was showing from the low cut of her flowing gown. I felt an urge to hold her nape and caress it as I used to.

She turned abruptly to the ladies' room leaving me pulled by the other people inside the house to the lawn where a big tent was shielding the party place from the cold spring night.

I took a glass of champagne and started drinking it as I walked in circles enjoying the antique decorations Brandon's house has.

And then she was there, where I just have been, taking a sip of her champagne. I took a gulp of air in my mouth and braved myself into talking to her again. I won't have a lot of moments like these.

I couldn't remember what happened because I was just there waiting for her to turn around and then suddenly she was clutching my hand and I her back.

_Did she trip again?_ _ She must have. _ I chuckled inwardly.

I tried to hide that I was dazzled but looking at her eyes, down to her bare bust line sent me back to where I wanted to be, her arms, and her life. My hand kept on twitching, fighting the urge to pull her face and kiss her senseless.

Her smile was so captivating that I found myself swallowing lump after lump. At first I thought I choked on my Adam's apple, I couldn't catch my voice when she started a conversation.

All I could do was smile and look at her eyes, face and lips; I probably looked like a total idiot.

"This is my son, Anthony." I heard her say pulling a little hand up.

I thought I was just hallucinating. My mind cannot process what I just heard. It took me a lot of pressing lips and blinking eyes before I realized, she was introducing me to a little boy, whose name was like mine. _Anthony_. I mumbled.

I found a reason to smile, in spite of new tortuous information that I just learned.

"Hello. Aren't you so cute? My name is Edward." I comically said squatting in front of the gorgeous little boy holding Bella's hand.

"Hi. My name is Anthony. How do you do?" He answered rather politely for a little boy.

Bella must have taught him to be polite. I wonder.

"I am fine thank you." I was so attracted with the sweetness of his face I pinched it with a smug smile in my face.

He looked a lot like his mother. His eyes were big brown with long lashes. He has a small jutting button nose, and lips that curved like Bella's. He has a very happy face yet a boyish naughty smile playing on his lips.

I wanted to talk to him…no…I was actually feeling a little melodramatic and wanted to hug him, and maybe even whisper to his ears that I love his mom and ask why couldn't he be my son.

A swelling of pride was emanating from my heart learning that Bella named her son after me, but at the same time, I felt like a total loser that all I could give her or all that she could get from me was my name for her child.

I almost told Anthony about the little secret of my name, but then Alice came hysterically hugging Bella and me. She was so happy she can be a total interpretation of love shack, or love struck for that matter.

She led us to the banquet hall sitting us on the table that was properly arranged for all the guests. I sat with my parents and Emmett, on the right side facing the couple's long table.

I ghosted my eyes with Bella's figure holding Anthony's hand up easing through the tables and finally sitting in the one that was at the middle of the hall. She sat with her father and his wife. I kept on rocking my legs up and down as I inconspicuously scoured her table for any other male guest that could appear as her husband. But there were only four of them.

Everybody was laughing, cheering, clapping their hands, clinking their glasses but I do not know what was going on, because I was again lost in the river of different emotions just by looking at Bella who was sitting with her back facing me.

"Alice, you broke my heart when you left me. And Jasper, you have no idea how many times I have cursed you for taking away Alice from me. But remembering you say "Bella, I have to do this…because I love Jasper and we couldn't let anyone keep us apart" made me hate myself for trying and wishing and praying that you have not run away from me…from us. Your love has weathered all storms that we could possibly think about, and I was just glad I was here right now to witness that sometimes decisions made long time ago that did not seem to be right, could end up to something as happy as this. I love you both, and I have nothing to wish for you but trust, more love and stay in love." Bella said slowly with a shaky and grainy voice, pausing every now and then to catch her breath.

"For you." She said finally putting her champagne glass up for a toast that everybody followed.

I thought I died.

Every word Bella said felt like needles…no, double-blade serrated knife cutting and shredding my already torn apart to pieces heart.

_I hurt her, and that lead her to…here, married with a kid._

I am the best possible wrecked person you could ever meet.

I put my head down as the warm water coming from my eyes began trailing down my cheeks. I don't care what people might think of me at this very moment, I was done thinking of other people's opinion a long time ago.

I felt a hand softly rubbing my back, and when her other hand pressed my tensed thigh; I confirmed that it was my mother's. I never realized I was trembling from weeping silently, until I heard her hushed me softly.

I pulled a hanky inside my suit and wiped my face off of trails of my weakness. I gave my mother a shy smile before I stood up to find my way to the toilet. I needed to freshen up, or I needed a place to vent the smoke inside my chest suffocating me.

I almost ran towards the men's room holding the tears that began to pool in my eyelids again when Bella's shaking voice played in my mind again.

I was weak; I should have not run away. Fighting for her love was so much worth all the pain and sufferings rather than suffering but losing it all in the end.

My anguish found its way gushing through my silent sobs. I sat inside a toilet cubicle covering my face with both my hands.

But she still loves me, she must be. She wouldn't be wearing my ring if she didn't hold me on my promise to her.

With some more deep breaths imagining Bella's wide eyes waking up next to me, I stood up and fixed my tux, wiping the remnants of my cowardice.

I stood in front of the mirror, talking to myself.

_You better toughen up. Fight for her, wherever it leads you, at least you know what it will bring you. _


	35. Belongs to you

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 35

**EDWARD**

_I am not to back out this time, rain or shine._

I made my way to the center of the hall towards the table where Bella and her family were sitting.

Charlie snapped his head when he saw me making my way in their table.

"Edward!" He flashed his mega watt smile as he excitedly called my name. Sue was looking at me with a smile in her lips too just like Anthony helplessly seated squatting on top of his seat just to be able to eat the piece of white chocolate fondant wedding cake.

I sat on the empty seat beside Bella. All their eyes are with me except for her who was looking down seriously on her champagne glass. It would be impossible for her not to notice me, but she remained ducked as if I wasn't around.

"Charlie." I held out my hand temporarily standing to shake his, nodding my head.

"Sue." I smiled at her respectfully when she just nodded with a happy smile.

And then I managed to pinch Anthony's cheek again passing my arm right in front of Bella's face. But still, she pretended I wasn't there. She didn't even cringe to the proximity of my arm on her face.

"How are you Edward?" Charlie said with an excited tone.

"I am good, actually. How are you doing?" I answered, and then looked at him and Sue to politely give back the question.

"Mr. Edward…My Mom said you like piano…I liked pia--aano too!" Anthony said enthusiastically with wide eyes half climbing the table with his elbows.

I shot a swift glance on Bella beside me who grabbed her glass and drank all that's left of her champagne in several gulps.

"Oh yeah? I would love to play piano with you Anthony…What do you say you visit me in our house, I have this big piano, you'll like it!" I eagerly answered looking briefly at Charlie and Sue who are looking so delighted with our conversation.

Bella, as I could notice her in my periphery was wide eyed still looking on top of her table breathing obviously through her mouth.

She suddenly looked at me with her mouth still slightly gaping for breath with her eyes seemingly trying to dazzle me.

I wanted to tuck a lock of hair that escaped the pins in her head, and feel the blush in her cheeks but all I can do was to strangle each of my hand under the table.

"Let's dance." Bella whispered softly and then she rose up giving a prompt look at both Charlie and Sue.

I hastily stood up to catch her hand and pulled her slowly to the center of the hall full of partners dancing together with the newly weds.

I could feel my every effort to breathe, it's like I suddenly became aware of my lungs working inside my body.

I tightened my jaw, I could feel a burning sensation coming from Bella's eyes looking at me intensely, I was fighting the urge to flinch with the intensity of her stare, but I nailed my eyes on hers desperately trying to read what it wanted to say.

I thought the whole world stopped, or moved in slow motion. She was standing in front of me; her cold soft hand was still tightly hugged by my trembling hand.

I pulled her left hand closer to my heart, her hand was circled into a fist, and I forcibly opened it with my fingers so I could touch her palm with my thumb as I put it on top of my heart. I wanted her to feel the euphoric beating of my heart.

Her eyes were fixated on mine but her face was expressionless, or if there is an expression, it wasn't delight at all.

I put my right hand in her back, I was trying to softly pull her towards me but she was resisting my pull. I tightened my jaws again, and put a little more force on my pull making her front bump my body.

I pulled her other hand up to my arm, I felt like my face was burning.

"Don't be such a fucking baby…Duck." I grated my words between my clenched teeth and tightened jaws.

I caught her breath as she exhaled forcibly in my face, I could feel her body trembled as if she was silently crying inside.

I pulled her closer to my chest that I could feel every up and down motion that her half bared chest made.

Finally, a tear broke free in her eyes causing her to pull down her head resting its top on my chest.

I was dying. Or was I dead already? But I could still feel my heart, painfully popping its arteries one by one like little bubbles.

I was breathing heavily into her neck, I could feel her body convulsing from her silent weeping, I wanted so much to enclose her to a tight hug so I could in anyway ease the pain that I caused her, but…was that the trouble I am willing to take risk?

"I…am so sorry…Honey…" I whispered in her neck with my trembling voice, unable to keep the tears from falling too.

I have a portion of my mind noting to thank Jasper and Alice later for using a dim light during the party.

"I love you…I always have." I whispered again.

I felt the hand that was on top of my heart squeezed my thumb and my suit as her breath was still erratically making her body shake.

I closed my eyes as I put the side of my face in her ears feeling the hand squeezing mine, her chest pressed on my chest, and her body pressed tightly on my manhood, every move of the feet and every sway we make I get deeper and deeper into my euphoria on Bella's presence again in my life.

_I won't let go of you again. _

My mind thought, battling the other side of my mind that reminded me that she's already married.

_She's mine._

The music finished that I didn't even notice what was it the band was playing.

She pulled away from me and made her way back to her table looking down with her hand on her face, probably wiping her tears.

I turned my head and saw Emmett standing with my parents in our table. They were looking at me. They must have noticed what had happened during our dance.

Bella was already sitting in their table talking to Anthony as she was smoothing his hair away from his eyes.

I walked to our table unmindful of whatever my family was going to tell me.

I caught a sight of my mother's concerned look, smiling at me sympathetically.

Emmett put his hand in my shoulder pressing his lips together into a light dimply smile.

I have no idea what came into me when my mother was within my reach. She gave me a distraught look with her tight smile. I suddenly pulled her to engulf in a tight hug. My eyes welled up with rushing tears, I felt like an idiot, a child expressing his grief on his mother.

I felt her hand rubbing my back as she silently hushed me with her "I'm sorry."

"I love her Mom…I still do." I sobbed repeatedly.

"Hshhh….Everything will be fine Edward…" She said pacifying me.

But I know it won't be fine, unless I fight for her again. Because I know if I won't, she'll be gone again. She's mine.

I managed to placate myself, sniffling in my hanky.

I was expecting my mother to stop me from whatever I was concocting in my head. I looked at her eyes, trying to communicate to her what I was thinking.

She just gave me a smile and shrugged her shoulders, which to me appeared as "Go on."

I turned my back on them after I held each of their arm to convey my appreciation to them.

I was on finding my way back to Bella's table but it was already empty. They must have left already. A pinch in my heart made me grimace. _Not again._

The dance floor was still packed with attendees dancing with the already making out newly wed. I walked hastily between the partners in the center of the banquet hall, trying to figure out if Bella was still in the crowd.

But I could not find her.

I figured I'll circle the whole place; she could have been in the washroom again. I turned back inside the house towards the washroom. I stood right outside the door. I am not making Bella out of my sight again.

I need to talk to her, if I needed to stay outside this door all night I will, or if I needed to climb that tree in her bedroom or knock in the middle of the night, I will gladly do it, the hell what ever Charlie would say to me now.

I should have not listened to him, I should have not considered him, and how ever selfish that may sound.

I was feeling agitated already, I felt helpless that everything was out of their places and that it seemed impossible to fix.

I was drawing circles with my footsteps outside the door of the toilet when a faint movement caught my eye in the dimly lit garden of the Brandons where the wedding ceremony took place.

I tried to adjust my eyes on the figure drowned by the faintly glowing light. It was a woman…dressed in a dark gown.

"Bella!" I could almost hear my whisper as if I shouted it.

I walked in a hurried pace towards the wide patio of the garden that is now free from the ornaments that hours ago adorned it like the forest in midsummer night's dream.

She was standing behind the bench looking at the arbor that was used as the altar in the ceremony. Her back was facing the door at the back of the house. If I wasn't that adept on her features I would not know that it was her.

I slowed my footsteps when I was near her. I suddenly panicked not knowing how to start the conversation I have been longing to have with her for the longest time possible.

I shoved my hands in the pocket of my pants, and lowered my head, drawing in buckets and buckets of air.

She must have noticed me coming because she did not let out a sign of surprise when I was finally standing right next to her. I copied her, looking at the arbor acquainting myself with every sound her breath make and her lips as she opened and closed them several times.

I caught sight of her hands clasped together on top of the backrest of the bench. I was so tempted to snake my hands towards them, but my growing discomfort of the silence between us held me to my place afraid that I might just drive her away if I worked it up too much.

"Why?"

I was busy thinking of the words I could say to begin our conversation, when I heard an almost inaudible mumble escaped her lips.

At first I thought I was just thinking loudly, I darted my eyes on her face as I hastily turned my head towards her, confuse if she really talked.

But she was still looking at the altar with an open mouth where she was obviously breathing hard, and there was something moving down her cheeks that glistened from the very low amount of light that decorated the garden.

She was crying again.

_Fuck me._

I could feel the tightening of my chest, I began to swallow frantically. I moved away from her toward the front of the bench where her purse was laid.

"Please…" I muttered looking at her and then in the bench, pleading her through my eyes to come and sit with me.

She looked at me with those sad eyes for a moment before she made her way to sit.

She sat still facing the altar while I braved facing her directly resting the side of my leg in the bench and my arm clasped together on top of it.

I don't know how to start.

_No Edward. This is no time for you to chicken out. Not again._

"Bella…I…I am so sorry." My voice came out shaking.

"I would not reason anymore, just please…forgive me."

"You left me rotting." She said, her voice was distorted from her cry.

I could feel every constricted beat of my heart from the sight of the gushing tears in her cheeks.

"You…you left me with no reason at all…I thought…" She sobbed as she pulled down her head covering her face with her hands.

I couldn't take this anymore. I grabbed her and enclosed her to my tight hug, the one thing I have been dying to do since I saw her yesterday.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…Bella….Honey…I'm sorry…" I kept on saying on top of her head.

I could feel her trying to break away from my tight hug, but I tightened my grasp of her even more.

"I love you…I love you…I love you…Bella…I love you." I couldn't control myself, my emotions, and my tears.

"I hate you." She said harshly as she pushed me with all her might, making her slid from her seat.

"Bella…Please…" I tried to grab her hand and I knelt down the grass to be able to hold it.

But she kept on pushing me away making me fall several times in the grass. I did not lose my hope and tried once more to grab her, this time as she was in the armrest of the bench already, I was able to hold her in place, holding her knees while I was in the grass in a so much humiliating position. But I did not care if someone will see me, I don't want to care anymore if I humiliate myself. This is one thing I wanted to do for along time, pleading Bella, to forgive me…and accept me back.

"I love you." I said with my tear-filled eyes glued on hers.

"No…you don't." She answered with fire in her voice.

"You don't love me, you never did…"

"No…no…no…I love you Bella."

We were speaking at the same time.

She stopped talking. I stopped talking. I did not remove my eyes on her as she changed her expression.

"Why did you leave me? Why did you let all these happen to me?" I could see her pressing her jaws together. Her eyes were once again shedding tears but her face remained rigid.

"I…I went through a lot because…because you left me Edward…"

"And now…and now you're here…telling me you love me?"

"I do…I love you Bella…I'm here…I'm here, I want you back."

_Ouch!_

_Ouch!_

_Ouch!_

I thought I could hear my mind shouting as a series of slap in both my cheeks and in my mouth landed in my face.

She grabbed my hair and began tugging it roughly back and forth banging my head to her knees.

"I hate you…I hate you!" She cried with impede sound.

I cried too, not from the pain that she gave me from tugging and banging but from the anguish that washed me seeing her baring her broken heart.

I held her wrists forcibly, until she let go of my hair. She put her hands again on her face to cover it.

I sat beside her with my elbows on my knees looking at the grass as my hands dangle between my opened legs.

"I know it was weak of me to…to run away…to just leave you behind." I started talking.

And I know, I shouldn't be talking of some of the things I have in my mind, but after 10 years of waiting to see her again, I wanted her to know how much I still love her, and the reason why I opted to turn my back on her.

"I didn't know what else to do."

"I love you so much. I have never felt like this before…and my love for you hasn't change a bit."

"I thought I could not ever turn my back on you…but…I could have been brave…to fight for our love…"

"You are worth fighting for Bella. I would give my life for you, as many times as I need to."

"I'd despise anyone, I could turn my back on my parents, to hell with my future, to hell with my whole life as long as I am with you."

"But Charlie…"

**BELLA**

"But Charlie…"

My head snapped from the comfort of my hands when I heard him say my father's name. I drew air before I shot a look at Edward's figure crouching on his seat.

"He talked to me that day in the hospital…" He pulled his head lower putting his hand together on top of his bowed head like he's squeezing his brain of the memory he was hiding inside.

"He pleaded me to listen to what my mother wanted for me…for us."

"He pleaded…Bella." He turn his head up and met my eyes.

"Your father loves you…" He short stopped probably reading the horror painted in my face.

"Don't be mad at Charlie…He loves you, and he hated talking to me to follow what my mother asked of me, to leave town…to leave you."

I could feel warm tears started to crawl in my cheeks again.

"My mom…begged Charlie to talk to me, against his will, explaining to me, that my mother wanted me to live…peacefully." He huffed.

"I asked him...why would he let me break your heart…you know what he said? I will be breaking your heart anyway, because what ever happens, my mother will keep me away, if she needed to strangle me she will."

"I have been waiting for my promotion…I have been working in this rotten station all my life, and now that I am almost within reach of the position I've been wishing to have, I wouldn't want any trouble coming from your mother…That was almost exactly the words your father said to me Bella…that made me decide to leave."

I felt I was loudly breathing through my mouth. This yoga calming technique seemed to not to work on me.

"I respect your father so much Bella. He did not ask me to leave you just because he wanted his job. It was because he understood…whatever my mother had said when she begged him…"

I felt my blood surged up in my head. I was furious…I don't know who I was so angry about…Charlie for being an accomplice in breaking my heart…He could have explained it to me…but he did nothing but to silenced his mouth…Was I angry of Edward's mother?...I have been, I probably still am…No doubt…But I was feeling angry of myself…believing all this time that I was left by Edward just because he wasn't brave enough to stand for us…yes, he wasn't brave enough…but he was only…considering…me…my family.

"Our parents…" I heard Edward said but I quickly grabbed my purse and began running towards the side of the house aiming for the exit.

I will just have to explain to Alice why I went home without talking to her.

"Bella…" I heard Edward's jumpy voice running after me.

He grabbed my hand and enclosed it with his hand into a fist. I balled my hand into a fist afraid to feel his palm on mine, but he was so much stronger than me unknotting my fingers with his.

I tried to pull my hand away from his as we walked in the side of the tent aware of the people still enjoying the party, but he tightened his grip on my hand, stiffening it between us.

I could feel my heart panting from running, from lack of air, from the pain of what I just learned and from the anguish that again I get to hold the one person I couldn't have forever.

He tugged me to the door of a black Mercedes parked a couple of feet away from the Brandon's driveway.

"Get in." He commanded with a guttural voice when he opened the door.

I climbed inside feeling every beat my heart made.

He started driving away from the Brandon's block. I was looking straightly on the road but my head wasn't registering what my eyes could see. My arms where hugging my torso, forcibly calming myself.

I was able to push my tears back with every deep breath that I made. I could see him in my peripheral vision, stiffly sitting in the driver's seat with his eyes directly focused on the road ahead of us.

When we finally stopped, he turned off the engine. He slouched on his seat and gripped the steering wheel. I scoured my eyes outside to acquaint myself of the place where we stopped.

Memories suddenly gushed washing me my composure; I began sobbing as I realized we were under a tree overlooking the old bridge, where all of this pain started.

I could hear his quiet sobs drowned by my every attempt to stop myself from whimpering.

"I love you Bella…I never stopped loving you." I heard him whispering with his shaky voice.

"I couldn't…live…without you. I…I was dead, without you." I could see his shoulders trembling from his weeps.

"I want to have you back…" His voice faltered.

"Please…" He faced me, and I was caught off guard seeing his face drenched in tears.

My heart sank and my arms twitched urging me to let go…of my inhibitions.

_God…I still love him._

I moved my body towards him, balking, but he caught me with my hesitation and hastily grabbed me with his arm forcibly pulling me close to him.

He cried loudly in my ears as he enclosed me tightly with his embrace with no sign of ever letting go.

"I love you Bella…I love you…Honey…I love you." He kept on chanting in my ears.

I found my arms tightening its grasp on his back. I could feel every breath that Edward let go from his nose and the warm air coming from his mouth softly drowning my apprehensions.

I felt his soft lips suddenly on my neck, pecking soft kisses on it. He moved his lips towards my face and as his hand clasps my nape pulling my head away from his shoulder, he found my lips and pressed his as hard as he could.

I felt my body trembled and my tears hurried fell on my cheeks. I snaked my fingers in to his hair tugging them put pushing his head to my face.

I found myself shuddering from confusion that clouded my mind. I opened my lips to welcome his ardent kisses.

"I love you Bella…" He chanted between our entwined lips.

I couldn't answer, I know exactly how I feel at the very moment, but my mind was shouting confusion.

He pulled my tongue with his, eagerly trying to play tug. I whimpered with the ecstasy that the reunion of our lips was giving me, but my eyes won't stop leaking tears from different scenes of the past that decided to flood my already confused brain.

"I love you…I'm yours." He whispered inside my mouth.

His hand that was resting in my back pulled me by my armpit putting me on top of him. I put my hands on his jaws, and began savoring his every kiss with my eyes closed.

His kiss became hungrier and now eliciting soft moans coming from both of our lips.

"Bella…" He moaned my name.

I ghosted my hands to his neck down to his suit pulling the shoulders down. He helped me pull his suit out of his body while his tongue was licking and softly biting my neck and my ears.

I was deliriously lustful from every warm feel that Edward's tongue gave my skin; I could feel his growing manhood on my soft fabric gown.

I opened the button of his polo pulling the tie with one swift motion, a trick I have already mastered.

I let my hands feel his chest running my hands in whole of his abdomen and his back. I missed the feel of his warm body with tickles from soft hair wandering in his abdomen down to his…

My hand was already twitching to open his buckle even though my mind was protesting.

_I needed this. I need to feel this…Please. _My heart was trying to argue with my mind.

Edward pulled my gown up and started rubbing his hands on both my legs straddling his torso. I felt his hands went up my butt and then down again in my thigh while his lips are groaning inside my mouth once again chanting my name.

I was drowning from the overflowing lust and the need to re-validate the feelings that I have for him that I have been hiding in the depths of my heart for a long time.

Finally, I found the courage to open the buckle of his pants, as he slowly pulled the black g-string I was wearing until it was stranded in my knees. He eased up so he could help me pull down his pants.

He cupped my face on both his hands looking in my eyes "I love you…I'm yours…you're mine." he firmly said and then slowly glided his cock inside my obviously eagerly waiting pussy.

I felt his body trembled as he pulled and then shove it inside again, looking absorbed in my eyes that are now gagging tears relentlessly.

I wanted to shout how much I love him…how much I missed him and how I have been waiting to see and make love with him again.

But I couldn't understand which part of me should win.

His body felt trembling when he let go of my face and he put his arms enclosing me helping my body move up and down to welcome every thrust he made.

I felt the seat reclined and then he pulled his cock out my pussy but he did not let go of his embrace on me. He effortlessly pulled my body with him at the spacious back of the car putting me down in my back.

He ran his hand at my back finding the zipper of my dress, I so wanted to tell him it wasn't there but my mouth was busy playing hard tug with his mouth.

He gave up and just pulled the shoulders of my gown to let go of my boobs, and then he pulled his lips from my mouth and started licking its way down to my boobs. He hungrily sucked my nipple while his hand was palming my other breast.

I trashed my head back, pressing my eyes closed. I was feeling euphoric…happy and I wanted to mind kick the guilt feeling I was having.

His other hand found the underwear stranded in my legs and he hastily pulled it down and then I felt him align his cock once again in my throbbing pussy.

I heard him groan as his cock made its way gliding inside me. I couldn't help it.

"Edward." I called his name. And then I bit my lip.

And suddenly his lips are in my ears.

And with every force and rhythm his trusts made, he softly moaned my name in my ears.

"I love you Bella."

"I want you back…I need you back…"

---------------------------------------------------------------

A/N

Lemon juice anyone?

Wraghhhhh!

Your violent reactions...are so f*cking welcome! +)

xoxo


	36. I lost a string

A/N

My heart was seriously torn between. between.

We needed to tell the whole story, so...don't kill me for posting this.

I have a confession to make.

I was almost done with the story, but reading your comments...made me...go a different way.

You can kill me later, just don't f*cking hate me. I lurve complications...if it wasn't on me. =)

Kill me with your best comments...

Thank you wonderfuls.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 36

**BELLA**

I heard every word that Edward said as we consumed the love that we obviously still have for each other. When it finally finished I found myself trembling from weeping on top of his chest while he nuzzled my hair and draw circles with his fingers in my shoulder.

I was confused and afraid that I was still madly in love with him.

"I finally have found you, hate me all you want…but I am not going to let go of you again." He whispered on top of my head.

"I love you Bella, your memories have kept me alive all these years." I closed my eyes letting the tears flow from my eyes down to trail in Edward's chest. My hand was pressing the beads of the dog tag I once gave him.

I couldn't believe I just made love with…the person I have been longing to see for a long time. I couldn't believe I was actually lying naked on top of…the one person I couldn't have.

He was silent when he drove me home. He kept on sighing probably worried of my silent weeping that was shown obviously by my trembling shoulders.

He tried to pull my hand to keep it with his hand, but I fisted it and pulled it away from his reach.

"Bella…" He said guttural when we were parked in front of our house.

He was breathing loudly, balking too many times from saying something, when I noticed that Charlie was peeking in the curtain of our living room.

I pulled my hands together massaging my palms alternately of my thumbs while I desperately looked for words that I could say to him. But I could not find anything to say.

I miss you? Of course he knew I missed him, my every bite in his chest would tell it.

I'm glad I saw you again? My face glistening from tears says otherwise.

I love you? I still love you? And why would I say that? Is it really love that I feel for him, or was I just overwhelmed with his presence against my present marital problems.

I am confused.

I heaved a sigh to calm my nerves; I don't want to cry again. Charlie will get suspicious.

_Argh…Charlie._

I looked at Edward briefly; he was still staring at me and my frantically fidgeting thumbs.

I blinked my eyes several times waiting for me to catch my voice, but his gaze overpowered my effort to calm myself and I started hyperventilating again.

I softly opened the door of the car, letting my eyes trace the expression of his face before I turned to exit.

I was hugging myself on my way to knock in the house.

Charlie and Sue were waiting for me in the living room. I wanted to rant on Charlie for what he had kept from me for years, but his old happy face leaning on Sue's shoulder made me bit my tongue.

He was happy with what happened to his life. And I bet he was happy with what I have chosen too; of course he didn't know what happened to me and James.

But what good will it give blaming someone else for everything that has fallen out of place in your life.

Sure, Charlie must have been the greatest factor for Edward's decision to leave town. But whatever drove my father to do it, I am sure he didn't mean to hurt me, that's why he was feeling so miserable that afternoon I caught him moping in this living room.

He got hurt too when he saw what it have brought me, but as Edward said, Charlie doesn't want any trouble coming from his parents, and knowing Mrs. Cullen, she won't stop, after what happened that Edward almost died.

"Did you have fun?" Charlie said with a faint smile, putting his head up from leaning at Sue's shoulder.

I let out an audible sigh.

"Bella…" My father was trying to make a discussion.

"Dad…Please." I bowed my head looking at my hands resting in the top of the backrest of the couch.

"I am not really in the mood to talk about it." I finished my statement looking directly to him and then to Sue.

Sue gave me a faint smile.

"I don't want you to get hurt." He croaked. He seemed to be holding himself from crying.

I pressed my eyes and my jaws.

"I am tired of hurting Dad…" I muttered, exhaling the build up of emotions in my chest.

"I'm sorry…I…I want to go to bed." I glanced at the both them briefly and turned around to climb up my room.

I pulled the towel hanging in the backrest of the old computer table and went to the bathroom to clean and get change.

My mind was feeling numb from too much working up. I don't know which one to think first.

I pulled down the zipper of my long gown from the left side of my body remembering that Edward failed to find it awhile ago and let the soft fabric glide down my body. And I just realized I was naked, I left my black g-string underwear inside the black Mercedes with black leather seats. Great.

I grumbled rolling my eyes slapping myself mentally.

_You were just starting and you're already in big trouble.  
_

I hopped inside the little bathtub and sat in the corner as I let the warm water fall on me like the way the rain does. I want to drown…I don't want to think of anything else.

I was feeling unfair.

Unfair to every one that matters to me.

James. Yeah he cheated, and probably was still cheating, but fooling around to get even was unfair for him, in a way. Where ever he might be, how ever long it took him, he chose to follow his footsteps back home every time. Why don't I just walk away, why was I trying to keep him with me.

Because of Anthony. And I was monumentally being unfair to my son. I slept with the man I love, and it wasn't his father. What would this cause him?

I was being unfair to Edward. I do not have anything to offer him. I couldn't leave James, for reasons more important than ego, family name, more important than myself…My son. I still love him, I could feel it in my heart, but I couldn't love him, I must not. And now, I just bared what I still feel for him, I could have just slapped him; shoved him away and then turn my back on him, in that way he could go on with his life thinking he never had anything to come back on me.

But I just messed with his emotions. And now he promised not to let me go. He was asking for something I am not ready to give, I am not sure if I wanted to give.

And I was being unfair to myself. I crawled half dead from every suffering I had. I wasn't brought up to be weak and I always found my inner strength to get up and move on. But when would I ever have the chance to enjoy something that I really wanted. Edward was something…someone I could never have after all.

What choice do I have that no one will get hurt in the end? Does it ever happen that you choose something and everybody ends up happy?

**EDWARD**

I was happy, elated even, that I knew she still loves me. She's made love with me; and every kiss she gave; every soft moan she made; the feel of her soft touch and her fierce nails and even every bite she made in were obvious signs she still feels the same way.

I just woke up, having been unable to go to bed early last night. After I drove Bella to her house, I drove back and forth the town, keeping my head busy, replaying over and over again making love with her.

I sat myself on top of my bed, looking at the bite marks that are still visibly red and bumped spread across my bare chest, my arms and my shoulders.

"You missed me I know…" I murmured chuckling at my imagination.

I pulled my legs up inside the comforter and put my elbows on top of my propped up knees as I tried to massage away the remembrance of my sleep.

"I needed to see her again." I whispered.

I darted my eyes on my tux lying helplessly on the carpet beside my bed. I caught sight of the black pants that has white stains near the zipper. I groaned as tingles climbed up my spine.

"_As always." _I thought rolling my eyes remembering that it always happen to my jeans whenever I make love with her.

Just then I remembered about her things she left inside my father's car. I could have neglected leaving her _ugghh _ soft black lingerie that looked like a piece of posh handkerchief cut into wrong dimensions, if not for the glisten the brown purse that was on the carpet of the car made as it was tentatively lit by the door light when I was about to go down.

Her fuckingly sexy black lace panty vanished in Carlisle's black leather seats that I never noticed it was sitting right on my seat.

I could have been in a heap of trouble. _Sex in the car. Sex in the car with a married woman…that I still love. _My mind involuntarily expelled.

I hurriedly went down the bed and picked the pants in the floor maniacally pulling the right pocket for the--what seemed to me as a treasure black lingerie, black lacy g-strings. _Ugh!_

I hid them in my right hand unsurprised that it fit snugly inside my fist; I occasionally put them near my nose and lips trying to remember how it felt. I made my way on the other side of my bed picking Bella's purse that I have put down this morning on top of the couch near the door leading to the balcony.

I was contemplating on opening the purse as I plumped in the edge of the bed. I felt like a total scary stalker digging on whatever I could about her. But after much arguing with my brain, my urge to open her purse won.

I didn't get her number after all, or her address. What if she went home already, how would I know where to find her?

_Seriously Edward, you'll get Bella into trouble._

_I know. But I couldn't just let her go._

Talking brain.

I slowly opened the snap of her purse. The smell of her perfume broke free when I turned the flap open.

"Women…" I chuckled as I began rummaging in the not so big purse but surprisingly have a large enough storage for…

"Crème gloss lumiere… hmmm. Chanel. Poudre douche. Chanel. Joues contraste. Chanel. Why all Chanel?"

I murmured in amusement of the numerous lady paraphernalia stashed neatly inside her purse.

I picked the small bottle that looked like a perfume, and spritzed it in my hand trashing my head back as the scent captivated my senses.

"YSL Elle." Brilliant. Fucking mouthwatering. I mental note the name of the perfume, remembering to find it in a perfume store. I needed her scent to linger in my head.

I rolled my eyes to myself sounding so fucking idiotic. It's like high school times again. I never felt like this with anybody else since Bella.

I sighed in defeat finding nothing of utmost important to my predicament inside her purse. I pressed on the side to feel if there were other pockets inside and I almost broke my face with the large grin my lips made when I felt a bulk in one of the side of the purse.

I excitedly opened it and found an iPhone tucked in the sleeves of the pocket. She has always been that careful of her things.

I pulled it out and held it with both of my hands putting it closer to my heart as I closed my eyes to pretend to say a little prayer of repent.

"How do you operate this piece of shit?" I grumbled; pissed that I couldn't seem to unlock the screen.

I put it on top of my bed shooting daggers on it as I put my left hand in my armpit and my right hand in my face brushing it frantically.

"Don't be such a fucking tease. Please. I need you to help me." I was silently laughing to myself of how insane I sounded.

I was afraid to just do tricks on her phone. Opening her purse was invasion enough but if I wreck her phone and I probably would given the intimidating features it has, she would be mad at me, probably not for the wrecking part but for stealing her privacy. For all I know she has pictures there…of her husband…fuckkkkk!

My anxiety was growing, I scratched my neck, my head my face and everything that felt itchy squeezing my mind of possible way to even just open the screen.

The fucking phone doesn't have a number pad. Shoot. It would have been helpful if she's a Blackberry person, but Apple…iPhone? Cool but…looked so, fucking complicated.

I put my face near the phone, trying to intimidate it with my stares, I was actually thinking of cursing it or talking to it softly it might just open.

"I am a heart surgeon; I do not want to experiment on you." I said softly chuckling on my little comic.

I was overacting, when I saw the only button visible, I half closed my eyes as I pressed it.

"Hmmm." My curiosity sparked. "Easy."

I pressed it again until I found out how to work it out. My heart was racing like a horse again as the menu popped glaring at me.

"No." I firmly said when my finger twitched wanting to press the icon that said photos. I could not take it. I will die right now.

I have no idea how does this thing work so after too much deliberation with a lot of unlocking the screen, I finally resolved on just dialing my own number so her number would register.

I wore a smug in my face when her number finally registered in my phone. I was smiling triumphantly silently mocking the iPhone. _I won. Bleah!_

I carefully put it back to the pocket with a silent sorry in my mind, and then I caught sight of a tiny rectangle thing also tucked inside. I glided my thumb and forefinger to reach the thing and found a SIM card.

My forehead furrowed in puzzle of why she is carrying two SIM cards.

"Fuck." I suddenly blurted out. I could have gotten the wrong number.

I decided to put the SIM card in my phone maybe I could figure how to look for whatever is the number registered for it. I was impatiently rocking my legs up and down while waiting for my phone to finally boot.

I worked my way to the numbers and noticed my name registered in it.

"HonEdward." I muttered.

I snorted. This was Bella's old SIM card! Even my mind was exclaiming. I browse on the numbers to confirm my theory. And then I braved looking at the pictures that was saved in it.

_That is what you get for being so sneaky._

My mind teased me, as the series of tears began falling in my cheeks. These are pictures of us, the happy us. My heart suddenly slowed its pace. I need air.

I strode to the door leading out my little balcony and started nervously panting for breaths.

If Emmett would see me like this, I'll surely get a kick in the ass again. _Fucking cry baby._

When I finally got hold of myself, I sat on the floor of the balcony and started copying the pictures to my phone.

I suddenly felt the urge to fix myself and shower.

I needed to see her again.

---

I was jerking the steering wheel up and down, trying to calm myself by hurting something.

I was parked in front of the Swan's house for nearly half an hour already, but I couldn't get the kick to rise up and get through what I wanted to do.

Charlie's here. I could see his police car. "Shit."

"Anthony." I mumbled, and hurriedly exited the car, with a smile playing in my lips knowing I already have an alibi.

Sue opened the door after ringing the door bell the second time.

"Edward…" She smiled at me surprised of my presence.

She opened the door widely and motioned for me to get inside.

"Edward's here." She muttered with an excited voice directing her face towards the kitchen.

I suddenly felt nauseous. This reconnection thing was driving my body crazy.

_Was it Bella in the kitchen? _My mind was feeling nauseated too.

Charlie emerged from the kitchen with little Anthony clinging in his side like a little monkey. He was holding a bar of chocolate in his left hand while his right arm was holding Charlie's neck.

"Oh hey Edward." Charlie greeted me with an enthusiastic voice. He motioned for me to sit, as he sank on the other side of the couch with Anthony in his lap.

"Hi, Mr. Edward!" Anthony's chirping voice was a melody to my ears.

He jumped from Charlie's lap and transferred to mine. At first I was caught off-guard by his warming-up but as his face came near mine and I caught a glimpse of everything so Bella, I could not help feel delighted.

"Where is your pi-aano." He said with his tiny voice and his big wide eyes.

"It was heavy; I could not carry it here. You need to go to my house." I said my shoulders trembling from my chuckle as my hand smoothened his hair away from his forehead.

"Can I go to his house Grampa?" He twisted his back looking back at Charlie and Sue who were all smiles, awed.

"Why you have to ask your mother." Charlie said quirking his eyebrow on me.

I looked at Charlie, and probably my eyes could tell what I wanted to say.

"She went out." He curtly said, pursing his lips, but his eyes are still on mine.

"Alice." I muttered nodding my head to imply what I thought.

"I don't know. Maybe not. Alice came over this morning; they talked long already the whole morning." He said smoothing the crease in his pants.

I could feel there was a tension in the air. I was looking at his sudden serious face, trying to decipher what he must be wanting to tell me, when I felt Anthony's little hand pulled out the necklace that was tucked inside my black t-shirt.

I looked at him with a smile in my face as he turned the necklace up and down clanging the little beads and the tags together. Thankfully I was holding his back; because he suddenly pulled back clutching the tags in his little fingers showing it to me.

"What does this says?" He put the tags near my eyes too close for me to read. But I need not be in a reading distance to know what was written in the dog tags. _I belong to Bella,_ I thought. I earnestly wanted to tell him what was written but, I know he would not understand.

"Umm…That was the name of the person who gave me this." I softly said brushing my forehead in his and then throwing a wry smile on Charlie and Sue's bewildered faces.

"Come on little ask me all you want. I'd get you water. Your Grampa will get into trouble with your Mom for that choco." Sue hastily moved to get Anthony from my lap and walked animatedly to the kitchen.

I winked at Anthony who was still eating a melted chocolate.

"You're uhm…covered in chocolate." Charlie chuckled looking at my black t-shirt that was stained by the chocolate from Anthony's hands.

I tried to wipe it out but it just worsened so I just shrugged silently laughing. _Kids. Fucking annoying sweet funny little weirdos. _That, struck a chord_._

Charlie started asking me of how I have been the last ten years. I was actually enjoying relaying him my not so exciting life without Bella. I mostly shared him all the achievements I made in studying and he was so polite in giving awed face from time to time.

But when I unintentionally uttered something that dated back when I left Forks, his face suddenly turned sullen. He pulled his head down looking on his hand that was playing the fabric of his worn out jeans.

"I am sorry Edward." He mumbled with his base voice.

I could not look at him. Charlie, even if we shared lots of laugh years ago whenever I stayed in this house, was a figure of authority to me, even now, even after all that has happened.

I rested my elbows on my knees and started raking my hair. I wanted him to continue whatever he wanted to say but I don't want him to feel self-conscious from my stare.

"I thought everything will just be fine…but I was wrong."

"Well I could see that…you've been successful…and she's been successful too."

"But I never thought I could be such a big reason with her…ummm, fall. I thought I'd die with what I saw happened to her."

I could feel warm air creeping in my face and my eyes, so I opened my mouth and began breathing through it hoping helplessly to keep my tears from falling.

Awkward long pause. And then he cleared his throat.

"I know everything had worked out fine, I just…I just wanted you to know…both of you, that I was really sorry for putting you into so much suffering."

I found myself clearing my throat too, and then turned my face to look at him, but I did not say a word, instead I nodded with a tight smile.

He blinked his eyes off of the anxiety he felt, and then managed to smile.

"So…Are you moving back here? We needed a surgeon, I think." He asked with a sheepish smile.

"Oh…. I have a clinic in Boston." I politely replied.

It was late in the afternoon when I finally said good bye to Charlie. Anthony fell asleep on Sue's arms while we talk nonsense things in his living room. Part of me was enjoying the conversation but a greater part of me was itching for the conversation to finish. I have to find Bella.

I almost galloped to get to the car. It was almost four in the afternoon, and if I don't see Bella now, I'll lose her in the dark of the night.

_Where are you? _I thought as I looked in my rear view mirror furrowing my brows as I try to juice my brain of the possible place she could be.


	37. Complications coloring my life

A/N

Resolution. Probably. Probably Not.

Reactions, how much violent, are so welcome. Loved them.

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 37

**BELLA**

"_Bella! I am not going away until you open your door!"_

"_Be—llaa!"_

_I startled from my deep sleep with Alice's loud banging of my door and her high pitched voice._

"_Ugh…Alice…" I sat on top of my bed raking my super tangled hair. I pressed my eyes shut hard when I suddenly felt a throb in my temple._

_Great! I thought. I didn't drink much last night, did I?_

"_Be—ll-aaa!" Alice squawked._

"_What…are you trying to…avoid me?" She yelled again and laughed on the last part of her words._

_I smiled at Alice's bitchy words._

_10 Am. The little clock in the bedside table flickered in red. I turned my back around and quirked my brows when I did not find Anthony who usually was buried under the comforter._

_He must have gotten up early and went with Charlie again in the station._

_I felt a sting in my heart when I suddenly remember what I have done last night, in that cozy black Mercedes. What could this mean to Anthony?_

"_Bella!" Alice yelled again and knocked the door._

_I startled again from my deep thoughts and remember Alice was just right outside._

_I vehemently shook my head wearing a smile as I rose up to get the door._

"_What…are you so hysterical about?" I said hiding my smile at her shocked face from the sudden opening of the door._

"_Why are you still in bed?" She looked at me with a mocking smile as she shoved my arm that still held the edge of the door._

_She let herself inside my room making her way on top of my unmade bed._

"_You just woke up?" She said quirking an eyebrow on the plump of comforter draping the bed._

"_You slept late last night…?" She wiggled her voice together with a naughty smile._

_I was still standing right at the door, and as she made her naughty remarks I suddenly felt conscious that someone might hear her._

_I staggered as I hastily closed the door and paced to where she was sitting, standing right in front of her._

"_What are you talking about?" I said trying to intimidate her and dispel whatever she was thinking._

"_And what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in some kind of honeymoon or something?" _

"_Oh yeah…We already had last night…We'll continue it later..." She playfully bit her finger to convey how kinky they've been._

_I grimaced at her._

"_You just disappear last night? Where have you been? Were you with Edward?" She gawked her eyes on me._

_I pulled a chair and sat in front of her, playing my feet in the edge of the bed._

_I wanted to deny, but while my mind was just starting to collect the words to say, apparently my face already have given out the answer._

"_No…" Her eyes were lit from excitement._

_I wanted to slap her face._

"_What are you talking about?" I managed to mumble with a tugged up lips. I am not really good at this lying thing._

"_Bella…I haven't seen you for 10 years but it doesn't mean I forgot you. Come on…What happened?" She insisted slapping my leg frantically quaking beside her._

_I groaned in defeat, arranged my features and put on a serious face. Her face was still beaming, yearning for whatever I wanted to share with her._

"_You know I haven't let you pay for not telling me he's coming." I pressed my lips together giving her a vicious look but smiling after ward._

_I stood up and tugged her hand._

"_Let's have a coffee."_

_We exchanged look when we found Charlie and Sue watching cartoons in the living room._

"_Hi, Anthony!" Alice chirped and tousled Anthony's hair on our way to the kitchen to get coffee._

_We settled outside at the backyard away from them._

_At first we were just sitting, enjoying our coffee. I couldn't find my voice. I was trying to remember the memories I have in the backyard, pressing my eyes shut many times trying to grab hold of the seemingly blurred memory._

_I could hear my self let out breaths many times. But Alice, she's not Alice the-little-annoying-persistent-girl when she knew that she needed to be serious. She was just sitting there next to me, waiting for me to start talking._

"_I'm married Alice, and I have a kid. I don't want to lose my kid just because I slept with someone else." I said straight forward._

_I heard her clucked her mouth and even though I wasn't looking at her, I could imagine her dumbfounded, with her mouth wide open._

_I looked at her with sad eyes, trying to search for any opinion she could give. And I was right with my imagination. Mouth wide open._

"_You…?"_

_I suddenly felt conscious. I put down my head again, and I could feel something burning in my face, if it was my cheeks from humiliation or my eyes from misery, I have no idea._

_I felt her touched my shoulder but pulled her hand back just in time as I chanced to look at her._

"_I don't know…" She said looking at her feet._

"_I have no reason to give why I did it, Alice…I just…it just happened, when I saw him…I was feeling…" I couldn't find the right words to say._

"_I guess I didn't know…he still has that effect on me."_

"_I missed him terribly Alice."_

_I could see Alice in my periphery still looking at her shoes but nodding her head in seemingly approval of my predicament._

"_I…I don't know how I feel. I know it's wrong…but…last night, it just felt right, like that, was what I was looking for for a long time."_

"_I felt happy for a while but…I just felt guilty that I…put my own happiness before thinking of others who will get hurt."_

_Alice looked at me finally with her sad eyes._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't know...you…I thought it will be just fine to have you guys see each other again after a long time…I didn't know, my little antic will get you into trouble." She blurted out with an ashamed expression._

_I chuckled._

"_It wasn't your fault. And the only thing I was holding you responsible is…why did you not tell me he's coming?" I spat her shoulder._

_Her face lit up with the sudden change of the ambiance of our conversation._

"_I didn't know if Jasper would be able to get him that time I spoke to you, and I thought it would be best if you'll both be surprised."_

"_Yeah…Now we're surprised." I snorted._

"_Did you know what happened to us?" I looked at her in he eyes._

"_Umm…my mom could have told me some." She answered glancing up the sky to probably hide from my stare._

_I started telling her the story of what I could recall in my memory. I found myself struggling to remember some of the details. It's amazing how my mind was able to preserve only the things I'd like to remember._

_Alice's face changed expression like every other minute, seriously grasping every information and every feeling accompanying the situation._

_I was almost in the brink of crying when I finished telling the story. I have been heaving for breaths so I would be able to continue talking, as I feel every throb the wound in my heart made with every memory I was trying to dig._

"_And now here I am confusing myself with what clearly appeared as just a product of an unfinished love affair. I don't know Alice." I finished my story shaking my head in denial of what was evident._

"_Did he say anything?" She rubbed my arm with the back of her hand._

_And then I lost my self-control._

_My eyes started leaking tears sprinting down my cheeks._

"_He still loves me." _

"_I am so confused." _

_She started rubbing me comforts in my back._

"_Give yourself a time to think Bella. Don't just do something stupid without pondering." She said in a hush voice._

_I found a reason to laugh at what she said. Here she is telling me not to make rash decision without thinking, while her, she made that decision years ago and they ended up together. Why does something which felt right have to be really wrong._

"_I could try what you did…" I sniffled looking at her teasingly._

"_Argh...I'd rather you don't." She spat my idea harshly._

_She rolled her eyes when she saw me still looking at her obviously still playing the thought in my mind._

"_Bella…it wasn't a picnic, I'm telling you. Those things that you said last night in the party, about all sorts of storms, were pretty much subtly saying it." She said shaking her head._

_I doubt it Alice. My head involuntarily said. What does she know about suffering. What does she know about my suffering, hers was nothing compared to mine._

"_If my brother wasn't a jerk, I could have spared myself a lot of pain." She said with a hard face._

"_Yeah…What's the deal with him anyway?" I snorted trying to make her feel light._

We have spent almost the entire day telling the back stories of our life. She shared that her brother was some kind of a selfish wreck that he didn't want any man have Alice. He felt robbed when he knew that his sister was in love with someone.

I didn't actually understand why her brother acted that way. She was trying to make me understand the lunacy of how her brother became like such, citing reasons of rebellion from their parents, expelled from class, and everything. All I understood was, her brother acted in impulse, went overboard with his over protection. But still, because damage has been done, the feud between their families has made a huge gap in her relationship with Jasper, which was why they decided to take matters into their own hands.

_That is nothing. _I thought.

I was busy playing with the sand in my feet, recollecting what we have talked about this morning in my house. Alice wanted to stay longer but, after a long and almost tearful goodbyes and a promise for a visit, she left for their honeymoon flight.

I was kind of feeling sad also that I got to talk to her for only a few hours. We have 10 years of time away from each other and we pretty much wrapped it up in just half a day.

I wasn't even able to tell her, the real reason why I was feeling uber confused with what was happening to me right now.

I stood up from slumping at the dry sand and started walking towards the hill of big rocks.

I have been trying to dissolve the feeling of guilt since I arrived here in the beach an hour ago. I got tired of driving around the town, and I thought the soothing splashes of waves in the big rocks could help me clear my head.

I am in a deep shit.

I am still in love with Edward, but I couldn't really explain why. It's like you have something in your head and how ever hard you try and understood it, you just can't. It's like whenever you're near to understanding it, it all but pop like million bubbles.

_Ugh…This is very frustrating._

I know I feel something for him, but could it really be love or was I just missing him. Or is this a result of a broken heart from James that now I felt like all mighty and loved and pretty just because I learned that Edward still loves me?

I know I was wrong, I know this isn't right. But it felt right to me. Edward's arms is where I always belong. I have been hiding him inside my heart, I knew I have never let go of my feelings for him.

I have definitely picked up something to bang my head of. I am very confused.

I bent down to pick up a shell, I suddenly felt uneasy when I heard a sound like a crackling of a twig. I realized it was starting to get dark. My car was parked a few walks away, and even if I ran, darkness would still hit me first before I get there.

I turned around frightened, feeling my heart erratically beating.

"I thought I find you here."

**EDWARD**

Her face was seriously ghost white from alarm.

I have been driving the whole time desperately looking for her in every possible place she could be, but I found the gazebo, the church, the plaza and the marina empty. I chanced to check her with the Brandons but Alice's mom said Jasper and Alice already flew out of the country already for their honeymoon.

I have been contemplating to go straight here in the beach, after all this is also one place she'd love to visit, but knowing Bella, she won't dare to come here alone even if she's driving.

I felt a little hope when I arrived in the corner of the now bared little forest and saw a blue Chevrolet car parked. It could be her, she drove a Chevy truck years ago, her father must be some Chevrolet collector.

She turned around hastily when she realized it was me and started walking towards the rocky part of the beach.

I just followed silently.

"Why are you here?" She said with a hint of irritation.

"I was looking for you." I chuckled.

I know nothing seemed to be amusing but I thought I could make our conversation a little light, for a change. I was feeling affected already with my overflowing emotions, I wanted to embrace her and kiss her senseless just to show how much I have been missing her.

She turned around swiftly I startled from entertaining my thoughts and halted.

"We don't have anything to talk about Edward. Last night was…I was just…" I could see the bobbing of her throat from swallowing.

"I just felt…lonely." She concluded, and then started walking again with her head down.

I paced my steps and my words came out my mouth shaky. "I love you Bella…I want you back."

_Fuck…What the hell happen to cryptic Edward._ My mind suddenly decided to mock me with my haste.

Bella suddenly stopped, and gracefully turned around like some kind of a dance step.

She slapped me. _Ouch! That fucking hurts._

"Bella?"

"You left me, half dead. And now, after everything that has happened to me, you'll just show up and have the courage to tell me you want me back?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you Edward?"

"I am not a toy!"

She shouted and hastily spun around to start walking again going towards the way we came, but I caught her hand and gripped on it like I have a steel hand.

She put her gaze down when our eyes met, but I pulled her chin up so she would be looking at me.

"I want you back, and if I needed to plead to earn your trust again, I'd gladly do it." I said resolute.

"I don't want you back. I am happily married, and I have a child. I am happy, I don't need you in my life." Her face was hard with her eyes viciously sending her feelings out.

"Happily married? Oh yeah? Why the hell are you still wearing my ring if you're not hoping for us to be together again?" I could not help myself from maliciously throwing my hopeful feelings for her.

"Why this? Oh…You can have it back!" She croaked and her voice sounded so hurt with what I said, she began tugging her ring finger to get my ring out of it.

I felt slapped.

I enclosed her hand with both of my hands, helplessly preventing her to slip my ring off of her finger.

"No Bella…Please…I am sorry…I am sorry…Fuck! I am sorry for what I said."

I did not stop hardly gripping her hand until she gave up trying to break free from my hand.

"You don't know what I have been through Edward, and having you…here…telling me all those, is just…making my life more complicated."

"I am not ready for anything complicated anymore, I am married, and that's where I am staying. I am sorry." She turned around facing the fighting waves smashing into each other.

I felt like I was washed with very cold, freezing water. I felt a stab in my chest. _I deserve being rejected. She's right, what right have I to just get her where she's now, now that her life was better._

_But I am here. I am not letting her away from my sight. Ever again._

I stepped forward near her and copied her position putting my hands in either side of my arms, hugging myself.

"I am sorry. You are right. I know I have been selfish, I have locked you in my memory and seeing you…I thought I still have a chance. I should have not just try and pull you away from your own family. That would be so selfish of me, again."

"I had all the time of my miserable life to try and look for you, but I opted not to, because I thought I would be messing with your life again. I should have had looked for you a long time ago and pleaded to take me back, and not now, now that…you can't take me back again."

"I am so fucking late." I grated my words with shame in my voice.

I heard her sobbed, and I saw trickling of tears coming down her cheeks. My hand twitched wanting desperately to wipe it, but I strangled it with both my arms.

"I have been waiting for you Edward, all my life. I thought seeing you would…make my life, happier, I thought I would be able to forget the misery I was into, but, I can't…I just can't. I don't know how…I don't know if I can." Her words are full of anguish coming out between every sob and sigh.

_Misery?_

Pause. I don't know what to make of her words.

I cleared my throat after a long silence.

"Could you at least not shun me in your life?" I whispered.

_I couldn't live anymore if you will be away from me again._

"I don't want trouble Edward. Anthony is the most important person in my life, and I will do anything, and I mean anything to protect him from getting hurt. He does not deserve the pain that I could cause him." Bella said putting her hands behind her facing me.

"Bella…I have been waiting for the moment I'd be able to see you again, to make up for all the hurt I've given you for being so weak…now that I have found you again…I really would appreciate if you could at least give me a chance to fix what I have been broken." I looked at her directly in the face but she just looked away.

Bella walked back towards the small rocks under the scantily leaved tress. She must have shook her head like ten times while she walked with her hands shoved at the back pocket of her pants.

I sat on the rocks beside her. Her hands were clasped together extended and hanging in her propped up knees. Her eyes were nailed in the far horizon that has now darkened.

I could feel the sobbing of my heart from the words that she had said awhile ago, but I could also feel…peace, probably because I was with her.

I heard her open her mouth many times, but I did not look at her and just waited for her to say whatever she wanted to say. I was hopelessly absorbing all the energy that radiates from her and breathing in all her scent.

"You are important to me Edward." Her voice was signaling a forthcoming shedding of tears.

"But my life…it was not like it was before. I have had a lot in my life…"

"You were everywhere I go Edward, I never let you go. You're right, I must have been wishing for us to be together again."

"But I couldn't just turn my back just because…things are not what they should be…I don't just give up."

My eyes were focused on her face shone by the light coming from the moon; it has now been welling up with tears. I really wanted to look deep in her eyes but she was careful to hide them and just look in the horizon.

"I…am so glad too that we met again…but…" She kept on balking; I wanted to just shake her shoulder so she'll say what she wanted to.

She finally looked at my eyes, and my heart sank as I gaze on those beautiful big brown eyes veiled with utter misery.

"I want you." She said, accompanied with a couple of tears falling in her cheeks. "But I can't." Her shoulders trembled from silent sobbing and her eyes still fixated on me kept on shedding tears.

I felt my jaws tightened and my nostrils flared from constricting my eyes to cry, but nonetheless, my tears escaped.

I slowly glided my hand in her jaw, wiping the tears in her eyes by my thumb. She put her hand on my hand, closing her eyes like she was savoring the moment.

When she opened her eyes, I brushed my thumb under her eyes, so she will be looking straightly on my eyes.

"I love you Bella. I am not leaving you again. I'm here."

I sobbed. "…whenever you need me."

She pulled down her head and started trembling again from weeping. I put my thumb and forefinger in her chin and pulled it up, softly and slowly putting my lips on her.

She did not move her lips at first, but after I have put my hand under her hair at her nape, she started kissing me back passionately.

"I love you Bella." I murmured inside her mouth.

I could feel her gasps inside my mouth.

She muttered my name a couple of times and then abruptly pulled herself from the kiss and then put her arms in my shoulders ducking her face in my neck.

"I'm so sorry…I can't." She cried.

I closed my eyes understanding what she just said. I draw in a large amount of air to calm me, and then started rubbing Bella's back hushing her from her cries.

"I understand."

I must have been cuddling her for a long time, my arms and shoulders felt stiff but I couldn't move away, I won't. I felt her arms tightened the embrace in my shoulders and then she pulled away, putting her both hands in my jaws and slowly kissed me, a kiss so fast but felt like forever that the world stopped.

She pulled from the kiss and looked straightly in my eyes.

"We'll have our own happy ending Edward. Sometime."

I felt my chest expelled air involuntarily, but all I could do was give her a timid smile.

She rose up and stared at the moonlit sky for a moment before she spoke. "I need to go home now, Anthony would be waiting."

I nodded and then started walking beside her.

We were silent halfway in the shore, just looking at the white sand that swallows our shoes as we step on them. The calm ocean was bouncing the light coming from the round moon looking at us beside the only star brightly visible.

_I am not letting go._

"Anthony is such a darling." I started talking, putting my hands in my pockets.

"Hmm…Yeah. He's my…angel." She said passing me a short look.

"He looked a lot like you." My voice was beginning to sound enthusiastic.

"He's…sweet…like you." I whispered.

"I was there the whole afternoon…" I suddenly stopped when she halted walking looking at me surprised, but she smiled, so I went on.

"I...uh...you left your things in my car." I said bashful, scratching one of her bites in my chest.

She didn't talk the rest of the walk to our cars, but just audibly breathed.

She made her way to the driver's door of her car; I stayed outside her door even after I have given her her purse back and she went inside. I felt like I still have something to say, I have a million words to say to her, but I just don't know which one should I say.

She realized I still have something to say and open her window giving me a tight smile. I managed to put my hands on the window.

"Bella…I want you to know…I am here. I'll be your friend, if…if that's all I could be for you." My words cut my heart.

---

I couldn't sleep. I have been tossing and twisting in my bed but I couldn't find the fucking sleep I've been trying to get.

_1:45 Fuck me._

My mind was flooded with Bella's face. I have always been like this. Even all those years of misery, Bella's face was always gracing my mind. I imagined talking to her when I am alone, I'd close my eyes and imagine her voice answering my questions or laughing at my silly words.

Her memories have always accompanied me in all the days of misery I have been through. Ten years of just memory, calming myself all the time with the images of her that I have stored in my mind.

I would have breakdowns when I'd think of her and my limited brain would falter and couldn't remember a certain thing about her, and those were always the time I'd lock myself in my empty house and wallow in anguish looking at our pictures.

But seeing her now, like my brain was refreshed stocking it with a whole new batch of images. I have been closing my eyes to fall asleep, but her face with that black hair hanging in her head covering her ears the first time I saw her again, her nape with her hair pulled up in a messy bun that night in Alice's house, her eyes, her creamy luscious skin perfectly accentuated with that sexy brown gown.

I could feel her love for me was still there, I could feel it from the kisses she gave, from the soft murmurs of her lips on mine, from the caress of her hands and fingers, even from the slaps she'd awarded me several times.

But I understood what she wanted. I love her that much that I would let her be, but I would not let go again. I could be the most selfish person in the whole world for lingering and giving her confusion, but I'll be here. I'll make sure she knows, whatever happens, I am not letting go again.

---

I found myself ringing Bella's door bell. I felt agitated again, not knowing if she'll be around. I was almost to knock because ringing the bell one more time seemed too…impatient, thankfully the door opened, and Bella was in it.

She batted her lashes from confusion looking at my hunched posture awkwardly smiling at her.

"Wh…?" Her mouth was half open trying to ask me, but then she spun around when Anthony came running to the door.

"Mr. Edward! Mr. Edward! Are we going now?" He said tugging my shirt jumping in excitement.

I bit my lip as I was smiling at him and looked at Bella under my lashes. Her arms are folded; she's having some kind of mixed emotion as I what I could read in her face.

"Umm, Edward promised him to be playing piano in his house. I...forgot to tell you." Charlie suddenly spoke behind Bella, looking at me with an embarrassed smile.

"Yeah Dad. One of the many things you omitted." Bella spoke facing away from her father, but her words struck him head on, I saw Charlie's face lowered in shame.

"Umm. No…No…Umm…My mother is inviting you for a dinner, Bella." I stuttered, feeling uneasy with the way Bella spoke to Charlie.

"You better get going then…" Charlie butt in with a happy tone, but his face was still looking down.

"Dad?" Bella stared at him with wide eyes.

"It's fine Bella. She just wanted to talk to you…If…if that would be fine…?" I said hopelessly preventing the two of them to fight in front of me.

Bella looked at me dismally, for a long time.

"I don't want trouble Edward." She said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Before she finished her words, I made a surrender gesture with my hands. "I promise."

She was silent in the passenger seat, looking directly in the road. Anthony kept on asking "Are we there yet?", and miraculously I was able to answer him patiently, I never knew I'd be able to.

My heart was being washed up with memories again. I used to drive her around town with my Volvo. I wanted to hold her hand as I usually do, but as she's clearly put it yesterday, she can't come back. And I know I will be giving her a lot of trouble if I insist, and I would not want that, she might run away, and I'll lost her again.

She was hesitant to go down when we finally arrived, had it been not for Anthony who excitedly exited the car not waiting for me to get him at the backseat, she must have stayed inside the car.

I gave her an assuring smile when she briefly glanced at me.

"Bella!" I heard my mother called from the kitchen door.

She was enthusiastically walking towards us with an open arm. _Fuck Mother, you're overdoing it._

I couldn't see Bella's face when my mother hugged her, but my mom was undeniably grateful that Bella has agreed to have dinner with us, her face was glowing and…just happy. I knew my mother's expressions too well.

"And you must be the cutest little boy in the whole world…" Her smile was huge when she caught sight of Anthony, holding my hand. She pulled away from Bella slowly, giving her a huge smile before she went and bent to dishevel Anthony's hair.

"It's nice to meet you…umm…Mrs. Cullen." Anthony greeted Mom.

"You are such a nice boy little Anthony." She gave him a tight hug. I rolled my eyes remembering how she used to call me when I was a kid, little Edward Anthony.

I was looking all the while at Bella's face who was wide eyed watching what is going on with a little smile in her lips. She caught me looking at her and gave me a faint smile.

The dinner went well; my parents kept on asking Bella a lot of things. I tried so much to listen with the words she's saying to know more about what she's been through, but looking at her face was making me imagine things I wanted to do with her.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Have kids and grow old with her.

Anthony was insistent on playing the piano, so when he was done with his food, I accompanied him in the large living room and began playing songs with him. He was sitting on my lap.

Bella had stayed longer in the dining room, and I have no idea what they have been talking, I just suddenly noticed her standing by the dining room door, with her hands folded in her arms, looking at me and Anthony with a smile in her lips but her eyes seemed to be bleak.

I invited Anthony in the lawn giving him a ball to play with. Bella sat in the grass, looking down seemingly too focused with every strand of the grass.

I almost always throw a glance at her but she seemed to be in deep thinking. It was only when Anthony got bored playing ball and started picking little shrubs in the grass that I was able to sit with Bella and be able to really look at her.

"I'm…sorry I, uh made you come here." I uttered with a soft voice.

She chuckled, and then snorted. She looked at me with a rather beaming face, I suddenly felt hopeful.

"You are making my life soooo...complicated." She said with an undeniable humor in her voice.

And it did not help that she trapped her lower lip in her teeth while she looked at my lips and then my eyes parting her lips.

I found myself gaping my lips in astonishment. I almost forgot how those big brown eyes looked when they smile.

I smiled at her conveying my happiness.

"What?" She quirked her eyebrows.

I shook my head "Nothing, I just thought I'll never see you smile at me again.

"My son likes you."


	38. The black string

A/N

I hope you enjoy this.

Mixes.

Lemons ahead. Sour and suweeet.

My heart has been into a series of emotional whirlwind doing this story, so...be nice to me and review. Yes, I am harassing you now for a review.

Or not...LOL...still totally up to you. +)

xoxo-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 38

**BELLA**

Anthony was soundly asleep in my lap on our way back home to New York. He still does not want to leave Forks, but aside from James calling us to be back home, I was feeling a little more confused with my feelings with Edward.

Anthony likes him. Last night, Anthony spent the entire story time asking things about Edward, which of course I gladly answered to the best of my knowledge.

I couldn't believe 5 days of vacation in Forks would make my world turn upside down. A week ago, I was resolved, that I would be James' wife forever, through thick and thin, now, I am not sure.

God gives us people to help us choose the right way to go, and in my case, God gave me Anthony to remind me, which place I wanted to be.

It was feeling more and more complicated as I stay in Forks, I could feel Edward in every beat my heart makes, it's like he was just always there, I could almost smell him.

I am not ready for this, and just like what Alice had said, I needed to think about it.

Mrs. Cullen was so grateful that we graced their house for a dinner last night. It was surprising enough that she invited us, but what I didn't see coming was her all teary eyed asking me to forgive her for ruining my life and my happiness.

She admitted everything including talking to my father and threatening him she'll make sure I will always be in trouble that might lead him losing if not his promotion, his entire career.

At first, I was just looking at her, dumbfounded with everything that was expelled from her mouth, but when she started weeping and repeatedly admitting that she have ruined me & Edward, I started to feel bad for her.

She told me how much Edward had hated her, all the hurtful words that he had said to her while relentlessly pouring her eyes out. And the only reason she could give me was, "I am a mother."

And now that I am a mother too, I suddenly realized, how big the things I could do for Anthony, all the things I'd defy for him; the bullet I'll gladly take for him and basically all the hurt I am willing to take to spare him the pain.

I could have went home and made my pooling hatred pour my father but, hearing Mrs. Cullen talk about everything about parenting, made me realize, it wasn't easy for them that time to see us helplessly throwing ourselves to each other.

And now, the pull of everything Edward was offering me and the pain I could give my only angel was driving me fucking insane. I was now torn if I should be happy I visit Forks or regard it as a big mistake.

Being with Edward seemed to be the most perfect thing I have ever had. I could have had happy moments with James when we were still in love, but this thing with Edward has always been the same ever since, he has that different effect on me.

I'd be totally hypocrite if I'd say that that sex inside the Mercedes wasn't mind blowing. I missed every part of him. I wanted to touch and kiss every thing I was able to touch and kiss a long time ago.

I could definitely say I could still feel how I felt for him before. None has changed and if there was, it was intensified with the longing for each other and the need for me to prove myself that someone else was there to love me, not James.

My eyes were glistening as my right thumb and forefinger were gingerly touching the diamond studded eternity ring that I still shamelessly wear, beside my wedding ring, closer to my heart.

--

James was all smiles when he picked us up in the airport. He excitedly hugged Anthony when he caught sight of him. I could see how much Anthony has been the bridge connecting us. We might have fallen and left each other in different path, but Anthony was the only thing common for us to come and be together.

He kissed me in the cheek. I all but shrugged in what seemed to be a friendly gesture for him. _Don't be such a tease._

It was night time after I have tucked in Anthony in his bed when James suddenly pulled me to our couch and started undressing me violently, ripping the buttons of my pajamas off.

I was surprised with his sudden wild manner in persuading me to have sex with him. I was used to him just asking me if we could have sex, and consume our lust with just lying there doing what needs to be done.

Things like this has never happened to us before, and if we have had some wild sex, never like this that his nails was scraping my skin with the force of his hands pulling my panty down my legs.

He pushed me down the couch and started pounding me with his cock, and pounding was understating it. My eyes were` closed, for one because I missed having sex this wild, and second because I was hopelessly reminiscing making love with Edward that night that he almost raped me in his room.

I kept on pressing my eyes shut and when I get to the point that I was having too much pleasure imagining him, I open my eyes and see James' shut eyes biting his lip in ecstasy, and my imagination will pop just like a big bubble.

James was biting me everywhere. His hands are gripping my wrist tightly forced up in my head. I felt a sudden gush of emotion. I felt my eyes started to water.

When James saw me crying, he made it even harder that the inside of my pussy started throbbing and I started pushing him with my feet, but he gripped my thigh harder, nailing his fingers in my skin. I started weeping, pleading him to stop, but his eyes were fiercely nailed into mine, and his lips are full of lust, it seemed to me he's drooling.

I closed my eyes, and Edward's face flashed with those inviting blue eyes, fluttering and trying to sexify me, and crinkling when he smiles. "_I want you back Bella. I'm yours, you are mine." _My tears flowed down my cheeks remembering Edward's words.

"I am yours." With Edward's image in my head, I whispered softly between my sobs.

I felt James' hand in my neck pressing my jaw and my neck together in his wild profession of making love.

"Yes. You are mine." He said looking devilish with his lustful smile.

I closed my eyes and pressed the tears that has pooled in my eyes.

_I love you Edward_. My mind declared.

In the morning, as I was preparing the table for James' breakfast, he suddenly spoke behind me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

"Who's Edward?"

_Oh my fucking crap. Did I say his name when we were having sex? Did I talk to my sleep. Noooo! _

My mind was blank; I don't know what to answer. I know what could happen if he discovers I slept with Edward, I might get a divorce and lose the most essential part of my life, Anthony.

_Fuck me!_

I have no idea how my face looked, thankfully I was facing the table away from him. I silently cleared my throat, alleviating desperately the tension I was feeling.

"He was a friend from Forks."

"Oh." He just answered.

Fuck. Oh? What was that mean? Oh? Fucking freaking crap. I have never panicked like this before.

I turned around when he did not speak again. I must be very stiff in my position putting the food in the table, and I thought I needed to move if I don't want him to suspect.

He was sitting in the couch, looking at some papers. He caught me looking at him as he busily ran his fingers on the pages of the paper.

"He's pretty popular with Anthony." He just said shrugging his shoulders and then went on with the papers he was holding.

I turned around rolling my eyes and slapping myself internally.

A week had passed, I was still nursing the pain that seeing Edward again has given me. This wasn't like the pain I usually feel whenever images of him flashed in my mind. This was a fresh kind of pain throbbing and aching to be with him and relive how exciting and happy my surrounding was when he's in it.

If before I tried not to take note what time James comes home, now, for the past 7 days I have noted that he was going home, a lot later that he should be.

I have started taking notice of him leaving home happy and coming home agitated.

Every little thing even the necktie he wore and the way he fixes his hair are major news to me.

I have become hyper aware of the things that was maliciously going on between us, like I was scoring or something to find a way to break up with him.

I was hopelessly wishing, in my subconscious, that I was still for Edward. But that subconscious wishes were always bubble popped when Anthony's eyes innocently looks at me.

One day after I dropped Anthony in the Nursery school I have arranged for him, I was fixing the clothes from the dryer when the door bell rang.

I was actually contemplating on ignoring it "Fucking special offer again." I muttered.

But a bleak scent has caught my senses and I started to felt conscious. I reluctantly paced to the door.

I think I dropped the hamper full of folded clothes I was holding supported in my waist when I opened the door and realized who was standing on it.

White t-shirt under a black v-neck long sleeved pull over pulled until the elbows, black pants, parted soft lips crookedly smiling, scruffy jaws, tousled bronze hair with some locks flinging down the forehead and sublimely glimmering blue eyes heedlessly smothering me.

"Edward." I whispered.

I know how my face looks at this very moment. Pale white and ice cold though I could feel my face was swelling with warm air.

He clucked his tongue, stick it out momentarily licking his lips, bit his lower lip, batted his lashes, pulled down his head and then smiled to me sheepishly. I noticed every single thing that he did like the world was suddenly in slow motion.

I must have looked pretty dumb.

"Hi." He looked directly to my fluttering eyes.

"Wh…? How did…?" I was shaking my head frenziedly from my surprise.

"May I come in?" Edward gave me that look that sent me profound confusion.

This man is definitely the death of me.

I slowly opened the door to let him in. He brushed his shoulder with mine briefly as he passed by me, with a soft giggle, probably feeling my anxious state.

I turned around to close the door and leaned on it, thankfully the hamper of clothes still on my hands.

He was a feet away from me. My happiness seeing him, unannounced in my house, was evident. How much I tried to hide it, I know he could see it from my eyes. He had always told me, my eyes are the window to what I was thinking and feeling. And he was quite good in reading me by my eyes, as ever.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was also one of the traitors of my feelings.

He stepped a foot closer to me, and produced something in his pocket. He put it up near my eyes to see what he was holding.

"I'm sorry. I am terribly missing the owner of this." As he said it with a pained voice, he dropped half of the thing he was holding revealing the black g-string I was using that night we made love in his car.

I felt a sudden falter of the beat of my heart, as I was washed with a surge of unfathomable feeling of longing for Edward. I wasn't able to keep myself from dropping the hamper in the wooden floor with a loud bang as I suddenly clung myself up into Edward's shoulder crossing my legs in his waist.

He rabidly welcomed my sudden sinking of lips into his, as he held me by my thigh balancing me as I clung into him.

"I want you Edward. I need you." I involuntarily moaned in his lips.

"I am here. I am yours. I am yours." He chanted back in my lips.

My weight made us swing left and right from the ardent kissing that we were doing and found ourselves knocked down the blue carpet in the living room.

I roughly shoved my hands inside his clothes pulling it out through his head. The shiny tags of the silver chain clinked together earning a smile from me.

"You are mine." I said holding the tag pulling him closely to my face.

Our mouth twined with our tongues swirling with each other. He pulled down the shorts I was using after he pulled my tank top up to my neck to reveal my boobs. My hands immediately shoved down his pants.

He curled his fingers with mine beside us, as he pushed all his feelings inside me, welcoming it with every moan of his name.

We finished on top of the messy pool of clothes in the wooden floor. I couldn't find his black sweater from the pool of clothes that now littered in the whole living room.

When he got up fixing himself, he was looking at me with wary eyes. I stepped closer to him after I was done fixing myself and tiptoed kissing him amorously in his still parted lips.

He gave me a confused look and smile and started helping me picking up the clothes from the floor.

When we have stacked them back in the clothes hamper, I invited him inside the kitchen, for a coffee.

I could see him in my periphery walking with a smug face, but as he stepped deeper into my house, I could feel his every effort to breathe. The pictures that hung on the wall and those that decorated the tabletops must have had him anxious.

I tugged him clasping my fingers between his towards the kitchen without saying a word.

"Coffee?" I said putting a tall empty mug in front of him.

He sat looking at me blankly, probably confused of how I was acting. I turned around to pour him coffee from the coffeemaker when he nodded in approval.

And then I turned back preparing the food I have actually been preparing since this morning.

Fettuccine. Coincidence? Probably.

I stopped for awhile looking at the pasta I have just arranged in my expensive china.

I can do this. I can be happy without hurting Anthony. I needed Edward; I need him for my life to be worth waking up in the morning.

I swallowed a lump that suddenly appeared in my throat. Bite me.

I turned around briefly pressing my eyes saying a little prayer of repent, and a heaping prayer of hope, for my happy ending.

His eyes beamed when he saw what I was offering him, but I just pursed my lips together in his amusement.

"So…why are you here?" I asked him briefly looking at his face avoiding his gaze.

"I told you…" His voice did not hide the smile in his face.

I put down my fork and looked at him seriously. But I think my face looked rather teasing than serious. He gave me a crooked smile looking under his eye lashes.

"Can I have it back?" I held out my hand.

But he just brushed his fingers lightly in my open palm, sending shivers in my entire body.

"I did not say I came here to give it back. That is mine. Finders keepers." He pulled his fingers away from my palm and started twirling the fettuccine again.

He swallowed a mouthful before speaking causing some sauce to drip in his mouth.

"I said, I missed the owner."

My mind was playing tricks on me. I felt like I was the hormone driven teenager 10 years ago who loved having sex with Edward, or the rebelling broken hearted college girl who'd sleep with every one who wanted to fuck her.

I must be drooling, I felt like I jutted out my tongue wanting to lick the sauce that is enticingly, invitingly and teasingly trickling down his jaw covered with stubble.

I did not notice that Edward was veiled too with the lust that was emanating from my piercing look at that stupid sauce in his chin. When I met his eyes, one blink, and I was on top of the table, plates, mugs and cutleries hitting the marble floor of the kitchen.

I felt downright stupid, but I was quick to spat it away. If I could have a piece of heaven even in just a short time, I will gladly burn in hell if that was what I deserved for wanting to be with the person who I truly love.

I am desperate. I am stupid. I am in love, again.

"I am sorry about the Fett, and the…broken plates." He whispered sweetly in my neck, still pecking me little kisses, as I still helplessly wrapped his neck with my arms.

He put his both hands in my jaws and poured all his love with his kiss.

For the second time, we found ourselves picking the pieces of the wreckage from the wild show of our love for each other. I was chuckling as he put all the broken pieces of kitchen wares in the trash bin in the kitchen.

I was sitting in the bar chair looking awed at his figure closing the garbage plastic. I felt a nudge in my heart thinking he would never do that publicly.

"Coffee?" He turned around holding a coffee mug with a mocking smile.

"You better sit away from me." I chuckled.

He sat at the far corner of the long bar table in the kitchen sipping his coffee, but his eyes were still leisurely scouring my whole body.

He must have notice my anxious stares at him, clucking and licking my lips accompanied by rolling my eyes and thumbing my hair. I was thinking of how to articulate what I feel.

"You have to spit it out…Duck…Or I'll kiss you senseless again until you gag it all out." He giggled.

"Is it so wrong of me…if…how ever short it would be…that I wish to be with someone…I…I wanted to be with?" I said pausing for breath too many times. I was throwing him glances from time to time, unable to focus on his glorious eyes for a long period of time.

He was surprised with what I said. He put his coffee mug down, and put his hands in clasp on top of the wooden bar table. His lips were wearing a smug, and his eyes were beaming with pride.

"Yes. It's you." I snorted confirming the boasting ego he was preventing to pop out.

His smile was the prettiest I've seen from the time we met again. I thought I have lost that memory of his smile, but with what I said, I saw that sublime happiness not just in his face, but most importantly in his gorgeous big blue eyes.

My heart was elated. I was happy with what I said, and I made Edward happy too.

He acted to be standing in his seat, but I put my hands forward motioning him to stay sitting away from me, darting my eyes on the full black garbage bag near the sink.

He bit his lip, darted his tongue out and then bat his eyelashes. Fucking inviting me again. But I pulled down my head pressing my lips together, trying so hard to temporarily erase that teasing image.

"But…" I started again jerking my head up.

But he was quick to shut out what ever I wanted to add.

"Ah-uh." He shook his head with his right hand out to stop me from talking.

"I am happy with what you can give me. As long as we are together. I won't ask for more." He whispered, sexily guttural looking seriously in my eyes, boring holes in my soul captivating my entire universe.

---

It's almost dawn, but I could not sleep. My eyes were wide awake, looking at James' face deeply lost in slumber. I was desperately looking for anything left to offer James, but I couldn't find any.

I couldn't help feel angry about myself, blaming only myself for this complicated can of worms I am into. If I did not beg for James to choose me from Victoria, I could be the happiest single mother in the whole world. But no, I was so dumb to plead him to stay with me, and now look how miserable both our lives are. We were just wasting the precious moments of our life when we could actually choose to turn our back with each other and be with someone who makes us happy.

Anthony…Crap!

Would he not understand me? Is it really selfish if I wanted to be happy? Am I not being unfair to him living with his father though all the while I was thinking of someone else?

What is unfair? Selfishness or dishonesty? Both sound pretty awful thing to do, but at this very point of my life they have difference, big difference.

Why do I have to be torn between my son and the person who owns my heart?

The sun rose with me still confused unable to catch a sleep and feeling profoundly in love yet at the same time gigantically bewildered.

I watched James and Anthony eat their breakfast. Anthony was talking sweetly at his father while James seemed to be lost in his thoughts, just nodding without even looking at his articulating son.

I caught myself snorting too many times. I could be noticing these little things, only now that I get to compare how Edward enthusiastically and patiently nails his eyes in my son's patiently listening and answering all his questions.

I might be wrong. I might be just driven with the billowing urge to call it quits with James.

I spent the next weeks of my life patiently waiting for Edward to call everyday. He wanted to fly again from Boston to see me but I urged him not to, jokingly citing I would appear a little bit different to my husband if I always see him.

Which was actually the case, James was eyeing me from time to time, I could see his expression was somewhat bewildered seeing me smiling all the time, humming love songs, whistling even, and everything that I needed to do was done with less complaint.

If before I met Edward again, I usually ask James why did he come home late or why didn't he come home at all, now, I just give him a genuine smile whenever he comes home late.

Making love with him was still a struggle. His every thrust and caress was very much different from how Edward shows his feelings for me.

I could be biased, though.

Alice showed up one day in my doorstep. I was actually feeling a little jumpy when I heard the bell rang, half expecting Edward to just barge in again, but nonetheless seeing Alice, in my house was also such a treat.

"Oh my God! You are here?!" I was literally jumping seeing her.

She hugged me tight "Bellaaaaa!"

Her hands were full of shopping bags, for Anthony.

"Are you staying long? Where's Jasper?" I asked enthusiastically as I led her into the living room.

"He has a meeting; I just hitched with him when I learned he's coming here in New York."

"This is a nice place you have here, though you are far from the city." She scoured the living room with her eyes.

I was so excited for Alice's unannounced visit but our excitement became a heated argument when she started asking about Edward.

"I still love Edward Alice." I stated with not a flinch.

When this happened when we were in high school, I remember her jokingly calling me a slut jumping in excitement for the details. But today, though she did not dare call me slut, I could feel she was just biting her tongue so she won't blurt it out.

"Bella, this is no game. You will just get hurt with what you are doing."

"Alice, believe me I know that. But I don't know what else to do. I love him and spending even just stolen moments made me feel like I am important and loved."

"You are loved! What are you talking about?" Alice furrowed her forehead in confusion.

"This is not like when we were young Bella, you have to be responsible, and you have a kid. Didn't you even think of him?" She said gaping her eyes on me.

I was feeling more ashamed of what I am doing, having Alice slap me my dishonesty with so much concern.

"You cannot have everything that you want Bella. You cannot have both of them. That is undeniably selfish not to mention downright stupid. They love you. You're just hurting both of them."

"Alice, James cheated on me." I said straight forward. I have no other card to play but this.

"I know it was a long time ago, but having James break my heart made me realize how important Edward was still in my life."

She was silent for a moment looking at me with hurt undeniably plastered in her eyes.

"I am so sorry to hear that…" She whispered looking at me apologetic.

"But still Bella…you have to choose between them. Choose one and let go of one, so they can move on with their life." She was now saying her words with a much softer voice.

My tears began slowly trailing down my cheeks. She moved closer to me and started rubbing my back hushing me.

"I know….I know. But…Who? Edward has my heart, James has Anthony." I wept.

"I'm so sorry honey. I'm so sorry." She said with a hushed voice.

"But you'd be even happier if you do it the proper way. You can divorce James first." She whispered.

"Anthony will be in so much pain, if James found it out. You will lose the battle."

Every word that Alice had said struck a chord in my already discordant brain. I know everything that she said was true.

**EDWARD**

I thought I'll never wake up from the nightmare I was into for the last decade of my life. Seeing Bella in Forks again gave me hope that somehow everything that I went through will be erased with her presence.

I have agreed, somehow, to let her be and go on with her life as long as she won't keep me away from it. My love for her once again felt like a fiery fire towering in smoke and red flames, warning to suffocate me if suppressed. I have fallen in love with her Anthony, wanting hopelessly that he'd be mine.

That day I decided to fly to New York from my growing agitation to see her, she bared her true feelings for me. She wanted me around; she doesn't want me to leave her. I admit; that I never heard her say she still loves me, but hearing her say my name, begged me to stay, or even just her touch and her kisses were enough to say what she really felt.

I know how important her family is to her that she decided to hide her feelings for me rather than decide to break up with her husband and live with me. I have offered her a life with me, every time we were together, but she would just always turn silent and cry.

She knows, she'll lose Anthony if she choose me.

She didn't want me to be flying back and forth Boston and New York all the time. She was afraid that James would notice her change of attitude towards things now that she's feeling happier.

But I could not contain my feelings whenever a week had passed that I have not seen her. We talk, every single day in the phone, but hearing her was so much different than being able to see her and hug her and kiss her.

One day she was with me in the hotel, she asked me while lying down in my chest tracing the hair I had in my chest down to my navel.

"_Do you think we have a chance?" She whispered almost inaudibly._

"_Yes." I am sure of my answer._

"_I am not going to hurt you anymore Bella, I promise you." I assured her thumbing her hair away from her face._

"_But I could hurt you." She murmured, the shame in her voice was obvious._

What the hell does that mean? She'll hurt me? Isn't playing tug painful enough for her? I know I don't have any right to claim her as mine, I was just stealing moments with her from her husband, I am aware of that. But though I could feel that I was more important to her than her husband, I desperately look for an assurance too that she'll be mine.

That is so selfish of me.

I have asked her to not to let go of me, and now I was asking for something that obviously she cannot give. I can dream, can't I?

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She can't right now, fine I am waiting, but I could not help feel hopeless sometimes.

This thing that I have lured her to do with me was hard for her, I know. She could not let go of James because letting go of James, could mean losing Anthony. Where else am I gonna go? None. Nowhere but wait.

Alice and Jasper were in Boston last night, surprising me in the hospital. We went for a drink talking about things. Everything is going smooth until Alice finally broke the news.

"_James cheated on Bella. I just thought you need to know." She said with a firm voice but whispered the rest of it when Jasper shot her a fiery look._

"_Look dude, this is not our business. We just…we just think, it would be best if you'd talk to Bella to fix things." Jasper was quick to back up his wife._

"_Wh…Where did you get that?" I asked confused._

"_Bella told me the last month I visited her." Alice shamefully admitted._

"_She never told me." I whispered._

"_Edward…Bella loves you so much. She's so afraid to lose you, but also afraid of losing Anthony…But this…this thing that you're doing is dangerous. She might lose all of you instead, if everything blew out of proportion." Alice stated with determination._

I did not think twice and decided to fly out of Boston to talk to Bella. I was waiting inside this car since dawn in front of their lawn. I tried calling her but her phone was turned off, a signal that she is not available---James is around.

Shit! It hurts me so much thinking that I was just outside her house but so far from her. She was just within reach but probably enclosed in James' arms. It makes me sicker and sicker thinking James has all the time in the world to hold her close, one thing that I could only get during short stolen moments.

Why did she not tell me James cheated on her? It all dawned to me that that was the misery she was talking about. We have a chance; she just have to make it happen.

I was almost asleep inside the car when their door opened. I felt hope when I saw James coming out. He was going to work I thought. But then Anthony followed and then Bella.

I could not admire Bella's creamy skin in those black plunging neckline top because James was holding her waist so tight beside him.

_I am so toasted._

I followed them keeping my distance. They went down in a mall, and because I was pathetic I trailed behind them, seeing every caress in the back, in the nape and in her hair, every peck in the cheeks and every rub in her waist that James made.

My hand twitched wanting to grab James away from Bella.

_She is fuckkking mine. _My mind was hysterically squirming.

And what hurts me the most, she seemed to not to mind every touch, every press and every kiss that James gave her. I suddenly felt, violated. Is she just…fooling around with me…to get back to James hurting her? Is that the real reason?

I could not keep my anxiety anymore.

I kept pace and caught them finding a seat in an Italian restaurant. Thankfully, Anthony was seated beside James facing the entrance.

I hurled a heap of breath in the air, and plastered a big smile in my face.

"Anthony!" I gasped loudly feigning my surprise.

"Mr. Edward!" Anthony's smile was as big as mine, but his was genuine.

Bella turned around with a definitely flushed face and popping out eyes. When I turned my eyes to James, he was wearing a faint smile, bewildered of who I am.

"Hi. My name is Edward. I am a friend of Bella back in high school. I met your son last year." I stretched out my hand to shake his, something I despise to do, but given the turn of events I needed now to.

I wanted to wring his hand and go all karate kid with him for hurting Bella and keeping her from loving me, but I managed to tame myself feeling the pain of Bella's intentional kick in my leg.

"Join us." James offered. I threw Bella a brief glance, but she was hiding her eyes from me, pretending to focus her attention to Anthony.

We ate, Bella in utter silence, Anthony in hyper excitement of seeing me again, and James though talking to me was keeping an eye on the agitated Bella.

After an hour of staying with their company, I faked a call from the hospital and said my goodbyes to them. On my way out I shot a meaningful look at Bella and hoped that she got what I wanted to say.

---

10 pm. An impatient door bell aroused me from burying my hurt body in my bed.

It was Bella.

And as soon as I open the door, she bathed me with her strong words of revulsion.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Her eyes were fierce but her voice was shaky.

"Why did you not tell me James cheated on you?" I countered her anger with mine.

"Why?...Tell me why I should tell you that? To justify what I am doing?" Her eyes began to leak from her torment.

"I already know that what I am doing is wrong, and to give you more hope that this is going somewhere other than crumbling just because I wasn't happy with James, was…keeping you from reality." She said between sobs with a resolute voice.

"But you already have given me hope!" I cut her from her words.

"There is no us Edward! There is no us!" She screamed.

"No….No!" I shouted back tugging my head that felt like it is going to explode.

"You are mine…You hear me? You are mine!" I gripped her arms and started shaking her with too much force her head trashed back and forth.

"No…." She yelled.

"Us is just our hallucination." She shook her head violently and I could see her face turning whiter in every shake of her head.

I pulled her and crushed her to my chest weeping with her.

"You are mine Bella…We can do this…Please…" I felt her nails tugging inside my bare skin.

I could feel her chest seriously heaving for breath, I let go of her and found her head tilted upwards with her mouth widely open gasping for breath. She was shortened of breath and I suddenly felt concerned of her growing pale face.

I scooped her swiftly and put her in the couch frantically and nervously rubbing her back for comforts. It took her a long time to compose herself, and then she started crying again.

I know what I have done in the restaurant was wrong and uncalled for. I was just out of options. I know where I belong in Bella's life; I know which part of her was mine, her heart. But some part of me refuses to accept that I am the _other man_, when I have the chance to be _the man._

Bella went out of my room after apologizing to me. We still haven't talk about how to fix things. She left me with words that melted my heart.

"I love you. I love you so much that it kills me not to be able to give you myself wholly."

---

It has been 2 months since that little circus I made that earned me a temporary bar from seeing Bella. I was invited in a symposium here in Vancouver.

Finishing the event a while ago earlier than expected made me wander in the streets with nothing to do. I used the cool summer breeze to calm myself. I am seriously missing my Bella. I just talked to her a while ago, her voice though cheerful was veiled with need too but she was so good in keeping herself grounded in what she wanted.

She's selfish, I know, but I am too. And if there's someone to blame for everything that's going on in our lives, it was me. My selfishness was the bottom line of all of these.

Someone very familiar to me came out from a Tiffany and Co. store just in the sidewalk where I was leisurely walking. Very familiar to me, because I have spent a lot of time cursing this person inside my mind.

James. Fucking James.

He was stunned when he saw me standing frozen in front of him. I was contemplating if I should ram my hands in his face or smile pretending I was happy to see him.

My predicament was solved when all of a sudden, a woman walked beside him clutching her hand on his arm. Now the option of banging his head off of his body was becoming of greater pull.

"Ah…umm, sweetheart…You go ahead open the car, I just…I just have to talk to my friend." He muttered to the woman obviously romantically related to him. The woman gave me a smile that I did not mind to give back.

"Ah…Edward, right? I would…" He began.

But my hand jerked murderously banging his face I thought I could kill him by the force I gave.

"What the?..." He clasped his bleeding mouth and tried to turn and fight back but I caught him by his collar and shoved him in the wall pinning him with all the strength I have.

"You fucking shit! I love your wife so much I would kill anyone who hurt her and you would not let her go but here you are fucking someone else while she can't give me any chance to love her!!!"

I shouted and grate every word that I said. I know the words I said was probably unclear to him, but having him back out as his girlfriend was tugging him made me think that he pretty much got the gist of my words.

"Tell her, or I will." I muttered furiously as he struggled to break free from my arms restraining his neck.


	39. Unending cycle of water

A/N

Sorry...sorry...sorry. My effin bad!

I did not realize I am going to mess my chapters up if I make a teaser...What the hell was i thinking?

Anyway, because some of you had reviewed on CH39 and may want to make another review for the real CH39, I posted it as CH40 but it was still CH39 whatev. (Thanks Cass!)

Don't freaggin kill me. I am already dead.

I love you all!

-M

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**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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CHAPTER 39

**BELLA**

Rainbows are vivid colors that appear in the sky after even just a slight rain. In every pain and suffering there is hope.

But rainbows how ever pretty they are doesn't really stays that long vanishing in the sky, ocean or between mountains and trees leaving no sign that it ever came out.

Vanishing of rainbows often signs either a forthcoming downpour of heavens again or a promise of a blue sky.

But blue skies, however warm and happy they are, are also temporary. Blue skies means heat, and when the sky had too much of it, storm comes back again, and the cycle continues.

Yeah, nothing is permanent.

And how ever warm the blue color of my sky seemed to be, it all but finds its way to invite the coming of storm and probably the distant rainbow.

My life crumbled.

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel of the car I was driving, as trickles of tears was relentlessly falling my cheeks.

Images began flashing my head, and I felt like my chest is going to explode. I pulled over and banged my head in the steering wheel, sobbing like a little girl.

_I was peacefully lying on my stomach in the colorful carpet of Anthony's room. We were trying to work on the big puzzle that I just bought him in that afternoon when we went to the grocery._

_I was able to talk to Edward in front of the unsuspecting Anthony. James was away for a week now in a business trip in Canada. Anthony and I were actually having fun running in our lawn when the rain suddenly came pouring on us._

_Omen. I have no idea that time._

_I have been thinking of ways to break up with James that I would be able to walk out with Anthony in my arms. I have picked a fight too many times, but didn't have the guts to even suggest the break up._

_I am a freaking coward. A freaking selfish coward. A Wuss.__  
_

_I was feeling annoyed that James suddenly came home without even a call. Usually he calls first when he arrived in the airport, but that night was different. So remarkably different._

_He showed up in Anthony's room with not a sound of his footsteps. His gaze was locked on Anthony when I looked at him. I kind of felt bad for him when my eyes zeroed in on the bruise in his mouth and immediately rose to ask him what happened._

_He looked at me like he did not understand what I was asking; instead he turned his back and clutched the door handle of Anthony's room, waiting for me to get out of the room with him._

_I kissed Anthony and promised to come back to finish the annoying 100-pieces puzzle._

_I asked him again what happened but he walked silently in our room which was just adjacent to Anthony's room. He stood in front of the bed with his arms crossed in his chest. I could see the gnawing of his jaws._

_I sat confused in the edge of the bed but at the back of my mind I was a little bit happy that I thought we'll be having a fight again, a good way to build up the tension between us. Irreconcilable differences, a very good excuse in the court._

_But then when his gaze met mine, I suddenly felt…afraid of the way his eyes widened looking at me like he saw a wandering eyebrow and wanted desperately to pluck it._

"_Who the hell is Edward?"_

_I could remember those words clearly coming out his mouth. I know my voice faltered explaining him coldly that Edward was from Forks, reminding him that we ate with him at an Italian restaurant some distant months ago._

_I was not able to hide the distress in my voice, having him confront me about Edward right there and then. I tried to get up feeling uneasy with his authoritarian way of asking question. I thought I don't have the chance to hide anything from him if he could see every blink my eyes made reflexively hiding my true feelings._

_But he was quick to follow up his question with something I was not really ready to answer. _

"_Are you sleeping with him?"_

_My mind went blank, and I felt my heart stopped beating. This is not happening to me. I thought a bucket of freezing cold water was poured on me. There was that strong warm feeling creeping from my ears to my face and then coming out my nose like blood. But it was really blood, because as fast as I felt my blood was pumped again from my heart, James had already struck me with his hand sending me in the floor with a loud thud._

_I could hear him cursing me loudly with a fiery voice but I could not look at him because I have managed to shut my eyes trying desperately to shake my self believing I was in a deep slumber and having a very awful nightmare. When I opened my eyes, everything was a blur, it's like my eyes were covered with something that I could only see vague images of our room and James burning in anger._

_I felt him picked me from the floor and began shaking me with too much force like he wanted my bones to fall apart from each other. He was shouting on me with a deafening angry voice but I could not understand what it was. All I could hear was a loud squealing sort of sound._

_I shut my eyes as the images of the burly man that tried to rape me so many years ago came rushing on my head. I felt another slap in my face, but I could not open my eyes, I was so afraid to see the face of that burly man who technically was the starter of everything that has been messed in my life._

_My mind chanted Edward's name "Edward…Edward…save me…" But I must be saying it loudly, because not a second later I felt like I was thrown away and my head suddenly hit a knob._

_I opened my eyes and found myself holding in the doorknob of our room._

_I am going to die here._

_Out of instinct to stay alive, I opened the door and began running with my confused and shocked mind. I was half way the stairs when all of a sudden I heard Anthony's loud cries._

"_Mom!...What is going on? Where are you going?"_

_I spun around and began climbing back up the stairs but James was quick to push Anthony back in his room, shouting at him with his wrathful voice._

_I could hear Anthony's pleading cries as I climbed the stairs disoriented bumping my knees in every step I made. But James was on his way down grabbing my arms gripping it like he wanted to stop the blood from flowing my veins, dragging me down the stairs._

_This is not happening to me, please. My heart was aching…no, screaming with pain hearing my son's cry on top of the stairs. I could only see a faint figure of him as my eyes where veiled with all the tears coming out of it._

_James was pushing me to the main door but I found myself on my knees clutched in his thigh begging him to forgive me. I could not take this agony anymore, any minute now I will pass out from not an air coming in my lungs._

"_Mom!!! Don't go!…" Anthony's voice distraught with his anguish caught me from my apparent pleading and I began crawling to him who was on his way making slow small steps down the stairs._

"_Go back to your room Anthony!" James voice was full of anger and I saw Anthony halted and just settled on gripping the handle of the stairs. His eyes were full of tears and I could see his lips twitched in agony as he silently plead for me to not to leave him._

_I am fucking dying right now. What have I done?_

_A moment later, I was outside the house, desperately hugging myself trying so hard to comfort me from the anguish that was slowly eating my heart._

_My mind kept on repeating Anthony's name, and if my hands could just make a hole in my chest, it could have bore one and pulled my heart out._

_Yeah. It's over. My life crumbled. And this time it has caused me my whole life. There was no getting up and fixing it. _

_I really don't know what happened. I was trying to incorporate Edward in my misery but my mind and my heart seemed to repulse any idea of him. My agony was not about him, it was from losing Anthony. I could not remember how many times I have blamed myself for not listening to Alice, for putting my happiness ahead of Anthony's, and hating my self so much for believing that some how things about me and Edward could work out._

_I have cause a lot pain, unmindful of my own._

_I found my way to the garage and started driving, with nowhere to go, late at night. After driving circles in our neighborhood, I found myself in a phone booth dialing Edward's number. He was surprised at first when he heard my voice, but hearing his voice made me wept like a child._

"_Bella! What the fuck happened?!!!" He yelled at me when I have not answered any of his questions._

_I could not say anything but cry; hearing his voice was somehow helping me breathe comfortably. He was saying a lot of things, asking me if James hurt me, if I was okay, but all of them did not register my mind because my mind focused on one single thing he said._

"_I did not tell him anything; I just told him I love you and threatened him to tell you myself. He was with another woman Bella!"_

_I could feel the anger in his voice, but the anger in my heart that suddenly billowed was more prominent._

_He did not save me, but instead, threw me to the lions._

_I felt my knees trembled from agony, misery and hate. Hate, not just for my self, but surprisingly, for Edward._

_I involuntarily put the phone receiver back on the booth and walked towards my car absentmindedly._

_Now, there is really no fixing this. Nothing was left for me. I lost every one that matters. Everyone._

_It was the longest night of my entire life. Sitting inside my car parked at our neighborhood's park looking at the untiring movements of the fountain that kept on squirting water that seemed to be an unending cycle of water._

_My eyes were already sore from shedding all the tears that I have. My heart was so tired and battered feeling the millions of pins pinching every part of it, all at the same time._

_When the sun had risen, I felt a hope from the colorful streaks of cloud that adorned the blue sky. The rain was over, it did not last long last night, and a promise of a blue sky has dawned._

_I was resolved to beg and swallow all my pride just to be able to get to Anthony, but all my hope died down when I caught the sight of my things patiently waiting for me in our porch._

_My heart was racing like I have been running for along time, while my feet felt like sticking in the ground with every step it made. There was a big lump in my throat that I couldn't seem to swallow and a very heavy object felt so unbearable in my shoulders._

_My whole wardrobe was outside our door, and on top of it was a white paper where the address of what appeared to be a divorce attorney was printed._

_I must have been crawling because I later found myself knelt down banging the door shouting Anthony's name. I gave up after an hour of shouting and crying, feeling utterly exhausted. I could not feel my heart, I could not feel my eyes, and I could not even hear my voice._

_My sanity was hanging by a thread._

I sobbed madly as I remembered like it just happened yesterday. I could feel every labored beat my heart made. I was not able to move on with the lost of the entire family I have, including Edward.

Moving on in a different state was hard enough that I found myself driving miles and miles back to New York just to see Anthony treasuring in my memory every glimpse I was able to get. But after a year, I found our old house abandoned_._

It has been six years, but how ever I tried to bury the memory of my fall, I always find myself tortured to death with every smile of Anthony that flashes in my head.

I have just seen Anthony last night in Memphis where James had hidden him from me for 3 years. He was as good in hiding from me as I have exhausted every means I have in tracking them.

I have been crying my eyes out since last night boarding the airplane back here to Anchorage. And now I was on my way home feeling my agony more than what I usually feel after a day out with Anthony. He has grown a lot every time I see him again. I made sure to call him every day however hectic my schedule was in the little publications I was working at. And I made sure to visit him in Memphis every other month. I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, but his psychologist had advice me to limit my visit as it would jeopardize Anthony's coping up with his parents' break up.

Every time I see him, I made sure we have a lot of pictures. Pictures I don't dare to look at, but stacked them on top of my bed table. I felt like, having his pictures beside me was comforting enough knowing that he was just within reach.

I have tried to move on, though slowly, I was able to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. I have no one else to blame for ruining my life and Anthony's but me. I may have forgiven myself for making my life miserable, but forgiving myself for ruining Anthony's happy life just because I wanted mine to be, was still so farfetched. My heart may have faltered a bit as I caught a memory of Edward the last time I saw him. It was so far long ago, that I could not even remember clearly. Edward's memory, even if I know was there, was drowned with the sorrow that I have been swimming, on my own, for such a long time now.

"_Mom…Are you okay?" _I remember Anthony's fluttering eyes asked me while we were eating ice cream in the park yesterday.

"_Yeah. I looked old, but I am fine."_

_My smile did not fool him, he gave me a wary look and a faint smile._

"_I wanted you to be happy mom."_

_Hearing my son bare his feelings for me of what appeared to me as forgiveness for ruining his life, was like putting a handful of freshly cut onions right inside my eyes. My chest constricted painfully as my eyes suddenly leaked out tears which were racing down my cheeks._

"_I am so sorry Anthony..."_

_My words are painfully coming out of my shrinking throat._

"_Why did you let go of Edward?"_

"_Because you asked me not to leave you."_

_He appeared to not to comprehend the words I said._

"_Losing custody of you was the greatest punishment I could ever have. And there's not a day that I stopped blaming my self for putting you into so much trouble, and losing you afterward."_

"_I hated you for leaving me, but now…I understood everything. You love Edward, and it hurts that…it was me that has caused you to lose him."_

"_No!" I tried so quickly to cut him in his judgment._

"_Losing Edward was nothing compared to when I lost you."_

"_You did not lose me Mom. I have loved you even I wasn't able to see you." He added, _"_I hope you find your happiness."_

I felt an ache in my heart so hard that it seemed as if I have popped an artery. My memory of Anthony's sympathetic eyes boring holes in my soul was so vivid. I could almost hear him assuring me over and over that he loves me, like he was just beside me.

And everything went blank.


	40. The scent of the rain

**Disclaimer:**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters of Twilight I have used in this story.**

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INFO:

I have _partially_ verified the information you will find below, but I could not assure you that the procedures done were correct. I just played with whatever information I could find in the internet. After all this is fiction. Don't believe it.

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CHAPTER 40

**EDWARD**

I am still alive. Fuck.

When you're given oranges instead of apples, what do you do with them? When you are given problems, what do you do we them? That. That was what I have been doing for the past 6 years. There was not a day that I thought of what had happened to my life. But I was not a child to wallow in all the misery and wish that I could turn back the time. I was given this, and all I have to do was live each day with it and look for ways I could deal with it. Misery.

There was that time in my life that I wished I didn't confront James. There were moments that I wished I never found Bella again in Forks and most of all, there were times that I wished that I never have fallen madly in love with her.

I could have rotten alive with the guilt I was into with what had happened with me Tanya, but because Bella was destined to transfer to Forks, all the road ahead of me had changed its course.

Destiny for me was still over rated. Though you have a written destiny, I still believe that the future can always change, and it all depends on how and what you decide. My future had changed when I decided to bang the hell out of James. We could still be together right now if it weren't for my impatience to have her all to myself.

If only I waited.

And now, she's gone. I have given up looking for her. I have done everything I could to find her, but I have not a trace of her. It's hard to look for someone who does not want to be found.

She hates me. I know.

I fixed my eyes on the diamond eternity ring that I gave to her a long time ago. She sent it back to me, weeks after the last time we talked.

_Some are really not meant to be. It's time for us to accept it._

I felt my heart sank as I remember the words written on the tiny paper inside the box where the ring was sitting. Now, all I could do is to look at it everyday on top of my bedside table. I never removed it there. I might be hurting myself more, but looking at the ring which was the physical evidence of my promise to her of eternity was both a reminder of what I had, what I lost and what I still wanted and needed.

I got up my bed and began fixing myself. I stared at my bare chest in the mirror. My eyes were a picture of sadness. Not a spark in it. I have a full bearded jaw and mustache. And I still pathetically wear this silver tags. Nobody has ever own me but Bella.

Shrugging another episode of meltdown from reminiscing, I pulled new long sleeves in the closet. As I buttoned it, my eyes focused on the bumpy scars spread across my stomach, partially hidden by the hair growing all over my chest and abdomen. I ran my fingers on them; I could still feel every crease of the scars that my hand caught. The scars visible on my eyes, another memory enhancer of Bella's significance in my life. After so much crying and blaming years ago, I have finally came to my senses and just let go. Let go of her and just believe in the saying, if she comes back, she's mine. But undeniably, I was still nursing Bella's memory in my heart. All of the times I have spent with her, how ever chaotic it was from the very start, was now the very foundation of my life. I live each day tracing Bella's face in my mind.

Life is hard, but I have to learn how to live it, in a separate road with Bella. And wish that with some luck and divine intervention, we'd cross our path again and she would still be mine.

I have decided to move away from Boston. I have been waiting for years to receive any additional letter from Bella so I could somehow have an idea where she's at, but waiting in vain is no fun at all. I needed a change of atmosphere, I might be able, if not to forget Bella, move on with my life, no strings and baggage attached.

"Good morning Dr. Cullen."

About 15 people have greeted me already since I entered the hospital. My neck was already hurting from nodding and stiff smile. But I couldn't just ignore them; after all I am new here and needed some empathy. It's another day of work. Three weeks ago my application for residency was accepted here in Providence Medical Center. Alaska. A very far place; a new place for me to start. I went to the locker room to change to my usual scrubs suit. I pressed my eyes together. I needed to focus on my work. I need my work to get over things.

"Hey Dr. Cullen." A fellow resident doctor greeted me from across the hall of the locker room. I really don't remember his name, but he has this friendly face that you would not dare to snub.

"Good morning!" I know my greeting sounded like I was from another time but I tried so hard to make it sound genuine.

I turned around to pretend to fix other things in my locker, unable to think of anything to fire up our conversation. But the squeak of his sneakers were coming near me making me roll my eyes to try and find words I could weave into a story.

"How's your shift?" I managed to mutter when he was near me, hurrying to put all the things I needed into my scrubs' pockets and turned towards the door.

He walked by me like he was skipping. "Oh nothing, just like before. Patients here, patients there."

I snorted. Patients. I walked silently in the hallway when he finally went the other end of the hall.

_Patients. Yeah. I couldn't even heal my self._

Absentmindedly, I walked inside the doctor's station to orient myself of the day's ordeals.

_Dr. Edward Cullen_

_Surgery 1500H_

_Patient Surgery Orientation 1200_

I unenthusiastically read from the white board. I pulled the file of the patient having a surgery at 3 pm in my table and sat in the couch at the center of the doctor's room.

PAGING DR. CULLEN, EMERGENCY ROOM PLEASE.

PAGING DR. CULLEN, EMERGENCY ROOM PLEASE.

The sound of an apathetic woman's voice echoed in the hall of the doctor's lounge. I drew breath from my mouth and exhaled it noisily rising from my seat. My mind automatically readied itself for the emergency I was going to see in the room.

This is the life residency gives me. Adrenaline.

Every body was busy in the emergency room when I arrived. The nurses and other interns are hastily checking all the vital signs of the patient lying motionless in the emergency bed.

"What do we have?" I murmured to the nurse who gave me the chart filled up with initial diagnosis.

"Female. About 40 years old. Found in a car. Appeared to have a heart attack." The nurse said in broken language, busy on batting her lashes thickened with black ink.

I shook the nurse's image in my brain stealthily. What else does women find on me attractive? I have not been fixing myself lately, I don't think I looked properly groomed anymore. I don't need anyone to tell me to move on and start over again with them, not now.

I walked to the emergency bed holding the chart of the patient as I ease myself between the other staff doing their checks. They appeared to be getting nervous and worked out as the heart monitor was showing decrease of heart rhythm. I was within arms reach to the head of the patient, when my eyes slowly ran on the patient's bare body. My heart surged up blood as my eyes finally stared on the face of the patient.

"Bella?" I whispered nervously.

I felt my mouth invited an enormous in and out of air.

The sound of the heart monitor going flat made me catch my breath. I wanted to smack the head of the nurse who was nervously holding the defibrillator. _Get it done you motherfucker!_

"Clear!"

_*Bleep*_

A doctor alternated with the nurse and performed CPR.

"One...Two...Three!"

"Clear!"

"One...Two...Three!"

My heart appeared to have stopped too in that matter of seconds that Bella's heart was not responding. I felt nauseated. I pressed my eyes together feeling the warm moist warning to flow down from my eyes.

When a sudden jump in the heart monitor had appeared and steadied.

_*Bleep...bleep...bleep...*_

I waited impatiently for the result of all the tests to come back so I would know what to make of what is going on with Bella. But standing behind the nurse's station's desk was a struggle for me. My eyes were silently pooling tears that I struggled so hard to blink back or wipe hurriedly with my hands. This is not happening to me. Here I was, nursing a broken heart, trying to move on and suddenly a more fragile Bella will show up, literally half dead, as my patient.

Seriously incapacitating. I never thought, my chosen profession will be tried like this. Not with Bella's life.

A while ago while the nurse was done fixing Bella in the ICU, I had the chance to visit and look at her. After 6 years of being apart, I was able to see her again, lifeless, and only the machine attached to her was giving her the chance to breathe normally. I should have known those episodes of shortness of breaths long time ago was because of a heart disease. My eyes began to water profusely when I saw Bella's body covered with the hospital blanket. Her face was pale and covered with a large oxygen mask. I could see the motions her chest made as she breathe.

_Don't give up Honey. I am here. I'll save you._

I could feel my own heart constrict with the sight of the heart monitor displaying every beat her heart made. I silently wished that every beat was still mine. When I got hold of the result, I was disappointed with everything the result showed. I could not see anything wrong except for the heart which is beating so slowly. Dying. But of course everything was different being affected with the slow pump of the blood on her system. But in my years of experience, I have only handled patients with sort of congenital or a heart disease, which is clearly visible in every tests that we take.

I discussed it with my attending surgeon, Dr. Jenks. And with all the information that we have gathered for a ruthless half of the day, we concurred that Bella's heart was dying.

She didn't have any heart disease but her heart was suddenly failing, a condition of the heart that leads to heart attacks. I could see the anxious stares of Dr. Jenks and my fellow resident surgeons as I helplessly breathed heavily with the realization of her condition. Different scenarios played in my head. She could die any minute, her organs may fail due to lack of oxygen, or her heart could just basically fail to beat.

Cardiac arrest due to Cardiomyopathy. _Fuck!_

My knees buckled and I gripped hardly on the edge of the table we were convening, I could not hide my tears anymore.

"Is everything alright Dr. Cullen?" I heard Dr. Jenks asked.

I could feel all of the stares of the two other resident heart surgeons in the table. Pressing the corners of my eyes, I slowly wiped the tears that had escaped. This is humiliating but I could not help it. I looked seriously in each and every pair of eyes looking at me.

"That woman…was my long...lost girlfriend."

I saw surprise in all of the faces of my fellow doctors, followed by sympathy.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." All three of them said in almost the same time.

"I didn't know I'll see her here…and in that condition." I croaked.

"Would you like to change patients?" Dr. Jenks suggested. "You could get…pretty nervous operating her…"

"No…" I was quick to answer.

"I wanted to do it myself. I want to save her...I will save her."

Just then a what seemed to me as a deafening sound of alarm was heard from the nurses' table just outside the cubicle we were having our conversation. I almost knocked the chair down in hurry to go out and check what could have happen. Only one nurse was left in the table, all of the others including the resident physicians on duty hurried to the one room I was afraid the sound was coming from.

I ran towards the room anxiously holding my breath. I used the panel in the middle of the room to support me from my trembling whole body, clasping my mouth by my other hand and my nape by the other hand.

Bella was having a cardiac arrest... again.

"We need to operate on her…now." Dr. Jenks said, later commanding everyone to prepare her when she has been revived again.

Revived. Fuck. Bella was basically dead. But I won't give up. Not now.

My eyes were gushing tears as I scrubbed my hands with anti bacterial in the operating theater. I was, for the first time in my life, having the deepest conversation with God. I kept on breathing to my mouth trying helplessly to calm myself so I could not make any mistake. This is not just fucking up Bella's life, this _IS _Bella's life. And if now I am miserable for hurting her, I think I'd die if…fuck I don't even want to go there.

When Bella was ready for the operation, Dr. Jenks, my guiding attending surgeon nudged me with his elbow, and his eyes though partially magnified by the dark rimmed large eyeglasses that he wore was showing a huge amount of sympathy and anxiety.

I know he must think I could fail and we'll get sued. But upon seeing Bella's naked, literally lifeless body, a feeling of determination suddenly came up to me.

And as we began with the operating procedures to revive her heart, I found courage and strength throbbing out my own heart. I alternated talking to God and to Bella and focusing hard on the complicated procedure of fixing Bella's heart.

_Dear God, You know everything that is inside my mind and my heart. You know every happiness I had with Bella and every tear I shed for her. I know I have not been a good person, I know I have hurt Bella the worst possible ways, and I know I have cause her heart to fail, please, have mercy on her, she's a very beautiful person, she has a good heart and a beautiful soul, please, don't let her leave me. If...If staying away from her would make her life better, I will stay away. _

My shoulders trembled.

_Help me…Help me help Bella. She needs me now, if this is all I could give, please God, have mercy._

I could feel my lips under my mask twitched in agony, pressing my lips together to impede a sob from coming out. Tears were falling my cheeks as I helped Dr. Jenks clean Bella's heart out of blockage. I could feel the gloomy throb Bella's heart made as I was softly touching it with my hand.

"_Bella, Honey. Don't you fucking give up! I am going to kiss you senseless…Duck…Honey!" _My mind throbbed as I thought of the usual tease I give her whenever she's becoming difficult.

My tears would not stop, and I had to shake every single memory of Bella in my head to focus on the courage I had especially when I heard the alarming sound of the heart monitor. I could actually hear my weeping, as I anxiously helped the surgeon with hastily mending Bella's heart.

It stopped beating.

"Noooo!"

"Defibrillator!" I spun around shouting at the standing by surgeon for the machine.

"Clear!"

"One...Two...Three!" I did the CPR myself, tears were streaming my cheeks as I counted almost incomprehensibly with my shaking voice.

"Clear!"

As every electric current shook Bella's body, my tears were heedlessly racing towards my soaked mask.

"Bella! No!" I was shouting with my shaking voice.

"One...Two...Three!"

I felt like I have used all my energy when the monitor showed a beat of her heart, my head was throbbing in pain, my knees were trembling, but I had to be brave, I have be to strong. I won't let Bella die.

We continued when her heart started beating again, with more effort to finish it before another failure could occur.

I was holding a gauze wiping the blood stained pale skin in her chest.

"Don't you fucking give up on me Bella. You hear me…I'm letting you go on with your life…just don't…DON'T you fucking give up!"

I was hysterical. I did not mind that everyone in the room was tensed and intently listening on my agony seeing Bella struggle for her life.

And if in a normal operation theater you could hear everyone talking, if not for the reading of heartbeat, blood pressure by the nurses and other doctors inside, all I could hear are my murmurs drowned by the machines and the sniffling of the other staff.

"Her heart is beating fast." The nurse assigned in the heart monitor announced.

"She's crying…" The anesthesiologist sitting behind Bella's head muttered.

"I will make it go away Bella. I will make it go away." I whispered with all the love I have inside of me.

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

**BELLA**

_HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART_

_20 years ago, I met the most beautiful person in the whole world. But as my whole world began to looked like colored in all vividness, I forgot to remember, all things are subject to change._

_Hi. My name is Isabella Swan, and this is my story on how many times I have fallen and got up to get ready for another fight._

_I met the only one person who had ever made me feel like totally wanted, adored and worshiped. His name was Edward. But Edward and I have suffered tremendous amount of hurdles in our life which have caused us to stay apart._

_After a very long way through life without each other, we found ourselves in a crossroad, unaware of the old flame that we have kept inside our hearts for a long time._

_My life was complicated, but I have invited another complication in, and before I knew it, my world came crushing down. My world had crumbled._

_How many times could a heart beat for someone you are not suppose to have? My heart died, from a complication brought about by a broken heart._

_But I woke up, alive, with a heart still beating for one and the same person. The person, who, in many different ways have saved me, too many times to mention._

I was chuckling as I read the article I submitted for publication in Los Angeles Times. _I could be in so much trouble. _My mind reminded me.

The story was a long recounting of the things that happened to my life for the past two different decades. I did not dare to read the whole article, afraid that I'll have another breakdown and feel the throb of my revived heart. The surgeon, Dr. Jenks back in Alaska reminded me often times for a year of recheck with him to avoid anxiety. And revisiting the painful past of my life often gave me a surge of anguish. Not that I still hold on to those, but just because I felt overwhelmed realizing everything that I was able to go through.

_That time I first opened my eyes directly staring at the white ceiling, I thought I was dead. I could not even remember anything that had happened. But the sweet scent of red roses which covered almost the entire floor of my room assured me, I was still alive. My senses are still working._

_And even before Dr. Jenks showed up in my hospital door, my eyes were welling up already with tears as I caught sight of a diamond eternity ring lying on top of my bedside table, with a note from the all too familiar handwriting._

_**You are my eternity Bella, it'll never change.**_

_I could feel a stabbing pain inside my chest. I need not read the name of the person who left the ring, because I know in my heart who was it. Dr. Jenks was smiling when he went inside the room, pretending to get angry with me for crying._

"_That is not good for your heart Ms. Swan."_

"_Try to relax. Deep breaths. I'll call the nurse for your medication…" He curtly said turning around._

"_Where is he?" My strained voice managed to mumble._

"_Ms. Swan, if this will help you…Alright...Dr. Cullen saved you." He said putting his hand in the edge of my bed._

"_I think… he loves you so much." He chuckled, and motioned for me to make deep breaths again when he saw my eyes pooling with tears and the heart monitor erratically beeped._

"_But he left, when he knew you were already safe. He said…it would be best for you."_

I draw a heap of breath again and blew it through my mouth to calm myself as the memory of my first day of being alive again flashed my mind. I could feel the build up of anxiety in my chest. _Dr. Jenks will kill me. "Take care of the heart Dr. Cullen mended." _I murmured remembering the words of the good doctor.

I could not help feel bewildered of the things I had gone through. Cardiac arrest from a broken heart syndrome. I didn't even know it was possible to die when you have a broken heart.

I looked outside through the windshield of my car. It was a nice afternoon. The rain had just ceased and the road was wet. I could see the leaves of the palm trees outside gracefully swaying from the wind. I opened my window and trashed my head back in the headrest enjoying the scent of the breeze coming inside my window. I could not help smile and close my eyes as the faint scent coming outside was sending me some distant memories.

I stared on the only jewelry I was wearing in my left hand. A beautiful white gold, diamond studded eternity ring. _Edward. _I snorted remembering the only person who has loved, cherished, adored and worshiped me, just like what I have written in the newspaper.

I let out a sigh and checked on the traffic light. I noticed in my periphery that the driver of the car beside was staring at me.

A pair of big blue smoldering eyes with a crooked smile was brightly shining across the other car.

**EDWARD**

Los Angeles, California, 2:17 p.m.

May 7, 2027

The rain had stopped.

A woman driving an Audi exactly the same like mine, if not for the color, has just rolled down her window. The woman seemed to like the weather too just like I did. Her lips were twitching seemingly saying a word, and her eyes were fluttering as she inhaled the scent of the rain.

The woman has brown hair, curled and long.

The woman was wearing a diamond eternity ring.

The woman looked at me, and I noticed she has big brown eyes.

I tried to smile, afraid she'll snub me.

But the woman…flashed the most beautiful smile I always dreamed to see, again.

The woman…the woman, who once again, reclaimed her place in my now, healed aching heart.

**THE END**

**

* * *

**

A/N

So after a couple of flab added to my stomach, numerous sleepless nights and shedding of tears, our emotional journey has finally come to an end.

Before I go, I wanted to wish you all luck in all our endeavor to find our happy endings, our own Edwards. Stay with me in not giving up on things when it gets rainy and stormy. Let's all enjoy the rain as it cleanse us and prepare us for a bright blue sky.

Rain...will always lead to a sunny day. It's all part of our life. And the key is not to give up and remain hopeful that no matter how worst the storm is, how ever devastating it was, a bright new day with blue sky will always grace us.

I want to cry...one last time, after everything has been said and done, I or we are now to part ways and all I could do is to hope that I'll bump with you again in this busy world of fan fiction.

I will never forget all your awesome heart warming comments that kept me from falling apart.

Thank you so much for spending some time reading and commenting on RAIN, and for crying with me and feeling all the emotions I was trying to show.

I will treasure all your messages, for eternity!

Go E/B forever! Good luck on your happy endings.

* * *

A/N2

Did you like my story? Have mercy and share it with your friends. PRETTY PLEASE.

Check out my other stories, **WITH YOU and THE THRONE by mypinkfairy**

Check out my friend's story **My Love for You Will Last A Lifetime by Mylove4uistrue**

xoxo

-M

* * *

A/N UPDATE (DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE)

Okay, this is seriously acting like a cry baby.

So, I finished my story, and some, if not all, where not happy of my ending. Well, of course, that is an open ended ending, you know that right? And we could just imagine that E/B got out of their car and make out, and then they live happily ever after. I know you got that...Just some of those who did not like my story...sadly did not.

I have had a very unfriendly (as in nasty) comment...(you won't find it there anymore). Not that I am not a sport and a bad comment ruins my day...but the thing is...constructive criticism helps, destructive doesn't. You can criticize all you want telling me my story has a lot of flowers on it, space fillers, grammatical errors and everything but please, have mercy and don't blurt out that its a crap, because for me, (the writer, who was not able to sleep many nights just to put up a story,) it is a craft.

I know this story doesn't have much grounds and evidence and reality on it. We're in fan-fic world, hello. Vampire and werewolves don't exist either.

**[UPDATED]** Okay...so I have this very long explanations (before) as to how James won the custody battle against Bella, but yeah, I erased it, I really don't want to prolong the agony of trying to explain to some the very obvious that justice isn't always given to those who deserves it, I mean, who doesn't have a flawed judiciary? The result could be very much unsatisfactory, but let's not forget, things happen for a reason, and for this story, losing the battle made them what they are at the very end--finding each other again, freely.

So yeah, I'm sorry if you didn't like the outcome, but I am proud to say, I did what I have to--to give you all the pleasure you needed. (You're welcome.)

All in all...This is fiction...NOT REAL. If it happens to some, it's just coincidence, and I hope they get what is due them.

And what I was trying to tell the whole 40 chapters was, there will always come a time when everything seemed to not to be working...but if it was meant to be, it's meant to be. Which ever path you take, how many times you may have circled and been to a crossroad, you will always find what is best for you. (TRIALS...God meant it for YOUR own good)

Wheww! I explained. I am pathetic.

If I could just tell that person "You didn't like it from those chapters down? You should have clicked away in that way you didn't get upset in the end."

Sorry for rambling.

I love all your thoughts, and I love and cherish everything that you have said and suggested, I have even turned the story around to give way to your thoughts (my lovely commenters knew that), BUT please don't hate me for defending the work of my mind. As I said...criticism is so welcome...but bitching...puhlease, go somewhere else. Respect the writer's effort.


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